百事，我的战斗机呢（2022）

1990年代中他和我有同样享受生活的态度
The mid-'90s, he had the same joie de vivre for life like I did.
不管遇到什么问题我都觉得生活很美好
I see the world as pink, no matter what the problems are,
不管我有几岁了
and no matter how old I am,
我都时刻准备着尽情享受生活
I'm ready to rock and roll, no matter what.
陶德是个很有冒险精神的人
And Todd was a very adventurous guy.
所以我们一起出去玩
So we went out together.
当然啦 在那段期间 陶德还是单身
Of course, at that stage, Todd was single.
我说：“嘿 拉里我有个很疯狂的东西想给你看”
I said, "Hey, Larry, I have a crazy thing I want to show you,"
他说：“好啊 陶德”
and he said, "Sure, Todd."
第一次见到拉里时
First time I met Larry,
我的第一个想法就是《我的表哥维尼》里的
the first thing that comes to mind is Vinny Gambini
维尼甘比尼
from My Cousin Vinny.
把广♥告♥带过去 他们召集了几个律师
Brought the commercial down, they gathered some attorneys
他们都有着非常优秀的履历
and some pretty highbrow curriculum vitaes on these guys, you know.
斯坦福和哥伦比亚法学院之类的
Stanford and Columbia Law and stuff like that.
广♥告♥放了又停
The commercial plays, and it stops,
几个律师说：“你能再放一次吗？”
and a couple of lawyers go, "Could you play that again?"
他们又放了一次然后：“你能再放一次吗？”
They play it again. And,"Can you play it again?"
（喝百事 得大礼）
和我看到的一样
Same thing as what I saw.
好了 他们看够了 灯打开了
And, okay, they're done playing it, the lights go up
律师们开始讨论这个广♥告♥
and the lawyers start having a discussion about the ad.
有些律师说：“我不觉得这是个奖品”
And some of the lawyers go, "I don't think that's an offer,"
其他人…“这当然是个奖品！你看看他们说了什么”
and the others, "Of course it's an offer! Look at what they said."
“你不知道吗布朗诉某某案中第15.547条…”
"Don't you know, rule number 15.547 in Brown versus such as such…"
就是说：“这就构成了邀约”然后他们就开始争论不休
It's like, "That constitutes an offer," and they start arguing away.
有人说：“你这是异想天开”
A couple said, you know, "You're whistling Dixie."
“这就是做白日梦呢”
"It's a pipe dream."
但事实就是如此
But there it was.
广♥告♥说得很清楚
The ad is so clear-cut.
七百万分鹞式战斗机 对吧？你们看到了
Seven million points, Harrier Jet, right? You saw it.
而且也没有免责声明
And there's no disclaimer.
“天啊” 我心想：“他们为了卖♥♥百事可乐要送鹞式战斗机？”
"Gee," I said to myself, "They're giving away a Harrier Jet for a goddamn Pepsi?"
完胜公交车
Sure beats the bus.
所以 你知道了 我们当然没有放弃
So, you know, obviously we didn't give up.
我们草拟了一封信
We draft a letter,
回信给他们说：“嘿 奖品是你们提出的
send the letter back to say, "Hey, you made the offer."
你们的奖品有人接受了你们必须兑现奖品”
"Your offer was accepted. You gotta deliver on your offer."
“根据你们的视频 我方要求你方
"Per your video, we are requesting that you deliver us the Harrier Jet,
将鹞式战斗机寄于我方因我们已经达成了你方的所有要求”
and we met all your requirements."
“这不是一个玩笑我们希望你们能兑现承诺
"This isn't a joke. We'd like you to perform on your offer."
你们有这样的款项 而且它们是真的
Uh, "You have the funds. The funds are real."
请核办”
"Act accordingly."
从那时起 我们全都处于应对模式
From that time on, we are all in reactionary mode.
整个过程你来我往
It turned into this kind of volleying.
事情并不是实时发生的
Things were not happening in real time.
并不是我把球打过去他们又打回来 我们打过去然后他们…
It wasn't like, we hit the ball, they hit it back, we hit the ball and they…
现实可能是我们把球打过去三周后 他们才把球打回来
Might be, we hit the ball, three weeks later, they hit the ball back.
时间是他们的朋友
Time is their friend.
如果他们能拖个三、五年
If they can make it last for three years, five years,
他们的律师永远都会为他们效力
they have lawyers that'll work forever for 'em.
这件事持续一段时间后
After this went on for some time,
我回到我父母家里 然后我妈妈说
I came back to my parents' house and my mom said
有个《华尔街日报》的人打电♥话♥来找我
that some guy from The Wall Street Journal had called looking for me.
我回了电♥话♥ 他说：
I called the number and he said,
“你是百事可乐今天在纽约联邦地区法♥院♥
"Are you the John Leonard that Pepsi just sued today
起诉的那个约翰伦纳德吗？”
in Federal District Court in New York?"
我说：“什么？百事可乐起诉我？”
And I said, "What? Pepsi sued me?"
百事可乐为什么要起诉你？
Why would Pepsi sue you?
我不知道
I had no idea.
在我最荒诞的梦里
In my wildest dreams,
我也从没想过百事可乐会起诉我
I never fathomed that I'd be sued by Pepsi.
（百事可乐）
百事可乐的总部设在纽约
Pepsi is headquartered in New York,
所以他们争辩说如果他们要上诉 那就得在纽约
so they argued that if they did a lawsuit it would be in New York.
他们起诉我是因为他们想要寻求一个
They sued me because they were trying to get the right venue
对他们有利的审判地
that was favorable to them.
我认为 现在回看起来这招非常明智 对吧？
And I think, looking back on it now, it was a brilliant move. Right?
我们来让这些人跑起来吧
"Let's get these guys running."
让他们东躲西♥藏♥ 让他们节节败退
"Let's get 'em hiding. Let's get 'em to back off or whatever."
最好的防守就是正确的进攻于是他们继续进攻
Best defense is good offense, and they went on the offense.
老实说 他们发起诉讼让我很惊讶
I was surprised that they initiated a lawsuit, frankly.
如果有行动 我以为他们会打个电♥话♥
If anything, I thought there would have been a phone call
或者会说：“我们能坐下来聊聊吗？
or there would have been, "Can we sit down and talk with you guys
看看你们是不是真的
and see if you're real, if you're not real,
你们是真的相信这个广♥告♥吗？”或者随便什么
if you really believe this ad, or you didn't?" Or whatever.
（1 鹞式战斗机）
我们只是填写了他们的说明书而他们跟进的方式就是起诉我们
We just filled out their instruction book and they followed it up by suing us.
后来 在接下来的几天有人追着我试图把传票给我
Then, for the next few days, I had some guy chasing me trying to serve me.
天呀 没错 猫抓老鼠一样
Oh, jeez, yeah. That was a cat-and-mouse thing.
我从来没有因为任何事收到过传票但我觉得那不会是好事
I'd never been served for anything, but I just figured it wasn't a good thing.
当时压力很大
It was stressful.
事实上 我甚至觉得有直升机在我们上空飞
In fact, I even thought helicopters were flying above.
以前从来没有直升机在这里盘旋过
And, uh, never had helicopters circling before.
我出于某种原因躲着那个人
I avoid the guy for some reason,
他们最后把文件放在了我父母家的楼梯上
and eventually, they just left the papers on the steps of my parents' house.
我的想法是：“好吧 该来的来了
My thought was, "Okay, well, here it comes."
我一直准备应对的就是这些
"This is what I was getting ready for."
这就是我担心的事情”
"This is what I was nervous about."
当你说要去捅蜂窝时
When you say you're gonna poke the beehive,
你就别因为蜜蜂追着你跑而感到惊讶了
don't be surprised when the bees start chasin' you around.
一旦法律程序开始运转结果就是那样
Once the legal system starts its wheels, that's where it goes.
所以百事可乐对我提起了诉讼
So Pepsi files a lawsuit against me.
他们的主要论据就是个人购买♥♥
Their main argument was that it was illegal
鹞式战斗机是不合法的
for someone to actually buy a Harrier Jet.
任何兑奖活动如果想要合法拿奖品本身必须是合法的
And for any offer to be legitimate, it has to be legal.
然后我说：“好吧 那我们该怎么办？”
Then I'm like, "All right, so what are we supposed to do?"
如果你希望规则能够
If you expect the rules to be,
“这对双方都将会是绝对的平等”
"Oh, this is gonna be some perfect even-Steven thing,"
没有什么绝对平等
it isn't gonna be even-Steven.
但你可以争取 你总是可以去争取的
But you can fight. You can always fight.
你总是可以去尝试你可能会输 也可能会赢
You can always try. You can lose, you can win.
但如果你不去争取 那你已经输了
But if you don't fight, you already lost.
所以你得去争取
So you fight.
他们起诉了我 我们需要起诉他们
They sued me. We need to sue them.
（约翰DR伦纳德诉百事可乐公♥司♥诉状）
律师必须得是邪恶的
Lawyers are necessary evils.
当你需要他们的时候 他们都很好用
When you need them, they're very good.
如果你是认真的 你确实需要上诉以表明我们是认真的
If you're serious, you do have to sue to set the stage that we meant business.
于是陶德、拉里、还有我
So Todd, Larry, and I,
我们说：“好吧 看来我们得逼他们把飞机给咱送来了”
we're like, "Well, I guess we gotta force them to deliver the jet."
现在我们有一起我作为原告的诉讼
And now we had a lawsuit of me as the plaintiff,
还有一起我作为被告的诉讼
and then me as the defendant.
我记得他在考虑要那样做然后我说：“你要起诉…
I remember that he was thinking of doing it
and I said, "You're going to sue Pepsi?" That's what it is.
百事可乐？”
正是
他说：“他们说的不是事实”
He said, "They're not telling the truth."
好了 我们开始吧
Okay, here we go.
这是…你知道 再说一次 我们开始吧
You know, this is… Once again, here we go.
有好几个“我们开始吧”的时刻
There were several "here we go" moments.
百事可乐的律师、天联广♥告♥的律师、保险公♥司♥的律师…
The Pepsi lawyers, the BBDO lawyers, the insurance company lawyers,
后来所有人都搅了进来
everyone is then involved.
于是这变成了一个冗长的过程
So it became a long, drawn-out process.
我祈祷它能消失
I'm praying that it disappears.
我希望百事可乐能跟他和解 了结这件事
I want Pepsi to settle with him and get it over with.
我觉得你在逃避…
I think you're breaking away…
我们必须表演 但如果我们因为自己写的广♥告♥卷入了官司
We've gotta perform, and we can't be performing
那我们就没法表演了
if we're involved in a legal case over a commercial we wrote.
但它没有消失
But it doesn't go away.
然后…从那时起 一切都变了
And then, um…
…that's when this whole thing changed.
我记得杰夫早上七点跑到办公室来
I remember, Jeff got into the office around 7 a.m.
作为创意部的人 我十点半才会到
I'd get in around… As a creative guy, I'd get in around 10:30.