前所未有的表演（1971）

西蒙要过来了。奈杰尔要过来了。
Simon's coming through. Nigel's coming through.
奥利弗在后面。不要紧。他会站起来的。他是个伟大的拳击手。
Oliver's over at the back. Never mind. He'll get up. He's a great fighter.
他有..。哦，天哪，没关系。
He's having... Oh dear, never mind.
我们来看第二场比赛，火柴盒跳跃。
We're coming to the second event, the matchbox jump.
两层火柴盒，供推特清理。奈杰尔和西蒙结束了！
Two layers of matchboxes for the twits to clear. Nigel and Simon are over!
而薇薇安拒绝了。
And Vivian has refused.
而现在，这是《踢乞丐》。
And now, it's "Kicking the Beggar".
和奈杰尔把粗俗的话放在那里！哦，摆放得真漂亮！
And Nigel to put the brogue in there! Oh, beautifully placed!
乞丐倒下了，观众们真的很喜欢！
The beggar is down, and the crowd really loved it!
这是奥利弗。他还没有通过跳跃。
And here it's Oliver. He hasn't cleared the jump.
哦，要是他父亲能理解就好了。
Oh, if only his father could understand.
现在则是《碾压老妇人》。
And now it's "Running Over the Old Lady".
西蒙领先，他做得很漂亮，正好在中场。
Simon in the lead and he's done it beautifully, right in the midriff.
回到奥利弗身边。哦，他太棒了，这个人。
Back to Oliver. Oh, he's magnificent, this man.
他不知道自己什么时候被打败了。他也不知道自己赢了什么。
He doesn't know when he's beaten. He doesn't know what he's winning either.
他没有人类已知的任何感官器官。真倒霉。奥利弗。
He has no sort of sensory apparatus known to man. Bad luck. Oliver.
而现在，它又在“叫醒邻居”。西蒙在前线。
And now, it's "Waking the Neighbor". Simon's there at the front.
他砰的一声关上门，吵醒了邻居西蒙第一个搬进的房♥子。
He's slamming that door, and woken the neighbor Simon's moved into first.
观众真的很兴奋！
The crowd is really excited!
现在是《射杀兔子》。
And now it's "Shooting the Rabbits".
这些兔子被钉在地上，所以它们不能移♥动♥太多。
These rabbits have been staked to the ground so they can't move too much...
因为这只是一天的活动。
as this is only a one-day event.
我认为那里有雾，这给笨蛋们带来了一些麻烦。
There's mist there which I think is causing the twits a bit of trouble.
而贾维斯正在用他的枪托！
And Javais is using the butt of his rifle!
薇薇安拿着拳头进去，而爪哇是第一个出局的！
Vivian's going in with a fist, and Javais is first away!
奥利弗把自己撞死了！
And Oliver has run himself over!
真是个大笨蛋！
What a great twit!
现在，它是“从后面把胸罩从新亮相的衣服上拿下来”。
And now, it's "Taking the Bras off the Debutantes from the Back".
对于大多数笨蛋来说，这是一件特别困难的事情。
This is a particularly difficult event for most of the twits...
在这门严苛的课程中花费时间最多的课程之一。
one of the ones that takes the most time on this exacting course.
观众变得兴奋起来，我想推特们也变得兴奋起来。
The crowd are getting excited, and I think the twits are getting excited too.
西蒙领先，奈杰尔紧随其后！
And it's Simon into the lead, closely followed by Nigel!
现在是最后一场比赛了！
And it's the final event now!
他们不得不开枪打自己，才能成为年度上流社会的笨蛋。
They have to shoot themselves to become upper class twit of the year.
西蒙的胸罩脱不下来，是奈杰尔！
Simon can't get the bra off his finger it's Nigel there!
奈杰尔打偏了！西蒙失踪了！
Nigel misses! Simon's missing!
奈杰尔又失手了！而贾维斯开枪自杀了！
Nigel misses again! And Javais has shot himself!
爪哇是本年度上流社会的笨蛋！
Javais is upper class twit of the year!
薇薇安在那里！他一点运气都没有！
Vivian is there! He's not having any luck!
西蒙投篮。西蒙射杀了薇薇安！
Simon shoots. Simon has shot Vivian!
西蒙把薇薇安赶到了第二名。
Simon has shot Vivian into second place.
然后西蒙开枪自杀了。西蒙是第三名。
And Simon shoots himself. Simon is third.
奈杰尔把自己打到了第四名！
And Nigel clubs himself into fourth place!
因此，最终的结果是：
And so, the final result:
一流的和上流社会的笨蛋...
first and upper class twit of the year...
肯辛顿的爪哇布鲁克仓鼠..。
Javais Brookhamster of Kensington...
亚军，来自梅菲尔区的薇薇安·史密斯·史密斯。
runner up, Vivian Smith Smythe Smith of Mayfair...
第三位是肯辛顿的西蒙·锌小号♥哈里斯。
and third, Simon Zinc Trumpet Harris of Kensington.