克里斯·洛克：杀死信使（2008）

When they give you that half-hour lunch break.
没什么能比只有半小时午餐时间更恶心的规矩了
Whoo! There's nothing worse than a half-hour lunch break to a grown person.
“你还不如给我个小勺，然后给我杯果汁呢”
"Why don't you just get a little spoon and give me some apple sauce while you're at it?"
半小时午餐时间
A half-hour lunch break.
当你穿上外套
By the time you put on your jacket,
走过办公室拐角，去三明治店
walk around the corner, go to the sandwich spot,
点一份三明治，等他们做
order a sandwich, wait for them to make it,
拍另一个队付钱，弄完这些，28分钟过去了
then get in another line to pay for it, 28 minutes have passed.
然后你要赶回去工作
Now you rushing back to work,
你边走边吃三明治，酱料都撒到衣服上了
you're eating your sandwich, spilling beer down your shirt.
当你回到工作岗位上，你老板说你迟到了八分钟
When you get in, your boss got the nerve to go, "Hey, you're eight minutes late."
“草泥马！”
"Fuck you!"
你知道么？监狱的罪犯都有一小时的吃饭时间
Do you realise even criminals in jail get an hour lunch break?
“我难道甚至不能像罪犯一样吃午餐么？”
Like, "Can I at least eat like a murderer?
“我打赌如果我杀了你，我就有空吃完三明治了”
"I bet if I shot your ass, I could finish this sandwich."
不过，你还得继续工作
But you gotta work.
继续工作啊，大家都是
Gotta work. We all gotta work.
我们都要工作，为啥？
We all gotta work. Why?
因为我们要用钱买♥♥很多其实本来免费的东西
We spend money on things we used to get for free.
我们用钱买♥♥很多其实本来免费的东西
We spend money on things we used to get for free like...
比如水
water.
你可以使用免费自来水，但是大家都不这么做
You could still get free water, but nobody does it.
没错，我们都为水花钱
That's right, we spend money on water,
买♥♥他妈的瓶装矿泉水
buying bottled fucking water.
大家知道此时此刻世界上有多少人渴的要死了吗？
Do you know how many people on earth right now are dying of thirst?
多少人徒步走十几公里就为了找点水源？
How many people walk 10 and 20 miles to get some fresh water?
我们真是烧包，还买♥♥瓶装矿泉水
And we so fucking spoiled, we buy bottled water.
你知道你买♥♥瓶装水意味着什么吗？
Do you know what it means if you buy bottled water?
意味着你家的自来水，就是用来洗腚的啦
That means you only use tap water on your ass.
你还琢磨为什么有人要炸我们美国
And you wonder why people want to blow us the fuck up.
因为我们的水都用来洗腚啦
We got ass water, that's why.
别人渴的要死，我们则“我得好好洗洗腚啦”
They dying of thirst, we be like, "I gotta wash my ass. I gotta wash it."
我♥草♥
Fuck, man.
这东西为什么叫自来水
You know why they call it tap water?
因为它自己就来，我们随便浪费啦
Cos you just tap it on your nuts, that's why.
瓶装水……你们知道什么钱花的是最冤枉的吗？
Man. Bottled water, man. You know the craziest thing we spend money on?
我们都做过，都买♥♥过，都花过这种钱
The craziest thing... We all done it. You done it. I done it. We all done it.
花钱最冤枉的的事情就是
The craziest thing we spend money on...
手♥机♥铃♥声♥
ringtones.
电♥话♥响的声音本来是不要钱的
The phone used to ring for free.
但是“铃铃铃”对有些人来说，太不给力了
But "bring-bring" just wasn't good enough for some of y'all.
“我需要一些铃♥声♥，彰显我的个性”
"I need a ring that expresses who I am.
“我要手♥机♥响的时候播放SexyBack这首歌♥”
"I need to hear SexyBack when my phone rings."
然后，我们就被商家抓住了
And now they got us. Now they got us.
现在我们一辈子都离不开铃♥声♥这种东西了
We gonna have ringtones for the rest of our lives.
你们说“啊不是啊”，噢，其实就是如此
People, "No, we're not." Oh yes, we are.
我现在就告诉你事情会变成什么样
I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen
尤其是在我们现在这个布♥什♥已经爱管不管的时代
in this crazy George Bush deregulated world we live in.
事情会变成什么样
Here's what's going to happen...
电♥话♥生产商会收♥购♥铃♥声♥制♥作♥公♥司♥
The phone company is going to buy the ringtone company
然后他们开始出♥售♥不能响的电♥话♥
and then they gonna start selling us phones that don't fucking ring.
然后你就不得不买♥♥铃♥声♥啦
They gonna make you buy a ringtone
不买♥♥的话，你就得猜测电♥话♥是不是响了
or else you're gonna have to guess when your phone is ringing.
“喂？喂？”
"Hello? Hello?
“喂？喂？”我每隔几分钟就拿起电♥话♥来看看有没有来电
"Hello? Hello? I pick it up every four minutes just in case.
“喂？喂？”
"Hello? Hello?
“我靠，我还是买♥♥SexyBack铃♥声♥吧”
"Damn, I need to buy SexyBack."
不过我们还是得好好赚钱
But you gotta get your money right.
你必须好好赚钱
You got to get your money right.
兄弟们，咱们必须努力赚钱
Men, you must get your money right.
听见了么？必须的，努力赚钱
Men, you hear me?You have to get your money right.
努力赚钱，对一个男人来说，非常重要
It's important for men to get their money right.
女士们，努力赚钱对你们也很重要 但是它的重要程度远不如男人的
Women, it's important for you to get your money right, but not as important as it is for us.
女士们，为什么？因为即使你们没钱了，也会有人想上你
Why, women? Cos no one will ever not fuck you cos you're broke.
你对异性的吸引力，绝不会因为“经济”问题受影响
Your pussy will never be turned down for financial reasons.
因为那是不可能的
It ain't gonna happen.
没错，女性，就像信♥用♥卡♥，到哪都能用
That's right. Pussy's like Visa, accepted everywhere.
绝对的，下次你们出门忘记带现金，你可以问“肉偿可以吗？”
That's right. Next time you don't got no cash, go, "Do you take pussy?"
“哦，肉偿~当然可以”
"Of course we take pussy.
“谁不愿意接受肉偿哦？”
"Who doesn't take pussy?
“那你愿意怎么肉偿呀？”
"How much pussy you got?"
我去
Shit.
伙计们，我作为男人很自豪
不过我真希望我有时候可以变成女人
Brother, I love being a man, but I just wish I had a pussy.
真的，变成女人，可以拿肉体做谈判条件
I really do. I wish I had a pussy just for negotiation purposes.
然后每次遇到棘手问题的时候，我就变成女的然后色♥诱♥
Just so when I'm negotiating a deal, I could put that motherfucker on the table,
“现在怎么样？”
"What about now?"
“那，好吧”
"It's a deal."
就这样
Yeah, man.
当今社会当男人太累了
It's hard being a man today.
当男人太难了
Hard being a man today.
为啥这么说？
Why's it so hard to be a man?
因为社会不关怀男人
Cos nobody cares about men.
谁都不在乎男人
Nobody gives a fuck about men.
当你看见一个流浪汉带着一条狗乞讨
You see a homeless man on the street with a dog,
你会先觉得小狗好可怜
you feel sorry for the dog.
你说“我们给小狗狗买♥♥点吃的吧”
Say, "We got to get that dog some food."
“那流浪汉呢？”-“爱谁管谁管”
"What about the man?"
"Oh, fuck him."
我们看新闻节目的时候，播放某女士走丢了消息
Say, every night on TV, I see there's a new missing woman.
“我们要找到凯尔洛，凯尔洛你去哪儿了？”
"We gotta find Carole. Where's Carole?
“大家一定要帮忙找到凯尔洛，她昨天晚上失踪了，一夜没有回家”
"We must find Carole. Carole didn't come home last night.
“凯尔洛她到底去哪儿了呀？”
"Where the fuck is Carole?"
我从没见过这种煽情的寻人节目要找的是男人
I never seen one of these things for a missing man yet.
就好像“鲍勃昨晚失踪了，一夜没回家”
It's like, "Bob didn't come home last night."
“好啊”
"Good.
“真希望他永远都别回来”
"I hope he never comes home.
“说不定在什么地方跟凯尔洛搞上了呢”
"Probably out fucking Carole somewhere."
真是的，做男人难啊
That's right, hard being a man today.
为啥做男人难？因为我们必须要跟现在的这些女人们打交道
Why's it so hard being a man? Cos you got to deal with today's woman.
现代女性，现代女性们啊，是很难相处的哟
Today's woman. And today's woman is a hard one to deal with, boy.
现代女性们都看什么电视剧？《绝望主妇》
What's the show all the women watch today? Desperate Housewives.
绝望主妇呃，几个家庭条件很不错的的女人
Desperate Housewives. Bunch of women living in nice houses.
有几个甚至都不用工作啊
Some of them don't even work.
而且她们都背着丈夫出轨
They all cheat on their husbands.
我觉得这个电视剧不应该叫《绝望主妇》
They need to change the name of that show from Desperate Housewives
应该叫《没良心的婊♥子♥》
to Ungrateful Bitches.
每一集里她们都跟各种小男生酒保啊服务员乱搞
Every week, they fuck the pool boy, the gardener,
那些小伙子们还都搞得有声有色的
and he can fuck real good too.
为啥？因为他们都没有一份全职工作，闲得很
You know why? Cos he don't have a full-time job, that's why.
草，如果我天天不用忙事业 我也能跟她们搞的花样迭出
Shit, I could fuck that good too if I had an extra eight hours to work on my stroke.
你猜怎么着？我那方面不行 我根本不在乎，反正老子赚到银子了
You know what? I'm not even that good in bed. I don't give a fuck. My bills are paid.
“你可以找保安，让他帮你前戏”
"You better let this security make your titties tingle."
日，我这辈子可从来没淘汰过女人
Shit. I have never knocked out the pussy in my life.
我这辈子可真是从来没淘汰过女人
I've never knocked out the pussy in my life.
我都是按照一定比率来表现的
I've won by decision.
没错，我跟你做，爽的几率是五分之二
That's right. Two out of every five times I fuck you is good.
五分之二爽，五分之三不爽
Two out of five. Them other three are horrible.
但是当你准备收拾东西分手了
But just when you're ready to pack your shit,
我会再给你来次爽的
I give you a good one.
“这次怎么这么爽哦？”-“伟哥”
"Where'd that come from?" "Viagra."
就这情况，女人到底要什么呢？
That's right, man. What do women want?
女人们到底他妈的，要什么？
What the fuck do women want?
所有的一切，一切
Everything. Everything.
所有的一切
Everything.
全世界的女人都是同一个答案
All around the world, it's the same answer
所有的一切，一切，一切
everything, everything, everything.
没错，只有女人有资格这么说
That's right, man. Only women could get away with that answer.
除了女人之外，谁也不能如此回答这个问题
Nobody else is allowed to say "everything".
当一个男人看到想要的东西，他会想“我靠，我想要这个”
When a man wants something, he goes, "Damn, I want that.
“这个我一定要入手，我得想想我怎么才能买♥♥得起它”
"I want it bad. I got to figure out what I got to do to get that."
但是当女人看到想要的东西，她会想“我想要这个”