僵尸逃生船

周日 上午9点01分
谢谢
Thanks.
没有糖
Oh, there wasn't any sugar.
你抱手臂还是腿
Legs or arms?
手臂
Arms.
今天上午真是烂透了
This has been a really shit morning.
黑咖啡 两块方糖 用榨汁机上面的杯子
Black... Mm, two sugars, mugs above the NutriBullet.
世界末日来了
It's the end of the world!
门把上挂着奶罩就别进来 规矩就是规矩
Bra on the door handle, rules are rules.
僵尸末日
Zombie apocalypse.
真的发生了
It's actually happening.
凯特 我们忙着要办事呢
Cat, we are busy here.
先等一下
Hold that thought.
你是怎么了
What is up with you?
他们还说僵尸是文学创作 但并不是 乔
They're saying it's writing, but it's not, Jo.
是真的有僵尸
It's zombies.
我在弄了
I'm sorting it!
-天呐 -我懂的 他会跳舞哦
- Oh, my God. - I know. And he can dance.
稍等我们一下 行吗
Just give us a sec, OK?
天呐 天呐 天呐
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
天呐
Oh, my god!
你没事吧
Are you OK?
-他是个僵尸 -我的天呐
- He's a zombie! - Oh, my God!
放开我姐姐
Get off my sister!
为什么性感的男人总是有问题
Oh, why is it always the hot ones?
僵尸啊
A zombie...
传说中的怪物
Rumour one.
别担心 僵尸不会拧门把手
Don't worry, they can't work door knobs.
车呢 车在哪儿
Where's the car? Where's the car?
-等等 等等 -你干什么
- Wait! Wait, wait, wait. - What are you doing?
看他会不会用楼梯
Seeing if he can use stairs.
他当然会用楼梯 他是普拉提教练
Of course he can use stairs, he's a Pilates instructor!
他的核心肌肉力量远超常人
He has amazing core strength!
不 不 等下
No, no, no, just wait!
等什么
For what?
天呐 天呐 天呐
God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
就这个 好了
That. OK!
乔 乔 我们得赶快跑
Jo! Jo, we've gotta go!
他怎么还没死
Oh, how is he not dead?
他死了 僵尸就是人死后才尸变的
He is! That's how they work!
这边 快跟我走 快 快
This way, this way, come on, come on, come on, come on!
昨晚 伯明翰的街头发生骚乱
'Panic on the streets of Birmingham last night
当局正努力应对一系列事件 力有不及
'as authorities have struggled to deal with a range of incidents.'
据称医院收治了一些被咬伤的病患
'Hospitals have reported people being admitted with bite wounds.'
社交媒体上 "僵尸"二字迅速登上热搜
'The word "zombie" has been trending on social media sites.'
警方建议各位市民待在家中
'Police advice is to stay inside,
关好门窗
'and keep your doors and windows shut.'
开往伦敦尤斯顿火车站的火车已晚点
The train to London Houston has been delayed.
请等候进一步的通知
'Please wait for further information.'
太好了 我们没错过列车
Great, we haven't missed it.
你要吐了吗
You gonna throw up?
健康就是财富 老兄
Health is wealth, man.
你把这句话写在你的运动文胸上了吗
You got that written on your sports bra?
你不该喝那些雅格炸♥弹♥酒的
You shouldn't have had the jaeger bombs!
你的身体质量指数都差成那样了
Not with your BMI.
那是单身男子之夜 我以为规矩就是要喝
It was a stag do, I thought those were the rules.
男人应该知道自己的极限
A man knows his limits.
男人就不该喝无糖修身汤力水
A man doesn't have slimline tonic.
想要六块腹肌就该喝这个
He does if he wants a defined six-pack.
你说得对 没什么比为了穿泳装好看
You're right. There's nothing more masculine
而计较卡路里 更有男子气概了
than counting calories to look good in a swimsuit
随你怎么笑我
Laugh it up, yeah?
但我喝酒很有英雄气概
But I drank like a hero,
也没有吐在加文的哥哥身上
and didn't throw up on Gav's brother.
我吐在加文哥哥身上了吗
I threw up on Gav's brother?
你吐在了很多人身上
You threw up on a lot of people.
由于突发状况
'Due to unforeseen circumstances,
伯明翰新街站已取消发车
'trains from Birmingham New Street Station are cancel...'
快让我离开这里
Oh, get me out of this town!
那边有个保安
There's a guard over there.
走吧 兄弟
Come, bruv.
打扰一下 请问
'Scuse me? 'Scuse me?
天呐
Jesus!
伙计 冷静
Whoa, mate! Chill!
他们行动起来像《行尸走肉》里的僵尸
They move like Walking Dead zombies,
不像《惊变28天》里的僵尸
not 28 Days Later zombies.
不可能是僵尸末日 因为根本没这回事
It can't be a zombie apocalypse because that's not an actual thing!
你把这话留着跟那边
Then why don't you explain that
那位正在吃自己胳膊的大兄弟说去吧
to the guy over there... eating his own arm?
我的天呐
Oh, my God.
好了 走
Ok, ok.
裘德是怎么感染的 有人咬了他吗
How did Jude get infected, anyway? Did somebody bite him?
-什么 没有 -有人对着他的眼珠子打喷嚏了
- What? No! - Sneeze on his eyeballs?
昨晚有没有什么奇怪的事发生
Did anything... weird happening last night?
我不确定
I'm not sure.
你对奇怪的定义总是比我宽泛很多
Your boundaries of weird are a lot further out than mine.
-他确实跟人打了一架 -怎么回事
- He did get in a fight. - Wha... what happened?
有个同事喝醉了
This guy from work was off his face.
动手动脚的 你懂那个情形
All hands, you know what it's like.
或许你不懂
Maybe you don't.
但裘德挺身而出 他真是个绅士
But Jude stepped in and he was a real gentleman.
直到刚刚他想咬掉我的脸
Until just now, when he tried to bite my face off.
-然后呢 -然后他揍了他一拳
- And? - And he punched him!
故事结束
End of story.
没道理啊
That makes no sense.
-你没事吧 -我没事
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
-我们要去哪 -罗伯的船上
- Where are we going? - Rob's boat.
-没人咬着你什么的吧 -没有
- No bites or anything? - No.
等下 什么 罗伯 我的罗伯吗
Wait, what? Rob? MY... Rob?
你都把他甩了 怎么还是你的罗伯
Can he be your Rob if you dumped him?
不管怎样 重点是他的船 僵尸不会游泳
Anyway, it's about his boat. Zombies can't swim.
一个未得到充分利用的反僵尸策略
Famously underutilised anti-zombie measure.
如果瑞克·格莱姆斯用用他的脑子
I mean, Walking Dead would have been over in one series
跑去大沼泽 那《行尸走肉》一季就播完了
if Rick Grimes had used his brain and gone to the Everglades.
听着 我在游戏公会里的朋友
OK, well, my Guild mate has got
在伦敦的鳗鱼馅饼岛上有个房♥子
a house in London on Eel Pie Island.
岛的四周是被水环绕的
And islands are surrounded by water.
这条运河 从这里一直通向伦敦
And this canal goes all the way from here to London.
不客气啊
You're welcome!
那是我听过的最蠢的主意了
That is the most stupid thing I have EVER heard.
世界变了 乔 规则也变了
The world's just changed, Jo. And so have the rules.
听着 这对你来说会很艰难
Look, this is gonna be tough for you...
因为你从没看过乔治·安德鲁·罗梅罗的电影
because you've not seen a single George A Romero film.
但你是我姐姐
But you're my sister...
我会保护好你的
and I've got you.
真♥他♥妈♥"棒极了"
Fucking great
没有信♥号♥♥ 我们被困住了
No signal. We're trapped.
-我们有水 -还有肥皂 真是棒棒的哦
- We've got water. - And hand soap. Hurray
等他袭击我们时 我们可以洗得干干净净的
We'll be clean when he attacks us.
暴♥力♥其实是在哭求帮助
Violence is a plea for help.
哭求帮助就是哭求帮助
A plea for help is a plea for help.
那家伙精神崩溃了
That guy's on a psychotic break.
我们通过满足他的核心需求来帮助他
So, let's make him happy by empowering his core needs.
把你的票给我
Give me your ticket!
阿玛尔 他只想咬我们
Amar, he just tried to bite us.
我觉得不管他的问题在哪
I don't think whatever his problem is
通过你那些心灵鸡汤 肯定都解决不了
is going to be solved by your inspirational quote book.
-你这是15点17分的 -什么
- You were on the 15:17. - What?
我们过来的时候 你说你买♥♥的票是16点17分的
When we came up here, you said you were on the 16:17,
但这票上显示的发车时间是15点17分
but your ticket was for the 15:17!
现在不是说这个的时候