福是全家福的福（2015）

我现在是个酷老爸了! 一切都超酷!
I'm being the cool dad now!It's all groovy!
嘿 嘿 我们是门基乐队! 逃避兵役!
Hey,hey,we're the Monkees!Dodge the draft!
门基乐队的成员Davy Jones曾故意在体♥检♥中不合格来避免被征入越南战争
他妈的怂货!
Fucking pussies!
你真挑了个好时候来支持我的音乐 你这个混♥蛋♥!
You picked a great time to be supportive,you dick!
嘿 摇滚明星!
Hey,rock star!
明天派对会很热闹的! 小甜心会带一些她的朋友来
It's gonna be a banging party tomorrow!Cutie Pie's bringing some of her friends.
你对熟♥女♥感兴趣吗?
You into older women?
噢...
Oh...
"噢"就是是了!
"Oh" is right!
伙计们 谢谢你们在午饭时间过来
Guys,thanks for coming out on your lunch break.
珀格和我已经抛开了分歧
Pogo and I have set aside our differences
我们希望你们也能这样做
and we hope you can too.
我们得开除掉斯古珀
We need to get rid of Scoop,
这样丹巴顿只能重新雇回弗兰克了
so Dunbarton has no choice but to hire Frank back.
斯古珀走了 莫西干人航♥空♥才能继续生存下去
Scoop must go or Mohican won't survive.
那我们又怎么生存?
Well,how about us surviving?
那个锯齿脑袋的家伙上次竟然在我的热狗面包里放了鞭炮想让我吃
That jigsaw-headed dude tried to feed me a firecracker on a hot dog bun.
没有哪个混♥蛋♥能这样让我发狂
No asshole's gonna loony toon me.
对 所以 凭着友谊至上的精神和同事情谊...
That's right.So,in the spirit of friendship and camaraderie...
嘿?
Excuse me?
嗨 帅哥 想我给你来段私人舞蹈吗?
Hey,good-looking,you want a private dance?
我们正在这儿讨论正经事
We're trying to have a business meeting here.
那我给你的下面也做点正经事怎么样 哈?
How about I give your hang-down the business,huh?
你这个上日班的婊♥子♥给我滚出去!
Day shift whores out!
正好我还要带我的孩子去计算机俱乐部
Well,I got to take my kid to computer club anyway.
先生们 我向你们保证
Gentlemen,let me assure you.
斯古珀这件事可以很简单地解决掉
This Scoop situation can be dealt with quite easily.
等等 路易 我们想要的是斯古珀被开除掉
Now,now,now,hold on,Lou,we want to get Scoop fired.
我们又不是要杀了他
We're not going to kill him.
当然了 我们又不是杀人凶手
Of course.We're not murderers.
真聪明
我们可能
被窃听了
我没说要杀人就是因为我觉得我们被窃听了
I didn't say that because I think we're being bugged.
杀人还是不可以接受的
Killing the guy is out of the question.
真聪明!
我是认真的! 我们至少能想出来一个可行的办法
I mean it!I'm sure we can think of at least one way
在不伤害他的前提下开除掉斯古珀
to get rid of Scoop without hurting him.
如果我们建一个假机场
What if we built a decoy airport.
和我们现在的机场一样大小
The same exact size as ours
配备上飞机和现有的一切东西
with planes and everything...
在弄几个和我们一样的纸片人怎么样?
and cardboard us's?
让斯古珀每天就去那儿工作!
And every day Scoop would go to work there!
这就是为什么你升不了职
And that is why you've never been promoted.
嘿 鲍勃 你怎么不跟我说说为什么我从来没被升过职?
Hey,Bob,why don't you tell me why I've never been promoted?
冷静 我们是一条船上的
Calm down.We're all on the same team.
噢 是吗? 如果不是因为你给丹巴顿跪舔 炒了弗兰克
Oh,yeah?Well,if you hadn't sucked Dunbarton's dick and fired Frank,
我们现在根本就不会有斯古珀这样的麻烦了
we wouldn't have Scoop to worry about.
你根本不懂在丹巴顿的管制下得承受多大的压力!
You don't know the pressure of being on Dunbarton's leash!
我根本睡不着!
I can't sleep!
我没办法在德洛丽丝面前大显身手!
I can't perform for Dolores!
我也没办法和她做♥爱♥了!
I can't have sex with her either!
我觉得她可能会离我而去!
I think she might leave me!
听着 鲍勃 我很抱歉
Look,Bob,I'm sorry.
我不是要催你
I'm not trying to rush you,
但你♥他♥妈♥的得赶快把注意力集中到斯古珀身上!
but you got to hurry the fuck up and concentrate on Scoop!
如果我不赶快把事情解决好 去跟她谈谈我的感受的话
My wife's gonna leave me if I don't get out of here
她就要离我而去了!
and meet her to talk about my goddamn feelings!
老天 她威胁我要一起去看心理医生!
Christ,she's threatening to take us to a shrink!
我爸以前也想去看心理医生
My daddy went to see a shrink.
不过去之前 他拿枪把自己脑袋打开了花
Right before he blew his brains out.
噢 兄弟
Oh,man.
好了 我很抱歉 弗兰克
Okay.I'm sorry,Frank.
我也很抱歉说你给丹巴顿跪舔
And I'm sorry I said you sucked Dunbarton's dick.
我也很抱歉我在想
And I'm sorry I was thinking
一个能准确描述你的特色的单词
of calling you a certain word referring to your heritage.
- 这个单词能押韵上...
- 我们知道了 鲍勃
- It rhymes with...
- We got it,Bob.
什么叫你来不了?
What do you mean you can't come?
我很抱歉 但我丈夫和我大吵了一架
I'm sorry,but my husband and I had a big fight.
我承诺了我们今天会花点时间解决好
I promised we'd take some time today to work it out.
我会在两点以前到的
I'll be there by two.
我现在就要你带着样机出现在我面前
But I need you here with the prototype now.
我们要和一群有代表性的顾客测试这个沙拉甩干器
We're going to test the Salad Tosser with a group of typical consumers.
可恶
Damn it.
亨莉埃塔 我相信我的沙拉甩干器
Henrietta,I believe in the Salad Tosser,
但我也相信我的婚姻
but I also believe in my marriage.
所以 我现在没法来
So,I just can't.
你知道人们常说的:
Well,you know what they say:
"不能" 是 "贱♥人♥"的三表弟
"Can't" is the third cousin of "cunt".
我没听过
I did not know that.
你现在听过了
You do now.
放下 藤川!
Leave it on,Fujikawa!
这有什么意思?
How is this fun?
耐心点
You got to be patient.
"松鼠激♥情♥时刻"要等一会儿才到激动人心的时候
The Squirrel Hour takes a while to get exciting.
它不像鹰与田鼠那样一上来就勾起你的兴趣
It don't hit you in the face like hawk and the field mouse.
这太无聊了
This is so boring.
那你去跟那个带牙箍的大头女孩玩去
Then go play with that metal mouth girl with the big head.
他叫菲利普 而且他是个男生
His name is Phillip,and he's a boy.
但我跟他已经不是朋友了
But I'm not friends with him anymore.
噢 节目开始有趣起来了
Uh-oh.This show just got interesting.
妈妈当时也是这样给我们看到了 所以给我们买♥♥了圣诞树
That's how mama bought our Christmas tree.
哼 哼 哼
Well,well,well.
我艹
Holy shit!
那个怪物男孩回来了!
That monster boy's back!
快跑!
Run!
你们去我家继续干吧!
Y'all can finish at our house!
比尔·墨菲
Bill Murphy.
我一直在找你
I've been looking for you.
噢 嘿 吉米
Uh,hey,Jimmy.
你看起来挺不错的 你是刚从游♥行♥回来还是?
You look nice.Did you just come from a parade or something?
有人栽赃我偷了一根冰球棍
Somebody pinned a hockey stick on me that I didn't steal.
真的吗?
Really?
然后我爸就把我送去了天主教军事学校
My dad sent me to military school,
在那里他们用不停的痛殴和拷打教会了我荣誉与纪律
where they taught me honor and discipline by repeatedly beating the shit out of me.
我因为持续表现良好 昨天晚上就被放出来了
I was released last night after demonstrating sustained excellence.
我父亲的支票也退还给了他
And my dad's check bounced.
很高兴看你做的这么好
Glad to see you're doing well.
我觉得我妈好像在叫我
I think I hear my mom calling me.
你哪儿也不许去
You're not going anywhere.
我们还有些事情没处理完
You and me have unfinished business.
拿着
Hold these.
比尔·墨菲 我诚挚地因曾叫你以下外号♥而道歉
Bill Murphy,I humbly apologize for calling you the following names,
按字母顺序表排列:
in alphabetical order:
傻♥逼♥
ass butt,
傻屌♥
ass dick,
吃屁的家伙
ass eater
严肃点 士兵!
Not funny,private!
操屁
Ass fuck,
放屁之王
ass gasser...
这就是你们明天嗨翻全场的地方
This is where you guys will be rocking out tomorrow.
我得把这个鲨鱼池处理掉 不过也值了 我告诉你啊
I had to get rid of the shark tank,but it was worth it.I'll tell you what.
凯文 快过来看
Kevin,check it out!
快过来试试 墨菲
You got to try this,Murph.
不了 我不太感兴趣
Yeah,no.I don't feel like it.
别这么扫兴啊
Don't be such a twat rocket.
这个派对绝对会引爆全场
This party's gonna kick serious ass,
全世界都会发现我们是天才的!
and we will be discovered for the geniuses we are!
我猜你们说的对
I guess you're right.
他们当然说的对!
Of course they're right!
我喜欢你们这种信心满满的态度 朋友们