前所未有的表演（1971）

它亮了起来，用红色的大霓虹灯写着“狮子塔莫”。
and it lights up, saying "Lion Tamer" in big red neon letters...
这样你就可以在天黑后驯服它们。
so you can tame them after dark.
-我明白了。-在白天，你把它关掉...
- I see. - During the day, you switch it off...
你可以在“允许费用”项下声称这是合理的损耗。
and you can claim it as reasonable wear and tear under "allowable expenses"...
根据第335段...
under paragraph 335...
是。我跟上了。但是，你看，问题是..。
Yes. I follow. But, you see, the snag is...
如果我现在打电♥话♥给服务机构，对他们说...
if I now call the service and say to them...
“我有一个45岁的会计，他想成为一名驯狮师”……
"I've got a 45-year-old accountant who wants to become a lion tamer"...
他们的第一个问题不会是“他有自己的帽子吗？”
their first question is not going to be "Does he have his own hat?"
他们更有可能会问你有过什么与狮子打交道的经验。
They're more likely to ask what experience you've had with lions.
-我在动物园见过它们.-很好.
- I've seen'em at the zoo. - Good.
棕色的毛茸茸的小动物，短粗的腿和大而长的鼻子。
Little brown, furry creatures with short, stumpy legs and great long noses.
我可以驯服其中一只。我不知道这么大惊小怪是为了什么。
I could tame one of those. I don't know what all the fuss is about.
一开始看起来就很温顺。
Look pretty tame to start with.
还有这些狮子，它们有多高？
And these lions, how high are they?
哦，大概有这么高。他们一点也吓不倒我。
Oh, about so high. They don't frighten me at all.
这些狮子吃蚂蚁吗？
And do these lions eat ants?
是的，这就对了。
Yes, that's right.
恐怕你抓到的是食蚁兽，凤尾鱼先生。
Well, I'm afraid what you've got hold of there, Mr. Anchovy, is an anteater.
-什么？-食蚁兽，不是狮子
- A what? - An anteater, not a lion.
你看狮子，是一种巨大的野兽..。
You see a lion, is a huge savage beast...
大约十英尺长，五英尺高。
about ten-foot long, five-foot high...
有着一大堆锋利尖利的牙齿。
with masses of sharp, pointy teeth...
又长又脏又锋利的爪子。
and nasty, long, razor-sharp claws.
看起来是这样的。
It looks like this.
-现在.我要打电♥话♥给马戏团吗？-不！
- Now. shall I call the circus? - No!
我喜欢你采取行动的想法...
I like your idea of making the move...
以轻松的方式驯服狮子。
to lion taming by easy stages...
比如通过保险或银行业务。
say by insurance or banking.
-银行？-是的，银行.我现在明白了。
- Banking? - Yes, banking. I see it now.
这是男人的生活，不是吗？旅行。兴奋..。
It's a man's life, isn't it? Travel. excitement...
影响人们生活、浪漫、刺♥激♥的决定。
decisions affecting people's lives, romance, thrills.
我会帮你联♥系♥银行的。
I'll put you in touch with the bank.
可能吧。
Probably.
我想再考虑几天，因为这是个重大决定。
I'd like a couple of days to think about it, 'cause it is a big decision.
或者可能，最多一周，你知道吗？
Or maybe, maybe a week, at most, you know?
但我确实想做这个决定。我想做银行业务...
But I do want to make this decision. I'd like to do banking...
很可悲，不是吗..。
It's sad, isn't it...
会计就是这样对待人的吗？
that this is what accountancy does to people?
我们与这种可怕的、令人衰弱的社会疾病作斗争的唯一方法。
The only way that we can fight this terrible, debilitating social disease...
我只想出名。我只想在灯光下看到我的名字。
I only want to be famous. I only want to see my name in lights.
你也应该这样做。
And so you shall.
该你了！
Cue!
大家好，晚上好，欢迎收看《勒索》。
Hello, good evening, and welcome to "Blackmail."
为了开始今晚的节目，我们北上兰开夏郡的普雷斯顿。
To start tonight's program, we go north to Preston in Lancashire...
还有贝蒂·蒂尔太太。
and Mrs. Betty Teal.
你好，蒂尔夫人。听着，蒂尔夫人，这是15美元...
Hello Mrs. Teal. Now, Mrs. Teal, this is for $15...
就是阻止我们透露你在博尔顿的情人的名字。
and is to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.
所以，蒂尔夫人，请给我们寄回15美元...
So, Mrs. Teal, send us $15 by return of post, please...
还有你的丈夫特雷弗和你可爱的孩子黛安、珍妮丝和朱丽叶。
and your husband Trevor and your lovely children Diane, Janice and Juliet...
永远不需要知道你在博尔顿的情人的名字。
need never know the name of your lover in Bolton.
现在，一封信，一系列照片。
Now, a letter, a series of photographs...
还有一本酒店登记簿可能会导致离婚。
and a hotel registration book which could add up to divorce...
提前退休和可能的刑事诉讼。
premature retirement and possible criminal proceedings...
布罗姆斯格罗夫的一家公♥司♥的董事。
for a company director in Bromsgrove.
他是共济会会员，也是保守派议员。
He's a Freemason and a conservative M.P.
所以，Bromsgrove的S.先生，那是3000美元，谢谢...
So, Mr. S. of Bromsgrove, that's $3,000, please...
为了不让我们透露你的名字，还有其他三个涉案人员的名字。
to stop us revealing your name, the name of the three other people involved...
他们所属的青年组织...
the youth organization to which they belong...
还有你买♥♥设备的那家店。
and the shop where you bought the equipment.
好的，我们稍后会在节目中向你展示更多这张照片...
Well, we'll be showing you more of that photograph later in the program...
除非我们收到查尔斯或迈克尔的消息。
unless we hear from Charles or Michael.
现在是我们的“停止拍摄”广♥告♥的时间了。
Now it's time for our "Stop The Film" spot.
规则很简单。
The rules are very simple.
我们拍摄了一部包含妥协场景的电影。
We have taken a film which contains compromising scenes...
和令人不快的细节，可能会毁了一个人的职业生涯。
and unpleasant details which could wreck a man's career.
但受害者可能会随时打电♥话♥给我，并停止拍摄。
But the victim may phone me at any time and stop the film.
但别忘了，随着电影的进行，钱也在增加……
But don't forget, the money increases as the film goes on...
所以你离开的时间越长，你需要支付的费用就越多。
so the longer you leave it, the more you have to pay.
所以，带着300美元的钟声，本周的《停止拍摄电影》拜访了坦斯特德。
So, with the clock at $300 this week's "Stop the Film" visited Temstead.
他是个非常勇敢的人。
He's a very brave man.
不，不对。不是的。
No, sir. No.
我肯定你没有，先生。不用了，没关系。
I'm sure you didn't, sir. No, that's all right.
我们不会在道义上谴责。我们只想要钱。
We don't morally censure. We just want the money.
这是它的发送地址：
And here's the address to send it to:
谢谢您，先生。
Thank you, sir.
阿。原来你在这儿啊。
Ah. There you are.
好了，这就够了。
Well, that's quite enough of that.
现在..。
And now...
当地的一个民间团体重现了历史上的一个著名场景。
a local civic group reenacts a famous scene from history.
本周，约克郡的谢菲尔德镇妇女协会。
This week, the Townswomen Guild of Sheffield in Yorkshire.
丽塔·费尔班克斯小姐。
Miss Rita Fairbanks...
你组织了这次珍珠港战役的陈述。
you organized this representation of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
为什么？
Why?
我们一直对现代作品非常感兴趣。
We've always been extremely interested in modern works.
我们是第一个表演《血岛上的露营》的城镇妇女协会……
We were the first townswomen's guild to perform "Camp on Blood Island"...
当然，去年..。
and, of course, last year...
我们重演了非常受欢迎的纳粹战争暴行。
we did our extremely popular reenactment of Nazi war atrocities...
所以今年我们想做一些轻松得多的事情。
so this year we thought we'd do something in a much lighter vein.
我看你们都准备好出发了，祝你们好运……
I can see that you're all ready to go, so I'll just wish you good luck...
在你的最新冒险中，《珍珠港之战》。
in your latest venture, "The Battle of Pearl Harbor."
真的非常感谢你，年轻人。
Thank you very much indeed, young man.
哦，布莱恩。
Oh, Brian.
哦，埃尔斯贝特。
Oh, Elsbeth.
对我温柔点。
Be gentle with me.
哦，布莱恩，你是要做点什么呢，还是整个晚上都给我看电影？
Oh, Brian, are you gonna do anything or just show me films all evening?
再来一杯，亲爱的。
Just one more, dear.
下午好，欢迎来到布兰特利公园。
Good afternoon, and welcome to Brantley Park...
就在参赛者们跑到赛场上的时候。
just as the competitors are running out onto the field...
在这个美丽的冬日午后，脚下坚定地走着……
on this lovely winter afternoon with the going firm under foot...
而且几乎没有下雨的迹象。
and very little sign of rain.
看起来我们将迎来一场精彩的午后运动。
Looks like we're in for a splendid afternoon sport...
在这个节目上，第127届“上流社会年度二人组”节目。
on this, the 127th "Upper Class Twit of the Year" show.
今天有一大群人在这里观看这些获奖的白♥痴♥们的行动。
There's a big crowd here today to see these prize idiots in action.
薇薇安·史密斯·史密斯。
Vivian Smith Smythe Smith.
他是步兵卫队的，能数到四。
He's in the Grenadier Guards, and can count to four.
西蒙·锌小号♥哈里斯。
Simon Zinc Trumpet Harris.
他是个老意大利人，嫁给了一盏漂亮的台灯。
He's an old Italian and married to an attractive table lamp.
奈杰尔·孵化器·琼斯。他最好的朋友是一棵树。
Nigel Incubator Jones. His best friend is a tree...
在业余时间，他是一名股票经纪人。
and in his spare time he's a stockbroker.
爪哇布鲁克仓鼠。他是做葡萄酒生意的..。
Javais Brookhamster. He's in the wine trade...
他父亲把他当做废纸篓。
and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
最后是奥利弗·辛根·莫卢斯克，另一位古老的意大利人。
And finally, Oliver Singen Mollusk, another old Italian.
他的父亲是内阁大臣，他的母亲赢得了德比。
His father was a cabinet minister and his mother won the derby.
他被许多人认为是今年最出色的笨蛋。
He's thought by many to be this year's outstanding twit.
现在笨蛋们正在往起跑线上移♥动♥。
And now the twits are moving up to the starting line...
现在他们随时都会服从首发的命令。
and any moment now they'll be under starter's orders.
恐怕他们此刻面对的方向是错误的.
I'm afraid they're facing the wrong way at the moment...
目前的方式是错误的，但首发球员会解决这个问题的。
the wrong way at the moment, but the starter will sort this out.
现在他们随时都会大放异彩。这总是一个紧张的时刻。
Any moment now they're going to have the big off. This is always a tense moment.
他们出发了！
And they're off!
不，他们不是。他们没有意识到他们必须从枪开始。
No, they're not. They didn't realize that they had to start with the gun.
我想首发已经向他们解释过了。有几个已经开始指向了。
I think the starter has explained to them. Several are beginning to point.
又准备好了，又出发了！
And ready again, and off again!
这一次，是的，真的是一个很快的开始！
This time, yes, a really fast start!
薇薇安领先了，奥利弗右偏了！
It's Vivian going for the lead Oliver's running wide to the right!
在左边，但是，他很快就会站起来……
And to the left but, he'll soon pick up the line...
进入第一个项目，即沿着一条直线行走。
into the first event which is, walking along a straight line.
这些笨蛋必须沿着这些路线行走，而不能摔倒。
The twits have to walk along these lines without falling over.
这是奥利弗最糟糕的事件。他遇到了一点小麻烦。
This is Oliver's worst event. He's having a little trouble.