百事，我的战斗机呢（2022）

To me, you know, sometimes I hear something, and I get a bead on it,
而这个故事的本质就是胡说八道
and the bead on that one was this is a bunch of bullshit.
我记得当时跟约翰说：“我是不会和这些人扯上关系的
I remember saying to John, "I'm not getting involved with these guys."
我们要往那个方向努力
"We're going that way."
我不知道他们是谁不知道他们代表了谁
"I don't know who they are, who they represent."
据我所知 他们是百事可乐的人
"For all I know, they represent Pepsi
他们想骗我们”
and they're trying to suck us into something."
但决定权在约翰手上 你明白吗？
But these are John's decisions, you know?
我是不会阻止他们的
And I'm not gonna stop them.
所以我告诉约翰：
And that's when I said to John,
“不要把精力浪费在这些人身上
"Don't take your eye off the ball with these characters."
我不知道他们是谁我不会参与这件事”
"I don't know who they are and I'm not getting involved."
嘿 有什么敲门密♥码♥吗？
Hey, is there a secret knock?
我决定让迈克尔和我一起过去
I decided that Michael and I would go down,
见见这个维克多 看看他的鹞式战机
meet with Victor, and check out his Harrier.
-你好吗 兄弟？你好吗？-你好吗？
What's up? How are you, man? -What's going on?
事情没有什么真正的进展所以我想：“我有什么损失呢？”
Things aren't really going anywhere, and I was like, "What do I have to lose?"
还记得 我们很晚飞到那里
We flew in late
然后我们第二天在停机坪上见面
and then we go to that meeting the next day on the tarmac.
对
Yeah.
（美国某地 初秋 1997年）
我还没聪明到会觉得紧张
I'm not smart enough to be nervous.
我们走进去 兴奋度从一到十分来算
We walk in and, on an excitement level between one and ten,
他差不多有97分
he's, like, on a 97.
这家伙感觉好像…那是他人生中最重要的时刻
I mean, this guy is like the… This is the biggest moment of his life.
他开始跟我们说他是如何开始专营
And he starts telling us about how he specialized
寻找罕见且独特的飞机
in finding rare and unique aircrafts.
我开始有些兴奋了
I was starting to get kinda excited about it.
要是这其中有一部分是真的呢？
What if there's some there there?
有可能 鉴于此次诉讼
It's possible that, in light of the lawsuit,
如果百事可乐没有飞机
if Pepsi didn't have the availability of a jet,
那他们就要去找一架
they were gonna go looking for one.
于是我说：“好吧 带我们看看飞机吧”
So I was like, "All right, show us the jet."
但当我们对他施压时他什么都拿不出来
But when we pressed him, he couldn't bring anything forward.
他没有展示鹞式战斗机…
And instead of the Harrier Jet…
塔哒！揭开后一大盘虾子 对吧？
Ta-da! Like… Like this unveiling of this shrimp platter, right?
好啦
Voilà.
他郑重其事地迎接了我们
Like he'd rolled out, like, the red carpet for us.
感觉就像从“快停”买♥♥来已经三天的一盘虾
You know, it looked like a three-day-old platter from, like, a Quick Stop.
这可不是什么海湾虾
We're not talking, like, Gulf shrimp,
就像从撒丁岛空运过来的地中海虾
like, Mediterranean shrimp flown in from fucking Sardinia.
而是…
We're talking about, like, you know--
它就像从罐头里倒在一个塑料盘子上再放了点鸡尾酒酱一样
Out of a tin can, throw in with some cocktail sauce on a plastic platter.
虾很小
Like small shrimp.
我想着维克多想要的是…我是说 他并不蠢
I thought what Victor wanted was… I mean, he's not stupid.
他知道 如果约翰伦纳德对百事可乐形成了足够的威胁
He understood that if John Leonard became a sufficient threat to Pepsi,
百事可乐要么付数千万美元给约翰伦纳德
Pepsi was gonna either have to pay John Leonard tens of millions of dollars,
一架鹞式战斗机的价钱
the value of a Harrier Jet,
要么把飞机送到他家
or deliver a jet.
他觉得自己可以打动约翰
And he came to believe that he could impress John
撮合双方的这笔交易
and then broker the deal between the two parties,
并在这个过程中赚个几百万美元
and in the process, put a couple of million dollars in his pocket.
对我来说 百事可乐或者广♥告♥代理公♥司♥有人去买♥♥鹞式战斗机
To me, the idea of someone at Pepsi or BBDO out shopping for a Harrier Jet
这个想法简直是天方夜谭现在仍然是这样的
was so inconceivable, and still is,
对此 我一个字都不相信
that I can't put any credence in that.
没有鹞式战斗机 只有难吃的虾子维克多米勒毫无价值
No Harrier Jet, bad shrimp. Victor Miller was a bust.
霍夫曼本应该为我们的付出买♥♥单的
Hoffman, who was supposed to be paying the expenses for our efforts,
但他不愿意为约翰和我支付两个酒店房♥间的费用
balked at paying for both John and I to have separate hotel rooms.
对迈克尔来说和客户共用一个房♥间实在太不体面了
For Michael, it was so below him
that he would have to share a room with a client.
我们又不是住利兹卡尔顿酒店或者四季酒店 对吧？
We're not staying at the Ritz Carlton or the Four Seasons.
如果我们能住到万豪酒店的话那就开心了
If we could stay at a Marriott, it was, like, a great moment.
这让他…陷入了非常糟糕的情绪
I mean, it was just like… It just put him in such a bad spot.
一直在说“王八蛋”
Like just uttering, "MF'er."
没错 我问霍夫曼：“我们为什么不能开两间房♥？”
Right. I was asking Hoffman, "Why the fuck can't we have two rooms?"
对我来说：“和这家伙在一个很棒的酒店房♥间里 我是没意见的”
And for me, I'm like, "I'm in a great hotel room with this guy that's cool."
我去 入住6号♥汽车旅馆都很值得炫耀 你懂吗？
Hell, going to the Motel 6 was a splurge, you know?
当你跟别人同住一个酒店房♥间时
When you're sharing a hotel room with somebody,
房♥间里有两张床
you got two twin beds in the room.
你们有很多时间都在一起
You know, you spend a lot of time together.
记得我们上车后
After we get in the car,
因为雷暴雨 各种事 我们错过了航♥班♥
we miss our flight because of thunderstorms, et cetera.
于是我跟他说：
So I tell him,
“我开车带你到圣路易斯我们从那里飞”
"I'm gonna drive you to St. Louis. We're gonna fly out of St. Louis,"
那里是我成长的地方
which is where I grew up.
于是我们就开车上路了
And so we road-trip it.
迈克尔和我最后沦落到了《飞机、火车和汽车》的境地
Michael and I end up in, like, some Planes, Trains and Automobiles moment
一段跨州大冒险
Go! -On this cross-country adventure.
你是约翰坎迪 我是史蒂夫马丁
You were John Candy and I was Steve Martin.
我猜 收音机里放的是1990年代的摇滚乐
You got '90s rock playing on the radio, I'm assuming.
1990年代或1980年代的都有可能混了一些1980年代的
Either '90s or '80s. There might've been some '80s mixed in there.
也许有几首“38 Special”的歌♥
You know, maybe a little 38 Special.
这段小小的冒险只有我们两个
And it was the two of us on this little adventure.
迈克尔和我 我们变成了好朋友
Michael and I, we'd become buddies.
在一年或者更长的一段时间里
For the better part of a year or more,
伦纳德和我 我们经常在一起
Leonard and I, we spent a lot of time together.
开着车在全国各地旅行
Road tripping around the country for various aspects of this.
我觉得约翰和我很投缘
I think that John and I bonded
不光因为我们都想确保他能得到那架飞机
not just because we both wanted to make sure that he got the jet
希望见证这件事成真
and wanted to see that happen,
还因为在某些方面 我们很相像
but also because, in some ways, we were similar.
你知道 我们的年龄只相差几岁
You know, we were within a few years of each other in age.
他想要完成某一目标
He was trying to get someplace, even though he was ahead of me.
虽然他比我领先一些
我也想要完成某一目标
I was trying to get someplace.
我觉得他很佩服我
You know, I… I'd like to think that he admired me
以及我无所畏惧的态度我敢于向任何人挑战
and the fact that I didn't give a shit. I was willing to go up against anybody.
-约翰也许太沉醉于…-他并不是“也许太沉醉于”
John maybe got intoxicated by--
He didn't maybe get intoxicated.
他简直过度沉醉了
He was over-intoxicated.
我还有自己的生活 我是个生意人
I still had my life and I was a business person.
我要忙我自己的生活
I was going about my life.
约翰飞回了华盛顿后
John flew back out to Washington
可能还是一个助理导游做他自己的事
and was probably still an assistant guide and doing his thing,
如果发生重要的事 我们会电♥话♥沟通
and when any major things would come up, we'd speak on the telephone.
我们会继续推动这件事但它并不会一蹴而就
You know, we'd keep the ball rolling,
but things were not happening in real time.
而我开始有了一些不太好的感觉
And I was getting to the point where it… it didn't feel good.
感觉如果我们继续照老样子做事
It didn't feel like if we just kept doing the same old, same old,
我们是不可能如愿以偿的
we are gonna come out on the right side.
我决定我们必须重振旗鼓
I determined that we had to jumpstart this thing again.
我们必须在公众舆♥论♥方面再接再厉
And we really had to make a push in the court of public opinion.
于是我使出了浑身解数
So I called upon my skill set
利用我调查对手的技能
that I'd used in connection with opposition research,
做了一个对百事可乐的对手研究计划
and really kind of did an opposition research project on Pepsi,
就好像我要发起一场反对百事可乐的运动一样
as if I was gonna run a campaign against Pepsi.
关键在于要找到一些
The key was trying to find something that Pepsi would not want people talking about
百事可乐在任何情况下都不希望
大家谈论的事情
under any circumstances.
那绝对是一次战术调整
It was definitely a change of gears.
是一种完全不同的方式
It was a totally different approach.
我受教育程度不高 我没有读过大学
I don't have a great education. I don't have a college education.
查一下“勒索”这个词我觉得它就属于这个范畴
Look up "blackmail," and I would say it fits that category.
你告诉他们：“如果你们不这么做 我们就会这么做
You tell them, "If you don't do this, we do this."
我们要做的事将会重创你们的声誉”
"What we're doing is gonna hurt your reputation."
这种事我不掺和我是不会掺和这种事的
Well, I'm not in that game. That's not the game I'm in.
你有没有试过把两块磁铁推到一起？
It's like, have you ever tried to push two magnets together?
虽然它们是一样的东西但它们也会意见不合
And though they're the same thing, they're at odds with each other?
有时候 真的就是这种感觉
And, at times, that's really what it felt like.
有些人想做那种事 他们就去做了
Somebody wants to do that stuff, they do that stuff.
一开始的游戏不是这样的
That wasn't the game from the beginning
而且这样也走不到游戏的终点
and it wasn't gonna be the game till the very end.
约翰和我都相信这件事会变成一场灾难
John believed, as I believed, that this thing was gonna go off the cliff
除非我的策略能得到执行否则我们将一无所有