福是全家福的福（2015）

现在是早上6点
It's 6 a.m in the Quint Cities,
空气中有一丝春天的气息
and there's a hint of spring in the air.
今天是腿支架日 所以让我们想想那些无法漫步在春天的气息里的人们吧
It's National Leg Brace Day,so let's try and remember those who don't have a spring in their step,
这真是太痛苦了
just excruciating pain.
接下来播送的音乐是名利场乐队的Early in the Morning
Here's Vanity Fare.
每天早晨拂晓的第一缕阳光
When it's sunny in the morning
通过窗户照耀着我 新的一天又要开始
Over by the window,day is dawning
我感受着空气里 感受着生命的美好
When I feel the air,I feel that life is very good to me
你也知道
You know
鸟儿的背影映在我的枕头上
There's a sun bird on my pillow
我看着枕头 觉得滑稽可笑
I can see the funny weeping willow
我感受着空气里 感受着生命的美好
When I feel the air,I feel that life is very good to me
你也知道
You know
沐浴在阳光下 金色光芒笼罩着我
In the sun,there's so much yellow
清晨的草地上
Something in the early morning meadow
告诉我今天你就在赶回家的路上
Tells me that today you're on your way,and you'll be coming home
回到我的身边
Home to me
祝你好运 苏
Good luck,Sue.
我们都知道你心里不是这么想的
We both know you don't mean that.
你希望我失败
You want me to fail.
那是以前
Wanted.
不过我现在也不在乎是不是的问题了 有个航♥空♥公♥司♥现在需要我
But I don't care anymore.I got an airline that needs me.
噢 那也许那个航♥空♥公♥司♥能给你养孩子
Well,maybe the airline can raise your kids,
给你强有力的支持
be your cheerleader,
而且在你被炒了之后几个星期没洗澡还会跟你做♥爱♥
and still have sex with you when you don't shower for weeks after getting fired on Christmas.
嘿 没准他们今年还会继续给你个惊喜 在复活节的时候炒了你
Hey,maybe this year they'll surprise you and fire you on Easter.
说的不错 苏 很不错
Nice,Sue.Real nice.
弗兰克 等等
Frank,wait.
在我们就这么分别之前
Before we leave like this,
你有什么想对我说的吗?
is there anything you want to say to me?
任何事情?
Anything at all?
早餐难吃的跟屎一样
Breakfast sucked.
这才叫冷酷无情
Now that's cold blooded.
本季完
啊快点 你们人呢?
Come on.Where are you guys?
先生们 可别犯错误 我们今天要做的事可是犯罪
Gentlemen,make no mistake,we are about to commit a serious crime.
引用本杰明·富兰克林的话来说
And to quote Benjamin Franklin,
我们一定要团结一致 不然我们会被分开绞死
We must indeed all hang together or,most assuredly,we shall all hang separately.
谢了 鲍勃
Thanks,Bob.
话虽如此
Having said that,
但我的连襟 斯坦是市议员
my brother-in-law Stan is an alderman,
如果事情出了差池的话
and if this thing goes south,
我有能力在你们之前做好协商
I'll have the ability to make a deal faster than all of you.
除非你像头鹿一样先跑人了
Not if I gut you like a deer first.
好了 好了
Okay.Okay.
我们再来把我们摆脱斯古珀的计划过一遍
Let's go over the plan to get rid of Scoop one more time.
现在是11点13分
It's now exactly 11:13.
去德卢斯的航♥班♥是3点57分起飞
The flight for Duluth leaves at 3:57.
明尼苏达州东北部城市,毗邻苏必利尔湖
而我会在3点10分之前到机场补货
I'll be there at the airport doing my snack run no later than 3:10.
而怎么处理斯古珀就交给我们了
We'll take care of Scoop.
我们公会的接头人会把能放倒他的药带给你们
Our union contact will meet you with the means to neutralize him.
大象镇静剂
建议使用剂量:10克
上品迷情药
一旦他把东西给了我 我就会正确的交给下一个人
Once he gets the stuff to me,I'll put it in the proper hands.
我们就会做成特制鸡尾酒 然后交货
We'll mix a little cocktail for Scoop and make the hand off.
然后我来完成最艰巨的任务
And I've got the hardest job of all.
放轻松
Steady.
这是你要的咖啡
Here's the coffee you wanted.
我可没要可可汁
I didn't ask for no bean juice.
快把我的可可汁给我!
Now,give me my bean juice!
塑料保鲜盒 盖上盖子
Plastic bowl,A-put a lid on it
多嘴的女孩 捂上嘴巴
Mouthy gal,A-put a lid on it
合上嘴巴 不然我来帮你
Button your lip,or I'll button it for you
我会向你上衣遮盖的地方出击!
I'll hit you,where your blouse covers it up!
嘣!
Pow!
浪漫之王 汤米·塔赫先生!
The king of romance,Mr.Tommy Tahoe!
你太棒了 汤米!
You're great,Tommy!
现在到了我们股东大会最令人兴奋的地方了
And now for the most exciting part of our presentation:
这项新发明将使公♥司♥由黑人执权!
the new invention that's gonna put this company back in the black!
In the black意为财政上的盈利
黑人! 不!
Blacks?No!
把女人们都藏起来!
Hide the women!
我的意思是 使公♥司♥转赤为盈
I mean,restore us to profitability.
哦这样就太好了
Oh,yeah.
保鲜盒公♥司♥1974年的旗舰产品是...
Plast-A-Ware's flagship product for 1974 is...
彩虹杯!
The Rainbow Mug!
由包含38种超现代化的化学成分的专利混合物制成
Made of a patented blend of 38 different space-age chemicals
生产出这个唯一会随时根据你喝的饮料的颜色而改变的杯子!
that make it the only mug that changes color to match whatever beverage you're drinking!
那不就跟玻璃杯一样吗?
You mean like clear glass?
这个...
Uh...
我艹!
Shit!
幸亏我们没有把那个傻♥逼♥玩意投入量产
Thank God we didn't put that stupid mug into production.
可我们已经生产了十万多只了! 我们要完蛋了!
We're making a hundred thousand of them!We're fucked!
你们两个笑什么?
What are you two smiling about?
哦 你马上就会知道了
Oh,you'll find out.
老兄 我希望她们等会是要出柜
Man,I hope it's lesbian stuff.
凯文·墨菲 我知道你在里面!
Kevin Murphy,I know you're in there!
哦 我艹 我艹 我艹
Oh,shit.Oh,shit.Shit,shit,shit.
凯文 我下来了
Kevin,I'm coming down.
那天是星期四 我那天很兴奋 因为真的有剪发女这个人!
It was Thursday morning,I was excited!Haircut Girl was real!
然后我早泄了两次!
Then I came in my pants,twice!
我那时没穿衣服 而且她的奶头都突出来了
I didn't have a shirt,then her boobs were sticking out,
我不是有意的!
and I don't know!
嘿嘿 小伙计 放轻松
Hey,hey,hey,little man.Take it easy.
这不是你的错
It's not your fault.
不是吗?
It's not?
当我像你这么大的时候
You know,when I was your age,
我母亲有个朋友 安德森太太
my mom had this friend,Mrs.Anderson.
她简直比八月的汽车后座还要火♥辣♥
She was hotter than a car seat in August.
她走起路来就像一只不用人帮忙抬起前足 只用后脚走路的猫咪
She moved like a beautiful cat that could walk on its back legs without somebody holding its paws.
有一晚 她过来找我母亲 可我母亲不在
One night,she came over looking for my mom,but my mom wasn't home.
然后事情就一件接一件发生了
Well,one thing led to another,
我人生中第一次有人给我手活 就是这个风情万种的女士 还是在高速路上
and I ended up getting my first hand job from a toll booth lady on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.
可那根本说不通
That doesn't make any sense.
一旦你的老二变硬了 接下来发生的一切事情都说不通
Once your dick gets hard,the story never makes sense.
很抱歉我搞砸了你的派对
I'm really sorry I ruined your party.
不管怎么样 这种事情最终还是会发生的
That was gonna happen one way or the other.
过去几个月来我一直就像个瞎子一样
I've been a blind man these past few months.
对于自己丢了工作我也很焦躁
I'm worried I might lose my job.
噢不
Oh,no.
事情还更糟 现在来看事实是 小甜心把所有人都干了个遍
It gets worse.Turns out Cutie Pie was fucking everybody.
男的 女的 甚至是矮人伙计
Dudes,chicks,even Skeeball.
当然 他不算真正干了她 她只是在他身上撒尿
Well,he didn't really fuck her,she just kind of peed on him.
你可能得考虑去打一针青霉素
You might want to get a penicillin shot.
我觉得是宇宙在尝试传递给我某种信息
I guess the universe was trying to send me a signal.
信息我收到了
Message received.
现在我要让我的生活重回正轨
Just got to put my life back together.
第一步就是戒掉毒品
First step is giving up drugs.
没错 我现在一点都不沾了
That's right.I'm going 100% clean.
一点都不
Nothing.
除了威士忌和大♥麻♥
Just whiskey and weed.
可能国旗日那天我还会来点迷幻药
Well,I might blow a few stripes on Flag Day.
当然 你有资格抽一点
Sure,you deserve it.
谢了 老兄
Thanks,man.Well...
凯文 我不想对你不礼貌 但是时候让我去睡觉了
Kev,I don't mean to be rude,but it's time for old Vic to hit the sack.
我已经九天没睡觉了
I haven't slept for nine days.
好 我去帮你开门
Okay,let me get the door.
我爱你 安德森太太
I love you,Mrs.Anderson.
斯默奇 谢谢你让我最后一次开这车
Thanks for letting me take the truck one last time,Smokey.
你是我的大恩人
You're a lifesaver.
只要是你弗兰克 任何事我都愿意做
Anything for you,Frank.