克里斯·洛克：杀死信使（2008）

A lot of white women trying not to laugh in front of their husbands right now.
“亲爱的，人家那时候在上大学嘛”
"Honey, I was in college.
“不行，我得弄明白怎么回事”
"I had to see what it was about.
“他逼我那么说的”
"He made me say it."
所以又回到了同一个问题 “白人能说黑鬼这个词吗？”
But the question remains the same, can white people say "nigger"?
还是那个答案 - 不太能
And the answer's the same - not really.
不过等一下，还有一个例外
But wait a minute. There's one exception.
有一个例外
There's one exception.
有一个白人可以说出“黑鬼”这个词的实例
There's one instance where white people can say "nigger".
我今天就说出这个秘密
And I'm a let it out tonight.
我就在约翰内斯堡说出来吧
I'm a let it out here in Johannesburg.
这个白人可以说出“黑鬼”的实例
The one time that white people can say "nigger"...
现场的白人朋友们，都心想“这票买♥♥值了”
The white people are like, "This is what I paid for.
“这次演出真是牛逼”
"It's a fucking great night now."
有一个白人可以说出“黑鬼”的实例
The one time white people can say "nigger"...
是这样
Here goes.
仔细听，因为我可能不会再说第二次了
Listen closely, cos I may never say this shit again.
这个白人可以说出“黑鬼”的实例
The one time white people can say "nigger"...
首先是圣诞夜
If it's Christmas Eve
凌晨四点半
and it's between 4:30
到四点四十九之间
and 4:49 in the morning,
如果你是白人
if you white,
你正去玩具店给你儿子买♥♥变形金刚玩具当礼物的路上
and you on your way to Toys R Us to get your kid the last Transformer doll,
正当你要进玩具店之前
and right before you walk into Toys R Us,
有个黑人跟上了你
some black person runs up beside you,
用板砖打了你的头，把你推倒在地，用脚踩你得脸
smacks you in the head with a brick, knocks you to the ground, stomps you in the face,
“尝尝这个，你这个白烂佬”
"Take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker,
“混♥蛋♥，草泥马，来吧，试试这个”
"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker, motherfucker. Take that."
在你脸上跳起了踢踏舞
Riverdances on your head,
“你这个白烂佬，混♥蛋♥，草泥马”
"Take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker, cracker-ass motherfucker,
“来吧，混♥蛋♥”然后他拿走了你的钱，还在你身上撒尿
"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker," Takes your money, pisses on you...
然后跑了
and runs away.
如果你是白人，在那个时刻，你可以大喊
If you white, at that moment, you can say,
“来人呐，抓住这个黑鬼！”
"Somebody stop that nigger!"
实际上，如果真的发生这样的事情
As a matter of fact, if you white and that happens to you,
你可以整月都有权说“黑鬼”
you can say "nigger" for a whole month.
不过你得随身带着警♥察♥给你开的记录
But you got to walk around with the police report in your pocket.
如果你说“黑鬼”的时候被黑人发现了
In case any black people catch you saying "nigger",
这张口供记录的作用相当于免死金牌
the police report will act as your freedom papers.
“我听见你说黑鬼这个词，让我看看你的证明”
"I heard you saying 'nigger'. Let me see your fucking papers.
“给我看看，给老子拿过来”
"Give me the papers! Show me the papers!"
“圣诞夜”
"Christmas Eve.
“你♥他♥妈♥的还挺准时，算你命大”
"You just made it, motherfucker.
“还在你身上撒尿了？”
"Pissed on you!
“啊，希望警♥察♥早点抓住那个黑鬼”
"I hope they catch that nigger."
啊，朋友们
Oh, man.
在这演出感觉真的很好
Having a good time up here, man. Good time up here.
阿波罗剧场
Apollo.
阿波罗
Apollo!
继续我的演出
Up here working.
继续讲，继续说，继续逗乐
Up here working. I'm up here trying to do my thing.
不过这不是我的工作，这不算，这是我的事业
This ain't really work, though. This is not really work. This is my career.
这个演出不是一份工作，是我的事业
It's not really a job, this is my career.
有的人有工作，有的人有事业
You know, some people have jobs, some people have careers.
现场的观众朋友们，你们有的人在工作
Some of y'all in the audience, some of y'all got jobs,
有的人则拥有事业
some of you have careers.
有事业的人们，应该学会对事业闭口不提
Now the people in the audience with careers need to learn to shut the fuck up
尤其是你周围的人都没有事业只有工作的时候
when you're around people with jobs.
他们可不想听你逼逼你的事业问题，所以闭嘴
Cos they don't want to hear your career bullshit. Keep that shit to yourself.
别让你的成功成为别人自卑的原因
Don't let your happiness make somebody sad.
因为事实总是这样
Cos that's what it does.
唉，其实我也曾经有过一份工作
No, no, man. But I used to work. I used to have a job.
我曾经在“小红龙虾”饭馆打工
I used to work at a Red Lobster,
我曾经在“小红龙虾”打工，就在皇后区大道
I used to work at Red Lobster in Queens Boulevard.
我曾经……
I was...
哦？我给你端过盘子吗？好吧
Oh, I served you? Good, good.
不，我当时是个刷盘子的
No, no, I was a dishwasher.
把剩下的虾皮丢到垃圾桶，然后刷盘子
I used to scrape shrimp in the garbage cans then load up the dishwasher.
这就是我曾经的工作
And that was my real job.
也没有什么待遇提升，也没升职，我一直在后厨
I never got a raise, I never got a promotion. They kept me in the back.
他们让我在后厨，因为我的牙太难看了
They kept me back there cos I had really fucked-up teeth
他们可不希望食客们认为吃虾会弄坏牙
and they didn't want people to think that shrimp fucked up your teeth.
他们餐厅都是这么干的
And that's what they do at restaurants,
把最难看的人都放到后厨
they put the ugliest people in the back.
如果前面的服务员你都看不顺眼 就更别想后厨的人长啥模样了
So if you don't like the people in the front, you don't want to see the people in the back.
那真的曾经是我的工作
And that was my real job.
我上学的时候，和我做了讲笑话的时候才没有工作
I wasn't working my way through school, or in telling jokes, that was my life.
1989年，我在收拾虾皮和盘子
1989, I was scraping shrimp.
那，有人问“Chris你那时怎么混的那么惨？”
OK? And people go, "Chris, how'd you end up like that?
“你怎么那么落魄啊，只拿最低基本工资的工作？”
"How the fuck did that happen to you? Minimum-wage job?"
我来告诉你们怎么回事，我10年级的时候退学了
I'll tell you exactly how that happened. I dropped out of school in the 10th grade.
10年级退学，这真是一件傻♥逼♥到没有底线的事情
Dropped out in the 10th grade, which is the dumbest thing you could ever fucking do.
为什么？因为当你10年级的时候退学
You know why? Cos when you drop out in the 10th grade,
你真的还不如2年级就退学呢
you really might as well have dropped out in the second grade.
为啥？因为你这学历适合的工作都一个水平
Why? Cos you qualified for the exact same jobs.
实际上，人家2年级就退学的人
Matter of fact, the person that dropped out in the second grade
能力更强，因为比我多8年工作经验啊
is more qualified cos they have eight years of work experience.
没错啊
Yeah, man.
我曾经天天收拾虾皮，那段时间太尼玛惨了
I used to scrape those fucking shrimp, man. It used to kill me.
不过我告诉你们，我有事业，我感觉很幸运
But I'll tell you, now I have a career. I've been blessed with a career.
如果你有一份事业，你应该感谢上帝
So if you've got a career, thank God.
你有一份工作，我希望有朝一日你会开创事业
If you've got a job, I hope you get a career one day.
没错，因为当你有了事业的时候，每天的时间都不够用
That's right. Cos when you got a career, there ain't enough time in the day.
时间永远不够用！
There ain't enough time!
如果你有事业，每次你看表就感觉时间飞逝
You got a career, you look at your watch, time just flies like,
“我勒个去，哇，已经五点半了”
"God damn, whoa. It's 5:35.
“我去，我明天得早起，忙我的项目了”
"Damn, I gotta come in early tomorrow and work on my project."
当你有了事业的时候，每天的时间都不够用
Cos there ain't enough time when you got a career.
而当你只有一份工作的时候，时间就太多了
When you got a job, there's too much time.
真的，当你看着表“啊，才九点”
That's right. You look at your watch like, "Aw, shit, 9:08."
而当你只有一份工作的时候，你都不信任时间
You don't even trust the time when you got a job.
你会问“你的表几点了？”“你的表呢？”
You're like, "What time you got? What time you got?
“你的表几点了？”“你的表几点了呢？”
"What time you got? What time you got?
“九点一刻？”谁的时间最晚，谁就是最准的
"9:15?" Whoever got the latest time is the right time.
“他的时间准，九点一刻”
"He got the right time. He got the right time."
你们工作的时候有没有玩过这个小游戏
You ever play the time game with yourself at work?
这个小游戏你们应该都玩过
You ever play the time game where you go,
“我要坚持两小时不看手表”
"I'm not gonna look at my watch for two hours.
“没错，我就在这收拾虾皮”
"That's right. I'm a sit here and scrape these shrimp."
收拾，收拾，收拾……
Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape
收拾，收拾，收拾……
scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape,
“好吧，估计过了一小时了”
"OK, an hour's passed.
“要不然我看看表……”
"Maybe I should look...
“那会感觉挺爽”
"and feel good.
“算了，我可以再等一小时”
"No, fuck that. I'm wait a whole another hour."
收拾，收拾，收拾……
Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape,
收拾，收拾，收拾……
scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape,
“好啦，俩小时过去了”
"All right, two hours passed.
“看看表，体验一下时间飞逝的感觉吧”
"Time to look and feel good about myself."
然后看表
And you look.
“我♥草♥！才15分钟”
"Fuck! 15 minutes."
你的工作有没有这么惨
You ever been so miserable at work
惨到你宁愿在厕所多磨蹭一会儿？
that you spend extra time just sitting on the toilet?
甚至都没脱裤子，你就坐那消磨时间
You don't even have your pants down, you're just like...
“这工作太招恨了”
"I hate this fucking job.
“不爽”
"I hate it!"
厕所里都是臭烘烘的
People around you taking smelly shits.
就连这也干扰不了你，你根本不在乎了
That don't even faze you. You're like, "I don't give a fuck.
“你们继续拉，我继续耗着”
"You keep shittin' cos I ain't quitting."
你知道什么样的工作是最烂的么？
You know how you can tell you got a real bad job?
午餐时间只有半小时的工作