僵尸逃生船

碰在一起就好了
touch them together and voila.
真厉害
Very impressive
这下好了
Oh, perfect.
继续努力
Keep up!
嘲讽是最低级的智慧
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
这句从哪儿学来的 《犯罪现场调查:迈阿密篇》吗
Where'd you learn that, CSI Miami?
-怎么样 -有点累
- How's it going? - Bit tired.
不 我是说有没有发现僵尸
No, I mean any sign of zombies?
没有
No.
好了 把船调头吧
Right, let's get this boat turned.
不 没关系 交给我吧
No, it's fine, I'll do it.
-恕我不同意 -好吧 但是别转太快
- I don't think so. - OK. But don't rev too hard.
那个金发妞说这船脾气大 不稳定
The blonde one says she's temperamental.
她在全航线业务最繁忙的干船坞上
And did she spend three months learning boat engineering
学过三个月的船舶工程吗
on the busiest drydock on the network?
说实话 她看上去不像那种人
Honestly, she doesn't seem the type.
那也许我们应该让大大来开船
Then maybe we should let Big do the driving.
好吧 那我就在这里洗杯子
Fine, I'll be down here, washing my mug.
上帝啊
For fuck's sake.
红茶
Black.
不加糖
No sugar.
来两杯
Make it two.
好恶心 可怜的家伙
Ugh, that's disgusting. Poor guy.
那是穆尔瓦尼先生
That's Mr Mulvaney.
这几年来总是想把我骗上他的车
Tried to get me in his car a lot over the years.
以前不会 以后也不会了
Never have, never will.
包在衣橱上
Bag's on top of the wardrobe.
这是用来干什么的
What's this for?
篮网球
Netball.
和篮球差不多 只不过是站着不动的吧
That's like basketball, but you stand still, yeah?
那可是奥♥运♥会项目
It's an Olympic sport.
那为什么男人不玩这个
So why don't men play it, then?
为什么呢
Why indeed?
对了 我的手♥机♥呢
Right, where's my phone?
太好了 罗伯在两英里外
Yes! Rob's two miles away.
还在移♥动♥ 他还活着
And moving. He's alive.
你用跟踪软件追踪你的前男友
You track your ex on a stalker app?
第一 这不是跟踪软件 这是安全功能
Number one, it's not a stalker app, it's a security feature.
第二
And number two...
计划有变
there's been a change of plan.
我们要找到罗伯
We're gonna find Rob.
天啊 我还以为会有应急频道
God, you think there'd be an emergency signal.
或者至少会有《生活大爆♥炸♥》的重播
Or at least repeats of The Big Bang Theory.
用于鼓舞士气之类的
You know, keep the spirits up.
我可不想碰上那种末日 你泡的茶呢
Well, that's an apocalypse I want no part of. Where are the teas?
水槽里有血块 我不想干了
There was a blood clot in the sink, it put me off.
谁会自称大贵妇英雄
Who calls themselves Big Dame Hero?
如果这名字是自嘲 她就不是英雄
I mean, either she's being ironic, and she's not a hero,
如果她真是英雄 那太臭显摆了
or she is an actual hero, in which case that's just showing off.
我给她起的外号♥ 她就用了
I tagged her, and it stuck.
我们刚认识的时候 她帮我走出了
When we met, she got me out of
一段和一头熊的自我毁灭式关系
a really destructive relationship with a bear.
我不知该作何联想
I don't know where to go with that.
我当时和一个像一头熊的女孩在一个战队里
I was in an arena team with this girl who identified as a bear,
她叫灰熊凯伦
Grizzly Karen.
我们输了四场
We lost four on the bounce,
她就在工会聊天里把锅甩给我
and she starts blaming it on me in guild chat,
用她的最高级熊爪技能
using her plus seven claw ability
几乎把我说得还不了嘴
to really monopolise the conversation.
说来说去就是电脑上的鬼话
All that's coming through is blah, blah, computer, blah.
大大向她提出决斗挑战 把她暴揍了一顿
Big challenges her to a duel, kicks her arse,
然后回头射出一根箭 说
looks down, fires an arrow and says,
"连接终止"
"Connection terminated."
与此同时
And at the exact same moment, bam!
凯伦的账号♥突然被锁了三星期
Karen's account locked for three weeks.
真是太酷了
Coolest thing I've ever seen.
我猜你在显示屏里看到了不少人生的闪光瞬间吧
I imagine you've seen a lot of life's cool moments in that monitor.
我只看到一个懒汉 一点贡献也没有
What I've seen is a lazy man with nothing to offer
还占用了宝贵的甲板空间
taking up valuable deck space.
你压根就不该在这里
You shouldn't even be here.
那个可以随时牺牲的家伙在干什么
What's the expendable doing
比给我泡茶还重要
that's more important than my tea?
他搜不到电视信♥号♥♥
Failing to find a TV signal.
电视台应该没关啊
Channels shouldn't be down.
据我所知 瘟疫被控制在伯明翰了
Last I heard, plague's contained in Birmingham.
当然了 那可是政♥府♥的说法
Yeah, according to the government.
不过他要是弄不好天线 我也不会意外
Still, it wouldn't surprise me if he can't work an aerial.
他可是个喜欢《生活大爆♥炸♥》的男人
This is a man who likes Big Bang Theory.
他就是个废物
He's useless.
一有机会 就让他成为历史
Next chance we get, he's history.
你这么拿着刀说话 简直杀气腾腾
That comes across really aggressive with the knife.
天 还真是 你说得对 抱歉
God, yeah, you're right. Sorry about that.
不过...我同意
But erm... agreed.
得让他下船
He's off the boat.
还是不接 他离我们只有两英里
Still no answer! He's only two miles away.
我倒不会说你是"跟踪狂"
I'm not using the word stalker,
但你不觉得这有点...太过了吗
but isn't this, you know, a bit keen?
去抬他的手
Get his arms.
车上插着钥匙 你不需要用你的假想技能了
There's a key, so you won't have to use your imaginary skill set.
我要郑重表达我的不满
I'm registering my displeasure.
我抱住他了 能行
I got him, I got him.
我终于上你的车了 穆尔瓦尼先生
Well, I'm in your car, Mr Mulvaney.
你来开车 我要再试试打给罗伯
You drive. I'm gonna try Rob again.
快接啊
Oh, come on!
也许他挂断是因为他不想见你
Maybe he hung up because he doesn't want to see you,
因为他已经向前看了
because he's moved on.
-他肯定不敢 -我们该回到船上去
- He wouldn't dare. - We should go back to the boat.
我一定要找到罗伯 有你没你都一样
I am gonna find Rob, with or without you.
你选哪样 说话啊
Which is it? Well?
我不想帮你继续追求你那病态的恋情
I don't want to facilitate your unhealthy relationship cycle.
而且 我没开过手动挡的车
Also, I've never driven a manual.
你不能边打电♥话♥边开车
You can't do that and drive!
瞧好了
Watch me.
"你好 我是罗伯 请在哔声后留言"
'Hi, it's Rob's phone. Leave a message after the beep.'
嗨 罗伯 我是乔 我知道现在有僵尸什么的
Hi, Rob, it's Jo. I know there's zombies and everything,
可我一直在想我们之间的事
but I've been thinking a lot about us.
操
Shit!
电量还剩2%
2% battery.
快倒车
Reverse!
罗伯 还是乔 嗨 听着 我去了船上
Rob, Jo again. Hi! Look, I went to the boat.
不是我的主意 我找到了朱莉
It wasn't my idea. And I found Julie.
简而言之 我们打了一架 她死了
And, well, we had a fight and she's dead.
该死
Crap!
你最好说清楚"她当时是个僵尸"
You might want to add the "she was a zombie" bit.
我知道 知道
I know, I know, I know!
没电了 操
Battery's gone. Fuck!
操上加操
Double fuck!
-现在怎么办 -罗伯离得不算远
- Now what? - Rob's not that far.
-只有两英里 -不 别这样 乔
- It's only two miles. - No, don't do it, Jo.
-他是个交通管制员 -这也不是借口啊
- He's a traffic warden. - That's no excuse!
-他们都是挣提成的 -那只是都市传说
- They work on commission. - That's an urban myth.
-他们是有业绩指标的 -医保还有指标呢
- They have targets! - So does the NHS!
我来了 罗伯
I'm coming, Rob.
不是吧
No!
我们卡住了
We're stuck!
一如既往地"忙"啊
Busy as usual
没错 我在给僵尸们起外号♥
Actually, yeah, I'm naming the zombies.
那个显然是印度耶稣
We have got Indian Jesus, obviously.
那个是天行者卢克
Then there's Luke Skywalker.
-根本不像 -我是说烂尾续集里那个
- It looks nothing like him. - From the shit sequels.