百事，我的战斗机呢（2022）

这就是广♥告♥业的法则
That's the law of advertising.
我冲好了咖啡 把它放下
I get my coffee, put it down.
我的助手说：“迈克尔莫尔多斯打电♥话♥来”
My assistant says, "Michael, it's Mordos on the phone."
“老狼 早安 有什么事？”
"Good morning, Mr. Wolf, what's going on?"
“他们想让我♥干♥嘛？”
"They want me to what?"
“他们想什么时候完成？”
"When did they want this done?"
“昨天”
"Yesterday."
他们把广♥告♥改了
They changed the ad.
第二版里 广♥告♥上的积分从七百万分
The second iteration of the ad went from 7 million points
变成了七亿分
to 700 million.
那就是七千万美元了
Which would be $70 million.
当然 不管怎么算 这笔买♥♥卖♥♥都不划算
And, of course, by anybody's math, that's a bad deal, right?
这只持续了很短的时间 然后…
That ran for a short time and then…
再一次：“早上好 老狼”
Again, "Good morning, Mr. Wolf."
“早上好 米克”
"Good morning, Mick."
“他们想让我♥干♥嘛？”
"They want me to what?"
（七亿 开个玩笑）
最后一版的广♥告♥里还是七亿分
The last iteration of the ad was 700 million,
然后括号♥里写上 “开个玩笑”
and then, in parentheses, "Just kidding."
等等 你想让我说你可以用七亿积分换一架鹞式战斗机
Wait, you want me to say you can get a Harrier Jet for 700 million points,
这是完全不可能达到的
which is completely unattainable,
然后你希望我们告诉大家：“顺便说一句 我们只是在说笑”
and you want us to tell people, "By the way, we're just kidding here."
我告诉自己 这绝对是个论据
I said to myself, "This is definitely a case."
每一次 他们都是在承认自己错了
They were admitting that they were wrong each time.
他们在承认那就是一个奖品
They were admitting it was an offer.
“我们好担心它会被当成奖品我们必须不断作出改动
"We're so scared it's an offer, we have to keep changing it
直到没有人能够达标”
till it's out of somebody's reach."
那横竖都绝对不是
It was in no way, shape, or form
我们在承认自己做错了什么
an admission that we had done anything wrong.
而是：“嘿 好吧 虽然有个疯子
But it was, "Hey, okay, even if there's one lunatic out there
觉得这是真的 那我们就把‘开个玩笑’加在括号♥里吧”
that thinks this is real, let's put 'just kidding' in parentheses."
有些人认为那是在认罪
Some people looked at that moment as an admission of guilt.
是啊
Yeah.
你有这种感觉吗？
Did you see it that way at all?
当然有
Hell, yeah.
那就是在认罪：“我们只是开个玩笑”
It was an admission of guilt. "We're just kidding."
我们不想那样做的
We didn't want to do it,
因为那感觉就像是讲了一个笑话然后说：“现在是时候大笑咯”
because it's sort of like telling a joke and then saying, "Now it's time to laugh,"
放在括号♥里
in parentheses.
我们是在简化那个广♥告♥
We were dumbing down the ad.
（皇家海军）
接下来…
And the next thing we knew,
百事可乐的律师让我们去出席一个和解会议
Pepsi's lawyers call us into a settlement conference.
我们当时想：“他们意识到自己犯了个错误
We were thinking, "They realize they made a mistake."
他们现在真的慌不择路了他们真的开始慌了”
They're really on the run right now. They're sweating it out."
百事可乐和他们的律师请我们去纽约
Pepsi and their counsel had invited us to New York.
它被称为一次和解会议
It was termed a settlement conference.
我说：“我去 听起来不错”
I was like, "Heck, sounds good."
（西尔斯）
我去到西尔斯百货商店
I go up to Sears.
花大钱买♥♥了一套最好的范豪森西装
Go big on the nicest Van Heusen suit that money could buy.
125美元
125 bucks.
嗨 妈妈
Hi, Mom.
配了一条很帅的领带
Came with a super sharp tie.
约翰尼衣装革领地准备前往纽约
Johnny's going to New York with a nice suit.
感觉很激动
It was exciting. No idea what's gonna happen.
不知道会发生什么事
陶德、拉里从迈阿密飞过去
Todd, Larry fly up from Miami.
我们去到律师事务所
We go to the law offices.
我们就像“噩耗熊”一样
We're like the Bad News Bears.
我们有拉里尚茨他是个专供资产保护的律师
We got Larry Schantz. He's a lawyer that specializes in asset protection.
我们有20岁、有想法的西雅图小子
We got a 20-year-old guy with the idea, from Seattle.
他不知怎么地 劝服了他疯狂的朋友一个来自佛罗里达州的
Somehow, he's got this crazy friend, an adventurer-business guy,
冒险家兼商人
from South Florida.
他们大概会觉得我们是一群废物
They probably thought we were a bunch of schmucks coming in.
这几个白♥痴♥是谁啊？
"Who are these idiots?"
我们是业余的 对吧？
We were amateurs, right?
而他们是公♥司♥法专家
And they were the corporate law professionals.
他们开始问：“那么 你们究竟想要什么？”
They started asking, "So, you know, what do you really want? Ha ha."
我们说：“什么意思？我们想要飞机”
We're like, "What do you mean? We want the jet."
“我知道你们想要…你们真正想要的是什么？”
"I know you want the… What do you really want?"
我很清楚自己想要什么我说：“我想要你们承诺的奖品”
I was pretty clear what I want. I said, "I want what you offered."
“哦 我知道 但你知道的 我们知道…”
"Oh, I know, but, you know… You know, we know…"
全是那些我讨厌的自以为是的废话
That kind of smarmy shit that I don't like.
他们说：“你们真的相信我们是认真的？”
They said, "You really believe we meant this?"
我说：“是啊这是你们的视频 这是你们说的话
I said, "Yeah. Here's your video, here's what you said."
这是你们的说明
"Here's exactly what your instructions were,
这是我们做的事”
and here's what we did."
这种情况不是我们造成的是你们自己造成的
We didn't put you in this situation. You put yourself in this situation.
他们说：“鹞式战斗机是用于军事目的的”
They said, "Harrier Jet, it's used for military purposes."
我说：“你脸上那副虚伪的假笑有什么目的？”
I was like, "What's the purpose of that smarmy little smirk on your face?"
我说：“我觉得这是个虚假广♥告♥所以你们需要赔钱”
I said, "I think it's false advertising,
and as a result, you need to pony up."
双方你来我往了一阵子
We go back and forth for a while.
而且他们还暗示到
And, uh, lo and behold, they allude to the fact
也许我们可以做些什么来解决这件事
that maybe there's something we can do to work out in settling it.
后来他们说：“好吧…
So then… Then they say, "Well,
也许我们会愿意给你们点钱”
maybe we would, uh, be willing to offer you some money."
于是我们说：“我们愿意接受解决方案
So we said, "You know, we're open for resolution. Talk to us."
说来听听看吧”
你知道的：“告诉我你们的金额”
You know, like, "Tell me your dollar amount."
于是他们写下了些什么
So they wrote down something.
他们给出了75万美元
They've offered three quarters of a million dollars,
也许可以提高到一百万美元
possibly could go up to a million bucks.
不是一笔小数目
Not chump change.
我们发现他们很紧张这件事否则就不会提出这样的金额
We figured they were nervous about it or they wouldn't offer that kind of money.
那个数字让我很诧异
That number surprises me.
我对天发誓 我不…我完全不知情
Honest to God, I swear, I have no… I don't know about that.
我不记得有那种事
I don't remember that.
一百万感觉很高
A million seems really high.
我…如果发生过这种事那也是为了避免诉讼费
I… I… I… If that happened, it was to avoid the legal expenses.
如果他们输了…那是他们不需要的宣传
If they lost, publicity they don't need.
要记住 他们并不是第一
Remember, they're not number one.
我们的律师说：“不如你和约翰出去
Our attorney said, "Why don't you and John go outside and discuss it."
商量一下 然后回来告诉我们你们的看法吧”
"Come back and tell us what you think."
我清楚地记得陶德和我站在一扇窗边
I distinctly remember Todd and I were standing over by a window.
陶德说：“眼前这笔钱数目不小
Todd's like, "This is something that's here now,
你可以用它去做点事
and you could potentially do something with this."
这并不能改变我的生活但它可以在经济上改变你的生活”
"This won't change my life. It could change your life financially."
他希望我能明白妥协后可能会有的后果
He wanted me to be aware
of the potential consequences of walking away.
“不管你想怎么做我都百分之一百万支持你
"Whatever you want to do, I'm a million percent supportive of you."
我希望你能赢
"I want you to win."
如果这对你来说就是胜利 很好如果‘赢’对你来说是别的 很好”
"If this is winning for you, great."
"If something else is winning for you, great."
另一方面 拉里说：“嘿 两位 这笔钱很可观”
Larry, on the other hand, was like, "This is a good amount of money."
我说：“你知道 陶德除了你的时间以及我们的法务工作
I said, "You know, Todd, we have nothing really invested in it
我们其实没有真正投入过什么”
except your time and our legal work."
这样的报酬还不错了
And it would not be a bad day's pay.
如果让我给那个年轻人一些建议…我会说：
If I was advising the young man…
…I would say,
“接受那笔钱”
"Take the cash."
我会说：“接受它”
I would have said, "Take it."
-你会说：“接受它”？-是的
You'd have said, "Take the money"?
I would haven.
但我们面对现实吧除了他 他还有投资者
But let's face it, he's got investors other than him.
再扣掉税费？
And then pay taxes on that?
我不觉得一百万美元够他们分了
I don't think the million-dollar split was enough.
所以到了这个时候
And so at this point, it was simply trying to get what was seemingly fair.
我们就是单纯地想得到一个看似公平的结果
我努力计算这个数字
I was putting together the math on this.
飞机价值3200万美元
The jet is worth $32 million,
而他们基本上就打算给三十分之一？
and they're offering essentially a 30th?
坦白说 这一百万美元对我来说真的太少了
Frankly, this million-dollar number, to me, was like lowballing.
我做过很多生意
I do a lot of business deals,
要我想这样做出决定完全没问题