盛大婚礼（2013）

片名 盛大婚礼
人们常常把婚姻比作
There's an old expression that a marrage like
深夜的电♥话♥
a phone call in the night.
先是听到电♥话♥铃♥声♥ 然后就醒了
First comes the ring, and then you wake up.
我太太 爱丽 和我
My wife, Ellie, and I were married
是在结婚20年后才醒过来 也许又睡着了
for 20 years before we woke up. Or fell asleep.
不管怎样 最后我们还是离婚了
Or whichever it was that ultimately led to our divorce.
但是 我们依然爱着对方
But we never stopped loving each other.
我们怎么就离婚了呢 我们有三个可爱的孩子
How could we, after three beautiful children?
贾里德 莱拉 和养子 亚历山德罗
Jared, Lyla, and our adopted son, Alejandro.
我们有自己的房♥子 有我们的回忆
We had built a home, and a history,
一家人生活在一起
and a family together,
在法庭宣判离婚后和赡养费的压力下
and that stuff just doesn't evaporate
我们的亲情并没有受到伤害
with the stroke of a pen and some lawyer's fees.
至少 我希望我们的关系没有变
At least I hope it doesn't.
有人在吗
Hello?
啊哦
Oh, wow.
妈呀
Ugh!
哦
Oh.
耶
Yep.
看看他们
Look at them.
哦
Oh.
唔
Oof.
我说 你不用这么紧张
I mean, you can't be serious.
没那么严重吧
I mean, it's really that gargantuan of a deal?
太亵渎了
It's blasphemy.
你说先来哪个
Which do you think came first?
教堂还是舔舔
The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus?
哦 拜托别说那个
Oh. Please do not use that language.
什么意思 不能说"天主教"
What do you mean, I can't say "Catholic Church"?
不 是另一个词
No. The other thing.
大力神 别叫了
Hercules, be quiet.
那我应该说什么
What do I use in its place?
你懂的 这是我的日常用语嘛
You know, when it comes up in conversation.
问题就在这里
Well, that is the point.
这种词不该出现在日常用语里面
It's not supposed to come up in conversation.
那改成口♥交♥怎么样
How about chowing box?
别说了 唐纳德
Stop it, Donald.
-毛毛潜水 怎么样 -别说了 你真坏
-Muff diving? Huh? -Stop. You're so bad.
用戳的
Poon jab?
用桌的
Poon job?
好吧 我已经吃过午饭 但是如果你坚持
Well, I just had lunch, but if you insist.
哦 唐尼
Oh, Donny!
哦 天呐
Oh, my...
舔舔
Cunnilingus.
你真是个色鬼
You are such a slut.
幸运的女孩
Lucky girl.
哦哦
Ohh!
-对不起 我 -哦 天呐
-Sorry. Oh, my... -Oh, jeez!
-爱丽诺 -哦
-Eleanor? -Oh!
-嗨 -嗨
-Hi. -Hi.
哦 天呐 我不是 真的 我真的非常抱歉
Oh, my God. I don't... Really, I'm so terribly sorry.
他告诉我这儿没人
He told me that nobody was here.
我不知道他为什么这么做 钥匙在
And I don't know why he did. The key was over...
不过 我只是
Anyway, I'm just...
我是来 你知道的吧
I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do?
哦 天呐 爱丽
Oh, my goodness. Ellie?
-嗨 碧碧 -嗨
-Hi, Bebe. -Hi.
你看上去 嗯 你看上去很好
You look, um... You look wonderful.
谢谢 但是 嗯
Thanks. But, um...
天呐 已经这么久了
Gosh, it's been such a long time.
见到你太好了 我快
It's great to see you. I hardly...
我快认不出你了
I hardly recognize you.
我是说 你看上去这么
I mean, you look so...
-怎么 -这么 这么
-So? -So... So...
-出人意料 -出人意料
-Unexpected. -Unexpected.
-不 并不是 -嘿 唐纳德
-No, that's not... -Hey, there's Donald.
爱丽 你像夏天一样火热
Ellie. You look like a summer day.
哦 是嘛 那是因为你在冰凉的地上
Oh, well, that's because you're on the floor.
嘿 不说这个了行吗
Hey, what else is new?
哦 哦
Oh, Oh.
哦 谢谢
Yeah. Thanks.
-哦 -哦
-Oh... -Oh.
这都多久了
How long's it been?
-唔 10年了 -不可能吧 哦
-Ooh, ten years. -Impossible. Oh!
-哦 你不是 我 -哦 哦 不 好吧
-Oh, you're not, I'm... -Ooh! Oh, no, that's okay.
-不 只是 -蓝色药丸的缘故
-No, that's just... -The little blue helper.
一旦起来就没那么容易消退
What goes up doesn't always come down.
就像一些不开心的事情 像刚刚一样
It's like a blue thing, like that.
我以为你5点才到
I thought you weren't getting in till around 5:00.
应该是6点半
6:30.
你没告诉我
You didn't tell me that.
好吧
Well, that's fine.
我刚刚在小镇上散了会儿步
I just took a little stroll through the village,
才发现好多地方都变了
and it's just so amazing how little things have changed.
哦 天呐
Oh, God.
亲爱的 为什么你不带她去刺绣房♥呢
Honey, why don't you take her up to the Embroidery Room.
我去准备下床单
I'm gonna round up some sheets.
乐意效劳 女士
At your service, madame.
-这边 -哦 谢谢
-Right this way. -Oh, thank you.
刺绣房♥
The Embroidery Room?
哦 你以前的书房♥ 我从不进去
Oh, your old office. I don't go in there.
你们在旅行车上搞上的
She's got you on the wagon?
我三年没吃过牛排 没喝过酒了
I ain't had a steak or a drink in three years.
我的雕像一文不值
I can't sculpt worth a fart,
但每次从心脏病科出来
but they give me a lollipop
他们都给我一个棒棒糖
every time I leave the cardiologist.
孩子们去哪儿了
Where are the kids?
贾里德在上班 艾尔和米西在教堂
Jared's at work and AI's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy.
教堂 哦 不
Pre-Cana, oh, no.
你是说天主教的那些事儿
You mean the Catholic thing with the priest?
是的 你知道奥康纳家的毛病
Yeah, you know the O'Connors.
婚姻是上帝赐予众生最好的礼物
Matrimony is God's greatest gift to his children.
是希望他们圣洁 有教养
To be sanctified, nurtured and protected
不被异教♥徒♥所污染
against the seeds of dissent,
而如今 夫妻间结合的过程
we're told too often lead to the chasms of discord,
总有无法修复的缺憾
from which too often many of today's unions
以至于我们不得不进行劝导
are unable to recover.
这种缺憾常会导致离异
It all too often leads to divorce,
在上帝的眼中这被视为罪恶
which is a sin in the eyes of God.
但是 不要有压力
But no pressure.
米莉萨 你和这位小伙子在一起多久了
Melissa, how long have you and this young man been courting?
一年多了
Just over a year.
但是我们从中学就认识了
But we've known each other since middle school.
是这样吗 亚历山德罗
Alejandro, is it?
你会讲英语 不是吗
You do speak English, don't you?
不 我一点也不会
No. No, actually, I don't.
哦 了解
Oh, I see.
他刚从哈佛毕业
He just graduated from Harvard.
那没什么 中国有一半人口都在哈佛
Him and half of China.
他会说5种语言
He also speaks five languages,
英语显然是其中之一
English being very much one of them.
真的吗
Really?
好吧 告诉我 亚历山德罗
So, tell me this, Alejandro.
你和米莉萨发生过性关系吗
Have you been successful thus far at being intimate with young Mellissa?
你说什么 先生
Excuse me, sir?
请称呼我莫尼汉神父 孩子
Father Moinighan's just fine, son.
我说的是
What I'm asking is,
奥康纳小姐还是不是处♥女♥
is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact?
我明白了
I see.
那么有没有采取安全措施呢