前所未有的表演（1971）

呃，想象一下，呃，我不是她生命中唯一的东西。
Uh, imagine that, uh, I was not the only thing in her life.
你怀疑你的妻子？
You suspected your wife?
好吧..。
Well...
坦率地说，是的。
frankly, yes.
有一点。
A bit.
她的行为在我看来确实是..。
Her behavior did seem to me...
她的行为在我看来确实是。谁在那里看着..。
Her behavior did seem to me. Who was there to see...
有点奇怪。
to be a little odd.
-奇怪？-在某种程度上
- Odd? - To an extent.
我天生不是一个多疑的人。
I'm not by nature a suspicious person.
如果你明白我的意思，我有饭后演说家的名声。
I've got a reputation of an after-dinner speaker, if you get my meaning.
我当然喜欢。
I certainly do.
在人们认识我的地区，我非常出名。
And in the area where people know me, I'm very well known.
-好的.你能..。-当然可以。
- Fine. Would you... - Certainly.
是时候面对现实了，别再拐弯抹角了。
It was time to face the facts, stop beating about the bush...
否则我就再也看不到浴室里的镜子了。
or I'd never be able to look myself in the bathroom mirror again.
你介意一起跑10分钟吗？那就20分钟吧。好的?
Would you mind running along for 10... Make it 20 minutes. All right?
是。我在外面等，好吗？
Yes. I'll wait outside, shall I?
是的，这--这可能是最好的。
Yes, that-that's perhaps the best thing.
当然，我对那里的一两个分数放心了。
Certainly set my mind at rest on one or two scores there.
亚瑟·普泰！
Arthur Putey!
你是人还是老鼠？
Are you a man or a mouse?
你跑得太久了，亚瑟·普提。
You've been running too long, Arthur Putey.
是时候停下来了，是时候转身像个男人一样战斗了。
It's time to stop, time to turn and fight like a man.
回去吧，亚瑟·普泰。
Go back in there, Arthur Putey.
回去把你的手指拔♥出♥来♥。
Go back in there and pull your finger out.
是!是的，你说得对。
Yes! Yes, you're right.
就是它了，亚瑟·普提！
This is it, Arthur Putey!
这是属于你的时刻，亚瑟·普泰！
This is your moment, Arthur Putey!
你终于是个男人了！
At last you're a man!
从那里出来。迪尔德丽！我知道你在里面。
Come out of there. Dierdre! I know you're in there.
-走开！-好的.
- Go away! - Righto.
哦，多可爱的小家伙啊
Oh, what a lovely little
哦，多可爱的小..。
Oh, what a lovely little...
-哦，多可爱的小.-住手！站住别动！
- Oh, what a lovely little... - Stop it! Stop right there!
这太恶心了，我不会容忍♥的！
This is absolutely disgusting, and I'm not going to stand for it!
那里。杀掉
There. Kill
切!就这样。我们不会允许这种色情内容出现在屏幕上。
Cut! That's it. We're not going to allow this sort of smut on the screen.
这种堕落和有辱人格的场面现在要停止了。
This depraved and degrading spectacle is going to stop right now.
-你听到我说话了吗？住手！-该死的，我刚刚感觉好多了。
- Do you hear me? Stop it! - Damn I Just when it was getting good.
晚上好，乡绅。
Evening, squire.
你结婚了吗？
You married?
-是的。-我自己也是单身汉。
- Yes. - I'm a bachelor myself.
是.。你妻子经常去吗？
Is... Is your wife a goer?
呃？明白我的意思吗？轻推，轻推。
Eh? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge.
-明白我的意思吗？不用多说了。-请再说一遍？
- Know what I mean? Say no more. - I beg your pardon?
你的妻子，她去了吗？呃？明白我的意思吗？她会去吗？
Your wife, does she go? Eh? Know what I mean? Does she go?
-她有时会去。-我敢打赌，她会的.
- She sometimes goes. - I'll bet she does.
不用多说了。明白我的意思吗？轻推，轻推。
Say no more. Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge.
恐怕我不太明白你的意思。-跟我来.
- I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. - Follow me.
那很好。点头就像对一只瞎蝙蝠眨眼一样好。
That's good. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat.
-听着，你在卖♥♥什么吗？-卖♥♥.卖♥♥东西。非常好。
- Look, are you selling something? - Selling. Selling. Very good.
明白我的意思吗？
Know what I mean?
哦，太邪恶了。你很邪恶，是吗？轻推，轻推。
Oh, wicked. You're wicked, eh? Nudge, nudge.
点头就像对一只瞎蝙蝠眨眼一样好。
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat.
-但是...-你的妻子喜欢运动，是吗？
- But... - Your wife a sport, eh?
-她喜欢运动，是的。-我敢打赌，她肯定是.
- She likes sport, yes. - I bet she does.
她非常喜欢板球。
She's very fond of cricket.
谁不是呢，嗯？喜欢游戏。
Who isn't, eh? Likes games.
我就知道她会的。谁不会呢。嗯？
Knew she would. Who doesn't. Eh?
她有一段时间了。呃？
She's been around a bit. Eh?
她去过很多地方。她来自珀利。
She's traveled. She's from Purley.
噢!不用多说了。
Oh! Say no more.
明白我的意思吗？不用多说了。
Know what I mean? Say no more.
你妻子对摄影感兴趣，是吗？
Your wife interested in, uh, photography, eh?
“照片，是吗？”他心照不宣地问他。
"Photographs, eh?" he asked him knowingly.
-摄影？-是的猛击。咧嘴笑。眨眼。轻推。
- Photography? - Yeah. Snap. Grin. Wink. Nudge.
-假日邮票？-可以带去度假.可能是吧。
- Holiday stamps? - Could be taken on holiday. Could be.
泳装。轻推，轻推。
Swimming costumes. Nudge, nudge.
--坦率的摄影。-没有。恐怕我们没有照相机。
- Candid photography. - No. I'm afraid we don't have a camera.
噢。还是这样。
Oh. Still.
听着，你是在暗示什么吗？
Look, are you trying to insinuate something?
-是的。-怎么了？
- Yes. - Well?
嗯，我是说，你是个世故的人，不是吗？
Well, I mean, you're a man of the world, aren't ya?
我是说，你知道，你已经，呃...你一直都在身边。你已经经历过了。
I mean, you know, you've, uh... you've been around. You've been there.
-你什么意思？-你知道的，你...
- What do you mean? - Well, you know, you've...
你做过，呃，和一位女士。
You've done it, uh, with a lady.
-你和一位女士上过床.-是的。
- You've slept with a lady. - Yes.
是什么样的菜?
What's it like?
嗯，我认为它被高估了。
Well, I think it's overrated.
闭嘴，你！
Shut up, you!
晚上好，同学们！-晚上好
- Good evening, class! - Good evening.
-那其他人呢？-他们不在这里
- Where's all the others, then? - They're not here.
我看得出来！他们怎么了？
I can see that! What's the matter with'em?
-不知道。-也许他们得了流感。
- Don't know. - Perhaps they've got flu.
流感！他们应该多吃新鲜水果！
Flu! They should eat more fresh fruit!
正确的!现在，正当防卫！
Right! Now, self-defense!
今晚我将继续我们上周到达的地方...
Tonight I shall be carryin' on from where we got to last week...
当我告诉你们如何保护自己不受任何人伤害的时候。
when I was showin' you how to defend yourselves against anyone...
拿着一块新鲜水果袭击你的人。
who attacks you armed with a piece of fresh fruit.
-你说过我们不会再做水果了-你是什么意思？
- You said we wouldn't do fruit again. - What do you mean?
在过去的九周里，我们一直在做新鲜水果。
We've done fresh fruit for the last nine weeks.
水果有什么问题吗？你以为你什么都知道，是吗？
What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?
我们就不能试试别的吗？
Can't we try something else?
就像有人用尖尖的棍子攻击你。
Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick.
尖头棍子？
Pointed stick?
我们想学习如何抵御尖尖的棍棒，是吗？
We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we?
变得高高在上，嗯？
Gettin' all high and mighty, eh?
新鲜水果对你来说不够好，是吗？
Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh?
好吧，让我告诉你一些事情，我的孩子！
Well, let me tell you somethin', my lad!
当你今晚回家的时候看到某个伟大的杀人狂..。
When you're walkin' home tonight and some great homicidal maniac...
带着一堆罗甘莓跟在你后面，别对我哭！
comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come cryin' to me!
正确的!现在是百香果。
Right! And now the passion fruit.
当你的攻击者拿着西番莲果向你扑来时，就像这样...
When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit, like thus...
-我们做了西番莲。-什么？
- We done the passion fruit. - What?
-我们做了西番莲果。-我们做了橙子，苹果，葡萄柚...
- We've done the passion fruit. - We done oranges, apples, grapefruits...
-整体和分段。-蔬菜，石榴。
- Whole and segments. - Greengages, pomegranates.
-葡萄，百香果。-柠檬。
- Grapes, passion fruit. - Lemons.
-李子。-还有糖浆芒果。
- Plums. - And mangoes in syrup.
-樱桃怎么样？-我们做好了。
- How about cherries? - We done them.
-红的和黑的？-是的
- Red and black? - Yes.
那好吧。
All right, then.
香蕉。我们还没吃过香蕉，是吗？
Bananas. We haven't done bananas, have we?
-没有。-对！
- No. - Right!
如何在一个手持香蕉的人面前保护自己！
How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana!
接住。现在，与香蕉魔王打交道很简单。
Catch. Now, it's quite simple to deal with a banana fiend.
首先，你强迫他把香蕉扔了。
First of all, you force him to drop the banana.
然后你把香蕉吃了，这样就解除了他的武装。
Then you eat the banana, thus disarming him.
你现在已经让他无能为力了！
You have now rendered him helpless!
-假设他有一堆.-闭嘴.
- Suppose he's got a bunch. - Shut up.
-假设他有一根尖棍子。-闭嘴！
- Suppose he's got a pointed stick. - Shut up!
正确的!现在轮到你了，杏子先生。
Right! Now you, Mr. Apricot.
-哈里森。-对不起.哈里森先生。
- Harrison. - Sorry. Mr. Harrison.
拿着香蕉向我走来。
Come at me with that banana.
你想怎么恶毒就怎么恶毒吧。赶快。攻击我！
Be as vicious as you like with it. Come on. Attack me!
不，不，不！加点东西进去，为了上帝的.
No, no, no! Put something into it, for God's...
像这样拿着香蕉。
Hold the banana like that.
那好多了。现在尖叫起来。
That's better. Now scream.
好的。正确的。现在攻击我吧。
Good. Right. Now attack me.
来吧，伙计，攻击我！
Come on, man, attack me!