大北方（2021）

你说爸爸的时候我就被你俘获了
You had me at dad.
各位 这是蒂莫西
Everyone, this is Timothy.
请注意它不是宠物或食物
Please note that he is not a pet or food.
我要教它飞行
I'm teaching him to fly.
也许我能帮你
Oh, maybe I can help you.
我也不会飞
I also cannot fly,
所以我能体会它的感受
so I totally get what he's going through.
无意冒犯 穆恩 个人而言 我不在乎鸟
No offense, Moon, personally, I don't care for birds.
我总是发现它们在我窗户边翘尾巴
I always catch them peaking in my windows.
别翘了 鸟 这不是给你们看的
Stop peaking, birds. This isn't for you.
没错 是给她的 鸟
Yeah, it's for her, birds.
一个女人的身体是她自己的领土
A woman's body is her own dominion.
看着自己 蒂莫西 别看我身体
Eyes to yourself, Timothy. Don't look at my dominion.
好了 家庭会议
Okay, so family meeting.
我们唯一的妹妹朱迪请求的醒悟下载
Little dawn download requested by our only sister Judy.
小朱 你可以发言了
Juderonomous, you've the floor.
通过我一个朋友
it has come to my attention
我注意到自从爸爸承认妈妈离开他后
via a friend of mine who definitely exists here on earth
就没再约会过 这个朋友绝对存在于地球上
and is a real person that dad has not been on any dates
是个真人
since admitting that mom left him.
他极有可能孤独死去
And he is at serious risk of dying alone,
抓住一个他用树桩刻出来的女人
clutching a woman he carved out of a tree stump.
-我们不都这样吗 -所以我在想我们应该
- Aren't we all? - So I was thinking we should
怂恿他回到情场
give him a little push just to, you know, get him back out there.
我意识到
And I realize that there's
明晚在俄♥罗♥斯♥酒吧有个"面肉"交际会
a "meet and meat" singles mixer tomorrow night at the russian bar
很适合认识一些隆慕斯的女性
that'd be perfect for meeting some lone moose ladies.
为什么叫"面肉"
Now, why is it called a "meet and meat"?
因为他们还会抽奖送出
Oh, because they also raffle off
很多当地猎人打来的肉
a bunch of meat from local hunters.
在我还是单身汉的时候我偶尔会去
I used to go to it sometimes when I was an eligible bachelor.
从没认识任何人 但有次我赢了14份北美驯鹿鹿排
Never met anyone, but one time I won 14 caribou steaks.
回家路上给丢了 但是真过瘾
Lost 'em on the way home, but what a thrill.
我用我们的老打印机从他们网站打印了一张传♥单♥
I printed out a flier for it from their website using our old printer.
只花了45分钟
It only took 45 minutes,
你能看到三分之二的内容
and you can read two-thirds of it.
-酷 -天呐 爸爸会讨厌这事的
- Dope. - Oh, boy, dad's gonna hate this.
你不觉得我们该让他
Don't you think we should just let him
靠自己去偶遇吗
meet someone on his own?
就像《当哈利遇到》 叫什么来着
Like when harry met, you know, what's it called?
-莎莉 -不 亨德森一家 他们都相爱了
- Sally. - No, the hendersons, and they all fell in love.
各位 我觉得我们该支持朱迪
Guys, I think we ought to support Judy here,
通过支持她 我们也就支持了爸爸
and by doing that, support dad.
我们也该去 我已经名花有主了
We should go, too. I'm taken,
但我想要赢得一些培根
but I'd love to win some bacon.
没问题 我的香肠宝贝
You got it, my sausage sweetie.
好主意 我们都可以去 作为讨价还价的筹码
Great idea. We can all go. And as a bargaining chip,
我和沃尔夫想着我们可以向爸爸保证
Wolf and I thought we could promise dad, in exchange,
-以他一直想要的一件事作为交换 -你不是说
- the one thing he's always wanted. - You don't mean...
我就是那意思 我说的是
Yeah, I do mean. I'm talking about
全家人参加公共图书馆提供的
the whole family taking the chain saw basics
链锯基础知识讲习班
workshop series being offered at the public library.
听我们说
Hear us out.
各位 只用去四个周六 每次八小时
Guys, it's only four saturdays. Eight hours each day.
我们逃避了这么多年
Well, we've avoided it for years,
但如果只有这样才能避免爸爸孤独死去
but if that's what it takes to stop dad from dying alone,
-那我就准备好了 因为我是链锯 -很好
- then stick a fork in me, 'cause I'm a chain saw. - Great.
天 他来了 大家自然点
Oh, god, here he comes. Everyone act casual.
怎么了 世界末日要来了吗
What's going on? Is it the apocalypse?
不要惊慌 我们的大米能吃500年
No one panic, we have 500 years' worth of rice,
地下室里还有两本《卡尔文和布老虎霍布斯》漫画
and two calvin and hobbes books in the basement.
不 比那更好 如果你能相信的话
No, it's even better than that, if you can believe it.
爸 你是时候回到马上
dad, it's time for you to get back on the horse
骑马到谷仓 在这周末
and ride that horse to the barn and meet women
去面肉单身交际会认识女性了
at the meet and meat singles mixer this weekend.
我没跟你们说吗
Oh, I didn't tell you guys?
我要去夏威夷出差
I'm actually off to hawaii for a work trip.
-你懂的 你懂的 -爸爸警报
- You get it, you get it. - Uh-oh, code dad.
-快抓住他 -他跑了
- Grab him, quick! - He's on the move!
孩子们 抱歉我试图逃跑 你们被迫
Children, sorry that I tried to run away, and you were forced
在地上跟我搏斗 然后在我身上
to wrestle me to the ground and then sit on me
坐了15分钟 而我像野熊一样跟你们斗
for 15 minutes while I fought you like a wild bear.
没事 爸爸
it's no problem, dad.
我们随时都愿意跟你摔跤 我是认真的
We'll wrestle you to the ground any day, and I mean that.
所以如果我明天去 试图
So, if I go tomorrow and attempt to,
就像年轻人说的那样 "认识人"
as the teens say, "meet people,"
你们就都会
you will really all seriously attend
跟我一起参加链锯基础知识讲习班
the chain saw basics workshop with me?
是的 我们就是这么说的 也是真心的
Yep. That's what we said, and that's what we meant.
我向你保证
You have my word.
你还可以拥有这个单词 菠萝
You can also have this word: Pineapple.
我叫你们去参加这活动好多次了
I've asked you to do that so many times.
这可以说是我唯一的愿望
It's literally all I've ever wanted.
现在也是我们的愿望
And now it's all we've ever wanted.
跟家人和链锯相处32小时
32 hours with our family and our chain saws.
那么 就去参加面肉交际会了
Well, then, the meet and meat it is.
先失陪了 关于这次有趣的约会机会
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up
我要去吐一下
about this very fun dating opportunity
然后再去船上忙
before heading out to work on the boat.
各位 我们做到了 爸爸不会孤独死去了
Guys, we did it-- dad will no longer die alone.
而是会死在一个女人的臂弯里
But instead he will die in the arms of a woman.
身份未知
Identity tbd.
好样的 各位
Okay, great job, everybody.
该上学了了 走吧
Time for school. Let's head out.
在学校玩得开心 各位
Have fun at school, guys.
我要留在家里教提摩西飞行
I've got to stay home and teach Timothy to fly.
不行 你得去上学
Uh-uh. No way, bub. You're going to school.
我和哈妮碧会看着它
Me and Honeybee will watch tim.
我会给它看《壮志凌云》
I'll show him top gun.
如果有谁能教会它飞 那就非独行侠莫属
If anyone can teach him to fly, it's maverick.
好吧 不过古斯死的那部分
Fine. But fast-forward through the part
记得快进 谢谢
where goose dies, please.
小朱 我想我们可能需要帮助爸爸
You know, judes, I was thinking we might need to help dad
为明天的事复习下他的能力
brush up on his skills before tomorrow.
面肉交际会可不是玩笑 到时有
The meet and meat is no joke. There's, uh...
怎么说呢 很多台球杆
How do I say this? A lot of pool cues,
但是球袋不多 如果你懂我意思的话
not a lot of pockets, if you know what I mean.
不懂 你什么意思
No. What do you mean?
有很多热狗 小面包不多
A lot of hot dogs, not a lot of buns.
他的意思就是到时会有很多
What he's saying is there'll be tons of, uh,
华盛顿纪念碑 大峡谷国家公园不多
washington monuments, not a lot of grand canyons.
-我们要给你细说吗 -也许
- Do we need to spell this out for you? - Maybe.
很多信 信封却不多
A lot of letters, not a lot of envelopes.
很多土拨鼠 洞穴却不多
A lot of prairie dogs, not a lot of prairie dog holes.
很多脚 袜子却不多
A lot of feet, not a lot of socks.
-哈姆懂了 -光盘多
- Ham gets it. - Tons of dvds,
却不够架子来摆放是吗
not a ton of dvd shelves to put 'em on?
接近了 是的 不错 穆恩
Oh, uh, kinda. Yeah. Good try, Moon.
巨人安德烈很多
A lot of andre the giants,
巨型睡袋却不多
not a lot of gigantic sleeping bags.
你们到底在说些啥
Uh, what are you guys talking about?!
男人很多 女人很少
A lot of men, very few women.
原来如此 行吧
Oh... Okay, then, yeah.
放学后我们得帮老爸练习如何约会
After school, we should help dad practice dating.
还有谁比你自己的孩子更适合作为练习对象呢
And who better to practice on than your own kids?
没错 没人比我们更懂老爸的恋爱需求了
Exactly. No one knows dad's romantic needs better than us.
- 朱迪 嗨 - 我有生以来最漫长的一段路
- Judy, hi. - The longest walk of my life.
嗨 头发 我是说你好 史蒂文
Oh, hi, hair. I mean hi there, Steven.
我不知道你会出现在我嘴里
I didn't know you'd be here in my mouth.
不对 我是说在这 我柜子旁
No, I mean here, near my locker.