神兽

和水枪颜色没关系
Uh, it's not about the color of the gun.
和我儿子皮肤颜色有关
It's about the color of my son.
拿着那么个玩意儿到处挥 对他很危险
Yeah. It's not safe for him to be out waving that thing around.
很久之前我就告诉过他
He and I had that talk a long time ago.
诺亚
Hey, Noah.
诺亚 你还敢乱跑
Noah. Hey. Don't you run from me.
天哪 还不如要我一口呢
God, I should've just taken the bite on the nose.
天哪
God.
我怎么能这么笨
How could I have been so stupid,
尤其在这个敏感时期
especially with everything that's going on in the world?
没你想得那么糟
I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it was
不然米歇尔会和我说的
or Michelle would've called me to talk about it.
你怎么能确定呢
Well, how can you be so sure about that?
因为我们无话不谈
Because we talk about everything.
究竟是不是真的无话不谈 谁都不知道
You don't know if you talk about everything,
你们只谈你们谈的那些事
because you only talk about the stuff that you talk about.
-听起来真荒唐 -是吗
- That's absurd. - Oh, is it? Is it?
荒唐吗 是吗
Is it though? Is it absurd?
本来我也觉得很荒唐
I thought it was absurd, too,
但无意间 我也背上了白人特权的骂名
until I stepped into a big stinking pile of my own white privilege.
那这些年我对米歇尔都做了同样的错事吗
Have I been making the same mistakes with Michelle all these years?
很有可能
You may have.
我记得 每次见到她 我总是说
I just remembered. Every time I see her, I always go,
"嘿 女孩 过得咋样"
"Hey, girl! What's up?"
是不是有点冒犯
Is that a microaggression?
我有冒犯到她吗
Have I been microaggressing?
我不知道
I don't know! I don't--
这就是我睡不着的原因
This is why I can't sleep!
现在我也睡不着了
Well, now I can't sleep!
两杯酒
Couple glasses of wine.
暧昧的灯光
Low lighting.
桌下你在轻碰我的脚 若即若离
A high-level game of footsie going on under the table.
费尔顿 你是在试图引诱我吗
Mr. Felton, are you trying to seduce me?
是的 我得承认
Yes. And, I must say,
你的腿部肌肉很紧实 令人惊讶
I am very surprised at how strong your feet are.
我过去是个体操运动员
Well, I used to be a gymnast.
是嘛
You were?
我之前都不知道
I-I didn't know that. You know,
-话说我本来还不知道 -抱歉
- I also didn't know that y... - Sorry.
抱歉 就一会 奥兰多
Excuse me. Just one second. Hey, Orlando!
-帮我把煮着的骨头汤关下火 -好的
- Could you take the bone broth off the fire for me?! - Sure.
抱歉 你刚刚说什么
Sorry. I'm sorry. It's-- You were saying something.
我说我都不知道你还是个体操运动员
Uh, I-I didn't know you were a gymnast.
是的
Yes.
而且我原本还不知道
And, uh... and I also didn't know
你快要过生日了
that, uh, your birthday was coming up so soon.
这话题转的
Smooth transition.
行吧 谁告的密
Okay. Okay, who snitched?
是不是奥兰多
Was it Orlando?
我女儿告诉我的
My girls told me.
她们还告诉我说申了个假社交账号♥
Right after they told me they created a fake social media profile
来偷偷地侦察你
to do some semi-innocent spying on you.
厉害啊
Oh, I'm impressed.
不过也有点吓人
And a little bit frightened.
没有啦 她们只是担心她们老爸
No, they were just looking out for their daddy.
行吧 不过我想和你先说清楚
Okay, well, look, I-- just so you know,
我不太喜欢过生日
I'm not really a birthday person.
那天我只想待在家里
I just like to stay at home
然后像正常的一天一样过
and let the day go by like it was any other day.
你能理解吧
That makes sense, right?
当然 理解
Uh... sure. Yeah, totally.
-完全理解 -好的
- Uh, got it loud and clear. - Okay.
所以 咱俩唠唠
So... um, can we rap?
-唠唠 -不 不 不是唠
- Rap? - Not-not... not rap.
就是 聊聊
Um, you know, talk,
不过是那种真诚地聊
but like in a... like in a real way.
促膝长谈那种
Like real talk. Like, keeping it real.
不
Uh, no.
你是想说水枪那个事吗
Is this about the squirt gun?
是的 是的
Yes, it is. It is. It is. It is.
这件事让我觉得
So, um, it just brought up some, um, uncomfortable feelings...
有点不舒服 我就忍♥不住想
for me, and I just couldn't help but wonder,
之前有没有这样小小的冒犯你们的事情
have there been other microaggressions,
或者大大的冒犯 或者中等的冒犯
or macroaggressions, or mid-size aggressions,
反正就是之前有没有这样过
which I guess are really just aggressions?
如果有的话 我们可以聊聊
Uh, so, then, you know, but can we, you know, talk about it?
我知道你想说什么
I hear you.
-我们可以聊聊 -好的
- And we can do that. - Okay.
不过非得是现在吗
But does it have to be right now?
不 不
No, no. No.
-看你什么时候想聊 -好的
- Whenever you're comfortable. - Okay.
可以是现在 可能是
Could be now, could be.
或者晚点也行 我随便的 妹子
Or could be later. Could be. I'm just... I'm easy, girl.
亲 亲爱的
Friend. Friend.
我亲爱的闺蜜
Friend. Girlfriend.
更奇怪了 好吧
That's worse. Yeah. Okay.
我还是发邮件跟你说吧
So maybe I'll just put it in an e-mail.
-非常期待 -好的
- Looking forward to it. - Okay.
嘿 韦德 姑娘们 你们老爸来了
Hey, Wade. Girls, your dad's here!
嗨
Hey. So...
我和香农说了
I listened to Shannon.
-好的 -很好 然后呢
- All right. - Good. And?
她说她讨厌生日
And she hates birthdays.
-是嘛 -奇怪了
- She does? - That's odd.
她可没在脸书上提这个
She never mentioned that on Facebook.
ins上也没说 领英上也没有
Or Instagram.Or LinkedIn.
你们还有个领英账号♥
You have a profile on LinkedIn?
我可是密尔沃基集团的COO
I'm a chief operating officer in Milwaukee.
反正 她知道你知道她生日了
Well, she knows you know.
她也说了你什么都不用做
And she said that you don't have to do anything.
这不完事了
Case closed.
是的 完事了
Yeah. Yeah, case closed.
-对 -不
- Right. - No.
-不 没完 -别啊
- No. No, case open. - No.
有事呢 很多事
Yeah, it's open. No. No, it's open.
我有很多事可以做
It's op-- I just opened it.
我不能让她在生日那天什么也不做呀
No, I-I can't let her do nothing for her birthday.
你可以的
Yes, you can.
她已经很清楚地告诉你了
Because she said so explicitly.
不行 这太可怜了
No. I can't. It's sad. I...
我必须得做点啥
No, I ha... I have to do something.
走吧 姑娘们
I have to. Come-come on, girls.
你别自作多情了
No, you think you do, but you don't!
拜
Bye.
真是个傻子
What a softy.
典型的双子座
Classic Gemini.
你们这种人
Oh, you people.
相信星座的人
Astrology people.
我意思是你们这些相信星座的人
I meant astrology people.
我说的是喜欢占星术的人
I meant astrology people.
我说的是喜欢占星术的人
You know I meant astrology people.
香农会喜欢植物的 所有人都喜欢植物
Shannon will love a plant. I mean, everybody loves a plant.
这样很体贴 又不奢侈浪费
It's thoughtful, but not extravagant.
而且 我只是个跟园林打交道的家伙 对吧
And, hey, what, I'm just a... I'm just a plant guy, right,
就是有一天在她家落下了一盆植物
just dropping off a plant on a day
只不过刚好那天是她的生日
that happens to be her birthday.
这就是完美的非礼节性礼物
I mean, it's the perfect non-gift gift.
是啊 我为什么不给诺亚送盆植物呢
Yeah, why didn't I just give Noah a plant?
因为他才11岁 别再自责了
Because he's 11. Stop beating yourself up.
天啊 我就是不知道
God, I just didn't know, man.