神兽

生日快乐 亲爱的
Happy birthday, hon.
你许了什么心愿
What'd you wish for?
我不想说
I don't want to say.
说出来就不灵了
It'll jinx it.
太神秘了 真是个典型的天蝎座
Oh. So secretive. What a Scorpio.
特别天蝎
Such a Scorpio.
好吧
Oh, okay,
星座啊
so... astrology, huh?
妈妈
Mom...
不是的 只是
No, it's just...
你们真的都能接受这个吗
Well, you just all accept that stars
数百万公里外的星星决定你全部的人格特点
millions of miles away dictate all of your personality traits?
当然了
Uh, yeah.
好吧 没什么
Okay. Yeah, no.
没关系 没什么的
That-- Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.
我只是不明白为什么你们不相信些其他因素
I just don't know why you wouldn't turn to things like,
比如说 基因遗传
I don't know, DNA,
文化影响 父母的言传身教
cultural influences, parenting.
拜托了 迪莉娅 很有意思的
Come on, Delia. It's fun.
科学才是很有意思的
Science is fun.
你妈妈感觉特别像是个金牛座的
Your mom sounds like a Taurus.
太可笑了
Oh. That is so ridiculous.
你就是金牛座
You are a Taurus.
我知道 只是走运猜对了而已
I know. It was a lucky guess.
是很蠢 但是有什么坏处吗
It's silly, yes, but what's the harm?
觉得很愚蠢是吗
Oh, it's silly, huh?
好吧 那我估计你应该不会在意
Oh, well, then I guess you wouldn't care
你的新女朋友恰好也是天蝎座吧
if your new girlfriend also happens to be a Scorpio.
你怎么知道的 我甚至都不知道呢
How did you know that? I didn't even know that.
娜塔莉伪造了一份社交媒体资料
Natalie created a fake social media profile.
什么 是你帮我弄的
What? You helped me!
好吧 我们那样做真的只是为了能够
Ugh. Okay, fine. Look, we only did it
在不让她知道的情况下能够在网上查看她
so that we could check her out online without her knowing.
你一直在网络追踪我的女朋友吗
You-You've been cyberstalking my girlfriend?
我们只是想确认一下
We were just trying to make sure
确认她不是那种疯狂的黑人寡妇那类人
that she wasn't some crazy black widow-type
只为了追有两个女儿的单身父亲
who preys on single fathers with two daughters.
拜托啊
Oh, please.
那她是那样的吗
But is she?
不是的 虽然大部分连环杀手都是天蝎座
No. Though most serial killers are Scorpios.
好了 现在大家都知道她并不是个杀人犯了
Okay. All right, now that we know she's not a murderer,
谁都不许再窥视香农了
no more snooping on Shannon.
如果我想知道些什么
Anything I want to find out,
我会用老法子办的
I'll do it the old-fashioned way.
我会主动问她
I'll ask.
-好的 没问题 -很好
- Okay. You got it. - Great.
稍等 天蝎座就是最近了吧
Wait. Wait. So, Scorpio is now?
那她肯定快要过生日了吧
So her birthday must be soon.
是的
Yes, it is.
好吧 是什么时候呢
O-Okay. All right. Wh-When is it?
我以为你不需要让我告诉你更多信息呢
Oh, I thought you didn't want me to tell you anything else.
是的 你说的对 我不需要 不管了
You know what, you're right. I don't. Never mind.
好吧 讨厌 直接告诉我吧
Okay. Uh, damn it, just tell me.
两天后
In two days.
什么 两天吗
What-what? Two days?
天啊
Oh, my God.
我该怎么办啊
What am I gonna do?
优柔寡断
Indecisive.
典型的双子座
Typical Gemini.
无稽之谈啊
It's not a thing!
神兽
第二季 第三集
我真无法相信香农还有两天就要过生日了
I can't believe Shannon's birthday is in two days.
我是说 我们才刚刚开始约会啊
I mean, we just started dating.
如果我表现得太夸张 会把她吓跑吗
I mean, if I go too big, will I scare her off?
如果我表现得不在意 那我算是个混♥蛋♥吗
If I go too small, what, am I-- am I a jerk?
我懂 关系刚刚开始时
I know. Big calendar days
重要的日子都是雷区啊
at the start of relationships are minefields.
生日啊 情人节啊
Birthdays, Valentine's Day,
总统日啊
Presidents' Day.
都是因为床垫会促销
'Cause of the mattress sales.
很亲密的举动了
Very intimate.
咱们怎么会说起这个话题的
Why are we even having this conversation?
因为 准确来说 你并不知道她的生日
'Cause, technically, you don't know it's her birthday.
所以 不需要送礼物 问题就解决了
So, no gift. Problem solved.
是啊 但是我明明知道了啊
Yeah, but I-I do know.
但你并不一定要知道啊
But you don't have to.
但我确实知道啊
Yeah, but I do.
而且如果我什么都没说 我就觉得自己在说谎
And if I didn't say anything, I would feel like I was lying.
我的意思是 我要
I mean, do I...
怎么说 我要约她出去吗
I don't know, do I take her out?
我要送她礼物吗
Do I get her a gift?
好吧 那就和她谈谈吧
Okay, just talk to her.
好吗 看她怎么说
Okay? Follow her lead.
如果你认真倾听的话 她
If you're really listening, she'll...
这我能做到
That I can do.
倾听我很在行
I'm a very good listener.
真的吗
Really?
我这还没说完呐
'Cause I wasn't finished.
你还好意思说吗
See that?
你这拿的什么东西
What's this?
上次你办生日派对
Well, last time you had one of these things,
我只给过生日的小家伙带了礼物
I didn't bring anything for the non-birthday kids
那次凯超我鼻子上来了一口
and Kai bit me on the nose.
所以这次我给每个人都买♥♥了礼物
So, this time, I brought something for everybody,
保障我的人身安全
virtually guaranteeing a bite-free celebration.
嗯 说得有道理
Yeah, let's say that.
我去拿点三明治来
I got to go get the sandwiches.
你自便
Knock yourself out.
泰乐家的孩子们 我带了礼物来啦
Taylor children, I come bearing gifts!
-太棒了 -是呀
- Heck yeah! - Yeah.
我给每个人都准备了特别的礼物
I got something special for everybody here.
佐伊 我给你买♥♥了个飞盘
For Zoe, I got a Frisbee.
菲克斯牌 这不是你在的公♥司♥名吗
Foqus? Isn't that the name of the company you work for?
不错 是的 诺亚
Yeah. Yes, it is, Noah.
这就是这些礼物特别的原因
And that's what makes it special,
外面商店你可买♥♥不到
because you can't find it in stores.
接住 佐伊
Catch, Zoe.
好吧 还以为会接住
Okay. Really thought she'd catch that.
看看我给凯准备的
Um... Oh, for Kai,
一个减压球
I got a stress ball.
5岁的孩子压力都很大呢
Because being five can just be so darn hard.
那个上面也印了你公♥司♥的名字
That also has your company's name on it.
凯 接好
I... Here, Kai, catch.
好吧 本 你得教教你的孩子怎么接东西
Okay. Ben, you got to teach your kids how to catch.
他们接得住
They can catch.
这上面也有我公♥司♥商标 不用提醒我了
And, uh, last but not least-- and I know what it says on the side...
诺亚 你的是一把水枪
For Noah, a water gun.
-谢谢你 -客气了
- Thanks, Forrest! - Yeah.
-我长这么大都没有玩过 -那送对了
- I've never had one of these before! - Cool!
太好了
That's great.
福利斯特 你是不是给了诺亚一把水枪
Hey, Forrest, did you just give Noah a water gun?
-是的 -你真能干
- Yes, I did. - Great.
现在我不得不没收他的礼物了
Now I have to go take it away from him.
没收 为什么
Take it away? Why?
为什么这么做 他喜欢水枪啊
What? He's-- He loves it.
他之前一直没玩过是有原因的
There's a reason he's never had one before, Forrest.
水枪看起来像是一把枪
It looks like a gun.
一点也不像好吧
It doesn't look like a gun.
你见过荧光蓝的枪吗
It's neon blue.
我怎么没听懂你的意思
What am I missing here?