扯淡生命史（2024）

这里画的是他的经历
It's a painting of an experience he'd had.
但不是身体的经历 而是情绪和心理的经历
But not a physical experience, an emotional and psychological experience.
我们会画出自己的灵魂
We paint our souls.
我们为什么要画自己的灵？
Why do we paint arseholes?
艺术作品越痛苦、越悲惨
The more agonized and miserable the artwork,
人们就越喜欢
the more people like it.
已故的痛苦艺术家中 最重要的就是 悲惨的红头发 割掉了自己耳朵那个
And no dead agonized artist is bigger than miserable redhead and own-ear vandal,
文森特·贝多芬·梵高
Vincenzo Van Beethoven Gogh.
从这张照片中能够看出
As you can see from this photograph,
梵高在现实生活中很像一幅画
Van Gogh actually resembled a painting in real life,
必然会投身艺术事业
making a career in art inevitable.
他的很多作品 比如《向泪葵》
Several of his works, such as Sad Flowers,
《性月夜》
Scary Night,
以及《玩牌的狗》 在拍卖♥♥中获得百万的出价
and Woofy McPoker, have fetched millions at auction.
2250万英镑最后一次
£22.5 million for the last time.
这是他最著名的一幅作品
This is one of his most famous works,
《麦田上的鸦群》
Wheatfield with Crows.
乍一看 这是一个简单的乡村场景
At first glance, it's a simple, rural scene,
但近距离观察 会发现非常粗制滥造
but look closer and you'll see it's actually very badly made.
就比如这些鸟
Take these birds.
显然这些是乌鸦
Apparently, they're crows,
但根本没办法知道 因为细节都没画出来
but it's impossible to know 'cause there's no detail at all.
有些很大 有些很小
Some are big. Some are small.
有些比其他的翅膀多
Some have more wings than others.
看这个 真的很难相信
Looking at this, it's hard to believe
梵高这辈子见过一只乌鸦 或者见过一片麦田
Van Gogh had actually even seen a crow or a wheat field,
可能也没有拿起过画笔
or even held a brush before.
看看那笔画
Look at those strokes.
太潦草了
They're sloppy.
感觉像是他戴着拳击手套画的
It's like he painted it wearing boxing gloves.
不够好
It's just not good enough.
可以说很不好
In fact, it's actively bad.
如果梵高当初没有画画 他的一生
Van Gogh's life, and by extension, our world,
甚至我们现在的世界都会变得更好
would've been improved if he'd never painted anything,
最好也不要给盲人之家的厕所门绘画
not even a bog door in a home for the blind.
总之 这是我的看法 你觉得？
Anyway, that's my view. What do you think?
当然了 多数人并不像梵高一样悲惨
Of course, most people aren't miserable like Van Gogh.
他们有自己的悲惨
They're miserable like themselves.
(第八章 工作)
他们只是没有时间去把自己的痛苦 用艺术表达出来
They simply don't have time to channel their pain into artistic expression
因为大家都在忙着工作
'cause they're too busy working.
工作是我们所有人 学着强行忍♥耐的事情
And work is something we all learn to barely tolerate.
自从最早的穴居人 为第一个混♥蛋♥工作开始
Ever since the earliest caveman went to work for the first cunt,
人们就痛恨自己的工作 一部分原因是那些工作都很糟糕
people have hated their jobs, partly 'cause those jobs were awful.
几个世纪以来 大多数工作都涉及体力劳动
For centuries, most jobs involved manual labor
比如搬运沉重的煤走路
like lugging heavy coal around
还有耕种田地 而旁边还有人为后代给你画素描
and tilling the fields while someone sketched you for posterity.
但随着我们的世界变得更现代 充满塑料、金属等各种东西
But as our world gets more modern and full of all plastic and metal and stuff,
工作的性质已经变了
the nature of work has changed.
现在的工作更糟
Now jobs are even worse,
这也造成了人们日渐积累的 毫无希望的感觉
which contributes to an ever-growing sense of hopelessness.
人类都要花很多时间工作 对？
Humans have to work a lot, don't they?
工作真的有可能有回报？
Can work ever be truly rewarding?
对 我觉得是的
Yeah, I think so.
对他来说也是？
What, even for him?
他的工作就是整天举着棍子 这种工作不可能有回报
All he does is hold a stick all day. There's no way that's rewarding
也不可能有意义
or meaningful.
这工作不需要任何技术
There's no skill involved.
我们都不需要用机器来取代他 一个底座和一个支架就可以了
We wouldn't even need a machine to replace him. Just a bracket and a stand would do.
一点都没有成就感
Can't be fulfilling in the slightest.
他抱着那根棍子 比抱着爱人的时间都长
He holds that stick more than he holds his loved ones.
如果你去想一下 他像奴隶一样
If you think of the things he's missed out on
举着那根该死的棍子 因此而错过的事情
just holding that fucking stick like a slave.
那种时光是无法挽回的
You don't get that time back, you know.
浪费了他的生命
Wasted his life.
(深切悼念菲尔)
这里回声很大 是？
Very echoey in here, isn't it?
菲尔不会讨厌这样
Phil would've hated that.
对吧 伊？
Wouldn't he, Ian?
下一个就是你
You're next.
可以录点氛围音？
Can we have a minute for atmos, please?
生命本身有时候可能会 感觉像一个沉重的负担
Life itself can sometimes feel like a horrible burden
让人无处可逃
from which there is no escape.
但幸运的是 有人可以帮助我们
But luckily, help is at hand.
于是我来到了 领先的流媒体平台 流莓体
That's why I've come to leading streaming platform Streamberry
看看他们如何帮助分散观众的注意力 从生存的无尽痛苦中解脱出来
to see how they help distract viewers from the bottomless misery of existence.
(宣传内容)
在流莓体
Here at Streamberry,
我们热衷于为用户提供娱乐
we're passionate about providing our users
能在个人层面上了解他们需求的娱乐
with entertainment that speaks to them on a personal level about their needs.
不只是把他们当成消费者 也要当做哺乳动物
Not just as a consumer, but as a mammal.
我们随时监测 观众的情绪状态 我们发现
We monitor our viewers' emotional state at all times,
大部分人 都困在一种存在主义的无助状态中
and we've discovered most of them are locked in a state of existential helplessness.
我觉得你们可能想改变这个事？
And I imagine you want to fix that?
对 所以我们发布了一套节目
Yes, that's why we launched a suite of programming
专门针对放弃了所有希望的观众
aimed at viewers who've given up all hope,
这个群体在所有客户中占116%
which is 116% of them.
这些节目以合辑的形式分门别类
These shows are grouped together into genre brackets
帮助绝望的观众找到真正能够
that help despairing viewers locate content
体谅他们情绪的内容
that really speaks to their mood.
我们目前看到了
We're currently seeing maximum growth
“正站在窗台上”这一类别的增长
in a category called "Standing On a Ledge Right Now."
那是什？
And what's that?
这个节目特别针对 正站在窗台上的观众
That's programming aimed at viewers standing on a ledge right now.
通常是用手♥机♥观看的
Usually watching on their phone.
我们当然不希望他们跳下去
Naturally, we don't want them to jump. That would negatively affect engagement.
那小孩子？有给小孩子的内容？
And what about the little ones? Is there anything for them?
有 我们最近新上架的一个节目 就是针对小孩子的
Yes, actually, one of our newest releases is a show aimed at kids
站在窗台上的小孩子
standing on ledges.
哇!我们现在应该拿到了独家预告
Wow! And I think we've got an exclusive preview of that right now.
(《宾可说别跳!》)
喂 先生!别跳!
Hey, mister! Don't jump!
为什么别？
Why not?
呃...
Well...
我们都会有时候感觉人生失去了意义
♪ Sometimes we all feel Like life's lost its meaning ♪
但你跳下去 下面的人行道就需要仔细清理
♪ But jump and that sidewalk Will need careful cleaning ♪
更重要的是 跳下去一定会死
♪ And more to the point You just wouldn't survive ♪
让我给你列几条活着的意义
♪ Let me list you some reasons For staying alive ♪
好
Uh, okay.
死了会错过大自然所有的奇观
♪ You'd miss out on nature In all of its wonder ♪
比如小狗和小猫 还有阳光和雷鸣电闪
♪ Like puppies and kittens And sunshine and thunder ♪
你的父母会想念你 沉浸于悲伤
♪ Your parents would miss you In sorrow, they'd drown ♪
如果你从那个阳台上跳下去 摔在地上
♪ If you plunged from that ledge And went splat on the ground ♪
Uh-huh.
跳下去的决定无法改变
♪ Jumping's so final ♪
没有后悔药
♪ No chance of revision ♪
多数跳下去的人都会后悔这一跳
♪ Most people who do jump Regret their decision ♪
他说得对!
Ahh, he's right!
留下伟大的遗产
♪ To leave a great legacy ♪
继续生活
♪ Stay in the game ♪
总比在路面留下一个大坑和污渍
♪ It sure beats just leaving a dent ♪
要好多了
♪ And a stain ♪
好吧
Oh, okay.
你说服了我 - 太好了
♪ You've convinced me ♪ - ♪ Yay ♪
生命值得努力
♪ Life is worth it ♪
我不想死
♪ I don't wanna die ♪
回来的时候小心点 别失足掉下去
♪ Be careful returning You don't wanna slip ♪
啊哦
Oh! - Uh-oh.
好吧 已经太晚了 再见
♪ Oh well, it's too late Bye-bye ♪
Hm.
谢谢你 杰奎 非常引人深思
Well, thanks, Jacqui. That was really enlightening,
感觉流莓体好棒
and Streamberry seems fantastic.
谢谢 - 谢谢
Thank you. - Thank you.