帝国时代（1981）

两千万年前，地球上居住着一种类人猿
20 million years ago, an ape-like creature inhabited the Earth.
BGM是理查·施特劳斯的"查拉图斯特拉如是说"，2011太空漫游片头也是用了此曲
猿又直立起来成为人.
And the ape stood, and became man.
我们的祖先
帝国时代 PART I
石器时代
降临到早期人类头上的最大灾难...
The greatest calamity that could befall early man...
就是失去火
was the loss of fire.
火是奇迹的事物 能为他煮食
Fire, the mysterious phenomenon that cooked his food,
温暖他的巢穴 维持他的生命
heated his cave, and kept him alive.
如果点不着火 他就肯定完蛋了
If he could not start a fire, he and his would surely die.
就算是原始人 创作的欲望也是他天性的一部分
Even in most primitive man, the need to create was part of his nature.
这种创作欲望 这种天资 明确的区分了早期人类与动物
This need, this talent, clearly separated early man from animals
动物绝没有这种天赋
who would never know this gift.
在两百万年前
And here, in a cave somewhere in the North American continent,
北美大♥陆♥某处的这个洞窟里
about two million years ago,
第一个艺术家诞生了
the first artist was born.
当然 随着艺术家的诞生
And, of course, with the birth of the artist,
不可避免的...
came the inevitable afterbirth.
批评家出现了
The critic.
大约公元一百万年前,
In the year one million BC,
据猜测智人的第一桩婚姻发生了
it is thought the first Homo sapien marriage occurred.
不久第一桩同性婚姻也发生了
It was shortly followed by the first homosexual marriage.
人类发明的第一种武器是长矛
One of the first weapons man invented was the spear.
在远古时期 人类对于死亡的原因很无知
In ancient times, man was ignorant as to the cause and nature of death.
因此对死亡很是敬畏
So death was greeted with a certain degree of awe.
但是人类没有时间进行繁复的仪式
But because man did not have the time for complicated rituals,
葬礼一般都很简短
funeral services were often brief.
即使对于早期人类
Even in early man,
对于欢乐的需要也是必不可少的
the need to laugh was vital for emotional survival.
音乐在被定型为音符和乐句很久之前就已出现
Music began long before it was formalized into notes and phrases.
对于人类来说它起源于一场事故
For mankind, it began with an accident.
Gunga听到了喜欢的声音
Gunga heard the sound and liked it.
Gunga请求Gowie再来一次美妙的尖叫
Gunga begged Gowie to repeat the beautiful scream,
但Gowie不愿意
but Gowie could not.
所以Gunga思前想后
So Gunga thought and thought,
终于发现了答案
and finally he found the answer.
就这样音乐诞生了
And so, music was born.
哈利路亚 哈利路亚
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
哈利路亚 哈利路亚
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
哈利 路 亚!
Hallelujah!
《旧约》
摩西来到山上 耶♥和♥华♥晓谕他说
Moses went to the mountain, and God spoke unto him.
摩西 我是你的神耶♥和♥华♥
Moses, this is the Lord, thy God,
令你服从我的律法 你可听见了?
commanding you to obey my law. Do you hear me?
啊 听见了 听见了 连聋子都能听见
Yes, I hear you. I hear you. A deaf man could hear you.
-你说什么? -没事
- What? - Nothing. Gornisht. Forget it.
神啊 为什么选择了我? 你想要我为你做什么?
O Lord, why have you chosen me? What would you have me do for you?
我要给你我的律法
I shall give you my laws,
你去把它带给子民们
and you shall take them unto the people.
是的 我主!
Yes, Lord.
哇哦
Wow.
我这就去把这些律法带给你的子民
Lord, I shall give these laws unto thy people.
听我说! 哦，听我说!
Hear me, O hear me!
都注意听了!
All pay heed.
神耶♥和♥华♥ 给了你们15条...
The Lord, the Lord Jehovah, has given unto you these fifteen...
是10条 10条你们要服从的戒律!
Ten! Ten commandments, for all to obey.
罗马帝国
罗马! 现代文明的起源
Rome! Vortex of modern civilization.
罗马! 文化的根基
Rome! Fountainhead of culture.
罗马! 人类最辉煌成就的耀眼展现
Rome! Blazing pronouncement of mankind's most glorious achievements.
来看看呀 柱子!
All right, now. Columns! Columns!
柱子! 来买♥♥柱子!
Columns! Columns! Get your columns here.
爱奥尼亚式的 多利安式的 科林斯式的
Ionic, Doric, Corinthian.
放几个柱子在门前 狗窝马上变宫殿
Put a few columns out in front, turn any hovel into a showplace.
卖♥♥柱子! 先生 不买♥♥勿碰
Columns! Sir, don't touch the merchandise.
来看看 柱子! 柱子!
All right, now. Columns! Columns!
理发 剃须 洗头 放血治疗?
Haircut, shave, shampoo, bloodletting?
真实占卜! 到这里得到预言
Sooth! Soothsaying! Get your sooth said right here.
我能告诉你未来
I can tell the future.
先生! 只要花两银币小钱
You, sir! For a wee fee of two drachmas,
我就能为你占卜未来
I can tell you your future.
哈! 好好! 我看见了 看见了!
Yes, yes, I see... I see...
我看见你会踏上一段漫长的旅程
I see that you are going on a long journey.
对
Yes.
先生 你会去罗马
You, sir, are going to Rome.
- 但我现在就在罗马 -我骗你了吗?
- But I am in Rome. - Do I lie?
没有! 没有!
No! No!
预言! 伟大的预言!
Sooth, sooth! We give great sooth!
马车! 二手马车!
Chariots! Used chariots!
八成新! 绝对的好货!
Low mileage. They're great.
厄洛斯神庙
年度狂欢及自助餐
先到先得
厄洛斯,希腊神话中的爱与情欲之神
我对它非常感兴趣
I'm very excited about it.
是一种新概念 叫做裸体照片插页
It's a new concept. It's called a centerfold.
水管! 水管!
Plumbing! Plumbing!
看这里 水管
Plumbing here, plumbing.
没错 公民们 水管
Yes, citizens, plumbing.
这是震惊罗马的最新发明
It's the latest invention to hit Rome.
可以把水从一处运送到另一处
It moves water from one place to another.
太惊人 太厉害了
It's astounding. It's amazing.
都来试试吧
Get on the bandwagon.
把大便从家中排出
Pipe the shit right out of your house.
水管! 要水管看这里
Plumbing! Plumbing here.
水管! 全新发明!
Plumbing! Brand new invention!
失业保险金领♥取♥处
- 职业? -角斗士
- Occupation? - Gladiator.
-上周杀人没? -没有
- Did you kill last week? - No.
-上周试着去杀了吗? -去了
- Did you try to kill last week? - Yeah.
这是你最后一周的失业保险金了
Now, listen, this is your last week on unemployment insurance.
如果你下周再不去杀个人 我们就得改变你的资格了 明白了吗?
Either you kill somebody next week, or we have to change your status. You got it?
-明白了 -这里签名
- Yeah. - OK. Sign here.
下一位! 职业?
Next. Occupation?
-演绎哲学家 -啥玩意?
- Stand-up philosopher - What?
演绎哲学家，Stand-up philosopher ，是指古代在舞台上进行即时表演
以取悦付费顾客的一类职业，形式上类似于现在的脱口秀表演。
最早可追溯到公元 32 年，从罗马帝国到犹太地区，都有这样的人物。
演绎哲学家
Stand-up philosopher.
我将人们七零八碎的经验合理和有逻辑的整合起来
I coalesce the vapor of human experience into a viable and logical comprehension.
哦 一个只会表演扯淡的职业!
Oh. A bullshit artist.
你上周去表演扯淡了没?
Did you bullshit last week?
没有
No.
你上周试着找机会去表演扯淡了吗?
Did you try to bullshit last week?
当然
Yes.
科米卡斯! 科米卡斯! 科米卡斯!
Comicus! Comicus! Comicus!
退到线后面去 退到线后面去
Back in the line. Back in the line.
他不是来排队的 他是我经纪人 斯威夫特斯
He's not in line. He's my agent, Swiftus.
好消息 我给你找到工作了
Good news. I just got you a job.
现在你有工作 不需要这个了
Now you're working, you won't need this.
等等 那是我的钱
Wait! That money is mine.
抱歉 我现在暂停服务了
I'm sorry, I'm on my wine break.
我差点就把钱拿到手了
Dopus! I only had the money in my hand.
噢 就这就这
Oh, I like that. I like that.
我火烧屁♥股♥样跑来给你一份工作 你还生我的气?
I go and bust my anus to get you a job and you're angry with me?
傻♥逼♥ s-h-a b-i 傻♥逼♥!
Boy, you are nuts. N-V-T-S, nuts.
-好吧 好吧 什么工作? -罗马最好的大聚会
- OK, OK. What kind of a job is it? - Just the best gig in all Rome.
苏格拉底是古希腊著名哲学家（公元前470年 [2]～公元前399年），
是罗马帝国之前几百年的人物，这里只是为了说明这个演出的重要性
这是每个演绎哲学家梦寐以求的机会 包括苏格拉底
A date every stand-up philosopher, including Socrates, would die for.
信不信由你 你要去凯撒的王宫表演啦
Believe it or not, you are gonna play Caesar's palace.
-在主厅? -主厅!
-The main room? - The main room!
- 棒极了!
- Groovus!
-快走 还一小时演出就开始了 -在主厅!
- Come on, the show starts in an hour. - The main room!
主厅!
The main room!
10 10 10...
20 20 20...
30 30 30...
40 40 40... 有出50的吗?