叫我凯特（2021）

I was driving it, and wearing medieval armor.
突然 轮胎瘪了
And then, suddenly, I get a flat.
但是我下车去看时
But when I get out to take a look at it,
发现那不是普通的马车轮胎
instead of normal carriage wheels,
而是大卡车的巨型轮胎
I have big monster-truck tires.
马车有大卡车的巨型轮胎
Monster-truck tires on a horse-drawn carriage.
好多主题啊
Lot of themes, lot of themes.
我想换胎时
Yeah. And when I try to change the tire,
它突然变成了一块巨大的披萨
it turns into a giant pizza.
我正想吃一口时 就醒来了
But just as I'm about to take a bite... I wake up.
真郁闷
Oh, that's frustrating.
我连续三晚做的都是这个梦
I've had it three nights in a row.
它想告诉我什么
So what's it trying to tell me?
你想回到以前受人保护的时候
Okay, you want to go back in time when you felt protected,
所以你梦到了盔甲
ergo the armor,
你还想吮吸披萨的奶头
and suckle at the teat of pizza.
我的确喜欢披萨
Well, I do love pizza.
你的呢
What's yours about?
你疯狂的梦 梦到的是什么
Your crazy dream-- what's it about?
很有趣 麦克斯 梦里有你
Well, funnily enough, Max, you are featured in it.
-真的吗 -是的 我梦到了飞翔
- Really? - Yup. It's a flying dream.
-我喜欢那种梦 -我也是
- I love those. - Yeah, me, too.
我们在路易维尔上空飞翔
We're flying over Louisville,
分享一个香蕉船
sharing a banana split...
我不太喜欢甜食 但你继续
I'm more of a savory guy, but go on.
我们手拉着手 这样就不会分开
And we're holding hands so that we don't lose each other.
然后我们决定试试能不能...
And then we decide to see if we can--
他毫无反应
here goes nothing--
边飞边接吻
kiss in the air while flying.
-可以吗 -不行
- And can we? - We cannot.
风一直将我们吹开
The wind keeps pushing us apart.
它真是见不得人好
It's such a hater.
我觉得我一直做这个梦
Anyway, I think that's why it's recurring,
就是因为它没有完结
because there's no closure.
你也是
You know, same for you.
我从没吃到披萨 所以我一直梦到披萨
I never eat the pizza so I keep dreaming about the pizza.
没错
Exactly.
好了 现在你也许能梦到一些
There. Maybe now you can get back to dreaming
比无聊的我更有趣的东西了
about something more fun than boring old me.
过期的波本酒就是最好的
Expired bourbon... is the best bourbon.
早上好 希望你们喜欢咖啡
Good morning. I hope you're enjoying your coffee
我们满足了你们的期望
and that we're meeting your expectations.
猜猜怎么
Guess what?
我接受这份工作时就告诉过你了
I told you when I took this job,
有三件事是我讨厌的 安装宜家家具...
there are three things I hate-- building IKEA furniture...
我跟麦克斯说了我的梦 结果他吻了我
I told Max about my dream, and he kissed me.
长吻还是短促一吻
A long kiss or a short kiss?
很难说 因为时间都静止了
Hard to tell because time stood still.
你觉得这是什么意思
What do you think it means?
意思是小心点
It means be careful.
爱会在你的口袋里放上石头
Love will put rocks in your pockets
引诱你走到小溪深处
and lure you to the deep end of the creek.
凯特琳 你一定很难过
Katharine... you must feel terrible.
出什么事了
About what?
我刚在喝晨间咖啡
Well, I was drinking my morning coffee
同时看你猫咖的点评
and reading your Yelp reviews,
我每天早上都这样做
as I do every morning.
我完全不知道 还挺有爱的
I had no idea. That's kind of sweet.
我看到你获得了第一个一星差评
And I saw you'd gotten your first one-star review.
如果这是因为我在那人的咖啡杯上
Ooh, if that's because I spelled that guy's name wrong
写错了他的名字 那我可要喷回去
on his cup, I'm gonna fire back.
如果读起来像F 那么拼起来也该有F
If it sounds like an "F," it should be spelled with an "F."
不 是因为你...
No, no, it was because you're...
恐同
homophobic.
我看到点评了
I found the review.
你刚是在看点评时尖叫[同音]了吗 等等
Did you just yelp while reading Yelp? Wait.
所以才取这个名字的吗
Is that why they call it that?
"凯特猫咖的糕点非常好吃
"The pastries at Kat's Cat Café are wonderful,
但他们店铺并不友好
"but they are not a welcoming business.
这个发现来自于他们拒绝给我的婚礼做蛋糕
"I discovered this after they refused to bake a cake
就因为我是同性恋 雷恩·G"
for my wedding because I'm gay. Lane G."
-搞什么 -他是魔鬼
- What the...?! - He's evil!
菲尔前任的结婚对象问我们
The guy Phil's ex is marrying asked
能不能帮他们做婚礼蛋糕
if we would bake their wedding cake.
这肯定很尴尬
Oh, well, that's certainly awkward.
没错 所以我拒绝了他
Exactly. So, I told him we couldn't do it.
-这都是我的错 -不是的
- This is all my fault. - No, it's not.
如果要给前任的婚礼做蛋糕
I mean, who would bake a cake for their ex's wedding
是个人都会放泻药进去的
and not put a laxative in it?
我去 一群人把这个点评分享到社媒去了
Damn. A bunch of people shared that review on Insta,
我们已经掉了200个粉了
and we've already lost 200 followers.
我们居然有过200个粉丝 太棒了
We had 200 followers?! Yes!
凯特 我不想害你流失顾客
Kat, I don't want you to lose customers.
那你得打给雷恩
Then you need to call Lane back
让他撤掉那个点评
and tell him to take that review down
向他解释我们不做那个蛋糕的
and explain to him the real reason
真正原因
we're not baking that cake.
但如果我那么做了 马蒂就会知道
But if I do that, then Marty will know,
他已经向前看了
while he's moved on,
而我还困在同一个心碎之地
I'm in the same broken place.
听着 我们可能都反应过度了
Look, maybe we're overreacting.
我们心里都明白那不是歧视行为
You know, we know in our hearts that we weren't discriminating.
那确实是歧视行为
Well, you were discriminating.
不是因为他是同性恋 而是因为他是第三者
Not because he's gay. Because he's a homewrecker.
即便如此 或许
Even so, maybe,
与其在这件事里为自己辩解
instead of defending ourselves against this one situation,
我们更应该向大家表明 我们衷心欢迎所有人
we need to show people that... that we welcome everyone.
我把尼尔·喵特里克·哈里斯
Ooh, how about I showcase Neil Cat-rick Harris
尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯 美国演员 公开承认同性恋
列为本月星猫如何
as our cat of the month?
好 去吧
Yes, do that.
我可以去买♥♥一些彩虹气球
And I can go pick up some rainbow balloons
这样大家就会知道这里是萌生爱意的地方
so everybody will know that this is a place where love grows.
要是还有人看不出我们有多包容
If everyone can't see how accepting we are,
那他们可以滚蛋了
they can get the heck out!
我看到你从伤感变得愤懑了
Well, I see you've gone from sad to bitter.
我更喜欢这一面
I like this side more.
我也看到你在尼尔·喵特里克·哈里斯背上
And I see you've put the GoPro
装了个运动相机
on Neil Cat-rick Harris.
是的 我叫它"基猫频道"
Yup. I'm calling it "Gay Cat Cam"
这样别人就知道我们有多包容了
so people can see how inclusive we are.
而且我们还能知道
Plus, we can see where the hell
尼尔·喵特里克·哈里斯整天都跑去哪了
Neil Cat-rick goes all day.
你有没注意到它会玩失踪
Have you noticed he kind of disappears?
它可能是被别的公猫抛弃了
Maybe he got left by some tomcat,
所以会去一个安全的地方舔舐伤口
and he goes to a safe space to lick his wounds.
如果你的"伤口"是指"屁屁"
If by "wounds," you mean "butt,"
你可能说得对
you're probably right.
好了 看它会去哪儿吧
Okay, let's see where he goes.
您好 君主
Hello, my liege.
别告诉我那顶公主帽是你在
Hey. Don't tell me that's the princess hat you bought
我们高中毕业那年去高地文艺复兴集市买♥♥的
when we went to the Highland Ren Fair senior year.
你挑战那个男巫参加火鸡腿大胃王比赛
When you challenged that wizard to a turkey leg eating contest
然后吐在我车里的那次吗
and then you threw up in my car?
没错 就是那顶
The very same.
还带披萨来了
And pizza?
我昨晚没做梦
I did not have my dream last night,
睡得像个婴儿一样
and I slept like a baby.
我也会梦到婴儿 长得就跟他一样
I also dreamt about babies. They looked just like him,
胡子拉碴的 很奇怪
stubble and everything. It was weird.
因为让我的梦成真 你打破了循环
By making my dream come true, you broke the cycle.