福是全家福的福（2015）

小蜜蜂童子军总是乐于助人
A Honeybee is always helpful,
就像蜜蜂帮助花儿成长
like bees help flowers grow.
她友好又善良
She is friendly and kind,
培养责任意识 反对共♥产♥主义
grooms responsibly,and rejects communism.
她通过辛勤工作 换来一段美好人生
She works hard,and will be rewarded with a happy life.
哼 放屁
Oh,bullshit.
小蜜蜂童子军总是遵守规则
A Honeybee always plays by the rules.
行了 够了 你们知道吗 女士们
Okay,that's enough.You know what,ladies?
我努力工作 我遵守规则
I worked hard,I played by the rules.
可结果是什么?
What did it get me?
我大白天和一群小姑娘坐在一起
I'm sitting with a bunch of little girls in the middle of the day
头上带个该死的绿帽子
with a goddamn thimble on my head.
我看上去就像个犹太小妖精
I look like a Jewish leprechaun.
你们知道这意味什么 我没有工作
You know what that means?I'm not working.
这意味着我不能养家糊口 意味着我不是个男人
That means I'm not providing.That means I'm not a man.
你们知道我打过仗吗? 哦没错 在韩国
Did you know I fought in a war?Oh,yeah.In Korea,
我把中士那血淋淋的肠子塞回他的肚子里
I shoved my sergeant's bloody intestines back into his body.
他不停的喊 那不是我的! 那不是我的!
He kept yelling:"Those aren't mine!Those aren't mine!".
琢磨不透的战场 女孩们
Fog of war,girls!
我的天啊
Oh,my God.
我到现在还不敢吃香肠
I still can't eat kielbasa.
但是我的回报呢
And how am I rewarded?
像陆军野战医院这种垃圾电视剧居然把我的地狱经历
With a TV show called M*A*S*H that turns the hell I went through
演绎成一群医生在好莱坞山中瞎胡闹!
into a bunch of doctors playing fucking grab-ass in the Hollywood Hills!
老爸 别再说陆军野战医院了!
Dad,not M*A*S*H again!
不好意思
Sorry,I'm sorry.
好吧 我们还剩半个小时
All right,we got 30 minutes left.
我们来做点爆米花吧
Let's make popcorn balls
然后说说尼克松如何被那些同性恋骗了
and talk about how those pansies are giving Nixon the shaft.
没错 宝贝儿
All right,baby!
以上是爆裂旋风 开启您全新的一天星期五!
That was Whiplash Firestorm,waking you up on this Friday!
您正在收听的是W-K-W-O-K电台 夸克驾到
You're listening to W-K-W-O-K FM.The Kwok!
啊 关掉那该死的灯!
Oh,turn that fucking light off!
我得要去送报纸!
I got to do my papers!
别吵了 你们这群该死的兔崽子!
Knock it off,you goddamn animals!
什么样的白♥痴♥会找一个早上五点钟开始的工作?
What kind of dildo gets a job that starts at five in the morning?
什么样的白♥痴♥会操自己的手?
What kind of dildo fucks his hand?
- 去你的!
- 为什么你的手闻起来像黄油?
- Fuck you!
- Why does your hand smell like butter?
我警告过你们别吵了 现在 在吵醒你妹妹之前赶快闭嘴!
I told you to knock it off!Now,shut up before you wake up your sister!
老爸 别喊了!
Dad,stop yelling!
继续睡吧 小天使 看看你两个混♥蛋♥干的好事
Go back to sleep,angel!See what you pricks did?
我发誓 他们是想搞死我
I swear,they're trying to kill me.
他们俩是怎么了 整天刀锋相对的
What's with those two?They've been at each other's throats.
其实 我猜得到原因 但你肯定不喜欢
Well,I have a theory,but you're not gonna like it.
是凯文的问题
It's Kevin.
他不再是个小孩子了 他已经到了那个年纪...
He's not a boy anymore and he's getting to that age when...
他要...你懂得
He's...you know...
他怎么了?
He's what?
他得去操点什么了
He's gonna want to fuck something.
天啊 弗兰克!
Jesus,Frank!
我说了你肯定不喜欢
I said you weren't gonna like it.
哦 听了这个 我肯定也睡不着了
Oh,on that note,there's no going back to sleep now.
我♥干♥脆练练速记算了
I better study my shorthand anyway.
我今天得记录一场重大的产品开♥发♥会议
I have to take notes at the big product development meeting today.
你今天也会去 对吧
And you're gonna go today,right?
哦 苏
Oh,Sue.
亲爱的 申请失业救助没什么丢人的
Honey,there's no shame in filing for unemployment.
当然会丢人 这简直是侮辱
Sure there is.It's humiliating.
我会和一群光着脚的嬉皮士坐在一起
I'll be down there with a bunch of hippies with their dirty feet
和他们那该死的洋葱头
and their fucking Beatle-haircuts.
你好 你好 再见 再见
Hello,hello.Goodbye,goodbye.
这怎么能算歌♥ 这是婴儿都会说的话
That's not a song,it's a baby's first words!
弗兰克 专心点
Frank,focus.
我知道你爱面子 可你一定得去
I know you have your pride,but please go down there.
你一直都在体制中生存
You paid into that system your whole life.
他们有人会帮你找到工作的
And they have people who will help you apply for work.
是啊 糟糕的工作
Yeah,shit work.
我想养活这个家庭 苏 我还在寻找一份真正的工作
I want to provide for this family,Sue.And I'm looking for a real job.
我还有一些航♥空♥公♥司♥没试过呢
There's still some airlines I haven't tried.
珀格不可能让每个公♥司♥都把我拒之门外
Pogo couldn't have blackballed me at all of them.
你差点杀了他 弗兰克
You almost killed him,Frank.
而且他唯一能够到的就是电♥话♥了
And the only thing he can reach is his phone.
我很确定他把整个电♥话♥本都打完了
I'm pretty sure he went through his entire Rolodex.
该死的电♥话♥本
Fucking Rolodex.
弗兰克 我们需要钱
rank,we need the money.
我没你在航♥空♥公♥司♥挣的钱多
I'm not making as much as you did at Mohican.
请答应我 你一定会去招聘会
Please promise me you'll go to the employment office.
行了 好吧 我保证
Okay.Fine.I promise.
我去当个寄生虫吸取社会资源
I'll go be a leech.
太好了 但你是我的寄生虫
Yes,but you're my leech.
哦 苏
Oh,Sue.
弗兰克 现在不行
Frank.Not now.
好吧 你想什么时候就什么时候
Okay.Suit yourself.
那现在怎么样?
How about now?
正品专业冰球棍
现价15.95元
正中! 猫咪配怂逼
Gotcha!Pussy for a pussy!
新闻快讯：干的就是你!
Newsflash:fuck you!
给我滚出这条街 你这个小混♥蛋♥!
Get the fuck out of the street,you little motherfucker!
哦 早上好 比尔
Oh,hello,Bill.
这周也没什么给你做的
Nothing again for you this week.
看看这群累赘 榨干国家的血汗
Look at all this deadweight,suckling from Uncle Sam's tit.
求你了 我需要一份工作
Please,I need a job.
要是我有两个孩子呢 那样能多点工资吗? 我其实有三个孩子
What if I had two babies?Would that get me more?I can get another baby.
我穿的是租来的鞋子
I'm wearing rented shoes.
- 我不知道我们这周该吃什么
- 有人在这拉屎了
- I don't know how we'll eat this week.
- Somebody shit back here.
- 我每天都来这
- 我睡在别人身下取暖
- I've come every day.
- I slept under another man for warmth.
你们怎么把好工作都给黑人了?
Why you giving all the good jobs to the blacks?
振作点 弗兰克 皱起眉头
Come on,Frank.Pucker up.
嘿 弗兰克·墨菲!
Hey,Frank Murphy!
哦 不
Oh,no.
是我啊 菲尼亚斯 马戏团的 记得不
It's me,Phineas!From the circus,remember?
我们是工会的兄弟
We're union brothers.
哦对 嘿
Oh,yeah,hey.
弗兰克 听双头婴儿说 你在圣诞节被炒鱿鱼了
So,Frank,the two-headed baby told me you got fired at Christmas.
是啊
Yeah.
他们因为虐待动物把我们关了
They shut us down for animal cruelty.
我们用铲子打大象打了这么多年
We've been hitting elephants with shovels for years.
一下子 来了个民♥主♥党当总统
But suddenly,you get a Democrat in office.
不管怎样 很高兴见到你 伙计
Anyway,great to see you,pal.
- 是啊 嘿 我...
- 大伙儿 这个是弗兰克·墨菲
- Yeah,listen,I...
- Fellas,this is Frank Murphy.
他以前在机场是和老板混的人
He used to be the boss canvas man down at the airport,
帮着老板梳头发
pulling down some sweet alfalfa.
现在他要和小丑们睡在一起了 是不是 弗兰克
Now he's kipping in clown alley with no aba-daba.Ain't you,Frank?
拜托 别再喊我名字了
Please,stop saying my name.
我明白 弗兰克 在这感觉很尴尬 是吧?
I understand,Frank.Embarrassed to be here,huh?
这不容易
This ain't easy.
最摧残人的事 就是走到那个窗口前
The most crippling thing you'll ever do is walk up to that window,
放下尊严 然后承认
spit up your pride and admit it:
"我是个彻头彻尾的失败者 我养活不了自己的家人"
"I'm a complete failure.I can't support my family."
这时你就想爬进大炮里 点燃引线...
That's when you want to crawl into a cannon,light the fuse and...
我不行 我做不来
I can't do this.
你要去哪 弗兰克 他们马上要发除虱梳子了
Where you going,Frank?They're about to pass out lice combs.
先生们 我们的竞争对手"致鲜"公♥司♥去年已经把市场份额都抢占了
Gentlemen,Stor-a-Meal absolutely murdered us last year.
想要和他们竞争 我们要想从前想不到的
In order to compete,we'll have to do the previously unthinkable:
做出更好更新的产品
come up with a new and exciting product.
更好更新
New and exciting?