叫我凯特（2021）

大家好啊
Oh, hello.
我刚刚是在耍悲伤
I was just being sad.
故意悲伤的 这叫"悲着好玩"
On purpose. It's called "melancholy for fun."
有时候你得练习下悲伤
You have to practice being sad sometimes
才能更好地体会快乐的滋味
to know what happy is.
♪我再也不会跳舞了♪
♪ I'm never gonna dance again ♪
♪罪过的双脚已毫无节奏♪
♪ Guilty feet have got no rhythm ♪
♪尽管假装起来很容易♪
♪ Though it's easy to pretend... ♪
当我需要痛哭一场 排出毒素时
And when I really need a good cry to get the toxins out,
我会这样
I do this.
我太爱你们大家了
I love you all so much.
我会不惜一切代价
And I'm gonna do whatever it takes
给你们找个固定的家
to find you a forever home.
我更爱你一点
I love you more!
跟全体猫咪亲一个
Kitty kisses all around.
过来
Come here.
但有的时候我会真的悲伤
But then there are times when I get sad for real.
普雷斯顿去亚特兰大探望他女儿了
Preston's visiting his daughter in Atlanta
我不能独自和那么多鬼一起待在那栋房♥子里
and I can't be alone in the house with all the ghosts.
小鬼更是能把我逼疯
The little one drives me up the wall.
所以这周末我要跟你住
So I'm staying with you for the weekend.
那是半小时前的事
That was 30 minutes ago.
凯特琳
Katharine.
天呐
Oh, geez.
我把磨皮工具带来了
I brought my dermabrasion tool.
快来去死皮换新皮吧
Let's get down to your good skin.
救救我吧
Help me.
叫我凯特
第一季 第四集
妈 你为什么把我抽屉里的东西都重新摆放了
Mother, why did you rearrange all my drawers?
那样才合理啊
So they would make sense.
我都找不到我的睡衣了
I can't find my pajamas.
运用逻辑好好想想
Use your logic.
睡衣会在哪儿呢
Where would pajamas be?
在完美世界里
Well, in a perfect world,
会叠好放在我的枕头下 但是...
they would be folded under my pillow, but...
等等 是叠好放在我的枕头下了吗
Wait a minute, are they folded under my pillow?
怎么枕头下还有根口红啊
Why is there a lipstick under there, too?
运用逻辑好好想想
Use your logic.
以防出现紧急危情
In case there's an emergency
我要跟消防员相见吗
and I end up face-to-face with a fireman?
不是
No.
因为化妆是我们和普通野兽的基本区别
Because makeup is what separates us from the common beast.
凯特 你怎么起得比我的小饼干还早
Kat? What are you doing up earlier than my biscuits?
我睡在上面不安全 菲尔
It's not safe for me up there, Phil.
我妈企图趁我睡着时给我剪脚趾甲
My mother tried to cut my toenails while I was sleeping.
我一般都帮我妈剪脚趾甲
I cut my mama's toenails
因为她的青光眼太严重了 都看不到自己的脚了
'cause her glaucoma has gotten so bad, she can't see her feet.
她给我开的价是一根脚趾一美元
She tried to offer me a dollar per toe,
但我说 "不了 妈妈 免费就行
but I said, "No way, Mama. It's on the house.
我不需要那八美元"
I don't need the eight dollars."
现在她的眼睛疼得太厉害了
And now her eyes hurt so bad,
医生建议她使用
the doctor suggested
医用大♥麻♥
medicinal marijuana.
当真吗 那在这里不合法啊
Really? It's not even legal here.
你可千万别告诉警♥察♥ 凯特
Don't you tell the cops, Kat.
我会跟你同归于尽的
I'll take you down with me.
凯特琳
Oh, Katharine.
我醒来时发现自己一个人
Oh, I woke up alone,
吓死了 以为你被绑♥架♥了
terrified you'd been abducted.
他们不需要绑♥架♥我
They wouldn't have to abduct me.
我会自愿跟着走的
I would go willingly.
你今天早上刷牙了吗
Have you brushed your teeth this morning?
当然啦 妈
Yes, Mother.
我都已经39岁了
Because I'm 39 years old.
所以如果我去检查你的牙刷 会是湿的吗
So if I checked your toothbrush, it'd be wet?
好了 菲尔 都准备好了
Okay, Phil, we are all set.
我们要在他们关门前赶到
We just have to get there before they close.
我真没想到竟然走到这一步了
Oh, I cannot believe it's come to this.
开两个小时的车去辛辛那提
Driving two hours to Cincinnati
去给我妈买♥♥玛丽·简[大♥麻♥]to buy Mary Jane for my mother
巧的是我妈也叫玛丽·简
who is also named Mary Jane.
尽管在某种程度上
Although, in some ways,
这就像是上天注定的命运
it seems like it was written in the stars.
我们会让旅程很有趣的 大♥麻♥公路之旅
Oh, we'll make it fun. Reefer road trip.
我们可以听我最爱的有声书
We can listen to my favorite audiobook,
薇诺娜·贾德录制的《独自回家》
Coming Home to Myself by Wynonna Judd.
你知道艾希莉·贾德根本不想唱歌♥吗
You know Ashley never wanted to sing?
如果你讨厌我 就直说吧 菲尔
If you hate me, just say it, Phil.
大家好啊
Hello there.
抱歉我没空在自己的咖啡厅里帮上更多忙
Sorry I haven't been more available to help at the café that I own,
但我妈在杂货清单上又加了几样东西
but my mother added a few things to my grocery list.
你们知道橄榄有9种不同的规格吗
Did you know that there are nine sizes of olives
她偏偏喜欢没人卖♥♥的那种
and she likes the ones that no one carries.
其实有14种不同规格
There are actually 14 sizes.
像狐猴睾丸那么大的橄榄
The ones that are the size of lemur testicles
是最难找的 但也是最美味的
are the hardest to find, but the sweetest to bite into.
谢谢你 怀亚特
Thank you, Wyatt.
你记住轻拍猫的时候要小心了吗
Are you remembering to be careful with how you pet the cats?
别再提这事了 我那次是因为忘了戴眼镜
Stop bringing that up. I didn't have my glasses on.
我待会儿就下来
I'll be down in a minute.
顺便说下 兰迪 这毛衣很可爱
By the way, Randi, cute sweater.
我有件一模一样的
I have one just like it.
这件就是你的
Oh, this is yours.
你妈让我翻了你的待捐赠衣物袋
Your mom let me go through your Goodwill bag.
你没有待捐赠衣物袋 对吧
You don't have a Goodwill bag, do you?
千万别告诉她我拿了条围巾
Don't you dare tell her I took a scarf.
妈妈 你在干什么
Mother, what are you doing?
你看着像什么
What does it look like I'm doing?
运用逻辑好好想想
Use your logic.
断绝母女关系吗
Severing our relationship?
翻新一下家具
Freshening things up.
这可是潘通年度流行色 经典蓝
This is the Pantone Color of the Year: Classic Blue.
首先 这是肯塔基大学蓝
First of all, that is University of Kentucky Blue.
你居然说错 对色卡爱好者来说太残忍♥了
This is the cruelest thing you can do to a Cards fan.
其次 征得我的同意之前
And second of all, you have no right
你无权改变我家的装饰
to just change things in my home without asking.
但蓝色应该能让人平静
But blue is supposed to be calming.
我看起来平静吗
Do I look calm?!
听起来平静吗
Do I sound calm?!
相信我 我涂完后你会喜欢的
Trust me, when I'm finished, you'll love it.
快拿把刷子
Grab a brush.
凯特琳
Katharine!
相信我
Well, trust me,
我涂完后你会喜欢的
when I'm finished, you'll love it.
救命啊 虐待老人
Help! Help! Elder abuse!
来人救救我
Someone help me!
她是老人 她在虐待我
She's an elder and she's abusing me!
给我回来
You get back here!
我原来还想着 "去猫咖吧
"Go to a cat café," I said to myself.
那里很安静 适合完成工作"
"It'll be a calm place to get some work done."
那让我想到以前我妈
Now, that reminds me of when my mama
总拿着梳子追得我满屋跑
used to chase me around the house with a hair brush.
你小时候不喜欢别人给你梳头吗
Were you tender-headed as a child?
不是
Oh, no, no, no.
她追我是为了用梳子打我屁♥股♥
She was chasing me to whup my ass with it.
以前我妈用铲子打我们的屁♥股♥
My mama used to spank us with a spatula.
打完她立刻无缝衔接去翻煎饼
Then she'd go right back to flipping pancakes.
我们一直都吵吵闹闹
I mean, we've always butted heads,
但现在情况恶化了
but it's gotten really bad.
简直像是笼斗
Like cage fight bad.
你们不能把你俩之间的闹剧