扯淡生命史（2024）

也许这个意义 刚巧就是宇宙结构的一部分
or maybe that meaning just happens to be part of the fabric of the universe.
为什么便便的末端是锥形？
Why are poos tapered at the end?
在身体里的时候就已经是那个形状了 还是我们屁♥眼♥塑造成那种形状？
Are they that shape when they're inside us, or do our bums mold them into that shape?
抱歉 那个问题应该问拉屎专家
Sorry, that's for the poo expert.
但现在是你在我面前 你想回答？还是...
Although, you're here, so do you fancy answering it or...?
我觉得我对人体生物学没有太多了解
I don't think I know enough about human biology
没办法给你一个准确的答案
to give you an accurate answer.
有道理 好
Fair enough. Yeah.
我相信大家一定很喜欢 观看本片中游览的各种壮观地标
Throughout this landmark epic, which you have definitely enjoyed,
我对生命意义的探究 让我走遍了世界各地
my quest for meaning has taken me around the world
进入多个大楼 下了楼梯 甚至还一度走上了充气城♥堡♥
and into several buildings, down stairs, and at one point, onto a bouncy castle.
从宗教痴迷到虚无主义的排便
From religious ecstasy to nihilistic defecation,
从伟大的文学作品
from great works of literature
到那幅粗制滥造的画
to that awful fucking painting,
人类对生命意义的追求从未停止
humankind's quest for meaning has never let up.
现在 我在这里的工作结束了
And now my work here is done.
希望本片给各位带来了一些启发
I hope you found it illuminating.
现在我要去其他世界 发现生命的意义了
Now it's time for me to find out the meaning of life in other worlds.
再见
Goodbye.
作者会在写书的最后 像写信一样签名？
Do authors sign their books at the end like when you write a letter?
比如“《罪与罚》此致 敬礼 陀思妥耶夫斯基”
Like "That's Crime and Punishment. The End. Yours sincerely, Dostoevsky."
我觉得很少会吧
Seldom, I think.
人类眼睛为什么 有一条神经直通肛♥门♥？
Why does the human eye have a nerve connecting it directly to the anus?
没有
It doesn't.
有的 因为擦屁♥股♥的时候眼睛会这样
It does because when you pick your bum, you sort of go like that.
阴♥茎♥进入女人体内时
When the penis goes into a lady,
为什么不停进进出出？
why does it keep backing out and going back in?
不能进去一次 完事之后再出去？
Can't it just go in, get it done, and leave?
我们的灵魂 是在大爆♥炸♥时期创造出来的？
Were our souls created during the Big Bang?
这要看你说的“我们的灵魂”指什么
Depends what you mean by "our souls."
你知道我说的“我们的灵魂”指什么
You know what I mean by "our souls."
那东西只能生产精♥液♥ 太可惜了 是？
It's a shame they only make semen, isn't it?
如果能生产番茄汤
If they made tomato soup,
事后就能在床上喝一杯了
you could share a nice mug of it in bed afterwards.
脱欧之后 想进入天堂更难了？
Is it harder to enter the kingdom of heaven since Brexit?
我觉得脱欧跟进入天堂还是地狱
I don't think Brexit has anything to do with the kingdom of heaven
没关系
or hell for that matter.
我朋友保罗说 如果你照镜子一个小时
My mate Paul says if you look in a mirror for about an hour,
有可能会欺骗你的意识 让你以为意识在另一个你的体内
it's possible to trick your consciousness into thinking it's inside the other you,
然后你就可以逃跑了 不然意识会跳出来抓住你
and then you can run off before it can jump back out and get you.
他说他成功过一次 但他刚一开始跑
He said he managed it once, but a second after he started running,
蛋蛋就撞到了门把手
he caught his balls on a door handle
最后倒在地上 痛苦翻滚
and ended up rolling around on the floor in agony
而他的意识在镜子里看着他 嘲笑自己
while his consciousness watched him from the mirror, pissing itself.
我觉得意识没办法进入镜子
I don't think your consciousness can go inside a mirror.
我有点担心保罗
I do worry about Paul.
我觉得他只是 还没找到自己在社会中的角色
I think he just hasn't found his role in society.
所以你参与了大爆♥炸♥群？
So you're in the Big Bang gang?
大爆♥炸♥...什？
The Big Bang...?
群♥交♥ 大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥ - 大爆♥炸♥群？
Gang. The Big Bang gang. - The Big Bang gang?
我们都参与了大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥
We're all in the Big Bang gang.
真的？- 对
Are we? - Yeah.
可以对着那边的镜头说一次？
Could you say that down that lens there, please?
对 我参与了大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥ 你们参与了大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥
I'm in the Big Bang gang. You're in the Big Bang gang.
你也参与了大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥ - 我们都参与了大爆♥炸♥群♥交♥
You're in the Big Bang gang. - We're all in the Big Bang gang.