蠢爸萌妈变错身（2022）

我想念妈妈的拥抱 她的拥抱是最温暖的
I miss my mom's hugs. She gave the best hugs.
哦 亲爱的 过来
Oh honey, come here.
我好爱你 -抱歉 你说什么
I love you so much. - Sorry, what?
啊 我换回来了 我在什么地方啊
Huh, I'm back. What?, where the fuck am I?
啊 我要生了 好的
Who oh. oh, this is happening, okay,
菲利普
Philippe!
我为什么回到了小屋
Why am I back in the cabin?
啊 我们换回来了 太好了 伤也好了
Huh? We have switched. Yes. And I'm fixed.
丽莉 丽莉 我完全没准备好 完全没准备好
Lily, Lily! I'm so not prepared for this. I'm so not prepared for this.
丽莉 我来了 -简直疯了
Lily, here I come. - This is fucking crazy.
这太危险了 不在计划之内
This is really dangerous. This is not part of the plan,
但小迈洛说 他回忆我的时候笑得好开心
but Baby Milo said, and he smiles when he thinks of me.
好的 我能行的 我能行的
Okay, I can do this. I can do this.
我完全准备好了
I am so fucking prepared.
我完全没准备好 我完全没准备好
I'm so not prepared for this. I'm so not prepared for this.
我完全准备好了 -你怎么会这么说
Oh, I'm fully prepared for this. - How can you say this?
因为老娘是神圣的女性
Because I am the divine feminine motherfucker.
我要在这个沙滩上生孩子
And I'm about to give birth on this beach
我们会成为伟大的父母
and we are gonna be great fucking parents.
真的吗
We are?
你是说你不介意了
You are saying that you are okay?
又愿意让我当父亲
with me being the father again.
奇怪的是 我也没有其他办法
I weirdly wouldn't have it any other way.
我也没有 -噢
Neither could I. - Oh.
怎么了 怎么了
What, what, what, what, what
你知道吗 这没有我想象中的那么糟
You know what? It's not as bad as I thought it would be.
那就好
Oh good good
天啊 不 事情不对劲 很不对劲
Oh God. No. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong.
好的 我来看看 -好的 好的
Okay, okay, I will check, I will check. - Okay, Alright.
啊哦 -啊哦 为什么啊哦
Oh-oh! - Oh-oh? Why oh-oh? wh-why? oh-oh?
孩子的头朝里面的 -臀位分娩
The baby is facing the wrong direction. - The baby's breech?
是的 -菲利普 这太糟了
Yes. - Philippe that's really bad.
我想我知道该怎么做 -真的吗
I think I know what to do. - You do?
是的 我知道怎么做 -好的
Yes I know what to do. - Okay.
小迈洛 你需要转个身
Baby Milo, you need to turn around.
这能行吗 菲利普 他会被脐带缠住的
Is that gonna work, Philippe? He's gonna get stuck on the umbilical cord.
对 当心别被脐带缠住了
Yes.Be careful not to get caught on your umbilical cord.
别再对着我的阴♥道♥喊了 没有用
Stop yelling into my vagina that's not helping.
我很抱歉 丽莉 我对此毫无准备
I'm so sorry Lily. I'm so not prepared for this.
我只是个傻♥逼♥ -嘿 你大部分不是傻♥逼♥ 好吧
I'm just an idiot. Hey, you are not an idiot. Mostly. Okay,
你准备好了 因为大自然已经这样
and you are prepared for this because Nature has been doing
做了一百万年 是你告诉我
this for a million years and you are the one that taught
我们和大自然是一体的 所以 我们没事 我们能行的
me that we are one with nature. So, we're fine. We can do this.
我能行的 谢谢你伟大的演讲
I can do this. Thank you for this great speech.
我要把孩子生下来 我需要你当我的医生
I'm gonna call my buddy down. I'm going to need you to be my doctor.
我喜欢扮演医生 -把手放我肚子上
I love playing doctor. - Put your hands on my belly.
好的 -你要把孩子转过来
Okay. - And you're gonna, turn the baby... and my
剩下的就交给我 -我能做到
body's gonna do the rest. - I can do this.
好吗 -好的
Okay? - Okay.
准备好没 -我会为你做到的
Ready? - I make it one for you.
准备 靠
Ready? Fu-u-u-u-u-u-c-k!
啊 靠 -不 不要痛苦 听从你的身体
Aww, fuck! - No, do not distress. Just keep listening to your body.
听从我的身体 好的 整个周末
Listen to my body. Okay, this all weekend was
都不在计划之中 但还不错
not part of the plan, but it was fine.
是的 -还行
Yes. - Sort of.
很棒 我们吃喝跳舞
It was great. We ate and we danced. And
还有做♥爱♥ 好的 -好的
we made love, okay. - Okay. Aww.
搞定了 -什么
It's fixed. - Huh. What?
是的 -你真的搞定了
Yes. - You fixed it for real?
没错 我还记得 我之前有做过
Oui, yes. I remembered. I have actually done this before.
你以前帮婴儿转头位吗 -是的
You turn breech-ed babies before? Yes.
我接生过很多山羊
I have have deliver many baby goats.
这事很平常
It's actually very, very common.
你是在告诉我 那些山羊帮你准备好了
Are you fucking telling me, that the goats actually prepared you
做这次接生 -是
for this birth? - Oui.
太离谱了
That's insane,
太离谱 我的天 我的身子
that's fucking... Who ah my God! Oh, oh my body
想让我用力 -那就用力
it wants me to push. -Then push.
好 你必须接住小迈洛
Okay, you have to catch Baby Milo.
好的 我会接住小迈洛 -来吧 宝宝
Okay, I will catch Baby Milo. - Okay baby,
我错了 这才是最让我激动的事
I was wrong, this is the most exciting I will ever be.
天呐 我们做到了
Oh my God! Holy shit! We did it.
我们一条心
We are a team - We are a team.
什么 -你看羊都来了
What? - Look at... the goat came.
我爱山羊 -你个疯子
I love goat. - You fucking crazy.
看
Look!
我有儿子了 -你在逗我吗
I have a son! - Are you fucking kidding me?
没有
No.
好的 额 忘词了
Okay, uhm, line.
靠 我台词是啥
Shit, what is my line?
给我 我教你怎么做 -不
Give it to me so I can show you how to do it. - No.
我的屌♥吸水了 他们不是真的大
My dick sucks wet and they're not real big
用整只手 也许再插一下你的菊花
Full hand, full hand and maybe a little... check your but.
我喜欢
I like that!
你在吸你的可♥卡♥因♥ -对
You're getting your coccaine. - Yup
不 这真的不太好 -不好吗
No it's not really good. - No?
屌♥呢 -用这个假屌♥
Penis? - High fly the boner,
你可以从这里开始
and you can start from this area.
好的 能再来一次吗
Okay. Can we do it again?
开始之前 我给你一个屌♥ 好吧
Before you get into, I'm giving you a boner, right?
你想拿谁的 -等等 所以你们只是在赚钱
Who do you wanna take it from? - Wait, so you just raking it in?
对 -那就这样
Yeah, - Then that's it.
好的 -你很确定他很棒
Okay. - You just so sure he's so good.
这是我经历过的最奇妙的事情
This is our. This is the most amazing thing I ever-
第4次 你知道什么适合你
Take 4: you know what is right at you.
你闭嘴
You stop.
你闭嘴 让我…… -我在试着作曲
You shut up. Let me... - I'm trying to compose.
好的
Okay.
好的 我有一个大脑袋
Okay, yeah. I have a big head head.
然后车子停下了 我们能再来一次吗
And then the car stopped, can we go again... ah.
我忘词了 -行
I forgot my lines. - Yeah.
菲利普在 额 丽莉 额 什么 丽莉 不 我不
What Philippe, uh, Lily were, uh, what? Lily? no, I don't.
闭嘴 -嗯
Shut the fuck up. - Hmm
行了 你们两个都闭嘴
Okay, Shut, shut the fuck up both of you.
我表情收不回去
I can't undo my face.
你看起来已经准备好了
You looks... ready... for the... pick up.
宝宝
Bebe!
哇哦
Who ah!
完美
Perfect.
干嘛
What?
这是我的房♥间 所以去做吧
This is my room so, made it
束缚……
Bouund...
不准吃蘑菇 -不 不
No mushrooms. - No! No!
他屁♥股♥上是弓形阴影 还是你…… -不是
Is the bow shadow on his butt or you just... - No.
好吧
Okay.
先弄这个
Get it first...