第一足球队

训练基地 11:30
干得好 兄弟
Good work, mate.
冷冻舱给你准备好了
Cryo-chamber for you.
-去修复你的肌肉吧 -是 教练
- Go and get those muscles repaired. - Yes, sir.
天啊 马丁
Jesus Christ! Martin!
医生 医生
Oh! Medic! Medic!
来人叫医生 护理员
Oh, someone get a medic! Paramedic!
毯子 给我拿几条毯子 快
Er... Blankets! Get me some blankets. Quickly!
快点
Hurry!
你要是亲我 我就杀了你
Kiss me, and I will fucking kill you!
这个玩笑永不过时
Absolutely timeless banter.
你像这样 "医生 谁能叫个护理员来"
You were like, "Medic! Someone call a paramedic!"
我那样做是因为 这是当你发现
I was all like that because it's the appropriate response
有人快死了时候的合理反应
when you find someone dying!
-"帮帮忙 拿几条毯子来" -也是完全合理的反应
- "Help! Get some blankets!" - Again, entirely appropriate response.
答应我 如果我昏倒了 你不会亲我
Just promise, if I ever collapse, you won't try and kiss me?
好吧 那是心肺复苏 如果我不做的话你会死
OK. Well, that's CPR, and you'll die if I don't.
试想一下被配套员耍了
Imagine getting mugged off by the kit man.
"坚持住 马丁 别离我而去
"Stay with me, Martin! Don't die on me.
想想短裤和袜子"
Think of the shorts and socks!"
-我可没那么说 -马蒂
- I did not say one word of that. - Mattie!
笑死我了 又整到你了
Oh, my days! Got you again!
双重恶作剧
Double pranks!
那不算是恶作剧 不是吗 你没整到我
That wasn't a prank, was it? You didn't get me.
-那你为什么满身是水 -我转身
- Why are you covered in water, then? - I turned around
因为有人喊我的名字 这是人的正常反应
because someone shouted my name, and that's what humans do.
你跟法国人一样烂 我跟他们开了点玩笑
You're as bad as the Frenchies. I had some banter with them,
接着 我就被送到了人力资源部
next thing you know, I'm sent to HR.
开的什么玩笑
What was the banter?
我叫他们臭气熏天的死青蛙
I called them stinking fucking frogs.
兄弟 你为什么一直被恶作剧整到
Bro, how do you keep falling for these pranks?
-你觉得我整不到你吗 -我 不可能
- Don't reckon I could get you, then? - Me? No way!
-是吗 -当然
- Yeah? - Yeah.
-是吗 -当然
- Yeah? - Yeah.
-是吗 -我刚刚说过了
- Yeah? - I just said yeah.
我们走着瞧
We'll see about that.
你完了
Well, you're fucked.
阿奎罗
Aguero!
一线队
第一季 第二集
我以为马丁被冻死了
I thought Martin had frozen to death!
-你生气只是因为被耍了 -一天两次
- You're just annoyed you got done. - Twice in a day.
难怪我们一直赢不了
It's no wonder we never win.
这些恶作剧抹杀了团魂
The...the pranks are killing team spirit.
手法下流 总有受害者...
They're nasty, there's always a victim...
没错 就是你
Yeah, you.
我认为得有人来解决
I just think someone's got to try to bring this car crash
更衣室里的这起事故
of a dressing room back together.
试图将团队凝聚于一个
Good luck trying to get the team to bond behind a bloke
认为冷冻舱能把人冻僵的小子身后 祝你好运
who thinks the cryo-chamber can freeze people.
它能把人冻僵 本杰 这就是它的用途
It can freeze people, Benji. That's literally what it does.
-是谁 你妈妈吗 -不 是个女孩
- Who's that? Your mum? - Nah, it's a girl.
我在玩探探
I'm on that Tinder thing.
但比我想的难 我给一些女孩发了消息
It's harder than I thought, though. I've messaged a few girls,
但是她们想让你问问题
but they expect you to ask questions
并且对回答感兴趣
and be interested in the answers.
不过我觉得我和这位发展得不错
I think it's going all right with this one, though.
让我看看
Yeah? Let me see.
你除了打招呼还说过别的吗
Have you said anything other than hi?
-没有 -我认为一位职业球员
- Nah. - I'm not sure it's the best idea
使用公开约会软件可不太好
for a professional footballer to be on a public dating app.
我没用我的真名
Well, I haven't used me real name.
被认出来我会很紧张
It makes me nervous about getting recognised, and that.
但你用了你本人的照片
But you've used your real photo of yourself?
是啊 我希望女人喜欢真实的我
Well, yeah, cos I want women to want me for the real me,
而不是因为我是个有钱的球员
not cos I'm a rich footballer.
但你是一个有钱的球员
But you are a rich footballer.
但她们光看照片是看不出来的 不是吗
Yeah, but they won't know that from looking at the photo, will they?
除非她们知道你是谁
Unless they know who you are,
而她们绝对知道
in which case they will absolutely know.
这个女孩很酷
This girl's pretty cool, man.
她为瑜伽工作室和按♥摩♥室之类的地方
She writes all that tinkling music for, like, yoga studios
创作那些叮叮当当的音乐
and massage rooms, and that,
所以她绝对很有钱
so she must be absolutely minted.
至少她追你不是为了你的钱
At least she won't be chasing you for your money.
如果你们想听的话 我给你们放一些她的作品
I'll play you some of her stuff if you want.
语♥音♥助手 播放叮当女孩音乐列表
Siri, play Tinkly Girl playlist.
她会破产的
Well, she's going to be broke.
这太难听了
This is shit.
又输了 更糟糕的消息是...
Another defeat, and even worse news --
看起来卡洛斯·瓦莱斯负伤下场了
it looked like Carlos Velez limped off injured.
卡洛斯·瓦莱斯受伤了
Carlos Velez is injured?
那我们完蛋了 不是吗 真棒
Well, then we're fucked, aren't we? Nice one!
训练基地 次日清晨
这
This!
-这就是俱乐部的问题 -卡洛斯吗
- This is what's wrong with the club. - What, Carlos?
-没错 他是个怪胎 -或者 换个角度看
- Yeah, he's a weirdo. - Or, to look at it another way,
卡洛斯·瓦莱斯去年被选为赛季最佳球员
Carlos Velez was voted Player of the Season last year,
但他现在受伤了 独自一人坐在这里 为什么
but now he's injured, he sits alone. Why?
-因为他是个怪胎 -不
- Because he's a weirdo? - No.
因为他在等着做理疗
Because he's waiting for the physio?
不 不过也有可能
No...well, maybe.
是因为没人在乎队伍的凝聚力
It's because no-one cares about team cohesion.
因为他是个怪胎
Because he's a weirdo!
-绝对是个傻♥逼♥ -不过他是中场小野兽
- Absolute bell-end. - Beast of a midfielder, though.
他健康的时候 无人可挡
I mean, when he's fit, he's unstoppable.
这里都没有人试着了解彼此
No-one here even tries to get to know each other.
没有团魂
There's no team spirit!
我很迷信
Oh, I'm superstitious, me.
我不喜欢在医疗室闲逛
I don't like hanging round the treatment room
-以防我染上什么病 -韧带撕裂吗
- in case I catch something. - What, like a torn hamstring?
-没错 -损伤不会传染 杰克
- Exactly. - You can't catch injuries, Jack.
-不是所有损伤都会传染 -你不会感染任何损伤
- Not all of them, anyway. - You can't catch any injuries.
拜托 你肯定也有些迷信
Oh, come on, you must have some superstitions.
-我确实没有 -比赛前我会洗手
- I honestly don't. - I wash me hands before a game.
卫生 不是迷信
Hygiene, not superstition.
我曾经在一次比赛前洗手 水的触感很好
I've done it once before a game, and the water felt nice.
缓解了压力
Took the pressure off.
然后我们赢了 所以我每次比赛前都会洗手
And we won, so now I do it before every game.
南多世的芝士蛋糕是另一个迷信
Nando's cheesecake is another one.
-什么 -我比赛前会吃一个南多世的芝士蛋糕
- What? - I have a Nando's cheesecake before games.
这也是个很好的迷信 因为我喜欢芝士蛋糕
It's also a good one, because I like cheesecake.
赛前吃一整个芝士蛋糕吗
A whole cheesecake before a game?
每个人都有迷信 兄弟
Everyone has superstitions, bro.
迷信 是吗
Ohh! Superstitions, is it?
我有很多迷信
Oh, I've got plenty of those.
我曾经在比赛前一天不和老婆做♥爱♥
I, um... I used to not have sex with the wife the day before the game.
现在是比赛前一周
Now it's more like the week before.
而我们每周都有比赛
And we have a game every week,
所以我其实不做♥爱♥
so I just literally never have sex.
不 你很好
Nah. No, you're fine.
-你有没有... -什么 我没有
- Did you...? - What? Huh? I didn't.
别提了
Nah. Don't mention.
没事
Nothing.
一会见
Well, see you in a bit.
-克里斯... -说句心里话
- Chris... - Well, I'm glad
我很开心卡洛斯暂时不能上场
Carlos is out for a bit, to be fair.
他训练时完全像疯了一样
He's absolutely mental in training.
是的 他很好胜
Yeah. He's competitive.
当然 我们都是这样
Of course. We all are.
我觉得他只是需要个朋友
I think he just needs a friend.
你要做他的朋友 是吗
And that's going to be you, is it?