神兽

After all, I am Mr. Can Do.
没错 你是万能先生
Yes. You are Mr. Can Do.
快速的问一句
Hey, real quick. Uh...
你朋友没事吧
Is there an issue with your guy?
韦德吗 不 他很好
Wade? No, no. He's good.
行吧 你一直这么跟我说
Yeah. Well, you-you keep telling me that.
迪莉娅
Hey, Delia.
米歇尔 你好吗
Hi, Michelle. How are you?
出什么事了
Okay, what's going on?
什么 我还什么都
What? Why? Wh-- I'm not even...
为什么你觉得出事了
Why-why do you think something's going on?
肯定还是坏事
Ooh, must be bad.
好吧 就是
Okay, well, um, fine.
有没有可能
It is possible
诺亚也许 给我家搞了个厕纸整蛊
that Noah may or may not have kind of, uh, TP'd my house.
诺亚 你厕纸整蛊迪莉娅家了吗
Noah, did you TP Delia's house?
没有
No.
他说他没有
He says he didn't do it.
你介意我和他谈谈吗
You don't mind if I talk to him, do you?
作为一位医生 我发现孩子们
You know, as a doctor, uh, I find that children
容易把我当成权威人士来尊重
tend to really respect me as an authority figure.
你觉得他会和你说实话
You think he's gonna confess to you
因为他非常尊重你
because he respects you so much?
我 是这么想的
Well, I-I did.
诺亚 我会问你几个简单的问题
Okay, Noah, so I'm just gonna ask you a few simple questions
如果你诚实地回答了这些问题
and if you answer them as honestly as you can,
我就把这块饼干给你
you will get this cookie.
你干什么
What?
怎么了
What?
是在你回答完问题之后才能给你的
No, that's for after you answer.
我不太清楚规则
Oh. I wasn't clear on that.
幸好我有备而来
Well, luckily I came prepared.
好了
So, here you go.
现在请回答...诺亚
Now please just answer-- Noah!
直说吧
Okay, you know what,
是不是你在我家院子里挂满了卫生纸
just admit that you TP'd my house, okay?
我想我没有
I don't think I did.
但再给我一块饼干 可能会唤起我的记忆
But another cookie might jog my memory.
诺亚 我没有要找你麻烦的意思
Okay, look, Noah, you're not in trouble, all right?
即使你确实把卫生纸挂满了我家院子
Even if you did TP my house,
我也明白这不是你的错
I get it. It's not your fault.
等等
Whoa. Wait a minute.
那你觉得这是谁的错
So whose fault would it be?
你是什么意思
Uh, excuse me?
你说不是他的错 那是谁的错
Well, you said it's not his fault, so whose fault is it?
是我的错吗
My fault?
就因为我让孩子看了几部不好的电影
Because I let my kids watch a few bad movies,
我就是不称职的家长吗
I'm a bad parent?
什么 不不不
What? No. No, no, no, no, no.
什么
Really? Is that--
你觉得我是这个意思吗
That's what you got from-- Really?
不是的
No.
那你是什么意思
So what are you saying?
我是说...我的意思是
I'm saying-- What I-- What I am saying is
这不是你的错
that it's not your fault.
我该走了
You know, I should go.
-最好是这样 -好的
- Yes, that might be best. - Yeah.
-你有没有... -他有没有怎样
- Did you... - Did he what?
没什么
Nothing.
吃点什么 兄弟们
All right, men, what'll it be?
一罐酒 再要点鸡翅
Uh, a pitcher, some wings?
-不错 把调味汁放在旁边 -好的
- Great, yeah. Sauce on the side. - Got it.
我不知道 韦德
I don't know, Wade.
再想想 他们可能不愿意这样放
Think about it, they may not want to make 'em that way.
我觉得他们不会介意的
Uh, I don't think they're gonna mind, it's fine.
把调味汁放在旁边
Sauce on the side.
-对的 因为你是顾客嘛 -真的吗
- Oh, that's right, because you're the customer. - Really?
我知道你在做什么
Wow. Okay, I see what you're doing.
我不知道 他在做什么 你在做什么
I don't. What is he doing? What are you doing?
福里斯特 如果有人雇你做事
Forrest, if somebody hired you to do something,
你就会努力找到办法去做 例如种一棵树
you'd find a way to do it, like plant a tree,
或者把调味汁放在旁边
or put the sauce on the side.
那如果不是调味汁呢
Okay, well, what if it wasn't sauce?
如果他们让你
What if it was poison they wanted you
把毒药放在旁边 你会照做吗
to put on the side, would you do that?
等等 你讨厌的想法都跟毒药有关
Wait a minute, so every idea you hate is poison.
那个人管你要一棵树
The guy asked you for a tree.
你告诉他这样不好
You told him it was a bad idea,
他说"我还是想要那棵树"
he said, "I still want the tree."
要么你把树给他 要么其他人就会给他
Now, either you give him the tree, or somebody else will.
这就是工作 韦德
That's the job, Wade.
工作怎么能是把错误的事情
How is it the job to pretend
假装成正确的呢
that something that is wrong is right?
玩游戏就是这样的
It's called playing the game.
只有你参与其中才能赢得游戏 韦德
And you cannot win the game if you don't play the game, Wade.
这对我来说不是游戏 本
Look, it's not a game to me, Ben.
-这是我的工作 好吗 -好吧
- It's my job, man. Come on. - Yeah.
你的工作还是我帮你找的
That's because I got it for you.
-你是因为我才得到那份工作的 -好了
- That's how you got that job. - Okay. Okay.
福里斯特完全赞同我的说法 不是吗
Forrest totally agrees with me, don't you? Right?
还记得你说过什么吗 说啊 告诉他
Remember what you said? Go ahead, tell him.
告诉他
Tell him.
我确实说过
I-I did say that.
认真的吗 福里斯特 得了吧
Seriously, Forrest?! Come on, man.
-你说过你支持我的 -确实
- You said you were on my side with this. - And I am.
-不不 你是在逗我吗 -好的
- No, no, no, no, no.Are you kidding me? - Okay. Well, great.
他就坐在这儿
Well, he's sitting right here.
-你为什么不直接告诉他 -好吧
- Why don't you just tell him? - Okay, okay.
事实是...
The truth is...
你们说的都很有道理
that you both make a lot of good points.
-得了吧 -在我俩中选一个 福里斯特
- Ah, come on! - Pick a side, Forrest.
快点 兄弟
Come on, man!
这真是我的噩梦
This is my literal nightmare.
乌龟呢
Where's the turtle?
你俩就是乌龟
You guys are the turtle.
是的 你俩就是我的噩梦
Yeah, you guys are the turtle.
这是你们的午餐 我们出发吧
Okay, here are your lunches, and let's-let's go.
一根香蕉 一支铅笔 还有一个卷尺
Oh, a banana, a pencil and a tape measure.
我没有卷尺
Hey, I didn't get a tape measure.
只有两个笨三明治
Just two dumb sandwiches.
有一个笨三明治是你姐姐的
Okay, uh, one of the dumb sandwiches belongs to your sister,
卷尺是我的
and the tape measure belongs to me.
我很抱歉
And I'm sorry,
我可能有点被本的事分心了
I may be a little distracted by this thing with Ben.
他觉得我很固执
I mean, he thinks I'm stubborn.
怎么了 你也觉得我固执吗
What? You think I'm stubborn?
什么 不 你吗 绝不可能
What? No. You? Never. No.
我是个有主见的人
Okay, yes, I have opinions.
知道就好
Oh, no kidding.
记得那次踢足球的时候
Yeah, remember that time at soccer
你当裁判时取消了阿曼达的参赛资格
when you were reffing and disqualified Amanda
就因为她穿了垒球鞋
for wearing softball cleats?
她是我们最好的球员
She was our best player.
你真的还在为垒球鞋的事生气吗
Are you seriously still mad about "Cleatgate"?
我当然还在生气
Of course I'm still mad.
就是因为你的蠢规定 我们输了比赛
We lost the game, and because of your dumb rules,
我们没有坚持到加时赛
we didn't make it to the playoffs.
好的 那不是我的蠢规定
Okay, they weren't my dumb rules,
那就是真正的规则
they are the rules.
如果这让大家有点沮丧 我很遗憾
And I am sorry if it made people a little upset.
整支球队的人都讨厌你