蠢爸萌妈变错身（2022）

这里好舒服啊
It is so comfortable here.
这让我想起了委内瑞拉的隔离室
This reminds me of the isolation Chambers in Venezuela.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
我真是受够了
I am so tired of this.
小迈洛 -小迈洛在我这儿
Baby Milo. - I have the Baby Milo.
该死 我又变成菲利普了 -我想我之前是在子♥宫♥里
Oh shit. I'm Philippe again. - I think I was in the womb.
太赞了 感觉就像成千上万个拥抱
That's amazing! It's like a million billion hugs.
感觉太棒了 我还想体验 天啊 你做了什么
It feels so good. I can't wait to go, my God. What did you do?
你和小迈洛交换了身体 我见到了我们儿子
You switch with Baby Milo and I, I got to meet our son,
但他突然开始大哭挣扎
but then he started like struggling it with rushing around and I
你打了小迈洛
You hit the Baby Milo?
什么 没有 我绝不会伤害儿子
What? No, no, I would never hurt our son.
他才来这里30秒 你都不能
He was here for 30 seconds. You could not
保证他的安全 这都怪你
keep him safe. This is your fault.
这怪我 -对
This is my fault? - Yes.
这怪我 呵呵 怪我 怪我
This is my fault? Haha My fault?, my fault.
不 不
No, no.
天啊
Oh my God.
你弄坏了箱子 现在一切都开始崩塌
You broke the box and now everything is broken.
看看周围
Look around.
不 我没有弄坏箱子
No. I did not break the box and
如果一切崩塌了 可能是因为那个
if everything is broken, maybe it's because the one challenge
你必须保护孩子30秒安全的挑战
you had to do was to protect our baby for 30 seconds and
你失败了 -至少我在努力
you failed. -Well, at least I'm making an effort.
你似乎只关心他的山羊 剑
Oh, you seem to care about his goats and, and swords and, and running
顶着个屌♥到处扑腾
around naked with your dick, flopping around.
我只想让儿子过上好日子
All I'm trying to do is give her son a good life.
而你的贡献就是嗑药 吃东西
And your "contribution" has been taking drugs and eating.
哦哦 对了 还有上你自己
Oh, oh yes, indeed. Yeah, fucking yourself.
真的 菲利普 这是多伟大的父亲啊
Real, Great Philippe, What a great father that is?
你想我怎么做 做个像你一样的策划者和可怜人吗
You want me to? What? Be a planner and a miserable person just like you?
天啊 我只希望你的蠢屌♥
Oh my God. I just wish your dumb
没有弄破那个套套
dick wouldn't have broken that condom.
你意思是你不想要小迈洛
What are you saying that you don't want to have baby Milo?
不是 我意思是
No, what I'm saying is
我不想和你生小迈洛
I don't want to have Baby Milo with you.
啊 我懂了
Huh. I see
我来解决
I'll fix this.
我肯定是漏掉了一些线索
I just must have missed something in these riddles.
我会一如既往地解决此事
I'll fix it like, I fix everything else.
我也许能帮忙 -不
Maybe I can help. - No.
我会拿走魔法箱 试着修好它
I'm going to take the magic box and I'm going to try to fix it.
随你便
Whatever.
山羊会知道该怎么做
A goat would know what to do.
我能解决
I can fix this.
我应该看看原版的《辣妈辣妹》
I should have watched the original Freaky,Friday.
该死的 林赛·罗韩
Goddamn you, Lindsay Lohan.
我搞砸了一切
I messed it all up.
菲利普说的对
Philippe was right.
天呐 你是谁
Oh my God, who are you?
什么 你又是谁 -别过来
What?, who are you? - Stay away from me?
听着 这只是有些误会 -是的
Look, this is just some kind of misunderstanding. - Oh,yeah,
你得离开我的小屋 -我租下了这个小屋
you need to get out of my cabin. - I rented this cabin
你突然出现在我面前 -是你出现在我面前
and you just showed up here in front of me. - You appeared in front of me.
把记号♥笔放下 我们坐下来
Put the sharpie down. Let's just sit down and
我们一起搞清楚 好吗
you and I can figure this out together. Okay?
好的 噢
Okay, oh...
不对劲 哦
Something's wrong. Oh, oh.
哦不 不 不
Oh, no, no. No,
我一个人不行
I cannot do this alone.
丽莉
Lily!
就在这儿 丽莉 救命
oh stay in there. Lily! Help!
然后车子开不出去 东西被毁了
Then the car started teleporting and this guys was ruin
因为我磕了药 但我从来都不
because I, I took my shit, but I never usually
嗑药的 然后 他变成了宝宝
take drugs and, and then, and then, he turned to the baby
像这样 然后他
was like and then he
消失了 菲利普离开了 我搞砸了一切
disappeareed, Phillippe is gone. I mess everything up.
菲利普 -是
Philippe? - Yeah.
我爸爸也叫这名 他是个笨家伙
It's my dad's name. He's pretty goofy guy.
你怎么如此淡定 世界都颠倒了
How can you be so calm, the world is upside down
你腿上还有个疯女人在啜泣
and now you got a crazy lady sobbing in your lap.
有些地方会很奇怪
Place can be kind of weird.
但我也发现它能满足你的需要
I also find that it can give you what you need
我父母一直教导我 无论你身边的事
and my parents always taught me. No matter how crazy things
有多疯狂 一切都会好起来的
are around you. It's all going to be okay.
这是我名字的寓意
That's what my name means.
迈洛
Milo?
你怎么知道
How do you know that?
哦 好的
Oooh... okay.
丽莉会怎么做 丽莉会怎么做
What would Lily do?, what would Lily do?
她会和你说话吗 好的
She will talk to you? Okay?
哈喽 小迈洛
Hello, Baby Milo.
我是你♥爸♥爸 能听见吗
This is your papa speaking. Can you hear me?
我要告诉你一些事 我以前从没跟别人说过
I'm going to tell you something that I have never told anyone before
我很害怕 还有 我不知道如何当一个父亲
I'm scared. And I, I, don't know how to be a father
因为我不知道自己在做什么 一直不知道
because I don't really know what I'm doing. Ever.
你妈妈叫什么名字
What's your uh, mother's name?
她叫丽莉
Her name was Lily.
你笑的很幸福 看来你很爱你妈妈
That's a really nice smile. Seems like you love your mother.
是的 她是我最棒的妈妈
Yeah, she was. She was the best mom I could have had.
太棒了
That's awesome.
迈洛 我真的很害怕 我没有做好当母亲的准备
Well, Milo. I'm really scared that I'm not ready to be a mother
我害怕照顾不好孩子
and I'm afraid I'm gonna mess up our son
因为我一直想搞清该怎么做
because all I ever try to do is figure out what to do and
但我还是不知道自己在做什么
I still don't know what I'm doing, ever.
没人知道自己在做什么
Nobody knows what they're doing.
没人能做好为人父母的准备 我也没有
Nobody's ever ready to be a parent. God knows I wasn't.
你有孩子了 -对
You have kids? - Yeah.
我当奶奶了
I'm a grandma.
孩子都很机灵 他们会自己解决问题 比如我妈妈
Kids are smart, and they figure things out like my mom
她一团糟 她有很强的
was a mess. She was, she was so
控制欲 想计划好一切
controlling and she tried to plan everything.
我爸爸以前说她是个扫兴鬼
And my dad used to tell her that she was the killer of fun.
嘿 -嗯
Hey. - Yeah?
我是说 嘿 继续说 这个故事很棒
I mean like, hey, let's get going, it's a great story.
我想说的是 抛开她的优点
What I was gonna say is, took all the good parts from her
你能看到她做的太过头的地方
and would see where she would go too far with things and
然后以此反省自身 我能知道如何
use them to check myself and I could see how I could keep
不让自己失去控制
myself from spinning out of control.
出于某种原因 女人花钱让我和她们做♥爱♥
And for some reason women pay me to have sex with them.
都是美女 你敢信
Beautiful women. Can you believe that?
就这样 我当爹了
Just like that, I became a father.
我觉得这比美女花钱嫖我
I think that that is more exciting than getting paid by beautiful
更让人兴奋
women to have sex with them.
不 不是 不过
No, no. no, it's not but you
你会是我生命中第二件最令人兴奋的事
will be the second. Most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.
哦 又开始疼了 好吧
Oh, ow, it's coming back. Okay.
还有我爸爸 我爸爸是个疯子
And my dad, My dad was crazy.
他会一直说他的山羊
He would always talk about the goats and he would
会带我们去大冒险 让我们陷入各种
take us on these crazy adventures and get us into all kinds
疯狂的处境 然后我妈妈会吼他
of crazy situations. And my mom would yell at him and say
说他想害死我们
that he was trying to get us killed.
但一切都能解决 他会死性不改
But it all worked out and he would bounce back.
你为什么会来这个奇怪的地方
Why did you come to this crazy place?
想回忆下父母
To reconnect with my parents.
他们都过世了 我很想他们
They've both passed away and I miss them a lot.
对不起 -没关系
I'm sorry, - It's okay.
我是说 他们的生活多姿多彩 我妈妈让我稳定
I mean they had an amazing life and my mom gave me stability.
我爸爸教会我如何冒险生活
And my dad taught me how to live with adventure
最重要的是 他们很爱我
and more than anything. They just, they gave me a lot of love. I