叫我凯特（2021）

我想死你们啦
I've missed you all.
此时你们应该说你们也想死我了
This is the part where you say you missed me, too.
谢谢哦
Oh, thank you.
那就进入正题吧
So, let's get right to it.
我这周收到了大好的消息
I got some great news this week.
吃鼠先生 你猜怎么着
Mr. Mousekers, guess what!
我进入《信使日报》年度
I'm a finalist for the Courier Journal's
「四十以下二十人」活动的决赛名单了
annual Twenty Under Forty list.
也就是二十个四十岁以下的
20 people under 40 years old
对社群有着积极影响力的人
who have a positive impact on the community.
来击个爪
Now, give me some paw.
随后我的脑子里一直萦绕着一种东西
And then I got something stuck in my head.
不 不是沙拉叉
No, not a salad fork.
也不是棉签
Not a Q-tip.
是一首歌♥
A song.
♪成为你一直梦想成为的那个人♪
♪ Be the you that you've always dreamed of ♪
♪来强身健体 打造优美身段♪
♪ Come and get fit and strong ♪
♪我们就是你一直梦想找到的那种健身房♥♪
♪ We're the gym you've always dreamed of ♪
♪你就属于这里♪
♪ The place where you belong. ♪
那是本地健身房♥的广♥告♥歌♥
It's the jingle for the local gym.
如果我真的进入「四十以下二十人」名单
And if I make the Twenty Under Forty list,
他们会为所有的获胜选手拍宣传照
they do a photo spread of all the winners.
所以 为拍照塑身的时间到了
So, time to get fit for the pic.
你准备好成为你一直梦想成为的那个人了吗
Are you ready to be the you you've always dreamed of?
欧几里得几何是最基础的建筑学吗
Is Euclidean geometry the first form of architecture?
是的 当然是啦
Yes! The answer's yes.
我的强健肌肉给你带来威胁感了吗
Are you intimidated by these muscles?
我开玩笑的 我还没去健身房♥呢
I'm just kidding. I haven't even been yet.
开始我们的节目吧
On with our show.
叫我凯特
第一季 第六集
这是什么
What's this?
"喵绒绒故事会"
Furry Time Story Time.
是我们的店主想出来的一个新栏目
It's a new program thought up by our owner.
他是个非常英俊 有天赋的讲故事的人
Wherein a very handsome and gifted storyteller--
也就是我本人
it's me!
在可爱猫咪的包围下 念故事给孩子们听
reads stories to the kids while being surrounded by sweet kitties.
那听上去很有趣啊
Oh, that sounds like so much fun.
或许我会把我儿子带过来
Maybe I'll bring my son.
成年人有红酒喝吗
Is there wine for the grown-ups?
有的
There is.
那我们一定会来的
Then we'll definitely be there.
当妈的都爱喝红酒啊
Mamas and their wine.
我可不喜欢这样
I don't like it.
我回来了
Well, I'm back.
为了买♥♥健身服花的时间可比我原计划要多得多
Spent a lot more than I intended to on gym clothes
因为我打算开启疯狂健身的新人生
for my new life as a gym rat.
但耽搁太久的原因之一是
But part of that was because
我试穿一件运动胸罩脱不下来
I had to pay for a sports bra
只能让个陌生人帮我剪断 然后还得付钱
that a stranger had to cut me out of.
姑娘 前置拉链才是最方便的
Girl, zippers in the front will save your life.
但一定要慢慢拉 你可不想夹到乳♥头♥
But zip slowly. You don't want to zip a nip.
亲身经历过 夹得我乳♥头♥一颤
Been there, zipped that.
我明天要第一次参加踢拳课了
And I'm going to my first kickboxing class tomorrow
有点紧张 但也很激动
Kind of nervous, but also excited,
因为你们也知道我这人 我最爱踢东西了
'cause you know me, I love to kick.
我太抱歉了 真的很抱歉
I am so sorry. I'm sorry.
我来清理干净 我给你拿一张酒水兑换券
I-I'll clean that up. Let me get you a drink voucher.
别担心 我日常放在围裙里
Don't worry. I keep them in my apron.
给 真的很抱歉
Here you go. I'm sorry.
我小的时候 可不流行什么健身房♥
You know, gyms weren't a thing when I was a kid.
我们就爬树
We just climbed trees,
追牲畜 为上帝跳舞
chased livestock and danced for the Lord.
丹尼尔和我明天也去健身房♥
Oh, Daniel and I are going to the gym tomorrow, too.
或许我们在那里能见到你
Maybe we'll see you there.
瞧瞧你和丹尼尔啊 一起挥汗如雨
Oh, look at you and Daniel, getting sweaty together.
我称之为"巫山汗如雨"
Or as I call it, "sweaty-to-getty."
你知道我们选择约会的地点
Well, you know we have to go on dates to places
只能是不需要付小费的地方
that don't require tipping,
因为他的道德观不允许他付小费
since he's morally opposed.
所以只能去健身房♥或动物园 我是不去动物园的
So it was either the gym or the zoo, and I don't do zoos,
自从我目睹一场涉及猴子和屎的恶心事件后就不去了
ever since I witnessed a disgusting event with a monkey and some poop.
我称之为「2015年的猴痢疾事件」
I call it the monkey-rhea incident of 2015.
好消息 亲爱的
Great news, dear.
我发现了一种口红
I found a lipstick
可以防晕 防水 防凯特琳
that's smudge-proof, waterproof and Katharine-proof.
这话是什么意思啊
What does that mean?
我妈接受不了我对口红没什么兴趣的事实
My mother can't accept the fact that I'm not big on lipstick.
但由于我的体质问题
But there's something about my physiology
口红在我的唇上竟然沾不上
that doesn't allow it to stay on my actual lips.
你好啊 我是格雷格
Hi, I'm Greg.
你好 我是凯特
Oh, hi. I'm Kat.
这是为你「四十以下二十人」采访准备的
It's for your Twenty Under Forty interview
毕竟你要去见乔丹·埃文·卢瑟了
with Jordan Evan Luther.
他就是每年最终决定名单的人
He's the one who makes the list every year.
蓄着八字胡 大家都认识他
Handlebar mustache. Everybody knows him.
你真觉得这管口红就能决定
You really think lipstick is gonna make the difference
我到底能不能进入名单吗
between me getting on the list or not?
我知道肯定会的
Oh, I know it will.
哪个男人可以拒绝烈焰红唇啊
Show me a man who can say no to a bold, red lip
真有的话 只能说明那男人内心已死
and I'll show you a man who's dead inside.
她倒是没说错 马蒂以前涂过有色润唇膏
She is not wrong. Marty used to wear a tinted ChapStick.
简直叫我热血沸腾
Got my blood pumping.
好身材健身房♥
♪我们来谈谈出汗吧 宝贝♪
♪ Let's talk about sweat, baby ♪
♪我们来谈谈踢拳♪
♪ Let's talk about kickboxing ♪
♪我们来谈谈健身房♥的好东西♪
♪ Let's talk about all the good things at the gym... ♪
算了
Nope.
需要我帮你拍照吗
Oh, do you want me to take that for you?
什么 不用
What? No. Oh.
看来她不想当我的健身房♥朋友
Oh. Guess she doesn't want to be my gym friend.
这玩意儿看起来很有趣
Ooh, this looks like fun.
太抱歉了
Oh, I am so sorry.
对不起 但你知道吗
I'm sorry. But-but you know what?
这可能是我们健身房♥友谊的搞笑开始
T-This could be the hilarious beginning to our gym friendship.
以后我们一起去冰沙吧时
We could hang out at the smoothie bar together,
人们会问 你们是怎么认识的
and people will be like, "How'd you meet?"
你就会说 说来有趣
And you'll be like, "Funny story."
你说试试 "说来有趣"
Go ahead, try it. Say, "Funny Story."
-不要 -好吧
- No. - No. Okay.
凯特
Hey, Kat.
很高兴再见到你 丹尼尔
Nice to see you again, Daniel.
或者我该称呼你为
Or should I say,
去年「四十以下二十人」第11名先生
Mr. Eleven of last year's Twenty Under Forty List?
我看到了 你是路易维尔
I see you, youngest partner
最负盛名的律师事务所里最年轻的合伙人
at the most prestigious law firm in Louisville.
凯特明天要接受
Oh, yeah, Kat's getting interviewed
-这项榜单的采访 -恭喜了
- for that list tomorrow. - Oh, congrats.
谢谢 快跟我说说
Thanks. So, tell me everything.
这改变了你的人生吗
Did it change your life?
你收到了超多礼物吗
Like, do you get showered with gifts?
街上的路人会停下来盯着你看吗
Do people stop and stare at you on the street?
实际上都有 我的生意蒸蒸日上
Uh, it did, actually. I got a bump in business,
薪水蹭蹭上涨 还多了个跟踪狂
a bump in pay and it got me a stalker.
我都想要
I want all of those things.
除了跟踪狂
Uh, no, maybe not the stalker.
有什么搞定采访的内♥幕♥情报吗
Um, any insider tips on nailing the interview?
别被乔丹·埃文·卢瑟吓到了
Look, don't be intimidated by Jordan Evan Luther.
只用给他举三个例子
Just give him three examples
告诉他你的工作是如何服务社区的
of how your work serves your community.
最重要的是 记得扮酷
And most importantly, play it cool.
遵命