第一足球队

- Makes sense. - It was pretty funny, though.
你在台上看起来很迷茫 像只小狗
You looked so lost up there, like a little puppy dog.
但我喜欢小狗
But then, I love puppies.
-是吗 -是的
- Yeah? - Yeah.
你现在要做什么
What are you doing now?
我要回家 可能睡觉
Oh, right, yeah. I am going home, probably go to bed.
不过要先送他们回去
Dropping them back first, though.
你不会在上♥床♥之后再把他们送回去
Well, you're not dropping them back after you've gone to bed.
不 我先送他们回去 再上♥床♥睡觉
No, I'm going to drop them back, then bed.
还要刷牙 再睡觉
Oh, brush teeth, then bed.
今晚就这样了
That's tonight, that.
真可惜
That's a shame.
如果你什么时候想出来玩 就叫我
If you ever fancy hanging out some time, just call me.
给我你的电♥话♥
Give us your phone.
给你
There you go.
我给我自己发了条信息 所以我也有你的电♥话♥了
I've sent myself a message, so I've got your number, too.
或许我以后会打这个电♥话♥来约炮
Maybe I'll use it for a booty call later.
好吧
Right, yeah.
回头见 杰克
See you around, Jack.
她想干什么
What did she want?
谁知道
Fuck knows.
布思将局面彻底扭转
Boothie's turned it around totally.
我们今年可能进入冠军联赛 加油
We might make the Champions League this year. Get in!
布思 布思
Boothie, Boothie!
我们来谈谈克里斯·布思
So we're talking about Chris Booth,
-他的秘诀是什么 安迪 -准备
- what's his secret, Andy? - Preparation.
-真的吗 -没错
- Really? - Yeah.
他让他们学习对手的数据和录像分♥析♥
He's got 'em studying opposition data and video analysis.
皮蒂 你忘了你的对手资料包
Petey, you forgot your opposition pack.
我忘记过的唯一东西
The only thing I've ever forgotten
是我上过的大多数女人的名字
is the names of most of the birds I've shagged.
-因为你很健忘 -不
- Because you are forgetful? - No.
因为我上过的女人比你打过的手♥枪♥还多
Because I've had more pussy than you've had hot wanks.
总之 这是录像分♥析♥磁盘
Anyway, here is the video analysis drive,
这是对方前锋的附加数据表
and here is the added data sheet on opposition attackers.
一沓废纸
It's a pile of wank.
我把这个归类于克里斯·布思的垃圾主意之一
I'll file that with the rest of Chris Booth's shit ideas.
皮蒂 别误会 但是...
Petey, don't take this the wrong way, but...
你阅读有困难吗
...do you struggle to read?
你呼吸会有困难的 你这个王八蛋
You'll struggle to breathe, you piss-taker.
这不是嘲笑
It wasn't a piss-take.
我知道你是怎么一路走来的
I know when you were coming through,
像你那个年龄的孩子很小就被发掘
kids your age were scouted
以至于他们的未能接受好的教育
so young that their education suffered,
我在美国做过很多英语教学
and I did a lot of English tutoring in the States
我不知道 我在想
and, I don't know, I was wondering
或许你需要一个人私下里教你阅读
if maybe you wanted someone to discreetly help you with your reading.
如果你再发出一点声音
If you make one more fucking noise,
我是说 发出任何声音
and by that I mean generate sound in any way,
从你的嘴里 鼻子里 肛♥门♥里
via your mouth, your nose, your sphincter,
哪怕是你头发的摩擦
even your fucking shit hair rustling,
我就会把你从那扇窗扔出去
I will throw you through that window.
明白吗
Understood?
如果你明白了 慢慢眨眼
Blink slowly if you understand.
很好
Good.
两点来我家
Now, come round to my place at two.
我们今天就开始上课
We'll start the lessons today.
如果你把这件事告诉任何人
Oh, and if you tell anyone about this,
我就用羊角锤把你的膝盖砸碎
I will smash your kneecaps with a claw hammer.
太好了 真不可思议
Yes! Amazing.
终于 足协终于能好好干活了
Finally! About time the FA got their shit together.
这还不是官方的认证 这只是一个初步会面
It's not formal recognition yet. It's just a preliminary meeting
关于你的国际前景以及你将效忠哪一国
about your international future and where your allegiances lie.
就像我常说的那样 上帝会拯救我们仁慈的女王
Like I always say, God save our gracious Queen.
常说这句话很奇怪 但是总而言之
Weird thing to always say, but anyway,
现在我要告诉你一些不太好的消息
now I have some less good news.
我不喜欢不太好的消息
I don't like less good news.
没人喜欢
No-one does.
不太好的消息是 你要把你
So, the less good news is you need to hand control
所有社交媒体的控制权
of all your social media accounts
-交给俱乐部 -你在开玩笑
- over to the club. - You're joking.
我像麻疹一样认真
I'm as serious as measles,
根据你发布的内容 麻疹并不存在
which -- according to your feed -- doesn't exist.
拜托
Come on!
你不能夺走我的数字灵魂
You can't take my digital soul.
你的数字灵魂是转发的阴谋论和
Your digital soul is a collection of conspiracy theory re-tweets
一些错得离谱的意识形态集♥合♥
and some very wrong ideologies.
那只是第一阶段
That was just phase one.
我们现在有粉丝了 就将进入第二阶段
Now we've got a following, we're going into phase two.
第二阶段是
Phase two being?
卖♥♥蛋白质奶昔
Selling protein shakes!
我考虑关闭你的灵魂
Consider your soul shut down.
怎么样
How did it go?
很好 猜猜谁即将入选英国国家队
All good. Guess who's close to getting an England call-up.
太好了 我之后会在照片墙发个笑话
Excellent. I'll instagram a tease later.
另外一件事是你被解雇了
Oh, yeah. One other thing is that your sacked.
所以 不全是好消息
So, not all good, then.
你直播了一位一线队员袭击一个残疾人
Bruv, you live-streamed a first teamer assaulting a disabled man.
还有那些鬼话 比如地球是平的
And all that flat Earth shit.
或者说 众所周知的真♥相♥
Or the truth, as it's otherwise known!
你想怎么付我解雇费
OK, so, how do you want to work my severance?
不知道 来个握手 拥抱
Don't know. Quick handshake, hug?
不 你是想继续月付工资
No. Do you want to keep paying me monthly,
还是想现在付清合同里剩下的工资
or do you want to settle up the rest of my contract now?
滚蛋 我不会付你钱
Fuck off, I ain't paying.
你这样有才华的人 会找到另一份工作的
You'll get another job, a man of your talents.
但我不需要另一份工作 不是吗
But I don't need another job, do I?
因为你答应了要付给我接下来
Because you agreed to pay me for the next
11个月零16天的工资
11 months and 16 days.
太多自♥由♥时间了
Oh, so much free time!
或许我会重新开始调查索尔兹伯里毒杀案Ooh, maybe I will reopen by Salisbury poisoning investigation.
前俄♥罗♥斯♥上校谢尔盖·斯克里帕尔和其女儿被发现在索尔兹伯里神经毒剂中毒
好吧 如果我付你钱
OK, fine, if I'm paying you,
你可以继续当我的助理
then you can stay on as my assistant,
但不是我的社交媒体助理
but not my social media assistant,
更像是我的打杂助理
more like my fetch-and-carry-shit assistant.
行吗
Yeah?
小伙子们 午饭时间 是吗
All right, lads? Lunch, is it?
还是在保持身材
Or just... just keeping fit?
克里斯说 我想用的话 可以用健身房♥
Chris lets me use the gym if I want to.
吃点东西
Have some food.
出去玩 吃东西
Hang out. Eat the food.
恋童癖
Oi, paedo!
离男孩们远点 恋童癖
Move away from the boys, paedo!
天啊 经典的布鲁克斯式玩笑
Oh, Christ, classic Brooksy banter, eh?
听起来更像欺凌 但你说了算
Sounds more like bullying, but your call.
享受它吧 小伙子们 失去之后你们会怀念的
Savour this, lads, you'll miss it when it's gone.
老天给我作证
Christ knows I do.
一生中最重要的一天
Best days of my life.
我以前很喜欢
I used to love getting up
早上五点起床去训练
at five o'clock in the morning, going training.
现在 我早上五点起床
Nowadays, I get up at five o'clock in the morning,
只是为了盯着天花板看
just stare at the ceiling.
没人在乎 你个老傻蛋
No-one cares, you old prick.
你在这里干什么
What are you doing here, anyway?
你老板让我用健身房♥
Your boss lets me use the gym.
我没有老板
I haven't got a boss.
-有啊 经理 克里斯·布思 -代理经理吗
- Yeah. The manager. Chris Booth. - Oh, the caretaker manager?
还给我找了份比赛日的工作
Sorted me out with a match-day job as well.
这个人真是救了我的命
Bloody life-saver, that man.
什么工作 当吉祥物吗
What's the job, then, mascot?
至少你不需要胖服装了