克里斯·洛克：杀死信使（2008）

杀死信使 脱口秀巡回演出
在伦敦，纽约，约翰内斯堡三个城市上演
背景音乐：Duffle Bag Boy
Playaz Circle Ft. Lil Wayne
约翰内斯堡！大家好！
What's up, Johannesburg?
纽约！大家好！
What's up, New York?
伦敦！大家好！
What's up, London?
啊！我现在约翰内斯堡！（南非最大城市，世界产金中心）
Ah! Yes, I'm in Jo'burg!
成功了，我终于来了！
I finally made it!
哇哦！现在我希望我能成功的回去
Whoo! Now let's hope I make it the fuck out of here.
因为现在气氛够“暴躁”的哈
Cos it is violent right about now!
我说的可不是丛林，你懂的
And I ain't talking about the jungle.
啊，来到这太爽了伙计们
Man, oh, man, it's good to be here, man!
真的很爽
It is so good to be here.
我有史以来第一次在非洲演出
The first time I'm ever playing Africa.
第一次在非洲，南非演出
Africa, first time playing Africa, South Africa.
我和家人来游玩了一下
I was on safari with my family,
拍了很多野生动物照片啊什么的...
out there taking pictures of the animals...
就带着所谓的“向导”开着车，在这里逛逛
And you're driving around, and you got this guy what you call the tracker.
向导们都很神奇的，我们开着车
The tracker is amazing cos you just driving around
向导说“停下，快停下”
and the tracker goes, "Stop, stop, stop, stop."
然后你停下车，向导下车就弯下了腰
And you stop the jeep and he leans down
然后他把手沾了沾地上的不知道什么的尿里
and puts his finger in some piss.
就这样……
He's like...
朝右拐，开15里地就能遇到斑马
"15 miles to the right should be zebra."
然后我们听他的开车到那里，真的有斑马啊！
And you get there and there's zebra!
真的是斑马啊，哇！斑马！
There's zebra! Wow! Zebra!
过一会儿在路上，向导又说了“停下，停下”
And you drivin' some more and "Stop, stop, stop."
他又趴下，捡起来几个小粪球，然后……
Then he leans down and picks upa little shit pellet and...
嗯嗯~~~
"Mmm! Ah! Mmm..."
往左拐，13里，有犀牛
"13 miles to the left, rhinoceros."
然后，我们按他说的开车去了，真的有犀牛啊
And you get there and there's a rhino right there!
我就琢磨，我靠他怎么能这么神呢？！
You're like, "How the fuck's he do this shit?"
大自然很美妙
And it was beautiful.
我在野外 拍了好多斑马和犀牛的照片
I'm out there taking pictures of the rhino, I took the pictures of the zebra.
我感觉特别陶醉，我家人也很享受大自然
And I was having a good time and I'm out there with my family and I felt great,
但当我看见另一辆车的时候，啥也不美好了
till I looked over at another jeep
我看到了一堆白人游客，在冲我拍照
and I saw a bunch of white people taking pictures of me.
我可没看见...嘿！我可不是野生动物！
I didn't see a... Hey, I ain't no animal!
擦，他们雇了个向导，专门“导”我的吗？！
But they had a tracker tracking my black ass.
很明显，肯定是我把吃剩下的鸡骨头扔路上了
Evidently, I musta dropped some chicken or su'um at another spot,
他们就“啊~~鸡骨头，向左13里，那个老黑就在那”
and they're like, "Ah, chicken bone. 13 miles to the left, niggers will be there."
这次可真是不一样，我是说这次演出
This is a crazy time, man. This is the time to be onstage.
这次特别的演出，朋友们
This is the time to do a special, man.
因为这是一段不不寻常的时间
Cos this is a special time.
有许多许多不平常，没错
A lot's going on right now, that's right.
这是美国大选的一年
Big election year in the United States.
虽然这不是你们的选举 但是不论是谁都很关注，这就对了！
It ain't your election, but you paying attention. You damn right you are.
没错
That's right.
布♥什♥这个老东西彻底搞砸了
George Bush has fucked up so bad...
他搞得现在让一个白人去竞选总统，开始有难度了哦
he made it hard for a white man to run for president.
人们都好像在说“来个黑人，要不就女人也行”
People are like,"Give me a black man, a white woman,
“要不就长颈鹿，斑马，都行，只要不是白种男人”
"a giraffe, a zebra, anything but another white man!
“因为上一个闹的全国都鸡犬不宁”
"That last one fucked up my roof."
现在，都有谁竞选总统呢？
Now who do we have running for president?
到底是谁啊？
Who the hell is running for president?
有这俩人，首先，是麦凯恩
We got two guys, man. We got John McCain.
麦凯恩，72岁啦
John McCain, 72 years old.
他就算十年前来竞选，都嫌太老
He was too old 10 years ago. 72!
他太老了，说不定他年轻时候是黑人奴隶主呢
He's so old, he used to own Sidney Poitier（好莱坞黑人演员1927年出生）
得了吧，省省吧 我们可不需要一个快挂了的总统
Come on, man. I don't need a president with a bucket list.
我擦，你见过几个72岁还能做事情的老人？
My God. How many 72-year-old people did you see today just doing shit?
他这么老了，还能干什么？老人都不愿用他
72... Old people don't even use old people to do shit.
七十有二了！
Seventy-fuckin'-two.
他还找来他的女护士来当副总统
Two! You see he hired his nurse to be his vice president too.
（指麦凯恩竞选搭档 Sarah Palin）
她这是琢磨什么呢？
What the fuck is on her mind?
她还曾拍过几张跟鹿的合影
Sarah Palin, out there shooting mooses and shit,
她在画面里扶着那头麋鹿
and holding up the moose and shit.
看到她在扶着那头已死的麋鹿
I see her holding a dead moose,
我想“那些所谓虐待动物的人为啥进监狱了？”
I'm like, "What the fuck is Michael Vick in jail for?"
（Michael Vick橄榄球员，因参与地下非法斗狗活动进了监狱）
她杀了一头麋鹿啊，有木有！
She shot a moose! What the fuck?
我勒个去
My God!
麦凯恩，你怎么处理未来的政务？
John McCain, how you gonna make decisions about the future
而也许你已经不会活到那一天
when you ain't gonna be here?
他太老了，拜托！
He's old!
这老家伙，太他妈老了
The motherfucker's too old.
当你72岁的时候去世，不论怎么死的
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of,
都能算自然死亡
it's natural causes.
即使你是被车撞死的，也算自然死亡
Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes.
因为，如果你够年轻，你可以躲开啊
Cos if you was younger, you'd have got out the way.
所以说，好好想想，麦凯恩还是奥巴马
Then, you know, you got a real choice, man,Barack or McCain.
他们……麦凯恩就只会翻旧帐
They tryin' to... McCain just got that old story.
他总倚老卖♥♥老，说那些40年前的陈腔滥调
This motherfucker been telling the same story for 40 fuckin' years.
他是个战争英雄
He a war hero.
战争英雄哦，战争英雄
He a war hero. He a war hero...
被抓获的战争“英雄”
that got captured.
有好多监狱里的人，也是被“抓获”过的哦
There's a lot of guys in jail that got captured.
切
Shit.
去他大爷的，我可不想给被“抓获”过的人投票
Fuck that. I don't want to vote for nobody that got captured.
相比起来，我倒是更想给那些成功逃跑了的人投票
I want to vote for the motherfucker that got away.
现在就这情况
That's what we got, man.
他和谁竞争？奥巴马
So who's he running up against? Barack Obama.
奥巴马啊，伙计们
Barack Obama, man.
奥巴马！
Barack Obama!
没错，黑人！
Yes! Black man!
而且名字也够黑！
With a black name.
这名字在这也许不够黑
I know it ain't that black here,
但在美国已经没法再黑了
but in America, that's about as black as a name could get.
奥巴马
Barack Obama.
这个名字“黑”的程度跟“穆托姆博”旗鼓相当
That's right next to Dekimbe Mutombo.
没错，他的“黑”从不遮遮掩掩
That's right, Barack, man, he don't let his blackness sneak up on you.
如果他名字叫“鲍勃琼斯”什么的
If his name was Bob Jones or something,
也许我得过十天半个月的，才知道他居然是个黑人
it might take you two or three weeks to realise he black.
但你一听到“奥巴马”这个名字
But as soon as you hear "Barack Obama",
你就能想象到一个手执长矛的黑人兄弟
you expect to see a brother with a spear...
脚踩狮子的尸体，昂首挺胸屹立着
just standing on top of a dead lion.
奥巴马！
Barack Obama!
你就能想象到一个黑人摇滚乐队的帅气贝斯手
You expect to see the bass player from The Commodores come out.
模仿：The Commodores 海军司令合唱团
Lionel Richie 80年代美国摇滚歌♥星
我说的可不是主唱
I'm not talking about Lionel Richie
我说的是他背后的那帮帅气的黑小伙们
I'm talking about them shining niggers behind him.
奥巴马，我们从没见过向他一样的哥们
Barack Obama. We ain't never seen a brother like Barack Obama.
帅气，酷，又年轻有为
Nice-looking brother, young. Young!
我每次见到他，我就寻思“他什么时候升级新版本？”
Every time I see Barack, I'm like, "So when you getting back with New Edition?"
他很年轻有为，不错
This young brother. My God.
而且他很沉着稳重
And Barack is so calm and cool.
有时候我甚至认为，他忘了自己是个黑人竞选者
Sometimes I think he doesn't even realise he's the black candidate.
他就好像认为自己能公平的赢得这场竞选一样胸有成竹
Like he thinks he could win this thing fair and square.
他就好像知道自己的成功，将会意味着什么
Like he thinks having the most votes is gonna mean su'um.
谢特！
Shit!
白人们会不会一夜之间把整个游戏规则给篡改了呢？
They will change this whole system on his black ass overnight?
白人们的种烂事儿你们最好问问印度人
You better ask the Indians about white men and rules.
他们可真干得出来
They will change all this shit.
搞得好像很严肃的说“伙计，竞选你得票最高”
With a straight face too. "Hey, man, you got the most votes.
“可惜啊，你输了”
"Too bad you lost.
我们以前就这么干的哈哈
"That's how we used to do it. Ha-ha!
我们可不用数这么多票了
"We don't really count votes that much no more."
他们根本不屌♥的
They don't give a fuck, boy.
权力阶层想掌控奥巴马
And they in Barack's ass.
奥巴马的关系网肯定都被调查了
Whoever Barack know is being investigated.
如果你认识奥巴马，他们正准备找你“喝茶”呢
If you know Barack Obama,they are tapping your phone right now.