克里斯·洛克：杀死信使（2008）

“美国准备好了吗？”呃，我觉得这是应该的
"Is America ready for a black president?" Well, we should be.
我们都经历过傻♥逼♥的了（布♥什♥）
We just had a retarded one.
啊，美国，一团糟
America, man. Crazy.
太多破事儿了
So much going on right now.
种族主义问题，还是最大的问题，世界性的
And race is the big issue, the biggest issue in the world right now.
种族问题，太艰深了
Race. It's a big thing, man.
种族主义问题是世界性的
Racism all over the world.
种族问题永远不会消失
It will never die, it will never die.
它只会繁殖出更多问题
It will only multiply, baby.
种族主义全世界都有，我的生活里也有
Racism all over the world. Even in my life, there's some racism.
“真的吗” 真的，我生活里也有种族问题
People go, "Really?" Yeah, yeah. Yes, in my life.
我给大家说个种族问题影响我的例子吧
I will give you an example of how race affects my life, OK?
我住在新泽西州的阿尔宾
I live in a place called Alpine, New Jersey.
我住在那里，我的房♥子，价值上百万美金
I live in Alpine, New Jersey, right? My house costs millions of dollars.（天朝人♥民♥笑而不语）
别恨我们戏子，恨这个社会吧
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
在我住的这片地区，只有四位黑人户主
In my neighbourhood, there are four black people.
几百户人家，只有四家是黑人，他们都是谁呢？
Hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people?
一个是我，一个是Mary J Blige
Well, there's me, Mary J Blige,
一个是JAY-Z，还有一个是艾迪墨菲
Jay-Z and Eddie Murphy.
这个高级住♥宅♥区只有四家是黑人
Only black people in the whole neighbourhood.
我们分♥析♥一下：我，是个喜剧演员，混的还行
So let's break it down. Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm all right.
Mary J Blige...
而 Mary J Blige，是世界乐坛最厉害的R&B女歌♥手之一
Mary J Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the earth,
Jay-Z！称得上是史上最牛逼的说唱歌♥手之一
Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live,
艾迪墨菲，世界上最著名的黑人喜剧演员之一
Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it.
那么，你们知道我隔壁的白人是干什么的吗？
Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living?
他他妈的是个牙医
He's a fucking dentist.
他可不是世界上最好的牙医
He ain't the best dentist in the world.
他也没入选牙医“名人堂”
He ain't going to the dental hall of fame.
他也没得过什么荣耀和奖章
He don't get plaques for getting rid of plaque.
他只是个能拨牙的牙医而已
He's just a yank-your-tooth-out dentist.
明白了么？黑人必须飞黄腾达
See, the black man gotta fly
才能达到一个白人轻而易举的成绩
to get something that the white man could walk to.
真是事实
That's right, baby.
我必须创造奇迹，才能住进我现在的家
Shit, I had to make miracles happen to get that house.
我必须主持一次奥斯卡，才能住进我现在的家
I had to host the Oscars to get that house.
直至今日，我都不太相信那是我家
And to this day, I don't even believe it's my house.
我都常备个紧急预备包裹放在门口
That's why I keep a bag packed right by the door...
以防这所房♥子真正的白人主人哪天忽然出现
just in case the white people that really own the place show up one day.
“滚吧，小黑”
"Time to go, blackie."
“靠，果然被我猜中了”
"Damn, I knew this day would come.
“幸好老子有紧急预备包裹”
"Good thing I'm packed."
你知道一位黑人牙医，怎么才能住进我那个小区么？
Do you know what a black dentist would have to do to move into my neighbourhood?
除非他能发明“牙”
He'd have to invent teeth.
种族问题，种族主义啊
Racism, man. Racism out there, man.
比种族主义更让我不爽的事情，只有一个
Only thing that makes me more angry than racism,
比种族主义更让我不爽的事情，只有一个
only one thing makes me more angry than racism,
那就是黑人，遇到种族歧视感觉很惊讶
is black people that are shocked at racism.
不管什么情况，有种族歧视问题出现
Cos whenever something racist goes down,
总有那种缺心眼的黑人，还不敢相信
they always manage to find one black person that can't believe it.
‘我不相信Don Imus说了那样的话’ 你是哪来的
"I can't believe Imus would say that." I'm like, "Where the fuck you from?"
（John Donald "Don" Imus公开♥发♥表过歧视黑人的言论）
白人不论对我说什么
There's nothing a white person could ever say to me
我都会仔细琢磨的
that will ever catch me off guard.
我经常在寻找种族歧视问题，不管我在哪
Ever. I'm always looking for some racism, no matter where the fuck I'm at.
我就这样“种族歧视在哪呢？在哪呢？在哪呢？”
I'm like, "Where the racism at? Where it at? Where it at?"
不论我在哪，都这样
No matter where I'm at.
试想如下场景，我和美国达人主持人在一块聊天
I could be sitting down with Regis Philbin,
搞采访，讨论动画片 马达加斯加2
doing an interview, talking about Madagascar 2.
我说“没错，马达加斯加2 是一部好片子”
Say, "Yeah, Regis, Madagascar 2 is real good, man.
“我又给斑马配音了，挺他妈爽的”
"I play a zebra again. This motherfucker's great."
这时候主持人从口袋掏出一支铅笔
And in the middle of the interview, Regis will pull a pencil out of his pocket,
捅到我脖子上，说“去死吧你这黑鬼”
stab me in the neck, say, "Take that, you fucking nigger!
“去死吧，该死的脏黑鬼”
"Take that you dirty, greasy nigger!
“下地狱吧死黑鬼”
"Take that, you fucking nigger!"
我会这样“我早就猜到会这样……”
And I'll be like, "I should have seen it coming.
“我让他靠太近了”
"I let Regis get too close."
我会自我检讨，然后道歉
I'll be mad at me. I'll apologise.
“哥们，不好意思，我把我脖子露出来了”
"Hey, man, I left my neck all out, man.
“真抱歉啊，不好意思啊”
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry."
唉，没错，种族问题太艰深了，这个世界都是一团糟
Yeah, man. Race, man. Big, man. We live in a crazy time, man.
我们这个时代也是乌七八糟的
We live in an insane time, man.
我们这个时代，就是你说错了话就会招来麻烦
We live in a time where if you say the wrong thing, you in trouble.
这还真是史无前例的
This is the first time in the history of the world
这些白人必须管好他们的嘴了
where white men actually have to watch what they say.
白人说错了话就会招来麻烦的
White men are getting in trouble for saying the wrong words.
真不容易
That's unbelievable, man.
很多白人说，“嘿，这不公平”
And a lot of white guys, "Hey, that's not fair.
“你们想说什么都行，你可以叫黑人黑鬼，我们不行”
"You can say whatever you want. You can say nigger."
是啊，根据我的调查，这是我作为黑人的唯一优势了
Yeah, when I last checked, that was the only advantage I had to being black.
想换换么？
You want to switch places?
你可以自♥由♥的说“黑鬼”，那我可以自♥由♥的涨金融利率
You scream "nigger" and I'll raise interest rates.
没错，让白人都管住自己的嘴
Yeah, this is the first time in the history of the world
这还真是史无前例的
where white men have to watch their tongue.
不过，白人伙计们，别着急
And now, white guys, don't worry about it.
伙计们，你知道世事无常
You know, that's how life works, man.
世事无常
That's how life works.
有时候，是非最多的人，必须闭嘴
Sometimes the people with the most shit have to shut up
然后让其他人讨论他的是非
and let other people talk shit about 'em.
世事无常啊，没错
That's how life works. That's right.
有时，是非最多的那些人，得少说话
Sometimes the people with the most shit get to say the least shit.
无所事事的人，反而可以天天侃大山
And the people with the least shit get to say the most shit.
所以如果你也想多贫嘴，那么就少管事儿吧
So if you want to say the most shit, get rid of some of your shit.
世事无常，就是这样的
That's how the world works, man.
人们就是会讨论其他人的，就是这样的
Some people get to talk about other people, and that's just how it goes, man.
例如，胖女孩可以随便评价那些苗条女孩
For instance, like, fat girls can say whatever they want to about skinny girls.
胖女孩可以随时鄙视那些苗条女孩
Fat girls can talk about skinny girls all day long,
“这些瘦婊♥子♥，都尼玛有厌食症”
"Fucking skinny bitch, fucking skinny-ass anorexic,
“是不是这些女人都会反刍”
"bulimic, fucking regurgitating bitch.
“这些瘦高个儿贱♥人♥，只吃沙拉的婊♥子♥”
"Fucking Cheerio-belt-wearing bitch, salad-eating motherfucker.
“祝你们喝汤的时候噎死”
"Hope she chokes on a crouton."
但是反过来，瘦女孩，不能说胖女孩
But skinny girls can't talk about fat girls.
因为那太贱了
That's just mean.
“哟，看看这些胖妞啊”
"Look at these big bitches.
“她们吃饭不要钱的么”
"Do they freebase gravy?
“食物可不是你的朋友”
"Food is not your friend. It's not your friend."
继续举例子，你们懂的
For instance, you know...
矮个子可以随便说高个子
Short guys can talk about tall guys all day long.
矮个子可以随便爱怎么说就怎么说那些高个子
Short guys can say whatever they want to about tall guys, "You tall bastard.
“你们这些大高个”
"You tall motherfucker.
“你们走路小心头撞到空调”
"I hope your head hits an air-conditioning vent.
“本拉♥登♥的飞机应该撞你们脸上”
"I hope Bin Laden flies a plane into your lips."
但是，高个子，不能说矮个子
But tall guys can't talk about short guys.
因为那太贱了
That's just mean.
“啊，看看这群小侏儒”
"Look at these midget motherfuckers.
“真像童话人物”
"Fee fie foe fum!"
再举例，穷♥人♥可以随便说富人
Like poor people can talk about rich people all day long.
穷♥人♥可以随便爱怎么说就怎么说富人“你们为富不仁”
Poor people can say whatever they want to about rich people, "You fucking rich bastard.
“祝你们的豪华游艇撞上冰山”
"I hope your yacht hits an iceberg in the summer.
“擦，我希望你家的毕加索名画掉下来砸死你老妈”
"Fucking ice... I hope your Picasso falls off the wall and kills your mother.
“你们这帮富得流油的混♥蛋♥”
"You fucking rich bastard."
但是富人，就不能说穷♥人♥了
But rich people can't talk about poor people.
因为那太贱了
That's just mean.
“啊，看看这帮穷鬼”
It's like, "Look at these broke bastards.
“也许我们应该涨价，那样以后就再也不用看到他们了”
"Perhaps we should raise the prices so we don't have to see these people again.
“哟，你开的韩国车？”
"Is that a Hyundai?
“布面车内饰呢，哟”
"With cloth interior. Ooh!"
就这样啊兄弟们，你得注意你说的话
Yes, man. That's right. You gotta watch what you say.
即使是黑人，也得管着自己的嘴，即使是黑人
Even some black people have to watch what they say. Even some black people.
《实习医生格蕾》里那个演员怎么了
What's my man on Grey's Anatomy?
被炒鱿鱼了
Got fired.