乔·贝尔（2020）

what it meant to be gay.
我必须承认 一开始 我...
I have to admit, at first, I...
我担心是我在他成长的过程中太苛刻了
I worried that I'd been too tough on him growing up.
毕竟 我们从小就是基♥督♥徒
We were raised Christians, after all.
我好奇 他会不会早点告诉我
I wondered if he might have told me sooner himself
如果我不是一个铁杆执法者
if I hadn't been such a hard-core lawman.
我也想过同样的事
I thought about that same thing.
关于我是否对我儿子太苛刻了
About whether I was too hard on my boy.
如果贾丁在他死前
Well, if Jadin knew before he died
知道你爱他并接受他
that you loved him and accepted him, that's what...
那才是最重要的 不是吗？
that's what matters, isn't it?
我也想相信事情是那样的
I want to believe that that's the way it was,
但我不知道是不是如此
but I don't know if it was.
当我告诉我爸
When I broke the news to my dad
他的长孙是同性恋 他令我惊讶
that his oldest grandson was gay, he surprised me.
他是个海军
He's a Marine.
然而他比我更能接受
And he was a lot more accepting
威廉是同性恋
of William being gay than I was.
那让我花了很长一段时间审视自己
And that made me take a long, hard look at myself.
我父亲不理解
My father didn't understand.
现在都还不理解 即使贾丁已经去世了
Still doesn't to this day, even with Jadin being gone.
很多人认为同性恋是一种选择
You know a lot of folks believe that being gay is a choice?
如果同样的条件 贾丁不会选择被欺凌
All things being equal, Jadin would have never chosen to be bullied.
如果同样的条件 他不会选择这样死去
With all things being equal, he would have never chosen the way he died.
你知道吗 本
You know, Ben...
当我开始徒步时...
when I started out walking...
我不知道我在做什么 真的
I didn't know what I was doing, really.
我以为我只是想让贾丁的生命...
I thought I just wanted to make Jadin's life...
和他的死亡在某种程度上有意义
and his death matter somehow.
但我逐渐认识到的是...
But what I come to know...
我一直在步行 尝试搞清楚我儿子为什么要这么做
is I've been walking and trying to figure out why my son did what he did.
并弄明白在他结束生命这个决定中 我扮演怎样的角色
And make sense out of the part that I played in his decision to end his life.
我太过于关注自己的感受
I mean, I was too caught up in my own feelings
在乎别人想我自己的儿子得有多孤独
about what other people would think to see how alone my own son must have felt.
我应该知道对他来说有多糟糕的
I should've known how bad it was for him.
我一早就应该知道
I... I should've known all along.
但我只是...
But instead I just...
我让贾丁是个同性恋的重点变成了关于乔贝尔
I just made Jadin's being gay all about Joe Bell.
关于我
About me.
不是我的儿子
Not about my boy.
乔...
Joe...
你让我意识到一件事
I think you made me realize something.
直到这一刻 我从未想过...
It never crossed my mind until this very moment that...
威廉可能会考虑结束他自己的生命
William might have considered taking his own life.
如果他这么做我无法释怀
I don't think I could've carried on if he had.
我从没让他知道一切都会好的
I never let him know it was okay.
我得背着这一切活着
And I gotta live with that.
别犯同样的错误 本
Don't make that same mistake, Ben.
不要这样对你儿子 或者对你自己
Don't do that to your son or yourself.
嘘...
Shh!
感谢今天款待
thanks for having me here today.
我是乔贝尔
Uh, my name is Joe Bell.
很荣幸今天和你们谈谈
I'm really honored to be here to speak with you today
关于我认为非常非常重要的一件事
about something that I feel is very, very important
不仅是对于我来说 对于你们所有人也一样
not only to myself, but to all of you.
你和我有很多相似之处 爸
I think you and I are a lot more alike than you'd want to admit, Dad.
我花了... 13年
It took me 13 years
才意识到活在谎言中不算真正活过
to realize that living a lie wasn't really living at all.
你只花了六个月
It only took you six months.
不 儿子
No, son.
我花了45年又六个月
It took me 45 years and six months.
我很抱歉 贾丁
I'm sorry, Jadin.
我非常抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我从没有想过让你觉得我不爱你
I never meant for you to feel that I didn't love you.
我从没有这种感觉
No, son. I never felt that.
而我一直都知道你爱我
And I always knew you loved me.
一切都... 太伤人了
Everything just... hurt so much.
但内心深处 我一直都知道
But deep down, I always knew.
对我而言 意义非凡 儿子
That means the world to me, son.
意义非凡
The whole breathing world.
爸
Dad?
我爱你
I love you.
我知道 我知道
I know. I know.
我爱你 伙计
I love you, buddy.
嘿 萝拉 亲爱的 是我
Hey, Lola, honey. It's me.
打电♥话♥给你是为了告诉你 我爱你
The reason I'm calling is to tell you that I love you.
你还有 约瑟夫
You and Joseph.
谢谢你们忍♥受了我这么多年
Thanks for putting up with me all these years.
我不知道我会发生什么
I don't know what would've happened to me
如果不是你们接纳我
if you hadn't come along and taken me in.
我真的很荣幸有我的家人
I'm just truly lucky to have my family.
在这外面我学到了很多东西
There's a lot of things I've learned out here,
除了我 没有别人陪伴
with nobody but me for company.
有一些很难才意识到
Some of it's been hard to come to know.
非常难
Real hard.
我知道我前面还有很长的路
I know I've still got a long road ahead of me.
从现在开始我会更加保持联♥系♥
And I'll be better about staying in touch from now on.
你会看到的
You'll see.
你向儿子传达一下我的爱意
You give my love to our boy.
我爱你们
I love you.
威斯汀警长
Sheriff Westin.
警长 你被要求到现场
Sheriff, you're requested on scene.
国道40 就在野马的西边
U.S. 40 just west of Wild Horse,
一个行人被撞
a pedestrian was struck.
1050 你要求调查
10-50 you call investigations.
林肯县警长到达现场
Lincoln County Sheriff arriving on scene.
乔 奔向贾丁
Hurry to Jadin, Joe.
♪ 你感到紧张不是吗？孩子？ ♪
♪ You're feeling nervous Aren't you, boy? ♪
♪ 用你安静的声音和无可挑剔的风格 ♪
♪ With your quiet voice and impeccable style ♪
♪ 永远别让他们偷走你的欢乐 ♪
♪ Don't ever let them Steal your joy ♪
♪ 还有你温柔的方式 ♪
♪ And your gentle ways ♪
♪ 阻止他们狂奔 ♪
♪ To keep 'em from running wild ♪
♪ 他们可以踢你脸上的污垢 ♪
♪ They can kick dirt in your face ♪
♪ 给你盛装打扮并告诉你 ♪
♪ Dress you down and tell you ♪
♪ 你的位置在中间 ♪
♪ That your place is in the middle ♪
♪ 当他们讨厌你闪耀的样子 ♪
♪ When they hate the way you shine ♪
♪ 我看见你拉扯你的衬衫 ♪
♪ I see you tugging on your shirt ♪
儿子 妈妈...
Okay, boys, mama...
-谢谢你们 -你们站到一起
-Thank you! -You guys get together.
复活节快乐！
Happy Easter!
我想告诉你们
Okay, I want to tell you guys.
看着我
Look at me.
看镜头
Look at the camera.
我全心全意 非常爱你们
I love you guys so much, with all my heart.
你们是好孩子 好妈妈
You guys are such great kids and mamas.
♪ 让他们旋转 ♪
♪ Let 'em spin ♪
♪ 让他们随风飘散 ♪
♪ Let 'em scatter in the wind ♪
♪ 我看过电影 ♪
♪ I have been to the movies ♪
♪ 我看到它如何结束 ♪
♪ I have seen how it ends ♪
♪ 他们就是个笑话 ♪
♪ And the joke's on them ♪
♪ 你气馁了 不是吗 姑娘 ♪
♪ You get discouraged, don't you, girl? ♪
♪ 还有一段时间是你兄弟的世界 ♪
♪ It's your brother's world for a while longer ♪
♪ 你得与魔共舞 ♪
♪ You gotta dance with the devil ♪
♪ 击败水流 ♪
♪ On a river to beat the stream ♪
♪ 称之为实现梦想 ♪
♪ Call it living the dream ♪
♪ 称之为过河拆桥 ♪
♪ Call it kicking the ladder ♪
♪ 他们来踢你脸上的污垢 ♪
♪ They come to kick dirt in your face ♪
♪ 叫你软弱然后取代你 ♪
♪ To call you weak and then displace you ♪
♪ 背着你的宝宝 ♪
♪ After carrying your baby on your back ♪
♪ 穿越沙漠之后 ♪
♪ Across the desert ♪
♪ 我在头发后看到了你的眼睛 ♪