蠢爸萌妈变错身（2022）

不
No!
不
No!!!
你知道 我们还是能过个美好时光
We can still have a good time, you know.
你是个扫兴鬼
You are the killer of fun.
你甚至不知道什么是美好时光
You don't even know what a good time is.
嘿 你能帮孩子他妈拿一下行李箱吗
Hey. Do you mind open your baby mama with some of her bags?
当然
Only,
因为我是个绅士
because I'm a gentleman.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们只待两天
We're here for two days.
我们有很多计划要做
Yeah. We have a lot of planning to do.
听着 我必须回顾我所知道的一切
Listen, I have to go through everything that I already know
然后教会你
and teach it to you.
哦 所以你的计划就可以 我的就不行
Oh, so your way of planning is okay and mine is not.
菲利普 吃毒蘑菇可不是给孩子的计划
Philippe, taking mushrooms is not planning for a baby.
因为播客里这么说吗
Of... because of the podcast?
你真的应该成熟点 好吗
You really need to grow up, okay?
孩子快出世了
This is happening,
我做这些全都是为了孩子
and I'm doing all of this for our baby.
我也是
I am too.
能帮我拿行李吗
Could you please help me with the luggage?
不 谢谢
No, thank you.
什么
What?
菲利普
Philippe?
你什么意思
What do you mean?
不 谢谢
No, thank you.
你能……
Can you...
你能帮我拿一个吗
Can you just help me with one?
该死的女权主义
Fuck feminism.
如我所料
Just as I suspected,
不好玩
No good.
你个蠢货想害死我
You stupid... is trying to kill me.
天啊
Oh, God.
好的
Okay.
我能搞定
I can make this work.
我们可以列出所有可选的婴儿名字
We can put the list of all of the potential baby names.
就贴这儿
Right there.
我能预见
I see it.
然后我们可以给孩子的未来做个愿景板
And then we can do the vision board for the baby's future,
就在这
here.
我们整个未来的财务规划
And then the financial planning for our entire future
可以放在这儿
can go right here.
好的 这样能行
Okay, I can work with this.
这是个愚蠢的假期
This is a stupid vacation.
这不是假期 菲利普
It's not, a vacation, Philippe.
这就是 我很清楚
Yes. It is becoming clear to me,
被困在这个充满无聊工作的箱子里
stuck in this stuffed-it box surrounded by boring work,
唯一的同伴还是个扫兴鬼
and the only company is that killed our fun.
这个假期会让人……
This vacation is going to be...
神魂颠倒
Okoya amour.
怎么了
What is it?
啊
Aww.
嘿 我们还有事要办
Hey, we have things to do.
这才是我说的嘛
Now this, is what I'm talking about.
嘿
Hey...
大自然
Nature.
我来啦
Here I come.
哇哦
Wooh...
别担心 小宝贝
Don't you worry, little guy.
我已经规划好了你的一生
I've got your whole life planned out for you.
快来
Come here.
嘿 小鸟儿
Hey, little bird.
嘿 菲利普
你做的很棒
啊
Huh.
天呐
Geez. Christ.
那是魔法箱吗
Is that a magic box?
魔法箱 我来了
Magic box, here I come.
快啊 漂亮的魔法箱 快打开
Come on, you beautiful magic box. Open up.
把你交给我
And give yourself to me.
天啊
Oh my God.
菲利普
Philippe
噢
Owh...
再来
Again.
打开
Open.
打开 -菲利普
Open. - Philippe.
嗯 -你在干什么
Yes. - What are you doing?
哦 你好
Oh, bonjour.
你衣服呢
Where are your clothes?
你看起来活力四射
You look so vibrant.
我喜欢
I love it.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
你有铁橇吗
Do you have a crowbar?
或者锤子
Or a hammer?
或者剑
Or a sword?
对 你有剑吗
Yes, do you have a sword?
剑
Sword?
对
Yeah?
是 我有
Yeah. Actually I do.
就在你不帮我拿进来的行李箱里
It's in the bags that you never help me bring in.
太好了 真的吗
Oh, yes. Really?
假的 老娘没有剑
No, I don't have a fucking sword.
这是治疗师的箱子吗
Is that a therapist's box?
你能看见这个箱子
You can see the box?
你怎么回事
What's wrong with you?
我没事
Nothing is wrong with me.
你怎么回事
What is wrong with you?
你很奇怪
You are being weird.
比你平时还要奇怪
Weirder than your baseline weird.
我吃了蘑菇 然后这个箱子就从水里
I took the mushrooms and then the box came out
冒了出来
of the public water.
啊 看呐
Ahhh... look.
你吃了蘑菇
You took mushrooms?
我们有规则的
We have one rule.
任何事都要一起做 菲利普
To do everything together Philippe.
你又不想和我一起吃致幻蘑菇
You did not want to take the magic mushrooms with me.
你抢过去扔出了窗外
You took him and you throw it out the window.
那样是不行的
That is not how that work.
这一定超级好
It must be sooo nice
做一个古怪的外国大男孩
to be a weird, alien man-child
没有一点责任感
with zero responsibilities.
是啊 做个焦虑的人一定超级好
Oh yeah, must be so nice to be an uptight
带着大包小包 充满痛苦和谎言
person with lots of bags, full of sores and lies.
给我
Give me that.
天啊
Oh my God
我动不了了
I can't move.
蘑菇效果太强了
This mushrooms are strong.
啊
Arrggh
啊
Arrggh
啊
Aaahh.
这次旅行好狂野
This trip is wild.
这次旅行太狂野了
This trip is wild.
啊
Awh...
啊
Awh...
为什么我感觉晕头转向
Why is my head feel like swimming pool?
哦 不
Oh no.
哦
Oh.
不太对劲
Something's wrong.
我的手
My hands?
真的不太对劲
Something is really wrong.
哦 哪来的肌肉 为什么我有手毛
Oh, what is this muscle? Why I got hair on my arms?