蠢爸萌妈变错身（2022）

天啊 -别担心
Oh my God. - Don't worry.
别担心 -我觉得……
don't worry. - I think it is...
别怕 记住 去他妈的
Don't, remember. Fuck it.
顺势而流 -去他妈的 顺势而流
Ride the wave. - Fuck it. Ride the wave.
你没事的
You're okay.
我没事
I'm okay.
我没事
I'm okay
我没事 -你没事
I'm okay. - You're okay.
对 我都没有 没有……
Yeah, I don't even, I don't...
任何感觉
feel anything.
这水流得好快
The water is so liquid...
菲利普
Philippe?
啊 -你以前出现过这种情况吗
Huh? - Have you ever been one of this before?
我的手都是水 我的手 菲利普
My hands are water. My hands, Philippe...
喔 哈哈
Who ah, Haha.
菲利普 我想吃肥皂 -别吃
Philippe, I think I wanna eat the soap. - Don't eat it.
我吃了肥皂
I ate the soap.
天了噜
Oh my God.
天了噜
Oh my God.
又怎么了
What, what? What is it?
我现在彻底懂了
I totally get it now.
你在干什么
See, what you're doing?
太爽了
It's awesome.
你手法不对 -什么
You're doing it wrong. - What?
这算什么 -我就是这么弄的
What is this? - That's how I do it.
你在用你奇怪的三根手指
You're using those weird three fingers,
你想让我这样摸你的咪♥咪♥吗 不
Would you want me to touch your tips like this, no.
整只手握住 握住 -不
Full hand. Grab it. Grab it! - No
你现在是个男人
You're a man now
像个男人一样握住屌♥ -现在这是我的屌♥
You hold your dick like a man. - Well, it's my dick now.
不 -我的屌♥
No, - My dick.
包起来 -我觉得我停不下来
Wrap it. - No, I don't think I can stop.
不 -我觉得我停不下来
No - I don't think I can stop.
淡定 淡定
Calm yourself, calm yourself, calm yourself.
你别给我弄坏了
I want it back in one piece, huh.
我在享受整根屌♥
I'm enjoying the full dick of.
对
Oui.
我有你的屌♥ 我有你的屌♥
I am one with your dick. I am one with your dick.
亲爱的 你说得对
Cherie, you're right.
继续玩屌♥
Keep playing with that dick, girl.
纸片上说要享受自己 对吧 你需要
The card said to enjoy yourself, right? You really need
用心去感受 就算你是用愚蠢的
to just feel it. Even if you'd to do it with your stupid, three
三根手指 不要停 好吗
finger thing, just keep going, okay?
啊 好爽
Uh, huh-huh. Oh, this is so good.
很好 做你该做的 听着
Great! Do whatever you need, listen,
你为何不试试你喜欢的呢 试试用左手
Why don't you try something where you ahm? Try your left hand
哦 -对
Oh. - Yeah.
感觉像是别人在摸
It feels like somebody else is touching it.
轻轻地挠下蛋蛋 吐点口水
Just tickle the balls, just a little bit. Spit on it.
试试用双手 -好
Try both hands. - Okay.
不够大 -啥
It's not big enough. - What?
不够大
Not big enough.
是 当然了
Oui. Yes. Of course.
竖起大拇指 -好
Take your thumb. - Okay.
然后插♥进♥菊花
Yeah and stick it up your ass
你知道会阴是什么吗 -不知道
Do you know where the perineum is? -No.
不知道算了
No scratch that.
你就想象一下士兵 他们就在这儿
Just imagine the soldiers. They are right there. You can
你可以看到他们 你需要用你的屌♥
see them in your light and you need to shoot them down with
射倒他们 要确保你很享受这个过程
your penis. Really make sure you're just savoring it.
啊
Ugh.
亲爱的 你还好吗
Cheri... are you okay?
我感觉被掏空了
I feel empty.
很正常 享受此刻 额
It's normal. Enjoy the moment and I, uh...
回去 第二轮 下一次 更快更强
Go back. Round two. Next time, stronger, faster
更硬 更有激♥情♥ 这是箱子要求的
harder, more passionate, the Box demanded, okay?
不 -要
No - Oui
不 我不想做 我感觉好奇怪
No, I don't want to, coz I feel weird.
这很正常 你想做什么
It's normal. What do you want?
你要睡一小觉吗
You need a nap?
我饿了 -饿了
I'm hungry. - Hungry?
魔法箱供应 这是个挑战 我可不能落后
Magic Box provides. This is a challenge. I can't get behind.
没错
Hell, yeah
这是最美好的东西 -是的
This is the most beautiful thing. - Oui.
我都不知道先吃哪个
I don't even know where to start.
不行 还没准备好
Hey no, it's not ready yet.
哦 是布里干酪 是布里干酪
Ooh, it's brie. Huh, it's brie.
噢
Oh.
不行 -什么
No - What?
你不能吃这个 -额
You can't have that. -Ugh.
因为你怀着宝宝
Cause you are pregnant.
不能吃软芝士 -哦 对
No soft cheeses. - Oh. Yeah, hmm.
天呐 -宝宝没事的
Oh my God. - The baby is okay.
播客里说的呢
Oh, what about "the Podcaster"?
别管那些 听从自己的身体
Forget all that. Listen to your body, yeah?
是 -享受这一刻
Yeah. - Enjoy the moment.
感受到了吗 -感受到了
Are you feeling it. - I feel it.
感受到了吗
Are you feeling it?
感受到了
I feel it.
呜呼
Who oh.
你的身体真能造 动起来的感觉真好
Your body is crazy. Huh. It feels good to move.
嘿 你不觉得应该慢点吃吗
Hey, don't you think you should slow down a little bit.
嗯 我在享受这一刻
Hmp. I'm enjoying the moment oh,
怎么了 -不知道 我的…… 哎呀哎呀
What? - Oh, I don't know my... ugh, ow, ow, ow.
哦不 -啊
Oh no. - Aw, ugh.
怎么了 -我肚子痛
What is it? - My belly hurts.
什么
What it is? What?
好痛啊
It hurts really bad. Aww.
布里干酪
The brie.
我告诉过你别吃布里干酪 -丽莉 对不起
I told you not to eat the brie. - Oh, Lily. I'm sorry.
现在你要死了 -我要死了
Now you are going to die. - I'm going to die.
可能吧 我不知道
Maybe, I don't know.
快想办法 丽莉 快想办法
Oh fix it, Lily please fix it.
想办法 想办法
Fix it. Fix it.
箱子 箱子 -好的 去拿箱子
The Box! The Box. - Oh, okay. Get your box.
箱子
The Box.
总而言之 记住不要吃甘草
So, in summary, remember, not to eat any licorice,
巧克力或软芝士
chocolate or soft cheeses,
哦不
Oh no.
尤其是布里干酪 布里干酪是最危险的
Especially brie. Brie is one of the most dangerous
播客先生 对不起 我不知道
Mr. Podcaster, I'm so sorry, I didn't know
软芝士 不会有事的 -好
Soft cheeses... - It'll will be okay. - Okay.
你知道 我还打算去拉斯维加斯
I was going to go to Vegas, you know,
软芝士 我找到了 我找到了
Soft cheese, I got it. I got it.
怀孕期间食用软芝士
Eating soft cheese while being pregnant
可能会导致
may produce...
放屁
Gas.
我觉得不痛了 感觉好多了
I haven't feel pain anymore. I felt better.
不 不准再吃了 -嘿 丽莉 只是放屁
No, no more... of this. - Hey. Lily, It's just gas
没什么大不了的 -不仅仅是放屁
It's not a big deal. - It's not, just gas...
什么
What?
哦
Oh,
哦
Oh.
对不起 小菲利普
I'm sorry, baby Philippe.
你得小心我们的孩子 -哦 丽莉
You got to be careful for our baby. - Oh Lily,
怀孕是最糟的事
being pregnant is the worst.
不一定非要这样
It doesn't have to be.
不吗 当所有让人快乐的事
No?, when all of the things that feels good
都有可能害死孩子 你又如何
could possibly kill your baby, how are you supposed
享受此刻呢 -我来告诉你怎么做
to enjoy the moment? - Let me show you how.