神兽

我能不能说
Can I just say how great it is
你最后找到了香农有多棒
that you finally found Shannon?
但是...
But...
不 没有但是
No, no "But."
这个概率多小 对吧
You know, what are the odds, right,
你在墓园偶然见到一个人
that you meet somebody by chance in a cemetery,
然后过了几个月
and then, months later,
你又找到了她
you manage to find them again?
真的太棒了
That's great.
但是...
But...
没有但是
No but!
什么但是 没有但是
What's with the buts? There's no but.
只不过... 我的警报响了 好吧
It's just... my alarm bells are going off, okay.
她听上去很复杂
She sounds so complicated.
有孩子 有前夫
I mean, you got the kid, you got the ex-husband,
前置气囊的沃尔沃 都是警报
you got the pre-airbags Volvo. I mean... alarm bells.
我还以为你说没有但是呢
I thought you said there were no buts.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
不 严格说来 她说的是"只不过"
No, technically that was an "It's just."
-谢谢 -她来了
- Thank you. - There she is.
你们看看她 我的大学女生
Look at her, y'all. My college girl!
秒杀全场
Killin' it!
本 我上大学才三天
Ben, I've been in college for three days.
连小测都没有过
Not even a quiz yet.
-我其实什么也没杀过 -过来
- I haven't actually killed anything. - Uh-uh. Come here.
我告诉你你秒杀了什么
I'll tell you what you're killing.
你知道你秒杀了什么
You know what you're killing?
其他人当优秀毕业生代表的机会
Everybody else's chances at valedictorian.
行了
Stop it.
我们已经点好晚餐了吗
Did we order dinner already?
因为凯正在吃饲鸟器里的葵花籽
'Cause Kai is eating sunflower seeds from the bird feeder.
凯 快放下
Kai, put that down.
格林伍德郊外
There's this cute place
有个很有趣的地方
off Glenwood that I pass every day
我每天去新办公室都会路过
on the way to my new office.
-叫做工作台 -那不是一家餐厅
- Countertops? - That's not a restaurant.
他们是卖♥♥石头工作台的
They sell stone countertops.
-真的吗 -是
- Really? - Yeah.
我很久以来都想去尝试的
I wanted to try it for so long.
好吧
Okay, well, look,
关于香农 我本来什么都不打算说的
about Shannon, um,I wasn't gonna say anything,
但既然你提起了...
but since you brought it up...
不 我没有 不是我提的
No, I didn't. Wasn't-wasn't me.
你对事实的描述
That's not an accurate description
-并不准确 -是的 是的
- of what happened at all. - Nope. Nope.
是这样的 不切实际的幻想
Look, here's the thing. Unrealistic expectations
可以很令人沉迷
can be so crushing.
比如 因为你花了很多时间
Like, 'cause you spend so much time
把这个完全陌生的人想象成一个完美的人
imagining this total stranger to be some perfect person,
但说真的 你对她又有什么了解呢
and, really, what do you even know about her?
我了解很多
I know a lot.
比如说呢
For instance?
我不是这里了解
It's not what I know up here.
是在这里了解
It's what I know in here.
要不我们晚餐点
Hey, how about we order from
沼泽溪流矿业公♥司♥
the Marsh Creek Mining Company?
等等 这是个餐厅吗
Wait, that's a restaurant?
不 不 不 太油腻了
No, no, no, no. That's so greasy.
干嘛 行行好 我明天就上高中了
What? Come on, I start high school tomorrow.
你们真的想让我成为众所周知的
Do you really want me to be known as the girl
整张脸都是一个大痘痘的女生吗
whose entire head is one giant pimple?
所有人都会说 "我的天哪 看
And everyone's gonna be like,"Oh, my God, look,
"那就是新来的那个
"It's the new girl
"没有长脑袋 只长了一个我见过的
"who doesn't have a head, just the biggest zit
最大的痘痘的女生" 这是你们想要的吗
I've ever seen." Is that really what you want?
好吧 好吧 你说过香农是厨师 对吧
Okay, okay, you said Shannon's a chef, right?
-对 -她的店可以点外卖♥♥吗
- Yeah. - Her place do take-out?
-我不知道 -那是她的店 还是她在那儿工作
- I don't know. - Is it her place,or does she just work there?
我 我不知道
I don't-- I don't know.
好吧 要不我们查一下 她姓什么
Okay, well, why don't we look it up? What's her last name?
我不知道
I don't know.
好吧 你说得对
Okay, you're right.
我明白 香农的很多事我都不知道
I get it. There's a lot about Shannon that I don't know.
你担心我不切实际
And you're worried that I'm being unrealistic.
-是的 -但你也以为
- Yes. - But you also thought
我永远找不到她 而我找到了
that I would never find her, and I did.
那件事我是对的
I was right about that.
这件事我也是对的
And I'm right about this, too.
明天晚上是我们第一次约会
Tomorrow night's our first date.
我请她去吃晚餐
I'm taking her out to dinner.
作为揭示姓氏的仪式
For the ceremonial unveiling of last names.
听着 我不仅会知道她的姓
Know what, not only am I gonna get her last name,
我可能还会知道她的中间名
I might even get her middle name.
-什么 -行啊 老手
- What?! - Whoa, watch out, player.
各位 我在吃面包块
I'm eating croutons, folks.
情况已经到这个地步了
This is what it's come to.
好吧 我们点晚餐吧
Okay, let's order some dinner.
好吧 要不我们
All right, why don't we just, uh,
试试公园那边的新店 超级面条
try that new place off the park, Super Noodle?
那家儿童书店吗
The kids' bookstore?
够了 这个 这个就是故意误导了 对吧
Oh, come on, now...now that's intentionally misleading. Right?
神兽
第二季 第二集
好吧 我希望你们不会介意
Okay, I hope you guys don't mind
我喝掉了最后一点耶加雪菲
I finished the last of the yirgacheffe.
不过苏门答腊咖啡豆还剩很多
There's still plenty of Sumatran Peaberry left, though.
我的哥们 那是盐
That's salt, my dude.
你说得对 先生 没错
You are correct, sir. Yes.
艾德·麦克马洪Ed McMahon?
美国播音员
迪米特里 沙雕视频
Dimitri. Sick vid.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
太好玩了
Oh, it's so cool.
他们有个聊天群
They have a group text.
他们所有人都在一起
All of them, all together.
他们一起说笑聊天 我却不能参加
They share jokes and stuff, and... I'm not on it.
我确定他们不是故意的
Well, I'm sure it's just an oversight.
毕竟 你是新来的
I mean, you're new.
这不是因为我是新来的 迪莉娅
It's not 'cause I'm new, Delia.
是因为我老了
It's because I'm old.
年纪第二大的家伙才35岁
The next oldest guy there is, like, 35,
他们就叫他"老头子"
and they call him "Gramps."
我敢肯定他们从来都没发过传真
I bet not one of them has ever sent a fax.
一次都没有
Not one single fax.
如果你让他们发的话 他们肯定会发的
Well, I'm sure they'd send one if you asked them to.
我为什么要让他们发传真
Why would I ask them to?
你似乎很想让他们发
You seem to want them to.
不是 我只是觉得完全被孤立了
No, no, it's just that I feel completely left out.
亲爱的 不如你跟你的手下
Well, honey, why don't you talk to your guy--
他叫什么名字 迪米特里
what's his name-- Dimitri?
我的得力手下 迪米特里
Oh, my main dude Dimitri.
对 让你的得力手下把你加进群聊里
Yeah. Ask your main dude to add you to the group text.
我不知道
Oh, I don't know.
他们可能会觉得我很饥渴
They might call me thirsty.
他们一直用这个词 "饥渴"
Thirsty's a word they use all the time.
如果你非要问意思的话 他们会让你感到茫然
If you have to ask, you'll never understand,
所以 我不想问
so I don't want to ask.
好吧
Okay...
你好 小家伙
Hey, buddy,
你妈妈在家吗
Is, uh, is your mom home?
她在冲我爸爸大叫
She's yelling at my dad.
接电♥话♥ 你个混♥蛋♥
Pick up your phone, you jerk.