衰女翻身（2017）

The Mick S02E18

Part 1 July 22, 2020, 12:09 p.m.

衰女
翻身
第二季第十八集
天啊
My God.
-真替"祖国花朵"悲哀 -可悲啊
- I-I-I weep for our future. - Pathetic.
小本什么时候有手♥机♥了
When did Ben get a phone?
我换新手♥机♥了所以就把旧手♥机♥给他了
I upgraded mine, so I gave him my old one.
不绝对不行我可没同意
No. Absolutely not. I didn't sign off on that.
那是我的手♥机♥
Hey, that's mine.
现在不是了
Not anymore.
你哪根筋搭错线
What the hell is wrong with you?
我不喜欢
I don't like it.
手♥机♥吗
Phones?
手♥机♥ 电脑平板
Phones, computers, the-the pads,
云盘网络
the cloud, you know, the Internet.
全都不喜欢
N-None of it. I don't like it.
你听着像老年人
You sound senile.
如果生活在现实世界就是老年人
All right, well, if living in the real world is senile,
那我就是"丽莎·明尼里"then I am Liza Minnelli.
上世纪70年代当红演员
现实世界最没劲了
Real world blows.
我等不及边打着点滴
I can't wait till I'm hooked up to an I.V. drip
边全天看VR小黄♥片♥了
just hammering VR porn stars 24/7.
奇普你不是吧
Chip. You don't mean that.
现实世界处处是精彩
The world is full of excitement.
瞧瞧你周围
Just look around you.
比如呢
Yeah, like what?
比如
Like...
政♥治♥与恶搞名人访谈
politics and pranks... celebrity interviews,
厨艺大赛
cooking competitions.
你搞什么呢
What are you doing?
你说了一堆电视节目
You're just naming stuff on TV.
听着今天天气不错我们出去玩吧
Listen, guys, it's a beautiful day. Let's go outside.
拉倒吧外面热死了
Yeah, right. It's, like a thousand frickin' degrees outside.
活在现实里或跟人接触怎么就不行了
And God forbid we feel something or have a human interaction.
我经常和人接触啊
I have human interactions all the time.
今天晚些时候我会跟网友见面
Later today, I'm meeting up with some guy I met online.
-也许是个宅男 -或是个变♥态♥
- Probably a nerd. - Or a pervert.
都不是
He's neither, actually.
他是个厉害的文身师
He's a sick tattoo artist
他会过来帮我文身
and he's coming over to give me some fresh new ink.
你确定他不是个变♥态♥的杀手
Are you sure he's not a sick new murderer
过来剥了你的皮做成披肩吗
coming over to turn your skin into a cape?
《沉默的羔羊》情节
也许米琪说得对
Yeah, you know, maybe Mickey's right.
我觉得网络的意义就在于
I feel like the whole point of the Internet
不用和人接触
is so you don't have to meet people.
我们可以活在虚拟的网络里
You know, you can just live your whole life inside a computer.
不这完全不是我说的意思
No. That wasn't the point I was making at all.
我的重点是放下手♥机♥
Th-The point is, put your phones down.
别老盯着屏幕走出家门体验生活
Look up, get outside, have an experience.
文身也是一种生活体验
Getting a tattoo is an experience.
我在想文一个涂着指甲油的拳头
I don't know, I'm thinking maybe a power fist with nail polish.
很好一定要永久文在身上
Yes, please put that on your body forever.
找到了
Found her.
-找到谁了 -我的车
- Found who? - My car.
以为车被偷了结果只是被扣押了
Thought she got stolen, turns out she's at the impound.
想一起来吗
Want to come?
好你也一起来小本
Yes, I do. You're coming with me, Ben.
趁着这俩货被变♥态♥宅男剁成碎块之前
Let's get out of here before these two get chopped to bits
我们赶紧走
by some nerd pervert.
走吧
Yeah, right.
跟你待在一起比上网更加危险
A day with you is way more dangerous than anything online.
我快热死了
It's hot as hell out here.
是啊短裤都是汗
Yeah, my shorts are pulling up.
我们来这里干什么吉米买♥♥一辆新车吧
Why are we even here, Jimmy? Just buy a new car.
或者从家里车♥库♥随便挑一辆豪车
Or we got a whole fleet of luxury vehicles at home.
我不需要新车我的车还能开
Yeah, I don't need a new car. Mine runs just fine.
这辆老车充满了回忆
Got a thousand memories in the ol' Blue Magoose.
我就只记得被这辆车撞过好多回
My memories consist mostly of you running me over with it.
车还在黄金时期怎么能说扔就扔了呢
You don't put something out to pasture when it's still in its prime, okay?
我知道这车看起来不怎么样但是还能...
Now, I know she may not look it, but this kitty can still--
没有血渍九百
你干什么
What are you doing?
-警♥察♥大哥这车卖♥♥吗 -必须卖♥♥啊
- Yo, Officer, is this for sale? - Everything's for sale.
这车真漂亮太赞了
She is a beaut, tell you that much.
-跑了多少英里了 -273000
- How many miles we working with? - 273,000.
但这价钱还是不对啊只卖♥♥九百吗
Still, that price can't be right. Only 900 bucks?
这里面有诈吧
I mean, what's the catch?
应该是这些子弹洞拉低了价格
I'm thinking these bullet holes have something to do with it.
你说得没错
You would be correct.
奇普我...
Chip, can I...?
-你干什么呢 -没什么赶紧走
- Hey, what are you doing? - Nothing. Beat it.
住手这是私人物品
Hey, stop! That's private.
这是什么
What is this?
没什么我有时会随手涂鸦
Nothing. I make doodles sometimes.
这就是我随便画的
That was a doodle I did.
这些涂鸦很像塞布丽娜说的那个文身啊
Well, this doodle looks very similar to a tattoo Sabrina described.
不像
Nah.
-不像吗 -不像
- Nah? - Nah.
我觉得像这里面有猫腻啊
Well, I think yes. I think something smells fishy.
我觉得你是个白♥痴♥...
Well, I think you're an idiot, so...
也许吧
Maybe.
我拿给塞布丽娜看看吧
I'll go see what Sabrina thinks.
别行好...
No! Fine! Okay, just...
答应我你别告诉塞布丽娜
Promise me that you will not tell Sabrina.
果然有猫腻啊继续说吧
I already like where this is going. Okay. Let's go.
我就是塞布丽娜要见的文身师
I am Sabrina's tattoo artist.
波士顿墨水池的马可斯·勒拉这是我编造出来的人
Marcus Lella, Ink Well Boston. I made him up.
你在网上编了个身份泡你姐吗
You catfish your sister?
不什么乱七八糟你别这么阴暗
No. What? What is wrong with you?
我编造了一个假身份是为了接近她的朋友霍莉
I made a fake profile to get closer to her friend Holly.
我就是想查出她的喜好
I just want to find out, you know, her likes,
她的兴趣她的理想型
her interests, what turns her on.
掌握她的信息
Anything I can use.
好变♥态♥
Creepy.
我编造了好几个身份
I made a bunch of different personas,
就只有马可斯这个身份打入她们的圈子了
but Marcus is the one that just really, really broke through.
黑帅黑帅的小哥
Beautiful black man,
能说会道有一百万假粉丝
silver tongue, a million fake followers.
这下精彩了
This is delicious.
塞布丽娜知道这事以后会弄死你
Sabrina is gonna destroy you when she finds out.
她不会发现真♥相♥ 因为马可斯要死于艾滋了
Yeah, okay. She's not gonna find out 'cause Marcus is gonna die of AIDS.
-啥 -没错
- Wh-What? - Yeah.
我的假身份演不下去了
My cover's basically blown.
我跟她说她不在城里时
I told her the only days I was available
我才有空
was the days that she was out of town.
结果她取消了行程
She cancels her trip.
我今天得给她文身了
Now I have to give her a tattoo today.
-但为什么是艾滋啊 -这才符合逻辑
- But why AIDS? - It makes sense.
他是个大款文身师
He's a baller tattoo artist.
天天和针头打交道还滥交
He works with needles and he gets laid a lot.
奇普不行你不能"杀死"这个人
Okay, Chip. No. You can't kill this guy.
多么好的人设
It is too good.
给我两百我让"马可斯继续活在人世"
Pay me $200 and I will help you keep Marcus alive.
不用了谢了走吧
Nope. No, thanks. Go.
我再重新组织一下语言
Let me rephrase that.
给我两百不然我就告诉塞布丽娜
For $200 I won't tell Sabrina that you are Marcus.
爽
Yeah!
小本蛋蛋震了吗
Ben, feel that rumble in your balls?
-蛋都震碎了 -是吗
- It kind of hurts. - Yeah?
-你长大了就结实了 -好了
- They'll toughen up once you work 'em over. - Okay.
蛋蛋这个话题可以过了
That'll do with the ball talk.
我们能回高速上吗