前所未有的表演（1971）

那只鹦鹉肯定已经死了，当我半小时前买♥♥下它的时候。
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I bought it a half hour ago...
你向我保证它完全没有动静...
you assured me that its total lack of movement...
是因为它太累了，在长时间的狂风过后，它摇摇晃晃地走了出来。
was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squall.
嗯，他很想去峡湾。
Well, he's pining for the fjords.
为峡湾而战？你这是在说什么？
Pinin' for the fjords? What kind of talk is that?
听着，为什么我一把它送回家，它就倒在地上了？
Look, why did it fall flat on its back the minute I got it home?
嗯，挪威蓝更喜欢背朝上。美丽的羽毛。
Well, the Norwegian blue prefers keeping on its back. Beautiful plumage.
听着，我擅自检查了那只鹦鹉，然后我发现...
Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot and I discovered...
它坐在原地的唯一原因就是……
the only reason it had been sitting on its perch in the first place...
它是被钉在那里的。
was that it had been nailed there.
哦，好吧，当然是钉在那里的。
Oh, well, of course it was nailed there.
如果我没有把它钉在那里，它就会猛地冲到那些栏杆上，然后砰地一声。
If I hadn't nailed it there, it would have muscled up to those bars and boom.
听着，伙计。
Look here mate.
如果你用4000伏的电压，这只鹦鹉就不会发出隆隆声。
This parrot wouldn't boom if you put 4,000 volts through it.
它已经流血灭亡了。
It's bleedin' demised.
不，它是在渴望。
No, it's pining.
这不是渴望，而是传递。
It's not pining, it's passed on.
这只鹦鹉已不复存在。
This parrot is no more.
它已经不再是了。
It has ceased to be.
它已经过期了，去见它的制♥造♥者了。
It's expired and gone to see its maker.
这是一只迟到的鹦鹉！
This is a late parrot!
它是一只僵尸。
It's a stiff.
失去了生命。它安息了。
Bereft of life. It rests in peace.
如果你没有把它钉在栖木上，它就会把雏菊往上推。
If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies.
它已经落下帷幕，加入了隐形的合唱团。
It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.
这是一只前鹦鹉。
This is an ex-parrot.
井。那我最好把它换掉。
Well. I'd better replace it then.
如果你想在这个国家做任何事，你就得抱怨……
If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain...
直到你嘴里发青。
till you're blue in the mouth.
抱歉，乡绅。我们的鹦鹉快用完了。
Sorry, squire. We're right out of parrots.
我明白了。我明白了。
I see. I get the picture.
-我有一颗子弹.-它会说话吗？
- I've got a slug. - Does it talk?
不怎么有意思。
Not really.
嗯，那它就不是替代品了，对吧？
Well, it's scarcely a replacement then, is it?
听。我不想在宠物店工作。
Listen. I didn't want to work in a pet shop.
我想当一名伐木工。
I wanted to be a lumberjack.
抱歉的。这无关紧要。
Sorry. This is irrelevant.
是的，一个伐木工！
Yes, a lumberjack!
是的，一个伐木工！
Yes, a lumberjack!
它们从树上跳下来，顺着不列颠哥伦比亚省浩瀚的河流漂流而下。
Leaping from trees as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia.
巨型红杉！
The giant redwood!
落叶松！
The larch!
冷杉！伟大的苏格兰松树！
The fir! The mighty Scotch pine!
那我那只该死的鹦鹉呢？
What about my bloody parrot?
刚砍下的木材的气味！
The smell of fresh-cut timber!
高大树木的倒塌。
The crash of mighty trees.
有我最好的女孩在我身边，我们会唱歌♥！
With my best girl by my side, we'd sing!
我是个伐木工，我很好
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
我整晚都在睡觉，整天都在工作
I sleep all night and I work all day
他是个伐木工，他很好
He's a lumberjack and he's okay
他整夜睡觉，整天工作
He sleeps all night and he works all day
我砍树，我吃午饭
I cut down trees I eat my lunch
我去洗手间
I go to the lavatory
星期三我去买♥♥东西
On Wednesday I go shopping
喝茶时吃黄油烤饼
And have buttered scones for tea
他砍树，他吃午饭
He cuts down trees He eats his lunch
他去洗手间
He goes to the lavatory
星期三，他去购物
On Wednesday he goes shopping
在茶点上涂了黄油的烤饼
And has buttered scones for tea
他是个伐木工，他很好
He's a lumberjack and he's okay
他整夜睡觉，整天工作
He sleeps all night and he works all day
我砍树，我蹦蹦跳跳
I cut down trees I skip and jump
我喜欢压榨野花
I like to press wild flowers
我穿上了女装
I put on women's clothing
在酒吧里闲逛
And hang around in bars
他砍树，他跳又跳
He cuts down trees He skips and jumps
他喜欢榨野花。
He likes to press wild flowers
他穿上女装
He puts on women's clothing
在酒吧里闲逛
And hangs around in bars
他是个伐木工，他很好
He's a lumberjack and he's okay
他整夜睡觉，整天工作
He sleeps all night and he works all day
我砍树，我穿高跟鞋
I cut down trees I wear high heels
吊带裤和胸罩
Suspenders and a bra
我真希望我是个女孩子
I wish I'd been a girlie
就像我亲爱的爸爸一样
Just like my dear papa
-我砍树，我穿高跟鞋-他砍树
- I cut down trees, I wear high heels - He cuts down trees
吊带裤和胸罩
Suspenders and a bra
我真希望我是个女孩子
I wish I'd been a girlie
就像我亲爱的爸爸一样
Just like my dear papa
哦，布雷弗斯！
Oh, Brevers!
我还以为你很有男子气
And I thought you were so butch
哦，你这个娘娘腔！
Oh, you pansy!
现在来看一些完全不同的东西。
And now for something completely different.
你好亲爱的。对不起，我来晚了。
Hello, darling. Sorry I'm so late.
没关系，亲爱的。我自己也迟到了20分钟。
That's all right, darling. I'm 20 minutes late myself.
-让我们不要开始担心这一点。-这里很好，不是吗？
- Let's not start worrying about that. - It's nice here, isn't it?
是。一家非常好的餐厅。五星级，你知道吗？
Yes. A very good restaurant. Five stars, you know?
-真的吗？-哦，是的。非常好的名声。
- Really? - Oh, yes. Terrific reputation.
晚上好，夫人。晚上好，先生。
Good evening, madame. Good evening, sir.
先生，我可以说很高兴在这里再次见到您吗？
May I say what a pleasure it is to see you here again, sir?
谢谢。显然，途中的波伊夫非常棒。
Thank you. Apparently, the boeuf en croute is fantastic.
如果我可以推荐的话，先生，这里有鱼尾酒。
If I may recommend, sir, the faisan a la reine.
酱汁是这位厨师最著名的创意之一。
The sauce is one of the chef's most famous creations.
-嗯，听起来很不错。-听起来很不错.
- Mmm, that sounds very good. - Sounds lovely.
不管怎样，亲爱的，看看菜单吧。
Anyway, darling, have a look at the menu.
看看你想要什么。不用着急。
See what you want. Take your time.
顺便说一下，我的叉子有点脏。你能给我换一件吗？
By the way, I've got a bit of a dirty fork. Could you get me another one?
-你说什么？-太脏了.能再给我一把叉子吗？
- I beg your pardon? - It's dirty. Could I get another fork?
-先生，我向您道歉。-没必要道歉。我一点也不担心。
- Sir, I do apologize. - No need to apologize. Doesn't worry me.
不是的。我向您道歉，先生。
No. I do apologize, sir.
我马上去叫领班。
I will fetch the headwaiter immediatement.
不，请不要。没必要这么做。
No, please. No need to do that.
哦，不。我觉得领班肯定……
Oh no. I feel sure the headwaiter...
他会亲自向你道歉的。
he will want to apologize to you himself, personally.
我无法想象这是怎么发生的。我马上去把他叫来。
I cannot think how this has happened. I will fetch him at once.
嗯，你们这里的服务当然很好，不是吗？
Well, you certainly get good service here, don't you?
是的，他们在这里真的很照顾你。
Yes, they really look after you here.
这些看起来都很好吃。
This all looks delicious.
打扰一下，先生，夫人。
Excuse me, sir, madame.
这太脏了。见鬼的洗澡对象是谁？
This is filthy. Who the hell washes up?
找出谁洗了，并立即给他们的卡片。
Find out who washes up and give them their cards immediately.
不是的！再想一想，我们不能冒任何风险。
No! On second thought, we can't take any chances.
-解雇整个洗碗工-我不想惹麻烦
- Sack the entire washing-up staff - I don't want to cause any trouble.
你提请我们注意这类事情是很正确的。
It's quite right that you bring this sort of thing to our attention.
找到经理，马上告诉他发生了什么事！
Find the manager and tell him what has happened immediately!
-拜托，我不想大惊小怪.-哦，不，不用大惊小怪的。
- Please, I don't want to make any fuss. - Oh, no, there's no fuss.
我们只是想确保没有人干涉...
We simply wish to ensure that nothing interferes...
希望您能尽情享用这顿饭。
with your complete enjoyment of the meal.
我肯定不会的。那只是一把脏叉子。
I'm sure it won't. It was only a dirty fork.
我知道，我很抱歉。非常抱歉。
I know, and I'm sorry. Bitterly sorry.
但我不知道我能说什么都改变不了在这家餐厅...
But I know nothing I can say can alter the fact that in this restaurant...
你得到了一件又脏又臭的餐具。
you have been given a dirty, filthy, smelly piece of cutlery.
-不臭。-它闻起来很臭。
- It wasn't smelly. - It is smelly.
又淫秽又恶心。我最讨厌这个了。
And obscene and disgusting. I hate it.
-够了，吉尔伯托.-肮脏，肮脏，肮脏！
- That's enough, Gilberto. - Dirty, nasty, smutty!
晚上好，先生。晚上好，夫人。
Good evening, sir. Good evening, madame.
我是经理。我刚听说发生了什么事。
I'm the manager. I've only just heard what's happened.
-我可以坐下来吗？-当然可以.
- May I sit down? - Yes, of course.
我想要谦虚、深切、真诚地道歉。
I want to apologize humbly, deeply and sincerely...
关于叉子的事。
about the fork.