帝国时代（1981）

我已将你的英名传遍四方
I have brought your illustrious name before the four corners of the Earth.
以罗马之名 我镇♥压♥并征服了野蛮人
I have subdued and conquered the barbaric hordes in the name of Rome.
我还穿过了最远的...
I've penetrated into the farthest...
盖布下面是啥?
What's under the sheet?
- 盖布? -盖布!
- Sheet? - Sheet!
盖布? 哦 盖布 对了
Sheet? Oh! Oh, the sheet. Yes.
那开始 第一号♥
To begin with, number one,
美丽的手雕雪花石膏洗澡盆
a beautiful hand-carved alabaster bathing vessel.
很好 很好
Nice. Nice.
不算惊喜 但也不错
Not thrilling, but nice.
啊哈! 但是能够填满这个盆的 是第二件
Aha! But to fill the tub, behind curtain number two,
来自东方的财宝!
treasure from the Orient!
财宝 浴缸
Treasure. Bathtub.
财宝浴 我可以财宝浴了!
Treasure bath. I'm going to have a treasure bath!
财宝浴!
Treasure bath!
财宝浴!
Treasure bath!
来! 倒在我身上!
Do it! Do it to me!
哦 妮芬 我愿做任何事 任何事
Oh, Nympho. I would do anything, anything,
只求你垂青于我
if you would only grant me your favors.
我该如何引诱你? 我该如何俘获你?
How can I entice you? How can I ensnare you?
我用什么诱饵才能得到你的爱?
What bait must I use to catch your love?
我是你的仆人
I am your servant.
但是主人洗澡时 仆人要等待
But the servant waits while the master baits.
是...
Ye...
拿去 洗一洗
Here, wash this.
是的 陛下
Yes, sire.
灵感 降临到我身上了
The muse is upon me.
谢谢 凯撒
Thank you, Caesar.
都安静
All be quiet.
天赐的不朽才华 要用一首诗愉悦大家
His divine immortality has consented to favor us with a new poem.
请吧
Speak.
哦 荣光的凯撒 请吧
O glorious Caesar. Speak.
-你这男同 -哦 是的 陛下 谢谢你
- You faggot. - Yes, sire. Thank you.
-拿个七弦琴来 -小骗子 小骗子
- Bring me a small lyre. - A small lyre. Small lyre.
七弦琴音同骗子
我没做 我都不在那
I didn't do it. I wasn't even there.
当时我在朋友家 支票在邮箱里
I was at a friend's house. Check's in the mail.
不是这种骗子 泰塌数曲
Not that kind of liar. Tmkd hnn audht!
-什么? -把他带出去!
- What? - Take him out of here!
把他带出去 把他带出去
Get him out. Take him out.
米里亚姆 拿酒来
Miriam, wine.
约瑟夫 酒
Josephus, wine.
够了就叫停
Say when.
也可理解为几点了
八点半
8:30.
在奥林匹斯山顶好孤单
It's so lonely at the top of Olympus.
还要女人! 还要酒!
More women! More wine!
还要...
More...
好了 男同 下个节目是?
OK, faggot. What's next?
科米库斯 来自维苏威的演绎哲学家
Comicus, the new stand-up philosopher from Vesuvius.
好 我喜欢山岳派喜剧(音近似Comicus)
Good. I like a mountain comic.
科米库斯 到你了
Comicus, you're on.
晚安 女士们 皇帝们
Good evening, ladies and emperors.
我刚从威尼斯回来 我手臂可累坏了
I just got back from Venice, and boy, are my arms tired.
让我说说威尼斯 威尼斯是个很古老的城市 非常古老！
Let me tell you about Venice. Venice is a very old city. Very old!
绝妙的古城 能学到不少东西
Very wonderful city, ancient city. You can learn a lot in Venice.
想要个软百叶窗(Venetian blind,失明)? 就这样(刺瞎)!
You want to know how to make a Venetian blind? Like this.
你们听说新教派没 基♥督♥教?
Have you heard about this new sect, the Christians?
他们是一群可笑的废物
They are a laugh riot.
首先 他们穷的要死...
First of all, they are so poor...
-有多穷? -谢谢捧场
- How poor are they? - Thank you.
他们穷到只有一个神
They are so poor that they have only one god.
我们罗马人有钱 我们什么事情都有神
We Romans are rich. We got a god for everything.
我们唯一没有的只有管早泄的神
Only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation.
但我听说也快有了
But I hear that that's coming quickly.
是让一个男同志去当的
The little fag gets it.
绝妙 绝妙
Terrific, terrific.
我们来看看 现在流行什么?
Let's face it, let's face it. What's the rage today?
流行减肥
Losing weight is all the rage.
罗马人不是在蒸汽浴室 就是在剧场呕吐
Everybody in Rome is either in a steam room or a vomitorium.
一半罗马人在被蒸 另一半在呕吐
I mean, half of Rome is either cooking or puking.
被蒸或呕吐
"Cooking or puking"!
但是你不能因为他们想变瘦 就责怪他们
But you can't blame these people. You can't blame people for wanting to be thin.
谁想看起来像是大肥猪?
Who wants to look like a big fat pig?
他说了“大肥猪”?
Did he say "big fat pig"?
-对 他说了 陛下 -他指的是我?
- Yes, he did, sire. - Do you think he meant me?
我相信是 陛下
I believe he did, sire.
别说肥胖的笑话了! 别说肥!
Get off the fat jokes! Get off fat! Get off fat!
不... 胖 不...
Fat, off... No...
有两个犹太人减... 不对 叙利亚人...
There's two Jews got off... No. Syrian...
政♥治♥ 政♥治♥ 政♥治♥ 政♥治♥!
Politics, politics, politics, politics!
对! 罗马元老院
Yes! The Roman Senate.
罗马元老院是能用钱买♥♥到的最佳立法机关
The Roman Senate is the best legislature that money can buy.
腐♥败♥开始于街头小商贩 他们去贿赂代表
Corruption starts in the streets with the little peddlers. They bribe an assemblyman,
代表贿赂市议员 市议员贿赂元老院 然后元老院...
the assemblyman bribes a councilman, the councilman bribes a senator, and the senator...
最后都归于皇帝!
It goes all the way up to the emperor!
糟了!
Shit!
杀了他!
Kill him.
出租车!
Taxi.
等等! 不签名 不签名!
Hey, no autographs, no autographs.
抓住他!
Seize him!
抓住他!
Seize him!
-再来点酒 -来点酒 来点酒
- More wine. - More wine, more wine.
小子 你死在宫里时候 你也就死得其所了
Boy. When you die at the palace, you really die at the palace.
糟了
Whoops.
杀了他 把他也杀了!
Kill him. Kill him, too.
求求你 皇后 救救他们
Please, Empress. Save them.
等等 我刚想到个好主意
Wait. I've just had a wonderful idea.
这主意是什么呢?
What was my idea?
啊对 在上甜点的时候 让这两个傻♥逼♥互相格斗到死!
Oh, yes. Let these two fools fight each other to the death during dessert.
我们是马上就要...要死的人
We who are about to...die,
向你致敬!
salute you.
致敬
Salute.
嘿 好了 好了 很抱歉
Hey, all right, all right. I'm sorry.
抱歉 不好意思
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
-谢谢 -不客气
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
我一生都没杀过人
I never killed another human being in my life.
但事情总有个开始!
But you gotta start sometime!
疯子
Maniac.
等一下... 看招... 等等!
Wait... Watch it... Wait!
-什么? -那个是莱娜耶尔姆霍恩吗? (著名爵士女星)
- What? - Isn't that Lena Horne over there?
哦 皇帝 饶了这个可怜人吧 他勇敢的为取悦你而战
O Emperor, spare this poor man. He has fought so bravely for your amusement.
让他...
Let him...
死吧
die.
那也没办法
Tough shit.
嗷! 不要!
Oooh! Please!
求求你 哥们
Oh, please, buddy.
啊! 轻点!
Aah! Easy!
哦 我下不了手 拿上盾 拿上剑
I can't do it. Here, take the shield. Take the sword.
来 我们杀出一条血路逃出去
Come on, we'll fight our way out.
警卫! 消灭他们
Guards! Destroy them.
你是第一个受到我尊重的白人
You're the first white person I even considered liking.
快走
Get outta here.
流向改变了
Oh, the tide is turning.
以凯撒的名义... 停!
In the name of Caesar, halt!
绳子!
The rope.
别! 天啊 你们的手好冷
No! Goddammit, your hands are cold.
找到他们! 抓住他们! 杀了他们!
Find them. Capture them. Kill them.
-洗洗这个! -是 陛下
- Wash this. - Oh, yes, sire.
哦 是你
Oh, it's you.
这边走
This way, men.