神兽

我还有8%的电 你呢
Hey, I'm at eight percent. How much you got?
-59% -给我充会儿
- 59. - Oh, juice me.
别一会错过了他们加我进群聊的消息
I don't want to miss it if they add me to that text chain.
这椰子气泡水怪怪的
I'm not sure about this coconut sparkling water.
迪米特里
尝起来像
It almost tastes like
椰子壳的味道
the outside of a coconut, you know?
迪尔丝
Deels.
我发个邮件 马上
Just writing a quick e-mail.
主题: 群聊
就有点像头发的味道
Yeah, it's, like, hairy-flavored.
我觉得不应该是这个味道吧
I don't think that's what they were going for.
你特么是谁
Who the hell are you?!
-你特么又是谁 -你谁啊
- Who the hell are you?! - Who are you?
你管我是谁 你是谁啊
Who am I? Who are you?
怎么啦
What is going on?
我在你房♥子里发现了这个男人
I-I caught this guy in your house.
啥 我住在这
What? I live here.
把那个勺放下 别弄坏了
Put the ladle down before you bend it.
这人是谁啊
What-- Who-who the hell is this guy?
他是道格
This is Doug.
我前夫
My ex-husband.
那他在这干嘛
Your... W-What's he doing here?
我说了 我住这
Like I said, I live here.
他住在车♥库♥ 不过吃的在屋子里
In the garage, but this is where the food is.
还有电池 不过我并没有看到
well, and the batteries, supposedly.
道格 这位是韦德
Doug, this is Wade.
很高兴见到你啊 韦德
Ni-- Oh, nice to meet you, Wade.
你跟香农一起工作呢
What, do you work with Shan?
不是 我俩约会来着
No. No, actually, I'm her date.
真棒
good for you.
糟了 我今天本来要照看伯特的
Crap, I'm supposed to be watching Bert.
是啊 然后呢
Yeah, how's that going?
为什么这么吵啊
Why is everyone talking so loud?
-我能看一集《流言终结者》吗 -不行
- Can I watch a Myth Busters? - No way.
-当然可以 -你说啥呢 都十一点半了
- Yeah, sure. - What are you doing? It's almost 11:30.
我就想让你俩好好约会啊
I'm just trying to smooth out your date.
我觉得你俩可能得聊聊
You know what? It looks like you guys got a lot to work out.
-所以我就... -不不不 别走
- I'm just gonna... - No, no, no. Please don't go.
-一会就好 -妈妈
- This is just gonna take a minute. - Mom?
为啥我的袜子都是湿的
Why are all my socks wet?
宝贝你还那样吗
Aw, buddy, you're still doing that?
不许这么说
No, don't do that.
-不要然他难为情 -我们得想办法
- Do not make him feel bad. - Yeah, we got to find a way
把那些抽屉锁起来
to lock those drawers.
这样不行 你知道的
That is not the solution, and you know it.
我马上过来 宝贝
I'll be right there, bud.
我觉得
Uh, I guess, uh,
我还是先走吧
I'm gonna go.
你走吧
Sure.
她前夫跟她住在一起
Her ex-husband lives with her?
不不 她前夫住在车♥库♥里
No. No, he lives in the garage.
-是连着的车♥库♥吗 -是的
- An attached garage? - Yeah.
不过 他只有上厕所
Yeah, but, uh, he, you know,he only comes in the house
或者要吃东西的时候才会进屋
if he has to use the bathroom or get some food or something.
说实话 一个连着的车♥库♥不就是
Real talk, isn't an attached garage
就是你停车的房♥间吗
just a room that you put a car in?
好吧 本 是的 他住在她家
Okay, Ben, yes, he lives in her house.
你真的想要继续纠结这个吗
Do you really want to keep picking this scab?
不 不是的 我知道了
No, no. I got it.
迪尔丝 迪尔丝
Deels, Deels.
迪尔丝 迪尔丝 迪尔丝 你看看
Deels, Deels, Deels, check it out.
-什么 -看看 我刚刚被加入工作群了
- What? - Check it out. I just got added to the work text chain.
是吧 现在知道了吧
Well, now, you see?
我就知道 你融入那群人中
I knew it was just a matter of time
只是时间早晚的问题
before you got in with that crowd.
天啊 我太兴奋了
Oh, man, I'm so jazzed.
我意思是 我知道肯定会兴奋
I mean, I expected to be jazzed,
但是我比之前预想的还要更加兴奋
but I'm even more jazzed than I thought I'd be,
简直是兴奋至极
and that was pretty jazzed.
好吧 挺好的
Well, good.
什么 怎么了
What? What is it?
没事 没什么的
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
没什么 世代品牌的那个苏葵亚
No, it's just, Sequoia from generational branding,
她发了条搞笑的
she sent this funny thing about, uh,
楼下大厅的那个开水果车的人的搞笑事儿
the fruit cart guy in the lobby downstairs and I...
我在想要怎么回复才好
Just trying to think of, uh, a good reply.
你非得这样吗
Well, do you have to?
是啊 当然了 我得在这里留下些我的印记
Yeah, of course. I got to make my mark on this thing.
我不能让其他人后悔把我加进来啊 懂吧
I don't want people regretting they added me, you know?
-伙计们 -怎么了
- Guys? - Yeah?
情况有变啊
Flag on the play:
香农和她的前任同居了
Shannon lives with her ex.
是了 她当然会了
Of cour-- Of course she does.
当然 怎么就没人听我的警告呢
Of cour-- I mean, why does nobody listen to my alarm bells?
我的意思是 一直以来 他们都是各种疯狂
I mean, they've just been ring-ding-aling-ing
各种噼里啪啦的想让所有人都知道
for anybody to hear,this whole time.
天啊 这个群里有太多表情包太多梗图了吧
God, there's so many memes flying around on this chat.
各位 这个
Hey, is, um,
克米特饮茶的表情包还能用吗
Kermit sipping tea still a thing?
亲爱的 这只是个聊天群而已
Oh, honey, it's a, it's a text chain.
就简单的发个K 就搞定了啊
Just type the letter "K" And be done with it.
绝对不行 我可是费了九牛二虎之力才加入的
No way. I worked my butt off trying to get in this thing.
我绝对不能搞砸了
I'm not gonna blow it now.
韦德 我深表遗憾
Wade, I'm so sorry.
不用遗憾
Don't be sorry.
我虽然不想承认 但你确实是对的
I hate want to admit it, but you were right.
我只是从心底把这件事看得太重了
I just built the whole thing up too high in my head.
听我说 我只是想给你最好的
Look, I-I just want what's best for you.
我相信香农是很棒的
And I'm sure Shannon's great.
只是 她的生活感觉是很混乱
It's just, her life sounds
并不是说混乱有什么问题
so chaotic-- not that there's anything wrong with chaos,
但我的意思是 生活很混乱真的很不好
but I mean, come on, chaos is terrible, so...
伙计们
Guys,
"出来单挑吧"这个梗是不是被用得太泛滥了
is the "Cash Me Outside"Meme too played or what?
福里斯特 现在不方便
Forrest, not right now.
是不是用"女人骂猫"的那个梗图会更好
Am I better off with the lady pointing at the cat?
-福里斯特 拜托 -我是说
- Forrest, please. - I mean,
在哪里能找到一些比较好的梗图呢
w-where do you find good memes anyway, huh?
天啊 梗图 梗图 梗图啊
Oh, God. Memes, memes, memes, memes.
天啊 真的太难了
God, this is so hard!
真难以置信 我在想什么啊
Can't believe I-- What was I thinking? I...
福里斯特 我要和你说点事情
Forrest, I've got something to tell you.
是因为我你才能加入这个群
I'm the reason that you're on that text chain.
是我给迪米特里发了邮件让他加你的 好吗
I e-mailed Dimitri and I asked him to add you, okay?
你给迪米特里发了邮件吗
You e-mailed Dimitri?
我的好手迪米特里吗
My main dude Dimitri?
是的
Yeah.
你知不知道这有多丢人啊
Do you have any idea how humiliating that is?
是的
Yeah...
亲爱的
Honey...
亲爱的 我很抱歉
Honey, I am so sorry.
你要挽回这个 你要给迪米特里再发封邮件
You're gonna undo this. You're gonna e-mail Dimitri
告诉他把我踢了
and you're gonna tell him to take me off the list.
不行
No.
不行 我得亲自处理
No. I got to do it myself.
但是我不想被踢啊
But I don't want to be off the list.
天啊 你都对我做了些什么啊
God, what have you done to me?
我只是想让你能交些朋友
I just wanted you to make friends.
福里斯特 你要去哪里啊
Forrest, where are you going?
我也不知道 走这边好了
I don't know. This way.