我讨厌苏西（2020）

- Here you go. - Thank you.
都让我眼眶泛泪了 我还只是看了模糊的那些
Made my eyes water and I only saw the blurry ones.
你好吗 夏恩
Alright, Shane?
-挺好 你呢 -妈 我们该去哪换衣服
- Yeah, you alright, Suz? - Mum, where should we get changed?
-到楼上换行吗 -什么 我听不清
- Shall we just go upstairs? - What's that? I can't hear.
-你说什么 -我问我们去哪换衣服
- What did you say? - I said, "Where are we changing?"
苏茜 你说话像嘴里含着"东西"
Nah, Suz, you sound like you've got something in your mouth.
菲尔 别在考博面前做这个动作
Phil, don't do that when Cob's here.
这里是我家 你管不着
Don't 'Phil' me in my own house.
这房♥子还真不是你的
Literally not your house.
对 你可以去楼上换 亲爱的
Yeah, but you can't go upstairs, can you, sweetheart,
反正你妹妹也在上面
'cause, um, your sister's up there, isn't she?
她可以 是新郎不行 他不能上去
No, not her. It's him. He can't go upstairs.
-早点出发 -你好 苏茜
- Starting early. - Alright, Suz?
-你好吗 丹妮尔 -嗯
- Alright, Danielle? - Alright.
我都没法思考了
I can't think straight. Um,
你们都坐在厨房♥里干嘛
what are you all doing sat in the kitchen?
都给我滚出去
Go on, sod off, all of you.
老妖婆
Harpy!
你知道我想问什么吗
'Ere, you know what I wanna know?
-老娘要做饭 -你见过多少名人
- I'm trying to cook! - How many famous people you met?
我每天都跟名人打交道
Well, I work with famous people every day,
所以时刻都能遇到
so literally all the time.
不是问你 苏茜 你见过多少名人
No, not you. Suz. How many famous people you met?
-说出名字 -我见过很多
- Name them. - Oh, I've met loads.
我见过路易斯·泰鲁 还有...
I've met Louis Theroux, I've met...
-哪个路易斯 谁 -路易斯·泰鲁 你知道他吗
- Louis who? Who? Who? - Louis Theroux. You know who that is?
-不知道 -天呐
- No. - Oh, my God.
-下一个 还有谁 -什么 我见过太多人了
- Next. Who else? - What? Well, I've met loads.
-你要我列举名人吗 -是的
- Like, what, do you want me to just list famous people? - Yes.
你那些裸照是怎么回事
What's going on with all this naked stuff?
-换我一定吓死了 -单刀直入啊
- I mean, I'd feel terrible. - Straight in.
直接崩溃了 真的
I'd feel awful. I would feel so awful.
是你卖♥♥给媒体的吗
Did you sell it or something?
什么 当然不是
What?! No!
不可能 这么做对谁都没好处
Nah, it's an awful angle for anyone.
-要是我就全删了 -我是删了
- I'd have deleted it. - I did delete it.
现在黑客能窃取最近删除的照片
They store recently deleted stuff too now.
我要说些不中听的话 非常不中听
Oh, I'm gonna be really rude. Gonna be really rude right now.
你知道你在上位的时候
Do you know when you go on top?
你在上位 对吧
You know when you go on top, right?
你知道我在说什么 当你俯身...
You know what I'm talking about. Right, when you lean...
你弯下身时
When you lean over,
你最好拿块镜子看看自己的样子
you wanna get a mirror and check what they are seeing.
我有奶♥子♥
I've got udders.
我每周都还做两次健美操预防下垂 你懂吗
And I go to BODYPUMP twice a week, do you know what I mean?
-你男友呢 娜奥米 -不 不
- Where's your boyfriend, Naomi? - Oh, no, no, no.
-我男友 -你记得吗 她不...
- Where's my boyfriend? - Do you remember? She's not, um...
-她是... -不 其实我一半一半
- She's... - No, no. Well, I'm actually 50-50.
她喜欢女人
She's into women.
老天 看到逼我会吐
Oh, mate, I would... ..At a fanny.
你每天的工作不就是帮人蜜蜡除毛吗
Don't you wax them every day at work?
没错 但我有钱拿的 而且又不用舔逼
Yes. I get paid to do that. I'm not nose-deep in it.
现在我是六成喜欢女 四成喜欢男
60-40. 60-40 men now, talking to you.
有一次给客人做按♥摩♥ 我宿醉很严重
One time, during a massage, I was so hungover,
结果吐得她后腰到处都是
I vommed all over her lower back.
七成三成
70-30.
那是我的极限了 逼对我来说是禁区
That's my limit. That area, it's a no-go, mate.
我只喜欢屌♥
Strictly dickly, me.
丹妮尔 我也不会舔你的 放心
Alright, Danielle, I wouldn't do you either, so chill out.
太有魅力了
Oh, charming!
夏恩 夏恩的表妹也来了 对吧
Shane! Shane's...Shane's cousin's here, isn't she?
没错 她是肯特大学篮网球校队的
Oh, yes! She plays netball for Kent.
她是姬佬
She's gay!
其实娜奥米现在想买♥♥精
Actually, Naomi's in the market for a bit of spunk,
如果有得卖♥♥
if there's any going.
之前考博想继续生孩子 你不想要 对吧
Didn't Cob want to have more kids and then you didn't?
天呐 这不是真的吗
Oh, my God. That's not true, is it?
-妈 -是真的
- Oh, Mum... - It is true.
有解决办法了 你接手她的男人不就行了
Well, there's a solution. You can have her old fella.
没错 你不用客气啊
Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out.
即便是我也有底线的
I think even I might have a line.
顶上她的位置
Fill your boots.
-妈只喜欢屌♥ 对吧 -是啊
- Mum's strictly dickly, right, Mum? - Oh, yeah!
干一杯 敬爱屌♥女团
Cheers to that. To the strictly dickly crew.
你好呀
Alright?
你好呀
Alright?
宝贝
Oh, babe!
外婆好 真不敢相信啊
Alright, Grinny? This is mad, isn't it?
看看你 看看你
Look at you. Look at you.
不可思议 在我记忆里你还是8岁小女孩
So crazy, 'cause you're eight still, aren't you?
-你还好吗 怎么搞的啊 -别 别问我了
- How are you? What the fuck? - Don't. How am I?
你还好吗 你脸上的妆厚到可以防弹
How are you? You've got a lot of make-up on.
不 这很普通吧
No, this is normal.
我带了娱乐界的魔法彩妆盒
Right. I've brought the magic showbiz box.
你有没有过来人的感悟可以分享给你妹妹
So, have you got any words of wisdom for your sister?
你都结过那么多次婚了
You've done it enough times.
这不正说明我不擅长婚姻吗 外婆
Well, it's a sign I'm not very good at it, Grin.
-不能这么说 -这条裙子一定勒得你想吐
- Can't say that. - I'll bet this dress makes you want to be sick.
不
No.
你♥爸♥要烦死我了
Your father's doing me bloody head in.
裙子很美 有很多漂亮的皱褶
It's good. It's looking quite creased on there.
你看起来像模特一样
Oh, you look like a model.
看看你 她真漂亮 对吧
Look at you. She's gorgeous, isn't she?
这个其实很好
This is actually really good.
-给我根烟 -天呐 你在干什么
- Give us a fag. - Oh, blimey, what are you doing?
妈 你干什么 你坐到裙子上了
Mum, what are you doing? You're sat on the dress.
干嘛那么激动
Bloody hell. Keep your hair on.
你会把裙子弄皱的
You're just going to crease it all!
你还在旁边抽烟 会着火的
You're just smoking next to it. It'll go up.
-反正本来就有皱褶 -你什么人啊
- It's creased anyway. Jesus. What are you like?
-弗德 -你好
- Hey, Ferd. - Alright.
夏恩 挪一下
Alright, Shane? Budge up.
那个垃圾中锋 牛奶发酸[转身]都比他快
Thing is, that centre forward, I've seen milk turn faster.
-屁♥股♥那么大 -你屁♥股♥才大
- Size of his arse. - Size of YOUR arse.
他不够壮 你看
He ain't fit. Look. Look.
凯伦说你拍了色情照片
Karen says you've done a porno.
我没说 我没有
No, I didn't. I-I didn't.
照片里那男的是谁 你一定吓死了
Who's the bloke in it? I bet you shat yourself.
-不 不要紧 -都怪卡戴珊她们
- No, it doesn't matter. - It's all them Kardashians.
我就是担心你
Just worried about you.
已婚女人不需要做那些事
A married woman doesn't need to do all that stuff.
老实说 我想到我手♥机♥里有什么 我就...
Look, honestly, when I think about what's on my phone...
苏茜 你老公来了
Suz! Your husband's here!
卸掉
OK, off.
大家好 我听见电视声 今天一定是婚礼日
Bonjour! I hear a television. It must be a wedding day.
埃弗顿的教练不知道会怎么应对
I wonder what Marco Silva would do about this
利物浦已经反超他们了
with Liverpool pegging his team back...
他来了 恶魔之音
Oh, here he is. Sound of the devil.
夏恩 恭喜
OK. Shane, congrats.
看来你在这享受最后的自♥由♥时光 很对
I see you're enjoying your last free moments there. Quite right.
坐下吧 利物浦进球了
Take a pew. Liverpool scored.
你真心觉得只要不断跟我聊足球
Utterly convinced, aren't you, if you keep telling me things,
终有一天我会感兴趣
eventually I'm gonna care.
你好啊 菲尔
Hello, Phil.
都不开我老婆艳照的玩笑吗
Not even a joke about my wife in those photos?
我还以为正适合你发挥呢
No? I thought that'd be right up your street.
-别客气 尽管叫我绿帽男 -那可是我女儿
- Feel free to shout, "Cuckold." - That's my daughter.
的确 是她没错
Well, indeed. Yes, it is. Yeah.
你不打算说 是我无能满足不了她吗
Not gonna allude to me being unable to satisfy her?
我以为你会揶揄我的