第一足球队

干得漂亮 你完成了一些没有价值的事
Oh, well done. You've achieved something of no value.
你知道我们今晚踢球的时候
You know when we play tonight,
会有很多人看着我们
there's going to be loads of people looking at us?
这就是我们比赛的唯一原因
That is honestly the only reason we are playing.
但他们会怎么想
Yeah, but what will they think?
他们会评判我们做的所有事吗
Are they going to be judging everything we do?
当然会 你知道的
Yes, of course they will. You know that.
足球就是这样 老兄
That's what football is, mate.
如果他们的晚餐被毁了呢
What if their dinner's ruined, though?
进去吧
Right, get out there,
我的孩子们
my brilliant boys!
我会让布莱恩发一个祝好运的动图
Listen, I'll get Brian to tweet a good-luck GIF.
但也要祝你们好运
But also... good luck.
我要去尿尿
I need a piss.
来吧 杰克 你没问题的
Come on, Jack. You got this.
如果他们踢狗呢 老大
What if they kick the dog, boss?
克里斯 走吧
Chris. Come on!
好了 马蒂
All right, Mattie?
你穿上了球鞋
You got your boots on.
踢烂点 否则我就杀了你
Play shit, or I will kill you...
但如果我踢烂点 我们会输
But if I'm shit, we might lose.
踢烂点 否则你就完了
Play shit, or you are dead.
我是说你会死
And I mean dead.
不是国奥队的生涯完了
Not just "Playing with the Under-21s" Career dead.
是真的死亡
Actually dead.
但整个队伍...
But... the team...
这家俱乐部是我的
You're in my place.
是我的
It's mine.
比赛愉快
Have a great game.
我指的是 烂比赛
By which I mean... A shit game.
比分是3比0 无缘联赛
3-0 the final score. Out of the cup.
对于代理经理克里斯·布思的执教来说
And that's an inauspicious start
这是个不吉利的开始
to caretaker manager Chris Booth's reign.
干得漂亮 很好
Well done. Perfect.
比很好还要好
Better than perfect.
好
OK.
这场比赛有许多积极的方面
Well, lots of positives to take from that.
如果你们忽略以3比0输给一队邮递员的事实
If you ignore the fact you just lost 3-0 to a team of postmen.
给我们点时间 皮蒂
Give us a minute, Petey.
这显然不是我们想要的结果
Obviously, that wasn't the result we were looking for,
但我看到许多值得鼓励的事情
but I saw plenty to be encouraged by out there.
值得鼓励的是
Was it Mattie's first or
马蒂的第一个还是第二个乌龙球
second own goal that was most encouraging?
拜托 皮蒂
Please, Petey...
冰冻三尺 非一日之寒
Rome wasn't built in a day.
小芽长成参天大树
Right? From tiny shoots grow mighty oaks.
真鼓舞人心
Inspirational stuff.
他们开除你之后 你可以去克♥林♥顿♥卡公♥司♥找份工作
You can get a job at Clintons Cards after they sack you.
你还好吗
You OK, bud?
我很抱歉
I'm... so sorry.
你执教的第一场比赛就相信我 让我上场
You put your faith in me for your first game,
我完全让你失望了
and I completely let you down.
我们被一个比我们低三♥级♥的队伍打败
Hey... So we got knocked out of the cup
无缘参加联赛
by a team three divisions below us,
你乌龙了两分
you scored two own goals
我非常难堪
and I'm an embarrassment.
我老婆今晚肯定不让我靠近她
Yeah, the wife won't let me near her tonight, that's for sure!
-十分抱歉 -不不不
- Dear... Sorry. - No, no, no.
不 我是说今晚和其他夜晚
No, what I'm saying is that tonight's no different
也没什么区别
to any other night, really.
什么都没变
Nothing's really changed.
我们输了 你还是个伟大的球员
We lost, but you're still a great player
我还睡在客房♥里 所以别灰心 好吗
and I still sleep in the spare room, so keep that chin up, OK?
太烂了
Well, that sucked!
听好了
Right, listen up.
我们欠那些消费者的
We owe those consumers out there,
我们要去补偿他们
and we are going to make it up to them.
我同意 他们大老远过来 就看了这场烂比赛
I agree. They came all this way to watch that shitshow.
我们需要道歉
We need to apologise.
-给他们买♥♥一打酒 -没错
- By buying them a pint. - Yes, exactly! Like...
就像给他们买♥♥一打酒那样
Like metaphorically buying them a pint.
是真的给他们买♥♥一打酒 在酒吧里
By literally buying them a pint. In a pub.
我们明天要去西看台后面的酒吧
We're going to go to the pub behind the west stand tomorrow
然后给所有到场的球迷买♥♥一打啤酒
and buy any fans that show up a pint of beer.
我管这叫
And I'm calling it
"马蒂·沙利文一箱道歉酒之夜"
"Mattie Sullivan's Pints of Sorry Night."
别叫这个名字
Well, don't call it that.
那你别乌龙好几个球啊
Well, don't score multiple own goals, then.
想象一下这会引出的正面新闻
Imagine all the positive headlines it'll generate.
何况我从没去过酒吧 对我来说会很快乐
Plus, I've never been to a pub, so it'll be kind of fun for me.
这是强制性的
And this is mandatory...
我希望你们全都到场
..So I expect every single one of you to show up.
你想出来的真是个好主意啊
Oh, that isn't a good idea you've come up with, is it?
-这不是我的主意 -听起来像你的主意
- It wasn't my idea. - It sounded like your idea.
保罗 法国佬 你没事了
Paulo, Frankie, you're off the hook,
因为你的经纪人似乎对这件事很生气
cos your agent seems pretty annoyed by the whole thing.
你也是 李
And you too, Lee.
还有杰里米 帕斯卡 达维德 路易斯
And Jeremy, Pascal, Davide, Luiz...
谁的经纪人没把他们捞出来 举手
OK, hands up whose agent has not got them out of it?
很好 谢谢你们
Good. Thank you, boys.
我就知道能指望着你们
Knew I could count on you.
等一下 他还没回复
Give me a minute. He hasn't replied yet.
训练场停车场
赛后四小时
借过一下 专业社交媒体营销助理来了
Excuse me. Social media marketing executive coming through!
干得漂亮 本杰 最好不要掺和进这种混乱中
Well done, Benji. Better not to play in that mess.
马蒂 如果你需要一些处理麻烦的意见
Mattie, if you need some advice dealing with your disaster,
我这辈子都在学习社交媒体
I've been studying social media my whole life.
你不可能这辈子都在学习社交媒体
You haven't been studying it your whole life, have you?
我学了
I literally have.
你没学
You literally haven't.
你不可能自打出生以来
You've not been academically researching
就学术研究社交媒体吧
social media from birth, have you?
我是这样的
Yes, I have.
在这样的一场比赛之后
And after a game like that,
不管你做什么 都不要上社交媒体
whatever you do, don't go on social media.
就别上网 连披萨都别点
Don't go online at all. Not even to order a pizza.
我很确定点个披萨很安全
Pretty sure I'll be safe to order a pizza.
不会的 这话是我说的
You won't be. And that's me saying that,
我这一辈子都在学习社交媒体
as someone who's studied social media my whole life.
我们已经证实过了 不是这样的
OK. Well, we already established that that's not the case.
把这话过滤掉[挡住]Just block it out.
这是他今晚唯一挡住的东西
It'll be the only thing he's blocked all night.
如果这么说能好一些的话
If it makes you feel any better,
他不是唯一一个踢得臭的
he wasn't the only one having a stinker out there.
杰克也很臭
Jack was shit too.
这不是我的错 我能听见球迷喊什么
Yeah, it's not my fault. I could hear the crowd.
你当然能听见 他们有上千人呢
You can always hear the crowd! There's thousands of 'em.
是啊 但他们可怜的孩子怎么办
Yeah, but what about their poor kids?
听着 一点专业意见
Look, bit of professional advice.
免费的
Gratis, yeah?
我认为你应该一周不上网
I think you should stay off the internet for...at least a week.
听他的话吧 他让我在照片墙上收获了一千个赞
Listen to the man. He just got me 1,000 likes on Instagram.
是什么 自♥拍♥吗
Yeah? What for? A selfie?
一篇文章的链接 关于飞机如何撒喷雾的
A link for an article about how they spray stuff from planes.
不让人们再思考了
To stop the people from thinking.
如果有人应该不上网 那就是他
If anyone should be kept off the internet, it's him.
我没事
I'll be fine.
"如果你在睡眠中死去
"If you die in your sleep,
你将是第一个用一分钟的嘘声
you'll be the first player to be commemorated
来庆祝的球员 #睡个好觉"
with a minute's booing. #Sleep tight."
死亡威胁都有七千个赞 真的吗