克里斯·洛克：杀死信使（2008）

That's right. She may not leave the day you lose it, but the countdown has begun.
女人在物质生活方面标准不能倒♥退♥
Women can't do it.
女士们，记得你们第一次和一个有车男人约会么？
Ladies, remember the first time you ever dated a guy with his own car?
记得么，从酒吧出来，你的姐♥妹♥们♥都上了公交车
Remember that shit? You was leaving the club, your girlfriends got on the bus,
你心想“玩蛋去吧贱♥人♥们”
you were like, "Bye, bitches.
“我先闪啦~”
"I'll see y'all later.
“我要进温暖的小车里去啦”
"I'm getting in this warm-ass car."
从那一刻起，你觉得“我的男人必须得有车”
And from that moment on, you were like, "You better have a car.
“没有车的人可不能跟我搞”
"You ain't getting this pussy without a car.
“大冬天的，以后我可再也不坐公交车了”
"I am not getting on the fucking bus in February. Fuck that."
然后，有车，就变成你以后生活的标准
And that's how the fuck you roll for the rest of your life.
女士们，记得你们第一次和有自己房♥子的人约会么？
Ladies, remember the first time you ever dated a guy with his own apartment?
到了他家，感觉很舒适放松，你想……
You got in there, you were comfortable, you were like,
“在这里搞，真的不错哟”
"I could really enjoy getting fucked in here.
“我愿意怎么叫都行，怎么疯狂都好”
"I can scream and holler and break shit,
嗯，怎么做都行
"yell instructions.
“我以后可再也不在别人父母家做♥爱♥了”
"I will never fuck in nobody's mama's house again."
然后，你真的再也没有过
And you never did.
再也，没有，过
You never fucking did.
女士们，记得你们第一次跟一个会带你出去旅游的男人约会么？
Ladies, remember the first time you ever had a man take you on vacation?
你觉得“哇噢，太爽了”
Say, "Whoo! This is great."
从那时起，每个想约你的男人，必须带你去旅旅游才行
And from that moment on, every man you dated had to take you somewhere.
你刚认识他们就让他们知道“想搞我，必须得带我出去旅游”
You let 'em know as soon as you met 'em, "Hey, this is passport pussy.
“以为带我在同一个时区里玩玩就能搞定我，你可真想错了”
"If you think you can handle this pussy in one time zone, you are out of your fucking mind."
而且这时候女人很喜欢给你描述
And women love to tell you how much better
跟你出去旅游多么爽，然后在外面搞会多么爽
the pussy gonna get when you get to the destination.
“啊现在不算什么，等咱们到了牙买♥♥加再好好玩”
"You ain't got nothing yet. Wait till we get to Jamaica."
当你们到了牙买♥♥加，她，还是约翰内斯堡的她
You get to Jamaica, it's the same pussy you had in Johannesburg,
还是伦敦的她，还是布鲁克林的她
in London, in Brooklyn.
唯一的不同有可能是，身上会蹭上一些沙子
Only difference is now it's got a little bit of sand in it.
最疯狂最离谱的是，女人总喜欢跟你说
And the crazy thing, the crazy thing, women love to tell you...
现在的女人都是有私房♥钱的，都有私房♥钱必须的
Women got their own money now. Women have their own fucking money now.
她们总爱说“嘿”
And women are like, "Hey..."
她们说“嘿，如果你不带我去度假”
Women are like, "Hey, if you don't take me on a nice vacation,
“我可以找个小白脸，带他去度假”
"I'm a find me a cute guy and I'm a pay for shit."
不过这样的情况不会超过一个月
But that only lasts for like 30 days.
因为女人，最恨花自己的钱
Cos women don't like paying for shit.
没错的，B是值钱的，JB是免费的
That's right - pussy costs money, dick is free.
女人如果为找JB花钱，那可是一次糟糕的投资
Any money you spend on dick is a bad investment.
因为当问题扯到了女人和钱，我告诉你们
Cos when it comes to women and money, I'll tell you right now,
女人要花自己的钱，是最能打击女人“性”致的
nothing dries up a pussy quicker than a woman reaching for her wallet.
当女人要自己掏腰包花钱
There is something about a woman reaching for her wallet
马上就会让她“性”致全无
that just dries up the vagina.
就好像钱包和她的两腿之间有什么感应器一样
It's almost like the wallet is sending a signal to the pussy
让她心里瞬间就感觉，这个男人可不值得感“性”趣
that this man is not worthy of getting wet for.
之后她去看妇科医生
And later on, when you go to the gynaecologist,
妇科医生说“哦？你花自己的钱了吗？”
he's like, "Oh, my God, you've been paying for shit.
“你要是再多花点，你就快更年期了”
"Another $500, you gonna be in menopause."
女人在物质生活方面标准，绝不能倒♥退♥
Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle.
而男人在性生活方面标准不能倒♥退♥
Men cannot go backwards sexually.
不能的
Can't do it.
每当我们经历了一次很爽的，那就是我们的标准了
Once we get the sex we like, that's how the fuck we roll.
男人有时候非常倔强
We get stubborn in our old age.
就好像“我就爱喝这样的咖啡”
We're like, "I like my coffee like this,
“我就爱吃这样的牛排，我就爱用这样的姿势”
"I like my steak like this and I like to fuck like this.
“如果你不愿配合我搞，那你就滚出去跟别人搞吧”
"And if you ain't fucking like I'm fucking, then get the fuck out."
女士们，别太抓狂
Ladies, don't get mad at us.
别埋怨男人，应该埋怨那些“前女友”
Don't get mad at us. Get mad at our ex-girlfriend.
她们才是罪魁祸首
She's the one that spoiled it for everybody.
前女友是搞砸了所有事情的罪魁祸首，什么事情都赖她
The ex-girlfriend that did everything, she fucked it up for everybody.
你可以问问她“你都做过什么？你舔过他的菊花？”
Call up one day, you're like, "You did what? You licked his ass?
“啊，他现在肯定会想被舔，妈的，多谢你啊贱♥货♥”
"Now he want everybody to lick his ass. Thanks a lot, bitch."
没错的，女士们，你们的男人比你想象中要猥琐无数倍
That's right. Ladies, your man is nastier than you ever imagined.
你男人，在12岁的时候就学会看黄♥片♥了
Your man has been watching porno since he was 12 years old.
他们看过各式各样黄♥片♥的花样
He has pornographic images in his head
他们只想死之前都挨个试试看
and he wants to relive some of this shit before he drops dead.
真的，美女们，准备好吧，准备好
That's right, ladies. Get up on it. Get up on it.
听好了我要说的，听清楚
Listen to what the fuck I'm about to say, OK?
即使他射了，也不能代表，就是你让他射的
Just because he came don't mean you made him come.
你们能听明白我说的什么嘛？
Did you hear what the fuck I just said?
即使他射了，并不能代表，就是你让他射的
Just because he came does not mean you made him come.
现场所有的男人，都有两种高♥潮♥
Every man in this room got two levels of come.
所有的男人，都有两种高♥潮♥
Every man in here got two levels of come.
一种就是简单的，射了
And level one comes out easy,
就好像“一滴，一滴，一滴，一滴”
it comes out like ketchup, "Drip, drip, drip, drip,
“一滴，一滴，一滴，一滴”
"drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip..."
就是简简单单的爽了，射了““一滴，一滴……”
Just say "come" and it comes out. "Drip, drip, drip, drip."
第二级别？
But level two?
如果女伴按我们想像的做的
If we got a woman doing the precise nasty shit we like,
穿着我们想要的衣服，打扮
wearing the nasty shit we want her to wear,
说着我们想听的话，和挑逗语言
saying the nasty shit we want her to say,
那么男人会像“人♥权♥自♥由♥”了一样
it will shoot out like a civil rights hose...
“自♥由♥来啦，自♥由♥来啦”
"Free at last! Free at last!"
会一下子迸发出来
It'll take a fucking eye out.
没错，真的
That's right. That's right.
女士们，当进行房♥事的时候，你们要小心点
Ladies, that's right, that's why you got to be very careful about what you introduce in bed.
很多事情可不是试一次而已的
Ain't no such thing as one time when it comes to sex,
因为如果男人喜欢，这件事情就进入必选菜单了
cos if we like it, it's on the menu.
没错，你得谨慎哈
That's right. You got to be very careful.
你不能随便决定“噢~明天我穿高跟鞋跟你做”
You can't be like, "Ooh, I'm a wear high heels tomorrow."
不对，你以后都要穿高跟鞋跟他做了
No, you gonna wear high heels every day.
如果他哪次见你没穿高跟鞋，说不定你们就要闹分手了
If I ever see the bottom of your feet again, this relationship is over.
比如“噢~我可以明天扮小妹纸跟你做”
Like, "Ooh, I'm a do a girl for your birthday."
不对，你以后都得扮成小妹纸跟他做
No, you gonna do a girl every day.
如果真是这样，你最好买♥♥套上下铺的儿童床啦
You better get some bunk beds in this motherfucker.
我擦，我甚至还记得，第一次我被女孩吮吸，然后高♥潮♥的经历
Shit, I remember the first time I ever had a girl suck the come out of my dick and swallow.
太爽了那次，那一瞬间我甚至都能看懂阿♥拉♥伯语
That felt so good, I could read Arabic.
那一瞬间，我甚至能破解达芬奇密♥码♥
I was breaking down the Da Vinci code.
那一瞬间我说话都语无伦次了
And right then, I said, "Spitters are quitters.
完全语无伦次了
"Spitters are quitters!"
现场很多女生不以为然
There are a lot of women in here grossed out,
“射在嘴里，口♥爆♥？太恶心了”
"Come in the mouth? That's fucking disgusting.
“你们别总想口♥爆♥啊”
"You always want to come in my fucking mouth.
“别妄想了，你们还是找那个爱舔菊花的女人吧”
"Get the fuck out. You better call that ass-licking girl.
“可别想在我这里玩什么口♥爆♥颜♥射♥的”
"You are not coming in my mouth. Fuck that."
没错，现场有一半女士不认同这个
Yeah, half the women in here are grossed out,
而另一半女士，都“性”福快乐的生活着
and the other half are in loving relationships.
我撤了，大家保重
I'm out of here. Y'all take care.
谢谢！
Thank you!
太帅了，他妈的Chris Rock太帅了
Awesome. Chris fucking rocks.
太搞笑了，笑得我脸都快抽筋了
It was brilliant. My cheeks are actually hurting me now.
太酷了！ 真棒，没得说，这场演出太棒了
It was awesome. Excellent. It was excellent.
这是我看过最爽的一场啦
The best show I have ever seen.
完美！
Fabulous.
他太棒了，从美国来到英国演出，非常厉害
He was great. He come over from the States, he come to the UK, he was the top dog.
这家伙太，太牛逼，太牛逼了
He's the fucking... He is the man. He is the man.
我想嫁给Chris Rock，娶我吧！
I want to marry you, Rock. Will you marry me?
实在太给力了
No, it was excellent.
赞啊，看这次演出非常开心
It was great. We had a great time.
不可思议，段子都太棒了伙计们
Amazing, brother. Amazing. Humbled.
再来一次吧，再来一场啊
Do it again. Come back again.
帅气哦！ 非常给力
Awesome. Fantastic.
最棒的演出啦，太帅
Best show ever, yeah.
非常棒，非常非常棒
Very good. Very, very, very good.
看了他的演出，抑郁症都治好啦
Don't need antidepressant any more after listening to him.
太搞了，我好几年都没像今天这么放肆的笑过了
It was wicked, man. I haven't laughed non-stop like that in ages.
段子太浪了。 十分有“笑”果
It was wicked. It was awesome.
Chris 你超给力！ 爱你！
Chris, you rock. We love you!
Chris Rock，真♥他♥妈♥的给力
Chris Rock, man, rocked.
太赞了，超完美啊
Brilliant. Chris Rock is amazing.
非常搞笑，真的很开心