福是全家福的福（2015）

It's just one day,nobody's gonna miss us.
而且现在吉米也不在了 我们可以去任何想去的地方
And we can go anywhere we want now that we got rid of Jimmy Fitzsimmons.
你让那个坏男孩走了?
You made that awful boy go away?
他简直就是魔鬼
Oh,he was evil.
他让我看到了绝育手术的好处
He made me see the other side of sterilization.
保佑你们 孩子!
Bless you,boys!
啊 那个老肾虚知道了我们的秘密
Uh-oh.Mr.Shicklegruber knows our dark secret.
要是给吉米知道了...
If Jimmy ever finds out...
吉米已经走了
Jimmy's gone.
放轻松 就跟我放纵这一次
Come on.Lighten up.Just cut with me.
我不知道
I don't know.
我的考勤一直都没有缺课记录
I have a perfect attendance record.
我都计划好了那场年末的披萨派对了
I've got my eyes on that big end of the year pizza party.
去年那场只有我和饭堂的阿姨在那
Last year,it was just me and the lunch ladies.
来嘛! 会很好玩的
Come on!It'll be fun.
做就是了
Just do it.
好吧
Well,okay.
事先说明 我对奶酪 小麦 番茄还有水过敏
I'm allergic to cheese,wheat,tomatoes,and water anyway.
崔西以为我们去拉伊镇了 是吧?
Tracy thinks we're in Ryetown,right?
是 我跟他说茱莉又有个黄油桶的问题
Yep.I told him Julie had another butter tub emergency.
那个浑身长满牛皮藓的肥婆还真是帮了大忙了
That fat,hoarding,cheese-smelling pile of psoriasis scabs is a real lifesaver.
薇薇安·桑德斯 原来是你啊
Vivian Saunders,as I live and breathe.
那您是?
And who might you be?
我是苏 夫人 苏·墨菲
Sue,ma'am.Sue Murphy.
不要叫我夫人
Oh,now don't you "ma'am" me.
我虽然住在一个别♥墅♥里 但我也是个家庭主妇
I may live in a mansion,but I'm still the same plain housewife
只不过我发明了一种可以保存食物的碗 然后赚的盆满钵满
who invented a burping bowl and became filthy stinking rich.
请进吧 也可以让你们的司机也进来
Come in.And invite your chauffeur in too.
我们是自己开车过来的
We drove ourselves.
哈哈 你们说话也太认真啦
Oh,my God,you're serious.
亨莉埃塔 我们办公室的人都很想念你
Henrietta,we gals sure miss you around the office.
哦谢谢 不过我可不想念那个地方
Oh,thanks,but I don't miss it for one second.
我还是更喜欢坐在这儿
I'm content just to sit here,
拿着你们卖♥♥出每一个碗要付给我的版权费
collect my nickel royalty for every bowl sold,
然后欣赏我收藏的猴爪
and admire my collection of antique monkey paws.
你可知道 这玩意要找到一个没被诅咒过的可是不容易啊
You know,it's almost impossible to find an un-cursed set.
不过你们到这里来
But since you came all the way out here,
是有什么新想法想跟我说呢?
what's this new idea you want to tell me about?
您的厨房♥里有遇到什么大的麻烦吗?
What is the biggest problem you face in the kitchen?
我的女佣被驱逐出境
My maids getting deported.
有一点很有趣 瘦一点的干活很快 但胖一点擦的更干净
It's funny,the skinny ones can run,but the fat ones seem to clean better.
嗯对
Oh,yeah.
我知道您的意思 但...
I know what you mean.But...
湿生菜
Wet lettuce.
对 湿生菜
Right.Wet lettuce.
苏发明了一款便携的碗
Luckily,Sue has invented a handy device
可以轻便高效的把生菜甩干 只需要几秒钟
that can gently and efficiently dry your lettuce in seconds.
请允许我介绍 生菜甩干器
May I present the Salad Tosser.
那我要对此感兴趣的原因是?
And I care about it because?
哦对 我的演讲稿
Oh,yes,right.The pitch.
不要有压力 亲爱的
No pressure,dear.
你们还有4分14秒的时间来说服我
Your five minutes began 46 seconds ago.
切斯特 擦那些奶♥子♥的时候用多点力!
Chester,put some elbow grease in them titties!
夏洛特香槟 对于破损避孕套不负责
Champagne Chariot,not responsible for broken condoms.
每个被橡胶操的人都应该怀孕
Anyone who gets fucked with a bowling alley rubber deserves to get pregnant.
我是斯默奇
Smokey speaking.
斯默奇 我是弗兰克·墨菲
Smokey,it's Frank Murphy.
弗兰克·墨菲 我最喜欢的糖果推销员
Frank Murphy,my favorite sugar shover.
嘿 你声音听起来不对
Hey,you don't sound so good.
我感觉不太好
I don't feel so good.
抱歉 我可能得了流感还是啥的
I'm sorry,but I got the flu or something.
可能我今晚不能去补货了
Don't think I can make it in tonight.
哦我很抱歉你生病了
I'm so sorry you ain't feeling good.
那干脆你过来我这边 我来帮你测下直肠温度
Why don't you come on down so I can take your rectal temperature...
用我的脚来测 你这混♥蛋♥ 还敢骗我?!
with my goddamn foot,you lying motherfucker?!
斯默奇 我很抱歉 但今天是我的结婚纪念日...
Smokey,I'm sorry,but tonight's my anniversary and I haven't...
结婚纪念日? 哦那可是个大日子!
Your anniversary?Oh,that's important!
你今晚可以不用过来了 嘿 你要给她买♥♥什么?
Don't come in tonight.What'd you get her?
我得去商店看看
I still have to go to the store.
兄弟 赶紧挂了电♥话♥ 然后去给你的老婆买♥♥个最棒的礼物
Man,get off the goddamn phone and get your woman a nice present
可别等到她也像我老婆一样 把我们周围的邻居都操了个遍!
before she ends up like my wife and starts fucking everybody in the goddamn neighborhood!
哦对了还有 祝贺你!
And congratulations!
好 继续工作
Well,back to work.
一 二 三 就是你了 宝贝!
One,two,three,baby!
一 二 三 就是你了 宝贝!
One,two,three,baby!
耶!
Yeah!
现在你来打碎个什么东西
Now you break something.
我不想这么做
I don't think I want to.
你就成天当个你家里的乖乖仔
You're such a goody-goody with your perfect family
你家庭和睦 你♥爸♥也不会对你吼
and your dad who doesn't yell at you.
而我爸忘了带我去冰球选拔赛 然后到头连问都不问一句!
Mine doesn't even ask me about the hockey tryouts he forgot to take me to!
到你了 快做!
It's your turn!Do something!
好吧
Okay.
也算是个开始吧
That's a start.
对不起 妈妈
Sorry,Mom.
嘿 你们今天也翘课?
Hey,you guys cut school today,too?
不 我们上的是家庭学校 老师是一只猫头鹰
No.We get home-schooled by an owl.
我们老爸把一个教授的帽子和他的头粘在一起
Our daddy glued one of them professor hats to his head.
然后他就不停的摇脖子想把帽子甩下来
He kept spinning his neck around trying to make it fall off,
但他最后还是放弃了
but then he gived up.
嘿 你们想玩点有意思的么?
Hey,you guys want to do something really fun?
- 当然!
- 不想
- Yeah!
- No.
我们去超♥市♥里舔货架上的肉吧
Let's go to the supermarket and lick some meat!
我倒有个更好的想法
I got a better idea.
我们拿些树叶和泥把衣服都填满 然后等车过来就扔过去
What if we stuff these clothes with some leaves and dirt and threw it at a car?
我们不能这么做 太危险了
We can't do that.It's dangerous.
会很好玩的!
It'll be fun!
别这么没趣 你把事情想的太严重了!
Come on,you're making a big deal out of nothing!
我艹!
Holy shit!
谁忘了把马桶圈放下来的?
Who left the seat up?
我的天
Jesus Christ.
这么贵 你以为我是谁 伊朗国王吗?
What am I,the Shah of Iran?
弗兰克? 弗兰克·墨菲?
Frank?Frank Murphy?
哦 我日
Oh,fuck me.
嗨 金妮 格雷格
Hey,Ginny.Greg.
噢 听到你把我们的名字一起念出来的感觉真是太棒了
Oh,I love hearing our names together.
我最爱♥女♥人♥!
I love women!
我喜欢用我的舌头肆意的挑逗她!
I love putting my tongue in her head!
我很想和你们聊聊的 但是...
I'd love to chat,but...
今天是我和苏的结婚纪念日 我要给她买♥♥个礼物
Today's our anniversary and I got to buy Sue a present.
哦 祝贺你们!
Congratulations!
看到你们像我和格雷格这么恩爱我真是太高兴了
Oh,I'm so happy you two have what Greg and I do.
婚姻的学问可多着呢
Marriage is a lot of work.
是多着呢
So much work.
两个人一起去做一件事是很重要的
It's important to do things together as a couple.
比如 今天是我们格雷格买♥♥裤子的日子
Like,you caught us on Greg's pants shopping day.
每个星期四中午 格雷格都要来这家商店来买♥♥裤子
Every Thursday at noon,Greg's got to look at pants in this very store.
我的男人的品味真是不错
He's such a man.
亲爱的 我去试一下这条裤子
Excuse me,lover,I have to go try these on.
他每次都是去三号♥试衣间 哦 他真是太迷信了
He's always in room three.Oh,he's so superstitious.
很高兴看到你 金妮 但我得赶紧找个最好的礼物给苏
Good seeing you,Ginny,but I got to go pick out something nice for Sue.
挑礼物感到压力很大是吧?
Feeling pressured to get a good gift?
压力? 为什么我要感到有压力?
Pressure?No!Why would I feel any pressure?
你能够做到这一点很不错
Good for you for going the extra mile.
格雷格和我都学到了婚姻里的秘诀
Greg and I have learned that the secret to a happy marriage
就是时刻了解你的伴侣需要什么
is being in touch with what your partner needs.
让我给你一个小提示吧
Let me give you a tip.
噢这感觉!
Oh,the tip!
Tip也有指阴♥茎♥根部的意思
有时你用一些小细节
It's important to show your love in small ways,