前所未有的表演（1971）

上帝啊。我把她忘了。
Good Lord. I forgot about her.
除了他们之外，还有谁来参加我们的探险呢？
Apart from them, who else is coming on our expedition?
我们有亚瑟·布朗双胞胎。
Well, we've got the Arthur Brown twins...
两位植物学家叫麦琴威廉·约翰斯顿兄弟..。
two botanists called Madchen, the William Johnston brothers...
-两个人。-四个。一对同卵双胞胎。
- Two of them. - Four. Pair of identical twins.
两个哈里·贝克四人组和你们两个。
Two of the Harry Baker quads and you two.
-这些人都不是登山者吗？-你们两个是.
- And none of these are mountaineers? - Well, you two are.
我们有一群叫吉米·布兰肯索夫的导游。
And we've got a brace of guides called Jimmy Blankensoft...
因为乞力马扎罗山是一段相当棘手的攀登。
because Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb.
大部分都是向上的，直到我们到达顶端。
Most of it's up, till we reach the very top...
然后，它往往会相当陡峭地倾斜。
and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
但吉米集思广益，想出了一条向上的路。吉米
But Jimmy's put his heads together and worked out a way up. Jimmy
吉米·布兰肯索夫，亚瑟·威尔逊。亚瑟·威尔逊，吉米·布兰肯索夫。
Jimmy Blankensoft, Arthur Wilson. Arthur Wilson, Jimmy Blankensoft.
吉米·布兰肯索夫两人，亚瑟·威尔逊两人。
Jimmy Blankensoft Two, Arthur Wilson Two.
亚瑟·威尔逊二号♥吉米·布兰肯索夫一号♥。
Arthur Wilson Two, Jimmy Blankensoft One.
-继续，吉米.-别担心...
- Carry on, Jimmy. - Don't worry about the...
我们会把他弄起来的，好的。
We'll get him up, all right.
嗯，我最好描述一下路线。我们从乞力马扎罗山开始……
Well, I'd better describe the route. We start off simply up Kilimanjaro...
很简单。基本上没有问题。
Quite simple. No problem there, basically.
然后我们继续看乞力马扎罗山的主要面孔。
And then we go on to the main face itself of Kilimanjaro.
在这里有点难，因为..。
It's a bit difficult here because...
当你要走的时候，这里有点困难...
There's a difficult bit 'round here when you've got to go...
从壁炉架的一端到咖啡桌上。
from the end of the mantel-piece onto the coffee table.
这是一个有点困难的跳跃。我们不需要这些。
It's a bit of a difficult jump. We don't need those.
然后你在这里有栏杆，这是一个相当好的运气。
Then you've got the rail up here, which is quite a good fortune.
地板上有一个非常容易的动作，可以放到椅子上。
There's a terribly easy bit over the floor up onto the chair.
然后我们就有了..。
And then we've got...
我们下去。我们变得非常简单化。
We get down. We go quite simplistic.
他将领导第一次进攻。
He'll be leading the first assault.
先生，恐怕我不会跟你一起去了。
I'm afraid I shan't be coming on your expedition, sir...
因为我对任何牵涉其中的人都没有信心！
'cause I have absolutely no confidence in anyone involved in it!
噢。亲爱的。
Oh. dear.
-你呢？-我很乐意，先生.
- What about you? - I'm game, sir.
太好了。
Jolly good.
上帝啊！
Good Lord!
现在来看一些完全不同的东西。
And now for something completely different.
-探长！-什么事，先生？
- Inspector! - Yes, sir?
我坐在公园的长椅上，放下了外套。
I was sitting on a park bench and I put my coat down.
当我拿起它时，我发现我的钱包不见了，�15被偷了。
When I picked it up, I found my wallet had gone and �15 had been stolen.
-你看到什么人了吗？-没有，一个也没有.
- Did you see anyone? - No, no one at all.
嗯，我们对此无能为力，先生。
Well, there's very little we can do about that, sir.
你想回我家吗？
Do you want to come back to my place?
好的，好的。
Yeah, all right.
于是，斯波姆小姐又开始打字了。
And so Miss Spume returned to her typing...
做着她小小的梦幻梦。
and dreamed her little dreamy dreams...
没有意识到命运在等待着她的残酷诡计。
unaware of the cruel trick fate had in store for her.
因为斯波姆小姐即将成为牺牲品。
For Miss Spume was about to fall victim...
可怕的国际中国共♥产♥主义阴谋
of the dreaded international Chinese communist conspiracy
是的，这些狂热的恶魔……
Yes, these fanatical fiends...
在所谓的毛♥泽♥东♥的领导下。
under the leadership of the so-called Mao Tse-tung...
让斯普姆小姐猝不及防的那一刻...
had caught Miss Spume off guard for one brief but fatal moment...
毁了她..。
and destroyed her...
就像他们准备好随时随地成为自♥由♥人一样。
just as they are ready to go anytime free men anywhere...
在捍卫民♥主♥方面动摇。
waver in their defense of democracy.
再一次，美国的防御..。
Once again, American defense...
证明了它对国际共♥产♥主义的有效性。
proves its effectiveness against international communism.
用这张牙齿图来代表任何一个小国。
Using this diagram of a tooth to represent any small country...
我们可以看到国际共♥产♥主义是如何运作的。
we can see how international communism works...
通过从内部侵蚀。
by eroding away from within.
当一个国家或牙齿..。
When one country, or tooth...
成为国际共♥产♥主义的牺牲品，它的邻国很快就会效仿。
falls victim to international communism, its neighbors soon follow.
在牙科领域，这被称为多米诺骨牌理论。
In dentistry, this is known as the domino theory.
但有了美国的防御，腐烂在开始之前就被阻止了。
But with American defense, the decay is stopped before it starts.
这就是为什么十个小国中有九个选择了美国的防御。
That's why nine out of ten small countries choose American defense.
或者是含有神奇成分Frauduline的Crelm牙膏。
Or Crelm toothpaste with the miracle ingredient Frauduline.
白色的车代表克雷姆牙膏。
The white car represents Crelm toothpaste...
加入了神奇的成分Frauduline。
with the miracle ingredient Frauduline.
这辆不是白色的车代表着另一种牙膏。
The not-white car represents another toothpaste.
这两辆车都提供了30%的保护。
Both cars provide 30% protection.
在60%的保护下，这两款车的表现都很好。
At 60% protection, both cars are doing well.
在90%的保护下...等。
At 90% protection... Wait.
那辆非白色的车出来了..。
The not-white car is out...
而Crelm牙膏在100%保护下继续获胜。
and Crelm toothpaste goes on to win with 100% protection.
是。就像所有聪明的驾车者一样。
Yes. Do like all smart motorists.
选择克雷姆牙膏吧！
Choose Crelm toothpaste!
或者刺耳的汽油，加上新的添加剂GLC-9424075。
Or Shrill petrol, with the new additive GLC-9424075...
下午6：00以后，9424047。
after 6:00 p.m., 9424047.
用这张白卡代表发动机押金。
Using this white card to represent engine deposits...
这张黑卡代表斯希尔的新添加剂GLC-9424075..。
and this black card to represent Shrill's new additive, GLC-9424075...
下午6：00以后，9424047..。
after 6:00 p.m., 9424047...
我们可以看到发动机沉积物是如何被推离地球表面的。
we can see how the engine deposits are pushed off the face of the earth...
由Sh可用的优势力量..。
by the superior forces available to Sh...
我们是警♥察♥。
This is the police.
我们知道你在里面，所以出来举起你的手。
We know you're in there, so come out with your hands up.
你永远别想活捉我，警♥察♥！
You'll never take me alive copper!
那好吧。中士！
All right, then. Sergeant!
康拉德·普斯和他的舞动牙齿。
Conrad Poohs and His Dancing Teeth.
谢谢你，谢谢你，康拉德·普斯和他那颗爆♥炸♥的牙齿。
Thank you, thank you, Conrad Poohs and His Exploding Teeth.
一个微笑，两个尖牙和一句“对不起”。
A smile, two fangs and an "Excuse me".
接下来今晚，先生们女士们..。
And next tonight, gentlemen and ladies...
第一次来到窥视俱乐部……
here at the Peephole Club for the very first time...
我们非常自豪地欢迎..。
we're very proud to welcome...
肯·尤因和他的音乐老鼠。
Ken Ewing and His Musical Mice.
谢谢你，谢谢你。
Thank you, thank you.
女士们先生们，我在这个盒子里...
Ladies and gentlemen, I have in this box...
23只小白鼠...
23 white mice...
我精心训练过的老鼠。
mice which I have painstakingly trained...
在过去的几年里。
over the past few years...
在选定的音高发出尖叫声。
to squeak at a selected pitch.
这个是“A”--夏普...
This one is "A" -Sharp...
这个是“G”。
and this one is "G".
“G”，“A”-夏普。你大概就明白了。
"G", "A"-Sharp. You get the general idea.
现在，这些老鼠就这样排列在这个架子上。
Now, these mice are so arranged upon this rack...
当按正确的顺序演奏时。
that when played in the correct order...
他们会尖叫..。
they will squeak...
“三只失明的小白鼠。”
"Three Blinded White Mice."
女士们先生们，我向你们展示，在鼠标风琴上...
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, on the mouse organ...
“三只失明的小白鼠。”
"Three Blinded White Mice."
谢谢。
Thank you.
-天哪！-快来人拦住他。
- Oh, my God! - Somebody stop him.
十秒钟，演播室。
Ten seconds, studio.
截住他!拦住那个混♥蛋♥！
Stop him! Stop that bastard!
大家好，欢迎收看另一个版本的《它是艺术》。
Hello, and welcome to another edition of It's the Arts.
今晚我们先去电影院看一看。
And we kick off this evening with a look at the cinema.
他是这个时代最多产的电影导演之一，甚至是任何时代的导演之一。
One of the most prolific film directors of this age, or indeed, of any age...
爱德华·罗斯爵士五年来第一次回到这个国家……
is Sir Edward Ross, back in this country for the first time in five years...
在国家电影剧院为他的电影季揭幕。
to open a season of his films at the National Film Theatre.
我们真的很幸运，今晚他和我们一起来到演播室。
And we are indeed fortunate to have him with us in the studio this evening.
-晚上好。-爱德华...
- Good evening. - Edward...
-你不介意我叫你爱德华吧？-完全不介意.
- You don't mind if I call you Edward? - Not at all.
这似乎确实让一些人感到担忧。我不知道为什么。
It does seem to worry some people. I'm not sure why.
有些是敏感的，所以我确实采取了预防措施，在这些场合询问。
Some are sensitive, so I do take the precaution of asking on these occasions.
-不，那很好.-那就是爱德华。太棒了。
- No, that's fine. - So Edward it is. Splendid.
-很抱歉提起这件事.-没有。爱德华就是了。
- I'm sorry to have brought it up. - No. Edward it is.
非常感谢你给我这么大的帮助。
Thank you very much for being so helpful.
-有时这超过了我的工作价值。-非常好。
- At times it's more than my job's worth. - Quite.
这使得很难建立融洽的关系，让对方感到轻松自在。
Makes it hard to establish a rapport, to put the other person at his ease.
-非常好。-非常好。
- Quite. - Quite.
这是一个愚蠢的小问题，但它似乎确实很重要。
Silly little point, but it does seem to matter.
说得越少越好。泰德，当你第一次出演这部电影的时候...
Still less said the better. Ted, when you first went in the film...