福是全家福的福（2015）

听起来要做很多活儿啊
That sounds like a lot of work.
这很容易 我们只需要把那些旧的产品换个新名字
It's easy.All we do is slap some new names on the old product line,
那些乱买♥♥东西的家庭主妇才看不出区别呢
and those pill-popping housewives won't know the difference.
打扰一下 崔西
Excuse me,Tracy.
我知道我不该插嘴 但我是个家庭主妇
I know it's not my place to interrupt,but I am a housewife.
那么 要是我能发表一点点意见...
So,if I could throw in my two cents...
我倒是很乐意让我的"一点点"进入你
I'd like to throw my two cents in her.
Two cents 有意见建议的意思，也有少量一点点的意思
哦当然了 苏 告诉我们你的想法
Oh of course,Sue.Tell us what you think.
我们一直很想要秘书们的建议
We always want input from secretaries.
哦 看我呀 我是个女孩 我有资格发表看法啦!
Oh,oh,look at me,I'm a girl!I'm entitled to my own opinion!
行了 都别吵
All right,settle down.
苏在这方面的经验比我们都多
Sue has more current field experience than any of us.
听听她的话又不会要我们的命 说吧 苏
It wouldn't kill us to listen to her.Go ahead,Sue.
谢谢
Thank you.
以我的经验来看 我们的产品有些老掉牙了
Well,in my experience,the product line is a little long in the tooth,
而我相信我们的顾客们会更喜欢有创新性的 全新的产品
and I believe our customers would embrace an innovative,new product.
比如?
Such as?
呃这个... 我暂时还没想到这样的产品是什么
Oh,uh...I don't know exactly what that is just yet.
- 干的不错 苏
- 谢谢您
- Great work,Sue.
- Thank you.
你刚刚向我证明了 你有能力
You just proved to me that you have what it takes
来应对一项特别的任务 把这个记下来
to handle a very special assignment.Write this down.
三个火腿三明治
Three ham sandwiches.
一个多加蛋黄酱 一个加芥末
One extra mayo,one hold the mustard.
我倒想来点她的芥末
I'd like to hold her mustard!
吉恩 我以后要叫你底特律了 因为你着火了/停不下来!
Gene,I'm gonna call you Detroit 'cause you're on fire!
Spin-Tel的新唱片 比炸♥弹♥加炸♥药♥还要火爆!
New from Spin-Tel Records!It's dynamite hit TNT explosion!
包含三十八首原创金曲
Thirty-eight original hits!
奥的斯电动盒子
The Electric Otis Box.
我的爱没有边界
My love has no max capacity
瑞德·哈里森 枪王鲁格本人
Reid Harrison,TV's Colt Luger!
女孩们一起唱 香蕉侠来了 嘿
All the girls sing:Here come banana man,hey!
红透半边天的克里·马尔兹
The sensational new Corey Mars!
吃着棉花糖 想着克丽丝蒂
Eating cotton candy And thinking of Kristy
我他妈的看这无聊的电视干嘛?
Why the fuck am I watching this?
爱意味着永远不用说 我得了不治之症
Love means never having to say:"I have cancer."
哦 你就是不治之症
Oh,you are cancer.
妈妈 我做到了! 我成了殡仪业者的全职助手
Mom,I did it!I'm fully employed as a mortician's assistant!
谢谢你 美国丧葬学院
Thank you,Funeral Academy of America!
找到你梦想中的工作就是这么容易
Getting the job of your dreams is that easy!
不 不容易
No,it isn't.
哦 该死的 我搞砸了
Oh,shit,I fucked up.
哦 该死的
Oh,shit.
哦 我彻底搞砸了
Oh,I fucked up.
老爸 你是在哭吗?
Dad,are you crying?
哦 老天!
Oh,Jesus!
你♥他♥妈♥的在这儿干嘛?
What the hell are you doing here?
你又在这儿干嘛?
What are you doing here?
这他妈是我家 你怎么没在学校
It's my fucking house!Why aren't you at school?
我们今天放学早 我们老师开会
We got out early.We had a teacher's meeting.
可现在是早上九点半
It is 9:30 in the morning.
这个会要开一整天呢
Well,it's an all-day meeting.
哼 全是胡扯!
Oh,bullshit!
你就撒了一个又一个谎 对吧
It's one fucking lie after another with you,isn't it?
真正的男人不会说谎
A real man doesn't lie!
那你现在怎么不在失业救助办公室呢
Well,how come you're not at the unemployment office?
因为我是你♥爸♥!
Because I'm your father!
天哪 我讨厌死这个家了!
God,I hate this house!
等我满十六岁 我就要搬出去住!
I'm getting out of here as soon as I turn 16!
很好 记得给我写信
Good!Then give it to me in writing!
要是你不会写自己的名字 就印个手印
If you're not able to spell your name,just trace your hand!
我再也受不了啦
I can't take this anymore!
我房♥间糟透了 我根本没有隐私
My room sucks!I got no privacy!
比尔总是叫醒我让我帮他写作业
Bill always wakes me up to do his stupid paper route!
这都影响到我的学习了!
It's affecting my school work!
三年级水平的东西都会影响你的学习
Reading at a third grade level is affecting your school work,
你个傻♥逼♥!
you fucking dope!
我恨死学校了 我根本就学不好!
I hate school!I'm not good at it!
我就喜欢弹我的吉他
I only like playing my guitar!
我努力创作能火的专辑 这样我就能拯救这个家庭
I'm trying to write hit records so I can save the family,
可该死的比尔睡在我旁边 我该怎么创作?
but how can I do that with fucking Bill in the next fucking bed?!
天哪 凯文 冷静点
Jesus,Kevin.Don't have a stroke.
我是个艺术家 需要空间去绽放!
I'm an artist and I need room to blossom!
好吧 好吧 放轻松
Okay,okay.Relax.
你知道吗 我记得我像你这么大的时候...
You know,I remember when I was your age...
别老他妈的说你的事!
This isn't fucking about you!
你说得对 我道歉
You're right.I'm sorry.
好吧 听着 你今天不用回学校了
Okay,look,you don't have to go back to school today.
就当是请病假吧
We'll call it a sick day.
真的吗?
Really?
是的
Yeah.
谢了 老爸
Thanks,Dad.
只要我们都说实话
And as long as we're being honest.
我是去了失业救助办公室 但我没有报名
I did go to the employment office,but I didn't sign up.
我扭头走了 这太羞辱人了
I just left.It was too humiliating.
哦 伙计 我很遗憾
Oh,man,I'm sorry.
没什么
It's okay.
听着 我知道你正在经历些什么
And look,I understand what you're going through.
我也恨我爸
I hated my dad too.
我又不恨你
I don't hate you.
反正 我恨我爸
Well,I hated my dad.
听着 凯文 我很想帮你解决房♥间的问题 但我又能做什么呢?
Look,Kevin,I'd love to help you with this room situation,but what can I do?
我又不能让比尔和莫琳睡一间
I can't put Bill in with Maureen.
那 这不就没希望了!
Well,then it's hopeless!
该死的狗都有自己的房♥子 这个家没我的地方
The fucking dog has his own house!There's no place for me!
这儿可以当我的地方
This could be a place for me.
哦 凯文 你不能住这儿 这儿全是垃圾
Oh,Kevin.You can't live here.It's full of junk.
这儿就像一张还未画出绝美画作的画布
It's a blank canvas.
是一张发霉的画布吧
A canvas smeared with mold.
我太喜欢了
I love it.
你闻到煤气味儿没?
Do you smell gas?
我闻到了自♥由♥
I smell freedom.
当你把咖啡倒进去的时候 彩虹马克杯就会变色
When you pour your coffee in it,the Rainbow Mug changes color,
多亏了塑料里成百上千的化学元素
thanks to the hundreds of chemicals in the plastic.
你都记下了吗 苏
You get all that,Sue?
是的
Yes.
很好 现在把它吃下去 然后拉出来
Good.Now eat it,shit it out,
把拉出来的先烧掉 然后再埋起来
burn the shit and bury the shit ashes.
是啊 那是个屎一样的点子
Yeah,that was a shitty idea.
- 那是谁 那是谁?
- 我只是在开玩笑 苏
- Whose was it?Whose was it?
- I'm just kidding,Sue.
把它放到坏点子夹里
Put that in the bad idea folder.
我倒想把一个坏点子放到苏的"夹子"里
I'd like to put a bad idea in Sue's folder!
那他要怎么做?
How does he do it?
行了 我受够了
Okay,that's it.
我才不想像你们一样那么无聊
I'm not trying to be a square.
我的孩子们都认为我很酷 但凡事都有个度
My kids happen to think I'm very cool,but enough is enough.
我再也不会忍♥气吞声听这些...
I am not gonna take any more of this...
下午好 先生们
Afternoon,gentlemen.
薇薇安 有什么事儿 宝贝儿
Vivian!What's shaking,honey?
除了你身前挂着的两个大胸
Aside from those two milk sacs you got hanging off your chest.
嘿 跟你说
You know something?
这种话对于这么专业的场合真是粗鲁又不合时宜
That type of language is crude and inappropriate for a professional setting.
感谢上帝
Thank God.
所以 为什么不说的有点水准的
So,why don't you have some class,
你们这些阳痿的 旧金山的吸屌♥男
you limp-dicked San Francisco cocksuckers?
薇薇安 你个疯狂的 可爱的婊♥子♥
Vivian,you crazy,lovable whore!
崔西 我要真是卖♥♥的
Well,Tracy,if I was selling it.
我会给你打个 "不到10厘米"的专属折扣
I'd give you the "under four-inch" discount.
还有 你要是真有一天能操到我