福是全家福的福（2015）

或者有时又用些很隆重的方式来表达你的爱是很重要的
and sometimes very big and expensive ways.
老天 我得去给苏买♥♥个真正的礼物
Jesus,I got to get Sue something really good.
珠宝行是在二楼 是吧?
The jewelry department's on the second floor,right?
噢 是的! 噢 是的!
Oh,yeah!Oh,yeah!
谢了 老兄!
Thanks,pal!
你的沙拉不再会是湿哒哒的
No longer will your salad be held prisoner by the forces of moisture.
沙拉甩干器就是终结这一问题的答案
Caesar the day with the Salad Tosser.
嗯 这真是枯燥
Well,that was uninspiring.
谢谢你们把我上午最后的时间消磨光了
Thank you for wasting what's left of my morning.
送客! 赫德尔斯顿
Show them out,Huddleston!
但亨莉埃塔 这是个好主意啊!
But Henrietta,this is a great idea!
我整天都听到各种各样的好主意
I hear great ideas all day long.
可我才不在乎是不是好主意 我在乎的是激♥情♥!
I don't buy ideas,I buy passion!
你们以为你们只是在这里
You think you can just waltz in here,
读读演讲稿就能说服我 然后一下就成为百万富翁?
read your little book report and voilà,you're a millionaire?
我有激♥情♥!
I've got passion!
哦那我真同情你的丈夫
Well,then I feel very sorry for your husband.
你没权利这样说我!
You have no right to say that to me!
苏 别说了
Sue,stop it.
不 你别说了
No,you stop it.
我来告诉你什么是激♥情♥
I'll tell you something about passion.
我为了这发明日夜操劳
I worked my ass off on this invention.
是吗 我很怀疑这点
Well,clearly not all of it.
我是因为家里的二手洗衣机坏了突然有这想法的
I came up with this idea when my secondhand washing machine broke down.
然后我花了整整一个通宵在车♥库♥里做了个样机
I spent all night building a mock-up in my garage.
而我卖♥♥掉了我丈夫给我的定情吊坠
I sold a precious locket that my husband gave me
换来了现在摆在你面前的成品
to pay for this prototype that you have
你居然有胆说我没有激♥情♥?!
the gall to say I don't have passion for!
而且这是个非常好的想法
And this is a great idea!
而如果你连这点都意识不到的话
And if you can't see that,
那你根本就不配叫保鲜盒公♥司♥的创始人!
then you don't deserve the name Mrs.Plast-a-Ware!
哦 苏
Oh,Sue.
自从肯尼迪遇刺以来 我就没有慢慢鼓掌过了
I haven't slow clapped since Kennedy was shot.
你通过了我的考验
You passed the test,Sue.
这就是你销♥售♥产品所需要的
That's how you sell a product
我最欣赏且支持的激♥情♥!
and that's the kind of passion I can get behind!
您是认真的?
You really mean it?
苏 曾经我也和你一样 身为一个家庭主妇
Sue,once upon a time,I was a young housewife,just like you.
贫穷 身材走形 对高雅品位一窍不通
Poor,overweight,no sense of style or elegance.
但之后我发明了用塑料这种超现代的材料做成的盒子
But then I invented a container out of a new space-age material called plastic.
由此引发了保鲜行业的革命
And with that first bowl,came the sound of a revolution:
这就是保鲜盒公♥司♥的第一款产品 "大饱嗝"
The Big Burp.
苏 这个发明是你的"大饱嗝"
Sue,this invention is your Big Burp.
就像我对我高中合唱团主任说的一样
And just like I said to my high school choir director,
这宝贝我要定了!
I want this baby!
我还要大卖♥♥特卖♥♥!
And I want to sell this baby!
那您会向崔西推荐这款产品?
So,you'll recommend it to Tracy?
去他妈的! 这是我的产品!
Fuck him!This is mine!
这款产品能让我回到
It's the product I need to get my company back
那些混♥蛋♥把我踢出的公♥司♥管理层
from those pricks who pushed me out.
女士们 下周在股东大会上
Girls,next week at the stockholder meeting,
当他们原本是计划给我拍几张照而已的的时候
when they expect me to just show up and pose for pictures,
我们就把生菜甩干器给搬出来!
we'll spring the Salad Tosser on them!
太棒了!
That's wonderful!
加油吧 女士们
Now,bring it in,ladies.
姐妹团结一心!
Sisters unite!
不管去哪里这玩意都会跟着我
It comes with me everywhere.
凯文·墨菲! 终于找到你啦!
Kevin Murphy!There you are!
是她先主动的! 别杀我!
It was her idea!Don't kill me!
昨晚你家地下室放的那曲子是什么?
What was that rocking tune I heard coming out of your basement last night?
你们真是棒极了!
You guys are sounding great!
我感觉那首歌♥的灵魂就来自我的蛋蛋
I felt that song in my balls.
要是来自你的蛋蛋 那可不得了
And coming from your balls,that means a lot.
我的莫林的眼镜的主唱 你这周末来不来我开的一个派对上表演?
My main Monocles,how'd you like to play at a party I'm throwing this weekend?
到时候可是大胸美女如云哦
It'd be the kittay's tittays!
在你家开的派对?
A party at your house?
是啊 到时候电台里的人都会来
Yeah,all the guys from the station are gonna be there.
唱片公♥司♥的那些穿正装的 我的侏儒小伙伴
Record company suits.My dwarf buddies.
我的空手道老师还有学校里的那些家伙 都是紫带以上高手
My sensei,guys from the dojo,purple belts and above.
我们一定会去的! 保证让你们嗨翻天!
Yes!We will be there and we will rock you so hard!
那可是我的小宝贝的生日派对哦!
It's for Cutie Pie's birthday!
她是一个男人所能拥有的最完美的女人
She's just the greatest chick a dude could ever have.
凯文 总有一天你也会找到像她那么棒的女人的
Kevin,maybe you'll get a girl like her someday.
哪一天? 不是昨天!
What day?Not yesterday!
我的小宝贝让我的心头小鹿乱撞
Cutie Pie makes my heart race.
她让我大汗淋漓
She makes me sweat a lot.
他让我感觉我的鼻子里有个洞
She makes me feel like there's a hole in my nose.
我爱死那女孩了!
I freaking love that girl!
我要和她生孩子!
I want her to have her babies,man!
嘿 凯文! 你在想什么呢?
Hey,Kevin!What are you doing here?
哦 我要躺下来
Oh,man,I need to lie down.
我更喜欢这样开车
I drive better like this,anyway.
我喜欢看着方向盘下面!
I like to look under the steering wheel!
那是一条皮革彩虹!
It's a leather rainbow!
该死
Oh,shit.
我们要去派对上演出了!
Now we're playing a party!
努力了两星期 我们终于熬出头了!
After struggling for two weeks,we finally made it!
这真是酷到爆!
This is gonna be so rad to the max!
那个样子和你♥爸♥很像
That effigy looks like your dad.
没错 我那傻♥逼♥的爸
Yeah.My stupid dad.
我们来把它扔到路上
Let's throw him in the road.
我们老爸有一次撞到一个木偶
Our daddy ran over a dummy once,
不过那个木偶是拿人血填充的
but that dummy was filled with people blood.
那一整个夏天我们都呆在墨西哥 老爸都蓄起了胡子
We stayed in Mexico that summer and Daddy grew a beard.
好了 来了一辆车!
Oh man,here comes a car!
扔过去!
Throw him!
等等 不要!
Wait,no!
不要扔!
Don't throw it!
你干嘛要阻止我?
Why'd you do that?
你这样会引发事故的! 而且是故意滋事!
You were gonna cause an accident!On purpose!
少来了 我们是在找点乐子!
Come on,we're trying to have fun!
可这一点都不好玩
This is not fun.
啊 你真是个怂逼!
Jesus,you are such a pussy!
我再也不是你的朋友了
I don't want to be friends with you anymore.
啊! 有人!
Ah!A person!
怂逼
Pussy.
啊该死 别再弄破了
God damn it.Stop ripping.
他妈的查理·布朗
Fucking Charlie Brown.
史努比的主人
小光头注定只能永远失败
Bald loser who can't direct a play.
我准备好出发了
I'm all ready.
哇 苏 你真是太美了
Wow.Sue,you look beautiful.
谢谢 有人今天还说我很肥
Thanks.Somebody today told me I look fat.
不不不 谁会这么说? 你看起来美极了
No,no,no.Who would say that?You're gorgeous.
真的?
Really?
当然 亲爱的
Yeah,come here.
啊 这电♥话♥还有完没完了?
Does it ever fail?
就让答录机自己接起来吧
Let the machine pick it up.
嘀声后请留言
Leave a message at the tone.
墨菲先生和太太 我是尤金·梅纳德
Mr. and Mrs.Murphy,this is Vice Principal Eugene Menard...
啊去 凯文又他妈的干嘛了?
Christ,what the fuck did Kevin do now?
索斯沃克小学的副校长
from Southwick Elementary.
噢 别跟我说比尔惹了啥祸
Oh,don't tell me Bill's in trouble.
我需要你们尽快赶来学校
I need you to come to the school as soon as you can
来聊聊一件很重要的关于你们的女儿的事情
to discuss a matter of some importance about your daughter.
啥?
Huh?
你好 我们能快点说完吗?
Hi.Can we make this quick?
今天是我们的结婚纪念日 我们晚上还有安排约会
It's our anniversary,and we have a date planned.
那么是什么事情?
So,what is it?
她身上有跳蚤? 还是得了腮腺炎? 还是她亲了个男孩?
Lice,mumps,she kiss a boy?
千万别告诉我她亲的不是男孩