前所未有的表演（1971）

不是的。真的，这只是一小块泥土。你几乎看不到它。
No. Really, it was only a tiny piece of dirt. You can hardly see it.
哦，你这么说真是太好了，太好了。
Oh, you're good, kind, fine people for saying that.
但我能看出来。对我来说，它就像一块巨石。
But I can see it. To me it's like a boulder...
一大碗脓液。
a vast bowl of pus.
-哦，没那么糟.-不，它把我带到了这里.
- Oh, it's not that bad. - No, it gets me here.
我不能给你任何借口。没有任何借口。
I can't give you any excuses. There are no excuses.
我一直想多花点时间在餐厅里。
I've been meaning to spend more time in the restaurant...
但我最近身体不太好，那里的情况也很糟糕。
but I haven't been well recently and things have been going badly back there.
准备沙拉的可怜的达林普尔老太太...
Poor old Mrs. Dalrymple who prepares the salad...
她那可怜的、肿胀的手指几乎动不了。
can hardly move her poor, swollen fingers.
当然，还有吉尔伯托的战伤。
And then, of course, there's Gilberto's war wound.
但他们都是好人，他们都是好人。
But they're good people, and they're fine people...
我们一起开始渡过这段艰难的时期。
and together we were beginning to get over this bad patch.
隧♥道♥的尽头出现了曙光……
There was light at the end of the tunnel...
当这个..。
when this...
当这一切发生的时候！
when this happened!
-要我给你拿点水吗？-路到尽头了！
- Can I get you some water? - It's the end of the road!
你们这些王八蛋！
You bastards!
你是说我们吗？
You mean us?
你们这些恶毒无情的混♥蛋♥！
You vicious, heartless bastards!
看看你对他做了什么。
Look what you've done to him.
他辛辛苦苦才使这个地方变成今天这个样子！
He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is!
你带着你的小玩意来到这里。
And you come in here with your petty...
恶毒无情的吹毛求疵..。
vicious, heartless quibbling...
你把他碾碎在泥土里。
and you grind him into the dirt.
这个善良可敬的人..。
This fine, honorable man...
你不配亲吻他的靴子！
whose boots you are not worthy to kiss!
哦，这让我很生气。
Oh, it makes me mad.
冷静点，蒙戈！很简单。
Easy, Mongo! Easy.
史塔克，激动人心的愤怒。
Stark, stirring mad.
不，蒙戈！噢!哦，伤口！
No, Mongo! Oh! Oh, the wound!
他们毁了他！
They destroyed him!
世界末日到了！结束了。
It's the end! The end.
他已经死了。
He's dead.
他们杀了他！
They killed him!
复仇。
Revenge.
不，蒙戈！永远不要杀顾客。
No, Mongo! Never kill a customer.
哦，又是伤口。
Oh, the wound again.
他们毁了他！
They ruined him!
幸运的是我没有告诉他们那把脏刀.
Lucky I didn't tell'em about the dirty knife.
早上好。我是个银行抢劫犯。
Good morning. I'm a bank robber.
请不要惊慌。把钱都交出来就行了。
Please don't panic. Just hand over all the money.
这是一家内衣店，先生。
This is a lingerie shop, sir.
很好，很好。
Fine, fine.
采用、适应和改进。
Adopt, adapt and improve.
-好吧，你有什么？-我们有紧身衣，袜子...
- Well, what have you got? - We've got corsets, stockings...
吊带，紧身衣，胸罩，拖鞋，衬裙，内♥裤♥...
suspender belts, tights, bras, slips, petticoats, knickers...
袜子和吊袜带，先生。
socks and garters, sir.
很好。
Fine.
保险箱里没有大量的钱吗？
No large quantities of money in safes?
不，不对。
No, sir.
在便于携带的袋子里没有成堆的现金？
No piles of cash in easy-to-carry bags?
不，不对。
No, sir.
很好。
Fine.
那就给我一条内♥裤♥吧。
Just a pair of panties then, please.
现在来看一些完全不同的东西。
And now for something completely different.
嘿，你看到了吗？
Hey, did you see that?
你看到有什么东西从窗户过去了吗？
Did you see something go past the window?
什么？
What?
有人从那扇窗户往下走。
Somebody went past that window, downwards.
再来一次。
Another one.
另一个刚过去，往下。
Another one just went past, downwards.
什么？
What?
刚刚有两个人从那扇窗户掉了下来！
Two people have just fallen past that window!
很好。
Fine.
听着，两个人...刚刚有三个人从那扇窗户掉了下来。
Look, two people... three people have just fallen past that window.
一定是董事会会议。
Must be a board meeting.
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
--这是金融界的威尔金斯说的。-不，那是罗伯逊.
- That was Wilkins of finance. - No, that was Robertson.
-威尔金斯。-是罗伯逊。
- Wilkins. - It was Robertson.
-那是威尔金斯.-哦，是的。
- That was Wilkins. - Oh, yeah.
下一个就是帕金森。
Bet Parkinson next.
我敢打赌不会的-多少钱
- Bet you it won't. - How much?
-什么？-你赌多少钱不会？五美元？
- What? - How much do you bet it won't? Fiver?
-好的，好的.-对.好了。好吧。
- Yeah, all right. - Right. Done. You're on.
接下来是帕金森。
Parkinson next.
-来吧，帕基！-别傻了，帕基！
- Come on, Parky! - Don't be silly, Parky!
-来吧，帕奇！跳！-别傻了，伙计！
- Come on, Parky! Jump! - Don't be stupid, man!
尊敬的先生，我想抱怨一下最后一幕……
Dear Sir, I would like to complain about that last scene...
关于有人从高楼上摔下来。
about people falling out of high buildings.
我自己一生都在这样的大楼里工作……
I myself have worked all my life in such a building...
从来没有一次..。
and have never once...
嘘。一切正常。
Psst. All clear.
职业指导顾问。
Vocational guidance counselor.
啊，凤尾鱼先生。一定要坐下来。
Ah, Mr. Anchovy. Do sit down.
噢!谢谢。把脚上的重量卸下来，好吗？
Oh, thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh?
是。
Yes.
我得说，一年中的这个时候天气真好。
Lovely weather for the time of year, I must say.
别再开这种同性恋玩笑了。凤尾鱼先生，你让我们给你建议...
Enough of this gay banter. Mr. Anchovy, you asked us to advise you...
你一生中最适合哪一份工作。
which job in life you were best suited for.
-这是正确的。-好吧.我这里有结果。
- That is correct. - Well. I have the results here...
在你上周参加的所有面试和能力测试中...
of all the interviews and the aptitude tests that you took last week...
从他们那里我们对你建立了清晰的印象。
and from them we've built up clear impression of the person you are...
我想我可以毫不畏惧地说...
and I think I can say without fear of contradiction...
对你来说最理想的工作是会计。
that the ideal job for you is accountancy.
但我是一名会计。
But I am an accountant.
太好了。好吧，那就跟你回办公室吧。
Jolly good. Well, back to the office with you then.
不，不，你不明白。
No, no, you don't understand.
在过去的20年里，我一直是一名会计。
I've been an accountant for the last 20 years.
但我想要一份新工作，一份能让我活下去的刺♥激♥的工作。
But I want a new job, something exciting that will let me live.
但会计业是相当令人兴奋的。
But accountancy is quite exciting.
令人兴奋?不，它不是。
Exciting? No, it's not.
它很无聊，很无聊，很无聊！
It's dull, dull, dull!
我的天，这太沉闷了。
My God, it's dull.
它是如此的枯燥乏味……
It's so deadly dull and tedious...
又闷又闷又无聊得要命！
and stuffy and boring and desperately dull!
我再也受不了了。我想活下去。
I can't stand it any longer. I want to live.
嗯，是的，凤尾鱼先生，但是，你看，在你的报告里...
Well, yes, Mr. Anchovy, but, you see, in your report here...
它说你是一个极其迟钝的人。
it says that you are an extremely dull person.
我们的专家形容你是..。
Our experts describe you as...
“一个沉闷得可怕的家伙”，“缺乏想象力”……
"an appallingly dull fellow", "unimaginative"...
“胆小、没有骨气”、“容易被支配”……
"timid, spineless," "easily dominated"...
“没有幽默感”，“乏味的同伴”……
"no sense of humor", "tedious company"...
和“无法抑制的单调和可怕”。
and "irrepressibly drab and awful".
而在大多数职业中，这些都是相当大的缺点。
And where as in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks...
在会计业，它们是一个积极的福音。
in accountancy they are a positive boon.
我之所以这么糟糕，是因为会计工作对人都是这样的。
I'm only as awful as this because accountancy does this to people.
你不能帮帮我吗？
Can't you help me?
你知道你想做什么吗？
Any idea of what you want to be?
-是的。是的，我有。-这是什么？
- Yes. Yes, I have. - What is it?
驯狮师。
A lion tamer.
是。当然，这有点跳跃，不是吗...
Yes. Of course, it's a bit of a jump, isn't it...
从会计一下子驯服狮子？
accountancy to lion taming in one go?
难道你不认为通过银行来驯服狮子会更好吗？
Don't think it'd be better to work your way towards lion taming via banking?
-或者保险？-不！我不想再等了。
- Or insurance? - No! I don't want to wait.
我想马上开始工作。明天早上9点...
I want to start immediately. Tomorrow morning at 9:00...
我想呆在那里，驯服。
I want to be in there, taming.
是的，但是你有什么资格呢？
Yes, but what qualifications do you have?
我有一顶帽子。-一顶帽子？
- I've got a hat. - A hat?
是的，驯狮帽，上面写着“狮子塔莫”的帽子……
Yes, a lion taming hat, a hat with "Lion Tamer" written on it...