第一足球队

At least you won't need the fat suit.
是啊
Yeah.
我长胖了
I have got a bit heavier,
就像你一直说的 不 是公♥司♥演出
like you keep saying. Nah, it's a corporate gig.
拍赞助商的马屁[亲屁♥眼♥]之类的
Kissing sponsors' arses, that kind of thing.
不过不像我和皮蒂以前干的
Not like me and Petey used to do, though, eh?
在黄金时代 我们真的会
We used to literally kiss each other's arses for bants
因为好玩亲对方的屁♥眼♥
back in the gold old days.
从来没有过
That never happened.
从来没有过
That never happened.
一点也不好笑
It wasn't funny anyway, so...
老猪小排要走了
Yeah, old Porky Chops here better be off.
我们回头见
I'll see you lads around.
真是个傻蛋
Absolute melt.
只有我这么觉得
Is it just me,
还是以前的日子听起来很基
or do the old days sound extremely homosexual?
房♥东终于把灯泡换了
Oh, sound, the landlord's changed the light bulbs.
还给你留了张匿名赌博的传♥单♥
And left you a Gamblers Anonymous leaflet.
要不试试
不 他肯定是无意间留下的
Nah, he must have left it by mistake.
真的吗
Seriously?
肯定是给你留下的
He's very obviously left it for you.
你打算押多少钱
How much do you want to
赌这不是房♥东留给我的
bet the landlord didn't leave that for me?
我觉得他可能发现了什么
I think he might be onto something.
自从我有太太之后 我就不赌博了
I've stopped gambling anyway, since I've got a missus.
你有太太了
You've got a missus?
没错 来自女队的露丝
Yeah, Ruth from the ladies' team.
她在飞镖游戏的那天晚上给我发短♥信♥
She text me the other night, after the darts,
我们从那时开始约会
and we've been seeing each other ever since.
他们只是临时的
They're only part-timers.
你得确定她不是拜金女
You've got to make sure she ain't a gold digger.
她以什么为生
What does she do for a living?
她什么都干
What doesn't she do?
脑部手术呢
Brain surgery?
有可能 说实话我得问问她
She might. I'd have to ask her, to be honest.
发生了什么 你约她出去了吗
So, what happened? Did you ask her out...?
她邀请我过去
She asked me round.
我说我在刷牙
I said I was brushing me teeth,
她说有个罐子她打不开 需要帮助
but she said she had a jar she couldn't open and needed help,
然后我们就做♥爱♥了
and next thing you know, we're having sex.
浪漫传奇
A romance for the ages.
这周是她的生日
Yeah, it's her birthday this week,
所以我要给她办个派对 给她个像样的礼物
so I'm going to throw her a party and get her a decent present.
马蒂 你能不能问问卡洛斯·瓦莱斯
Mattie, could you ask Carlos Velez
他能不能分享狗场里的东西
if he can spare anything from his puppy farm?
我觉得你不应该送狗当礼物
Yeah, I don't think you're meant to give puppies as presents.
不不不 你想的是狗
Nah, that's dogs you're thinking of.
你们怎么筹办派对啊
How would you arrange a party anyway?
把气球拿来就行了吗
Do you just get balloons and that's it,
还是需要横幅
or do you need, like, banners?
用我的人吧
Use my assistant.
-什么 -别自己筹备
- What? - Don't organise it yourself.
我的人能帮你做
My guy can do it for you.
你只需要付他工资
You just cover his wages.
好吧
All right, yeah.
这听起来挺好的
Cheers, that sounds good,
一条狗加上一场生日派对
actually. So, a dog and a birthday party.
他能弄好 没问题
Yeah! He can sort that, no problem.
好吧 我走了
Right, well, I'm off.
你要去哪儿
Where are you going?
秘密 抱歉
Secret, sorry.
晚点见
See you later.
他可能也有女朋友了
Oh, he's probably got a girlfriend, too.
我们都有进步
We're all at it.
皮蒂的家
简妮 出去吗
Hi, Janey. Off out?
愚蠢的问题 她当然要出去
Stupid question, of course she's off out.
我刚看到简妮走了
I just saw Janey leaving.
她不叫简妮
Her name's not Janey.
抱歉
Oh, sorry.
很抱歉把你老婆的名字弄错了
Embarrassing getting your wife's name wrong.
不 我老婆叫简妮 那不是我老婆
No, my wife is called Janey. That wasn't my wife.
好吧
OK, yeah. Yeah.
我们可以开始了吗
Shall we get started?
读书的意义是什么来着
What's the point of reading again?
我觉得你会更好地融入这个世界
Well, I think you'll be better able to engage with the world around you,
可能会让你的防御性没那么强
might even make you less defensive.
但我是名后卫 我不想防御性弱
But I'm a defender, I don't want to be less defensive.
不是 我是说
Yeah, no, what I mean...
算了 你应该学会读书
Actually, forget it, you should learn to read
因为这会帮助你了解
because it'll help you work out
记者在写你的什么
what journalists are writing about you.
好 我们现在在交流了
OK, now we're talking.
是的 我们可以读书
这对我来说很难
This is hard for me, you know.
我知道 但这很值得
I know. But it'll be worth it.
向我保证你不会把这事告诉任何人
Promise you won't tell anyone about this.
-当然 保证 -发誓
- Yeah, of course, promise. - Swear.
用你的生命发誓
Swear on your life.
好 我用我的生命发誓
OK, I swear on my life.
很好
Good.
因为如果你告诉别人 我会杀了你
Cos if you do tell anyone, I will fucking kill you.
你已经说得很清楚了
Yep, you've made that incredibly clear.
等不及让你见见她了 爸爸
I can't wait for you to meet her, you know, Dad.
她很幽默 喜欢狗
She's dead funny, she loves dogs.
她的左脚相当棒
You know, she's got a decent left foot on her, to be fair.
和她出去玩也比
And hanging out with her is way cheaper
每天出去赌博便宜
than going the bookies every day.
这些都是结婚的好理由 儿子
They are all excited reasons for getting married, son.
我只是不想再让你走我的老路
I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.
被送去做焊工来抵押债务吗
What, getting sent down for welding write-offs back together?
不 我是说遇到了你妈
No, I-I met with your mum, you know?
最后没成 是因为一切发展得太快了
It didn't work out because it all happened too quickly.
她跟我说那是一♥夜♥情♥
She told me it was a one-night stand.
但没有比这更快的了 对吗
Yeah, but it doesn't get much quicker than that, does it?
你是我认识的最聪明的人
Mate, you are the cleverest person I know.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? - Yeah!
你不是那种学霸
I mean, you're not book smart or...
或者生存能力强的那种人 你是...
...or street-smart, you know, but you're...
就是聪明
...smart smart.
如果你觉得和这个瑞秋结婚...
And if you think marrying this Rachel...
-露丝 -露丝 是正确的
- Ruth. - ...Ruth is the right thing to do,
那你当然会得到我的祝福
then of course you've got my blessing.
但也有可能是个巨大的错误
But also, it might be a massive mistake,
是你一生中最错误的决定
the biggest of your life.
谢谢 爸爸
Thanks, Dad.
这真的意义重大
That really means a lot, that.
周六谁首发
Now, who's starting on Saturday?
本杰回来了吗
Is Benji back in, eh?
在我飞回马略卡岛之前 内部人士再给我透露点消息
One more scoop for Insider Daz before I fly off, back to Mallorca?
-你要走了吗 -是啊
- Oh, are you leaving? - Yeah.
天气逐渐热起来
Well, the season's hotting up
烟卷需要人走私过来
and them cigarettes aren't going to smuggle themselves
土豆
Potato.
没错
Correct!
好了 今天到量了
All right, that's enough for today.
你很快就能看新闻了
You'll be reading the papers in no time.
去他们的 他们知道什么
Fuck those people. What do they know?
你现在能知道了
Well, now you'll be able to find out.
你看了视频分♥析♥磁盘吗 太厉害了
Did you watch the video analysis drive? That's amazing!
新的东西有时候会很可怕
New ideas can be scary sometimes,