衰女翻身（2017）

The Mick S02E17

Part 1 July 22, 2020, 12:08 p.m.

衰女
翻身
第二季第十七集
如果烤面包机不好用
So if the toaster won't go down,
可能是因为没有插电
it's probably because it is not plugged in.
我们知道怎么用烤面包机
Yes, we know how a toaster works.
记得每天帮上校翻两次身体
Remember to turn the colonel twice a day
不然他会得褥疮
or he will get bedsores.
恶心有人一直这么做吗
Gross. Somebody been doing that?
是啊我啊
Yes, I have.
好如果没有厕纸了...
Okay. If you run out of toilet paper...
那我就用浴室脚垫你走吧
Then I'll use the bath mat. Just go, okay?
你在叨叨什么呢
What are you blathering about?
任务清单...
You know, the list...
我离开时你们要做的事
of things to get done while I'm gone.
我都不知道你在跟我们说话
I didn't even know you were talking to us.
别说了我们能行
You know what? We're good.
对吧各位我们能行
Right, guys? We're good.
你就好好去...
Go have fun in-in...
你要去哪儿来着
Where you going?
我去市里放松一个周末
I'm going to the city for a spa weekend.
-等下你为什么要休息 -就是你啥活也不干
- Wait, why do you need a break? - Yeah, you do nothing.
这个家没散都是我的功劳
I am the glue that holds this house together.
你以为大半夜是谁清扫家里啊
You think it just magically cleans itself in the middle of the night?
不你大半夜收拾家
No. No, you clean it in the middle of the night
是因为你嗑太多安♥非♥他♥命♥了
'cause you're all cranked on amphetamines.
但活干完了对吧
Well, it gets done, doesn't it?
但是我一晚上都没法睡觉
But then, I don't sleep all night
因为你就像个乡村版圣诞老人
'cause you're up there clomping around
走一步房♥子都跟着震三下
like some kind of hillbilly Santa Claus.
我把清单放在冰箱上吧
You know, I just leave this on the fridge.
很好
All right, great.
艾尔巴你想听下我昨晚做的梦吗
Alba, do you want to hear about my dream last night?
特别想
More than anything,
但你今天不归我管小本
but, you know, I am off the clock, Benito.
跟米琪讲吧
Tell it to Mickey.
你想听吗
Do you want to hear about it?
是个怪梦
It was a weird one.
行你讲吧
What the hell. Go ahead.
是这样我下课在操场上玩...
Okay, so, I was on the playground at recess...
吉本斯校长朝我走来了
and Principal Gibbons came up to me,
但他不是吉本斯校长
but he wasn't Principal Gibbons,
-他是个狼人 -是吗
- he was a werewolf. - Yeah?
他长着大大的爪子长长的指甲
He had the biggest hands and really long nails.
他很高很壮
And he was really tall and big.
然后狼人♥大♥军来袭
And then the werewolf army came,
人数众多十亿左右吧
and there was, like, a billion of them.
我当时吓坏了
I was so scared!
然后我朝最大的狼人开了一枪
And then I shot the biggest werewolf,
他不仅没死反而变成了一个机器狼人
and instead of dying, he turned into a robot werewolf,
他对我说 "给我糖果"
and he's like, "Give me candy."
所以我跑去了糖果店
So I ran to the candy store,
我给他拿了一些糖果
and I got him some candy.
他以神速瞬间吃掉了
And he ate it so really, really, really fast.
然后我把所有狼人泡泡糖都给他了
Then I gave all the werewolves bubblegum.
好了跟得太近了
Yep. Yep. A little close, though.
但他们一直吃根本停下不来
But they were eating it and they were eating it,
然后陷进...
and it got stuck...
不用贴这么近好了
You don't have to get so close. There we go.
然后我说 "行了
And then I was like, "That's it!
全世界的糖果都被吃光了
All the candy in the whole, entire world is gone.
抱歉机器狼人先生"
Sorry, Mr. Werewolf Robot."
好好我懂了他喜欢糖果
Yeah, yeah, I get it. He likes candy.
我们都有自己的恶习别再说了
We all have our vices. No more talking, all right?
但你不想听下结局吗
But... but don't you want to hear how it ends?
不想我不想
I don't, I don't.
但只因为我想留个悬念
But only because I want to marinate in the suspense.
好梦
Sweet dreams.
但天还没黑呢
But it's still light out.
天呐怎么才六点
My God, how is it only 6:00?
好吧这样吧
Okay, well, you know what?
你闭上眼 "天就黑了"
It'll be dark when you close your eyes.
吉米我们出去你收拾一下
Jimmy, we're going out. Go get ready.
我收拾好了
I am ready.
塞布丽娜我们回来之前你照看小本和奇普
Sabrina, you're in charge of Ben and Chip till we get back.
-拒绝 -拜托了
- Decline. - Please?
我带了一天小本了
I've been wrangling Ben all day long.
不好意思跟本千金无关
Sorry. Not my problem.
拜托帮帮忙吧
Come on, just be a team player.
好了我来看家
Ladies, please. I'll be in charge.
抱歉不行
Sorry. No.
我都不敢让你给上校换尿不湿
I wouldn't put you in charge of changing the colonel's diaper.
你说什么呢我能行
What are you talking about? I'm capable.
你有能力用电♥话♥线勒死自己
Well, you're capable of asphyxiating yourself with a phone cord,
或者把一个人偶塞在屁♥股♥里
or getting an action figure stuck up your butt,
这点你能行
I'll give you that.
把... 我怎么会把玩偶塞进屁♥股♥里
An act... Why would I have an action figure stuck up my butt?
我才不会没事在这里猜
I'm not gonna sit here and try and speculate
你为什么会干出缺心眼的事
as to why you do the things you do.
我才不会干那种事
I don't-- I don't do that.
我们两到十个小时后回来
We'll be back in, like, two to ten hours.
行吧你们有需要就看艾尔巴在冰箱上留的那个单子
Yeah? And if you need anything, Alba left a list on the fridge.
什么单子
What list?
我完全不知道她在说什么
I have no idea what she's talking about.
列车到达终点站
Now approaching our final stop,
宾州车站
Penn Station.
所有乘客请下车
All passengers, please exit the train.
宾州车站终点站
Penn Station. Last stop.
本次列车周末停运
The train is going out of service for the weekend.
请各位乘客下车
Everyone please exit the train.
出口
怎么... 不要啊不是吧
Wh... No. Come on.
有人吗
Hello?
-宾州车站终点站 -我被困在这里了
- Penn Station. Last stop. - I'm stuck in here!
-本次列车周末停运 -别这样啊
- The train is going out of service for the weekend. - Come on.
天呐老鼠
No, no! Rat!
老鼠老鼠救命啊
Rat, rat, rat, rat! Somebody!
有了那边有一个
There we go. There-there's one.
不行他已经占了
Nah, he's already taking it.
吉米你就停进去吧
Jimmy, just come on, get in there.
我不想找个车位找呢么久
I don't want to drive around all night.
我能怎么办他已经要倒进去了
What do you want from me, all right? He's already backing in.
好吧还是得老娘上场
Okay. Cool. I'll do everything.
别干这么不厚道的事了
Let's not make this a thing, please.
不好意思那是我的车位
Excuse me. That's-that's my spot.
那我怎么站在这里啊
How come I'm standing in it then?
老兄搞什么啊
Bro, are you serious?
我懂我也想把她带走
I know, man, all right? Come on, I'm trying to take the lady out.
所以你帮帮忙吧
So just help me out, all right?
-我给钱吧 -这下坏了
- How about I give you a few bucks? - Boy.
我靠
God.
好了各位
Okay, gentlemen......
不用我能搞定
No, you know what, I got it.
-就... 不米琪 -大家都回车里...
- Just-- No. Mick, no, please. - Everyone back in your...
-退后 -天呐这...
- Step back, please. - God. That's...
我不知道你们有四个人
I didn't know there was four of you,
但我还是酬谢的
but I could still make it worth your while.
老兄我不想惹事
Dude, I'm not doing it, all right?
我这里有些零钱
I got change here.
至少有...
That's, like, at least a whole bunch of...
行了别打了别打了
All right, guys. Fun's over.
赶紧走吧
Why don't you head home.