叫我凯特（2021）

Not funny "Ha, ha."
有趣之处是这事简直令人难以置信
Funny in that it is almost unbelievable.
我们去喜马拉雅山度假
Oh. We were, um, on vacation in the Himalayas,
他们只穿着短裤和T恤乱跑
and they were just running around in shorts and T-shirts.
我不断提醒说 你们会冻死的
And I kept saying, "You're gonna freeze to death."
结果他们... 真冻死了
And they... did.
到这年纪就是爱谎称有小孩
Fake kids at that age.
我放高球 他直接扣杀
I lobbed it, and he hit it right back.
我单身 一个人住在我的猫咖楼上
I am unmarried, and I live alone above my cat café,
其实比听起来性感得多
which is a... a lot sexier than it sounds.
很高兴见到你 凯特
Yeah, it's really good to see you, Kat.
我失陪一下
Oh, will you excuse me for a sec?
塔拉 塔拉 快听我说
Tara, Tara, Tara, Tara, guess what?
我们可以继续吵 你也可以赞同我
Look, we can keep arguing, or you can just agree with me.
明智的选择 好 回头打给你
Wise choice. Okay, I'll call you later.
小猫凯特 抱歉 你刚说什么
Hey, Kitty Kats. So sorry. What were you saying?
麦克斯回来了 就在这里
Max is back, and he's here!
是大学同学麦克斯
It's Max from college!
等等 你当年不是暗恋他吗
Hey, wait. Didn't you have a crush on him?
没有啦 才没有
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
当然有
Of course I did.
人人都暗恋他 因为... 瞧瞧他多帅啊
Everyone did, 'cause... well, look at him.
有意思
Well, fun!
凯特小薄荷 我收到了你的回复
Anyway, Katnip, I got your RSVP,
你要带男伴真让我激动
and I am so excited you're bringing someone.
跟我说说这个菲尔·克朗普勒吧
So, fill me in on this Phil Crumpler...
他一定让你很"充实"
who must be filling you in.
她有时挺下流的
She can be disgusting.
菲尔是新来的面包师 也是我朋友
Phil's my new baker. And a friend.
我们刚办了个烹饪艺术俱乐部
We just started a culinary arts club.
这能给它的小茎茎保暖
It'll keep his little stem warm.
听着 如果菲尔只是个朋友 那你不能带他
Listen, if Phil's just a friend, you can't bring him.
布朗酒店收费很贵
The Brown Hotel is very expensive,
我们没有考虑额外客人的预算
and we didn't really budget for extra guests.
那我要是上肯塔基州佳缘网
But if I were to go on say, GettingLuckyinKentucky.Com,
随便请个人和我一起去参加你的仪式
and randomly invited someone to be my date to your event,
你就会愿意掏钱请客吗
you'd be fine paying for their meal?
不不不 男伴是指
Oh, no, no, no, no. Plus-one's are someone
-你约会了一段时间的人 -那是多久
- you've been dating for a while. - Well, for how long?
等你们的关系到了那个阶段
Well, you know, when you're at that point in a relationship
你们不会说
where instead of saying,
"你这周末打算怎么过"
"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?,"
而会说"我们这周末打算怎么过"
you say, "Hey, what are we doing this weekend?"
是的 到了那个阶段
Yeah, that point in your relationship
你就不会叫对方的名字
where you stop calling her by her first name
而是叫"宝宝"了
and starting call her "Boo-Boo."
确实
Exactamundo.
那谈多久才算 我觉得
When is that? I mean, I feel like
每个人的情况都不同吧
that must be different for everybody.
-4个月 -4个月
- Four months. - Four months.
非常感谢 卡特
Thank you so much, Carter.
非常不用谢 凯特
You're welcome so much, Kat.
关于我带谁的事 能不能留点
Well, maybe there could be a little wiggle room
商量的余地啊
about who I bring
毕竟这是个重宣婚誓仪式
considering this is a renewal-of-vows ceremony.
又不是真的婚礼
It's not an actual wedding.
凯特 你知道我从8岁起就开始
Oh, Kat, you know that I've been planning my wedding
筹划我的婚礼了
since I was eight years old,
而我结婚那天居然下起了雨
and then it actually rained on my wedding day,
于是我又开始
so then I started planning
在度蜜月时筹划我的重宣婚誓仪式
my renewing-my-vows ceremony on my honeymoon.
我只想拥有一次完美无缺的婚礼
I just want this to be perfect.
好吧 我一个人来
Okay, I will come alone.
感谢理解 凯特小薄荷
Thanks for understanding, Katnip.
谢谢 谢谢 好了
Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
来讨论下更重要的事 你打算穿什么
Now, onto more important things. What are you gonna wear?
请别说你要穿那套绿色裤套装
Please tell me you're not gonna wear the green pantsuit.
我7年前买♥♥了这身套装
I got this pantsuit seven years ago,
在那之后的每个高档活动我都穿着它
and I've worn it to every fancy event since,
其中就包括国家甜甜圈[别]日
and that includes National Donut Day,
"别忘了穿我的套装"的意思 机智吧
as in "Do-not forget my pantsuit." Boom!
我一直对时尚不怎么感冒
I've just never been obsessed with fashion.
而且我也不理解那种节目
And I don't appreciate those shows
所谓的"时尚专家"在大街上拦住路人
where "fashion experts" accost people on the street
说他们的穿搭丑到爆
and tell them how hideous they look.
如果我有一档那类节目
If I had one of those shows,
我会取名为"你想穿啥就穿啥"
I'd call it Wear What You Want!
打扰一下 女士 请问你喜欢你这身穿搭吗
Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me. Do you like what you're wearing?
-喜欢 -穿着舒服吗
- Yeah. - Are you comfortable?
-舒服 -你在意别人可能会不喜欢吗
- Yeah. - Do you care that other people might not like it?
-不会 -很好 你想穿啥就穿啥
- No. - Great. Wear what you want!
讲真 这身套装穿着特别舒服
Seriously, this pantsuit is so comfortable,
而且超有弹性 我可以这样
and it is so stretchy, I can do this.
甚至这样
And even this.
天啊 非常抱歉
Geez. I am so sorry!
菲尔 我得和你谈谈 真对不起...
Phil, I have to talk to you. I am really sorry...
等等 我给你看样东西
Wait. I need to show you something.
为你朋友的仪式准备的
For your friend's ceremony.
我看到它在女士娇小尺码区向我抛媚眼了
I saw it winking at me in women's petites,
不用说 我也回了它一个媚眼
and needless to say, I winked back.
当心 菲尔
Well, be careful, Phil.
那个水晶宴会厅都会眼红你的闪耀哦
You might make that Crystal Ballroom jealous.
这么久以来的第一次
Oh, for the first time in a long while,
我找回了我自己 而这都归功于你 凯特
I feel like my old self, Kat, and all that is thanks to you.
你要和我说什么来着
So, what'd you need to tell me?
我忘了
I forget.
但你真好看
But you look great.
-谢谢你 -不客气
- Oh, well, thank you. - Yeah.
别这样看我 我会另想办法的
Don't look at me like that. I'll think of something.
我想到了
I thought of something.
你今天打了我个措手不及 塔拉
Well, you caught me off guard today, Tara,
但我得告诉你
but I do need to tell you that...
我和菲尔·克朗普勒其实是情侣关系
Phil Crumpler and I actually are a couple,
我们一直在低调交往
and we've been keeping it on the Down Low,
因为他岁数比我大了不少
'cause, you know, he is quite a bit older than me.
没错 大概谈了5个月
Uh, yeah, well, it's, uh, been about five months.
说4个月太巧了 会露馅
Four months seemed too on the nose.
等等 等等
Excuse me. Excuse me.
谢谢
Thank you.
凯特琳 菲尔为什么在这儿
Katharine, why is Phil here?
我带他来的
I brought him.
作为男伴 因为他是我男朋友
As my plus-one, because, you know, he's my boyfriend.
他是你的什么
He's your what?
我男朋友
My boyfriend.
你知道当你有个女性朋友
You know how when you have a friend who's a girl
特别要好 你就会叫她女朋友
and you're really close, you call her your girlfriend?
菲尔和我很亲近
Well, Phil and I have gotten really close,
所以我叫他男朋友
so I call him my boyfriend.
如果有人问起 你可以就说
So, if anybody asks, you can just say,
"对 那是凯特和她男朋友"
"Yup, there's Kat and her boyfriend."
我需要喝一杯 你想来一杯吗 女朋友
Ooh, I need a drink. Do you want one... girlfriend?
我觉得你喝太多了
I think you've had too much.
不 你喝得够多了
No. No, that's quite enough.
-你受不了的 -给我
- You can't handle it. - Give it to me.
-我觉得你不应该... -妈 停下
- I don't think you should... - Mom, stop.
我心爱的套装
My pantsuit!
凯特
Kat?
麦克斯
Max?
你怎么会在这里
What are you doing here?
科尔听说我回来了 便邀请我来
When Cole heard I was back in town, he invited me.
我不知道你还记不记得