前所未有的表演（1971）

这张照片里有47个人。
In this picture there are 47 people.
它们都看不见。
None of them can be seen.
在这部电影中，我们希望向你展示...
In this film, we hope to show you...
如何不被人看到。
how not to be seen.
我是纳皮尔法♥院♥的E·R·布拉德肖先生。
This is Mr. E. R. Bradshaw of Napier Court...
黑线公路，伦敦，东南14号♥。
Blackline Road, London, SE 14.
他不能被人看见。
He cannot be seen.
现在我要请他站起来。
Now I'm going to ask him to stand up.
布拉德肖先生，请站起来好吗？
Mr. Bradshaw, will you stand up, please?
这证明了不被看到的价值。
This demonstrates the value of not being seen.
在这张照片里，我们看不到B·J·斯梅格玛夫人。
In this picture, we cannot see Mrs. B. J. Smegma...
13新月报，贝尔蒙特。
of 13 The Crescent, Belmont.
斯梅格玛夫人，请站起来好吗？
Mrs. Smegma, will you stand up, please?
这位是哈洛的内斯比特先生。纽敦。
This is Mr. Nesbitt of Harlow. Newtown.
内斯比特先生，请站起来好吗？
Mr. Nesbitt, will you stand up, please?
内斯比特学到了第一课，那就是不让人看到：
Mr. Nesbitt has learned the first lesson of not being seen:
而不是站起来。
not to stand up.
然而，他选择了一个非常明显的掩护。
However, he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.
E·W·兰伯特先生，The Burrow，Homely。奥斯瓦德街。
Mr. E. W. Lambert of Homely, The Burrows. Oswald Street...
给了我们一个装腔作势的人。
has presented us with a poser.
我们不知道他在哪个灌木丛后面。
We do not know which bush he is behind.
但我们很快就能找到答案。
But we can soon find out.
是。它是中间的那个。
Yes. It was the middle one.
赫尔的沃森先生和夫人。
Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Hull...
选择了一种非常狡猾的方式不被发现。
chose a very cunning way of not being seen.
我们去他们家拜访时，发现他们已经去度假两周了。
When we called at their house, we found they had gone on two weeks holiday.
然而，一位邻居告诉我们他们在哪里。
However, a neighbor told us where they were.
这就是告诉我们他们在哪里的邻居。
And here is the neighbor who told us where they were.
这就是他住过的地方。
And here is where he lived.
这就是他出生的地方。
And this is where he was born.
现在来看一些完全不同的东西。
And now for something completely different.
噢。晚上好。
Oh. Good evening.
女士们先生们..。
Ladies and gentlemen...
我们很抱歉，该功能没有我们预期的那么长。
we apologize that the feature was not quite as long as we'd anticipated.
因此，将会有短时间的休息。
Therefore, there will be a short interval.
与此同时，我们很高兴能够向您展示一段短片……
In the meantime, we are pleased to be able to show you a short film...
主角是一个鼻子里插着录音机的男人。
starring a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
现在..。现在一部由一个男人主演的电影..。
And now... And now a film starring a man...
把录音机插到他哥哥的鼻子里。
with a tape recorder up his brother's nose.
现在是立体声
And now in stereo
谢谢。中场休息到此结束。
Thank you. That is the end of the interval.
请你们回到你们的座位上好吗？
Will you kindly return to your seats?
我们现在将按照广♥告♥所说的那样继续进行计划。
We will now be proceeding with the program as advertised.
亲爱的，你太棒了。
Darling, you were wonderful.
哦，真的吗？
Oh, really?
1971年，大英帝国成为一片废墟。
In 1971 the British Empire lay in ruins.
外国人经常出现在街上，其中许多是匈牙利人。
Foreigners frequented the streets, many of them Hungarians.
不是在街上。外国人。
Not the streets. The foreign nationals.
无论如何，这些匈牙利人中的许多人去烟草店买♥♥香烟。
Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobacconist's to buy cigarettes.
给您，先生。谢谢。
There you are, sir. Thank you.
早上好，先生。
Good morning, sir.
“我不会买♥♥这张唱片的，它被刮花了。”
"I will not buy this record. It is scratched."
对不起?
I'm sorry?
我不会买♥♥这张唱片的。它被划伤了。
I will not buy this record. It is scratched."
哦不。这是一家烟草店。
Oh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.
烟草店。
Tobacconist's.
“我不会买♥♥这家烟草店的，它被刮花了。”
"I will not buy this tobacconist's. It is scratched."
不是的。烟草。呃，香烟。
No. Tobacco. Um, cigarettes.
要香烟吗？
Cigarettes?
“我的气垫船里全是鳗鱼”-什么
- "My hovercraft is full of eels." - What?
“我的气垫船里全是鳗鱼。”
"My hovercraft is full of eels."
-啊，火柴.-是的！火柴。
- Ah, matches. - Yeah! Matches.
-“你想...”-“你想...”
- "Do you want..." - "Do you want."
想要。
Want.
“你想回我家吗？活蹦乱跳的。”
"Do you want to come back to my place? Bouncy, bouncy."
请付六先令。
That'll be six shillings, please.
“如果我说你有一个美丽的身体，你会反对我吗？”
"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
“我不再被感染了。”
"I am no longer infected."
我可以…?
May I?
价值六先令。
Costs six shillings.
帮助!
Help!
-这是怎么回事.然后呢？-“你的大腿很漂亮。”
- What's all this. Then? - "You have beautiful thighs."
什么-他打了我
- What? - He hit me.
“脱下你的内♥裤♥，亚瑟爵士。我都等不及吃午饭了！”
"Drop your panties, Sir Arthur. I can not wait till lunchtime!"
-对！-“哦，我的乳♥头♥快要爆♥炸♥了！”
- Right! - "Oh, my nipples explode with delight!"
这位匈牙利绅士随后被释放。
The Hungarian gentleman was subsequently released...
但他的信息导致真正的罪魁祸首被逮捕和审判。
but his information led to the arrest and trial of the real culprit.
我是。
I am.
兹指控你于5月28日...
You are hereby charged that on the 28th day of May...
你完全和恶意预谋地做了..。
you did will fully and with malice aforethought...
出版一本所谓的英语-匈牙利短语书。
publish an alleged English-Hungarian phrase book...
意图破坏社会安宁。
with intent to cause a breach of the peace.
-你如何抗辩？-无罪.
- How do you plead? - Not guilty.
约克先生，5月28日...
Mr. York, on the 28th of May...
-你出版了这本短语书。-我做到了.
- you published this phrase book. - I did.
如果阁下允许，我想举一个例子。
With Your Lordship's permission, I would like to quote an example.
匈牙利语的意思是，“你能告诉我去火车站怎么走吗？”
The Hungarian phrase meaning, "Can you direct me to the railway station?"...
在这里翻译成英文短语..。
is here translated by the English phrase...
“请抚摸我的屁♥股♥。”
"Please fondle my buttocks."
“请抚摸……
"Please fondle...
我的屁♥股♥。“
my buttocks."
啊，是的。过了邮局..。
Ah, yes. It's past the post office...
往下走200码，然后在红绿灯处左转。
200 yards down and then left at the light.
在红绿灯处左转。
Left at lights.
与此同时，在不远处..。
Meanwhile, not far away...
阿瑟·普泰夫妇正要走进一间陌生的办公室。
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Putey were about to enter an unfamiliar office.
下一首。
Next.
噢。你是婚姻指导顾问吗？
Oh. Are you the marriage guidance counselor?
-是的。早上好。-早上好。
- Yes. Good morning. - Morning.
还有.。早上好，夫人。
And... good morning to you, madam.
-名字？-亚瑟·普泰先生和夫人
- Name? - Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Putey.
你的名字叫什么.迷人的妻子？
And what is the name of your... ravishing wife?
等。别告诉我。
Wait. Don't tell me.
这是..。这跟月光有关。
It's... It's something to do with moonlight.
和她的眼睛很配。
Goes with her eyes.
它又软又温柔..。
It's soft and gentle...
温暖而温顺。
warm and yielding.
深沉的抒情，然而...
Deeply lyrical, and yet...
温柔而惊恐，就像一只小白兔。
tender and frightened, like a tiny, white rabbit.
我是迪尔德丽。
It's Dierdre.
多美的名字啊。
What a beautiful name.
多么美丽的..。
What a beautiful...
很好听的名字。
beautiful name.
你的婚姻出了什么问题，普泰先生？
And what seems to be the trouble with your marriage, Mr. Putey?
这一切始于我们一起去布莱顿度假。
It started when we went to Brighton on holiday together.
迪尔德丽--那是我的妻子--和我，我们一直是亲密的伙伴...
Dierdre - that's my wife - and I, we've always been close companions...
而且我从来没有特别预料到会有任何婚姻纠纷。
and I never particularly anticipated any marital strife.
一想到要咨♥询♥专业的婚姻顾问。
The very idea of consulting a professional marital advisor...
一直是我最反感的。
has always been of the greatest repugnance to me.
不过，我根本不能质疑你的生意性质或者...
Although, far be it from me to impugn the nature of your trade or...
或者职业。
or profession.
-你说吧。-我们一直是亲密的伙伴……
- Do go on. - We've always been close companions...
分享兴趣，园艺，度假的钱。
sharing the interests, the gardening, the holiday money.
一个月两次的晚上，我们会坐下来一起算账……
Twice a month of an evening, we settle down to do the accounts together...
迪尔德丽--那是我妻子--
something which Dierdre - that's my wife -
因为她的脚，我特别期待。
and I particularly look forward to on account of her feet.
我应该一开始就说，我以幽默感著称。
I should have said at the start that I noted for having a grand sense of humor.
尽管在过去的几年里，我一直是独来独往。
Although I've kept myself very much to myself over the last couple of years.
直到最近我才开始意识到...
It's only been as comparatively recently as recently that I've begun to realize...
好吧，也许“意识到”这个词太过强烈了。
Well, perhaps "realize" is too strong a word.